


Artificial or Alive

by SinisterSound



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Artificial Intelligence!AU, Detailed descriptions of human experimentation, Fake Science, Half of Ateez are AI and the other half are special ops, Heavy discussions of manipulation and guilt, Helping to cope, Homophobia and homophobic families, Human Experiments, Labs and scientist, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, Needles and wires, On the Run, PTSD, Planet Jumping, Potential eventual smut, Questioning Authority, Sci-Fi Special Ops!AU, So much fake science, Space military special ops, Space pilots, The AI are all snarky as hell, The AI are experimental for military and personal use, The special ops are salty about it, more tags may be added, survival situations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:14:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 138,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24901384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinisterSound/pseuds/SinisterSound
Summary: Seonghwa joined the Ateez special ops to get away from his dusty planet.Wooyoung joined to escape an unwanted life.Hongjoong is Seonghwa’s first true friend, someone who understood him.Yeosang is the first person Wooyoung learned to trust, someone he accepted.They all run.
Relationships: Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 188
Kudos: 808





	1. What Makes Us Artificial?

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this was so HARD for some reason lol~ 
> 
> But welcome to my next work! I’m super excited for this one because I had some HUGE inspiration for this, but executing that inspiration was a bit harder lol~ 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it, though!! Please let me know what you think since I’m a little uncertain about this one! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, lovelies!!   
> Stay safe and healthy!  
> -SS

“Rotate one-third degree to port.”

“Got it, Joong.”

“Fire.”

“Yeah, I got it, Joong.”

An explosion rocked the entire ship, Seonghwa’s nails digging into the metal of the console to ride out the shockwaves, teeth gritted tight.

“Target hit.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Seonghwa muttered under his breath, lips twitching as he began bringing the cruiser around. “Any other ships in the area?”

“No,” Hongjoong responded, voice tinny and even higher through the ship’s speakers. “The nearest ship is 18 liards away, and scans show that it is a trading vessel simply passing through.”

“Awesome,” Seonghwa muttered distractedly, hands flying over the console. “Bring us to quarter speed and I’ll take care of getting us back into the hanger.”

“On it.”

Seonghwa felt the boosters kick in, his back pressing further into the leather seat of the cockpit as they sped through the darkness of space, the stars becoming little white streaks as Seonghwa kept one hand on the console, but let the other run through his hair roughly.

“Well, that was completely easy and a waste of time,” he laughed quietly, letting his shoulders fall. “Why couldn’t they just get the regular guys to take care of the  _ one _ ship?”

“Perhaps Dr. Kim simply wanted to provide you a chance to ‘get out and about,’ as they say.” 

Seonghwa chuckled, leaning back comfortably in the chair. “I was ‘out and about’ for three days straight, trying not to get us killed while we flew through- not only a fucking  _ meteor _ shower, but also Feren territory.”

“Yes, you were,” he agreed.

“Did I mention they were shooting at us?”

“You did not.”

“Did I mention that we ran out of fuel and were drifting?”

“You did not need to. I was there,” Hongjoong assured him, voice level though Seonghwa could hear the exasperation there, making his lips tug up.

“And then we lost power.”

“Yes. I was there.”

“And then started losing oxygen.”

“I was there.”

“And then I had to get my ass hauled back by  _ Wooyoung _ of all people-“

“I was there.”

“And your connection got fucked up, so I didn’t even have you to defend me, so I just got scolded by  _ Yeosang _ the entire time-“

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong finally said, firm enough to break through his rant. “My memory is capable of storing up to 100 years of daily information. I remember last week quite vividly. However, if you have forgotten any of this, I would be happy to play back the file.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help but grin, his mood lifting after being called out at the ass crack of dawn.

(Or whatever the equivalent was in space.) 

“Well, if you remember it so well, then you should know that it’s bullshit to send us out here just to ‘get out and about.’”

“I was merely trying to humor you,” Hongjoong said flatly. “You get annoyed when I simply dispute your complaints outright.”

“I don’t get  _ annoyed _ ,” Seonghwa said, voice warping to mock Hongjoong’s as he tightened his grip on the steering column, fist wrapping tight as he felt the engines begin to die down slightly. “You just like to be contrary.”

“I provide facts.”

“Alright, fine,” Seonghwa said in exasperation as they dropped their speed abruptly, the lines of stars falling still as the mammoth form of the  _ Aurora _ came into view in all her shining Class S glory. “Then what are the facts for why I’m out here dealing with small fry, instead of the regular grunt workers.”

Seonghwa split his attention between Hongjoong and guiding the ship for the opening port on the side of the  _ Aurora. _ It was routine, and almost automatic for Seonghwa to follow the tugs in his gut guiding him this way and that.

“You are part of a special operations program,” Hongjoong reminded him matter-of-factly. “A hostile ship was pinged within an alarmingly close distance of the  _ Aurora.  _ While a single ship is capable of being handled by one lower level, non-special personnel, the speed and accuracy with which they respond is nearly one-third of those within the Ateez program. The Niyol ship was too close to the  _ Aurora _ to be handled by someone with such a lacking response time.”

Seonghwa stared out the viewscreen, lips pressing together in exaggerated displeasure. “Well, just because that makes sense doesn’t mean I can’t be pissed.”

“I would never attempt to invalidate your emotions,” Hongjoong assured him, voice controlled and bordering on teasingly emotionless. “You and the others within Ateez’s program are all rather obsessive over your sleeping patterns, and I understand your hesitancy to have it disturbed.”

Seonghwa snorted as his cruiser finally passed through the airlock holoscreen into the  _ Aurora,  _ an undeniably familiar feeling of being home kicking in. “Well, you try and have eighteen-hour training sims and see how much you learn to value sleep.”

“I don’t require sleep.”

“No,” Seonghwa chuckled, easing his cruiser onto the ground and hearing the hanger doors shutting behind him, the buzzing of energy through his cruiser dying into quiet, leaving his ears still ringing a bit. “Then I might actually get a break from you every now and then.”

“If you’d like a break from me, you can simply ask me to deactivate while we are not within training or sims,” Hongjoong reminded him helpfully.

Seonghwa’s smile softened, almost bordering on sad as he flipped all the switches required to safety disengage all of the cruiser’s functions. “Yeah, but what if I miss you?” he asked, feeling the hum of the cruiser finally fall completely silent as it powered down.

“I doubt you would miss me in the hour or two you could deactivate me in,” Hongjoong mused.

Seonghwa chuckled, leaning back in the chair, resting for a moment.

_ “What is it like, when you deactivate?” Seonghwa asked curiously as he sat alone in the mess hall. _

_ Hongjoong’s expression was the same thoughtful blank that it always was, but Seonghwa could see the tension in his mouth as he stared off. “It’s… comparable to human’s being put unconscious.” _

_ Seonghwa frowned slightly, pausing his chewing. “That… doesn’t sound all that pleasant.” _

_ Hongjoong hummed, still staring blankly. “It is not… painful at all. But, it is rather uncomfortable, especially upon reactivation. Like… being roughly waken up while you are in a deep sleep.” _

_ The human stared at his food, unsure why his stomach suddenly felt so sick. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing you don’t have to deactivate, except for upgrades, right?” _

_ Hongjoong blinked, seeming to come back to himself as he smiled at Seonghwa kindly. “Deactivation is a part of us. It’s neither good nor bad to not have to do it.” _

_ Seonghwa didn’t quite believe him. _

“Seonghwa?” Hongjoong prompted when Seonghwa hadn’t moved a couple of minutes later. “Are you planning on hiding in here again? You know it is the first place Wooyoung looks.”

Seonghwa shook the memory free, glancing around the darkened cockpit. “No, I’m not hiding,” he said, standing. “We’ll head to the mess hall. I don’t feel like trying to get ten more minutes of sleep.”

“I’m sure you’ll ingest copious amounts of caffeine in those ten minutes.”

Seonghwa smiled as he tapped the little black square on the chest of his suit. “Hongjoong, transfer,” he ordered.

The black square glowed a gentle red before going dark again as Seonghwa strode from the cockpit, punching the button to release the exit hatch that disengaged with a loud hiss.

As he climbed down, the crimson-colored projection of Hongjoong floated by his shoulder. “Somehow, I find it more annoying to be within such a large machine such as the cruisers, than when I am trapped in your tiny suit.”

Seonghwa smirked as he leapt the last three rungs of the ladder, landing gracefully on the ground and rising to full height. “Is my suit that comfortable for you?”

Hongjoong hummed. “Perhaps it is because you listen much better than those hunks of metal.”

“Hey,” Seonghwa said sternly, pointing at the projection no bigger than his forearm. “My cruiser is a beautiful lady, and you will treat her as such.”

Hongjoong lifted an unimpressed eyebrow. “You think being A class makes her beautiful? What happened to inner beauty?” he questioned. “Her mainframes and firewalls are atrocious. You would have likely been hacked a hundred without my presence.”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes, stopping his pointing and continuing through the hanger, waving at the personnel operating the gates, unable to see their expression through their dark helmets, but they waved back.

__ “Isn’t it your job to report those things?” Seonghwa asked as they walked through the door of the hanger room into the brightly lit hall of the ship, surrounded with the familiar scent of recycled air and clean metal.

The silver of the walls and floors was spotless. In the beginning of their days, the shine of the  _ Aurora _ had almost been enough to give you a headache. But the last three years had given Seonghwa an appreciation for how she shone like their own personal star.

“That’s your function, isn’t it?” Seonghwa posed, giving Hongjoong an expectant stare as he walked down the empty hall.

“ _ Technically, _ they’re up to protocol,” Hongjoong huffed, looking annoyed at the low standards. “But that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be easily hacked by any Yender with a bone to pick. They have human tech in their heads, you know.”

“Well, what a coincidence, so do I,” Seonghwa chuckled as they reached the mess hall.

The room was filled with lunch tables, cafeteria style, and was mostly empty at this time of morning, save for a handful of those who had been working the night shift, either eating food or drinking coffee.

Seonghwa forewent food for the moment, grabbing a thick mug and filling it with the shitty stuff they’d been serving for years now, picking a table far enough away from the small crowd that he could feel the eyes of following him. 

He sat heavily, downing half the mug in one go as Hongjoong stood by quietly, floating a few inches above the table, his projection a calm red hue.

Even with the monochromatic red, there were still a hundred impressive details that could be made out on Hongjoong’s hologram.

Seonghwa used to think it was a little strange that their AI looked like people. He’d been startled (and a little uncomfortable) when Hongjoong was first hooked up to his suit and neural implants, and suddenly there had been a small figure of a human staring at him, telling him that he was Hongjoong, Type 1 AI, specialized in cruiser operation and strategic planning.

_ “He’s still experimental,” Dr. Kim told Seonghwa as he hesitantly greeted Hongjoong. “We’ll likely have to take him out a few times to make adjustments, but otherwise… say hello to your new partner for this program.” _

Honestly, Seonghwa had originally wished that his AI was just a voice in his suit, rather than a small person projected with a voice and expressions… It felt strange, having a computer with a personality.

Ateez was a special operations unit, experimental and only accepting volunteers, to test out the future of AI in battle situations and even daily life.

Seonghwa had jumped at the chance- leaving behind his small planet and basic college to join in the testing of the newest break throughs in AI technology. He’d been especially fascinated by the fact that the Ateez program had basically blown apart the AI world as they knew it.

Normal AI were nothing more than a machine recognizing voice commands and implementing algorithms they were implanted with. They weren’t actually thinking, and they certainly didn’t have snarky personalities.

Hongjoong…

Hongjoong almost seemed human- startlingly so, and it was that humanity that allowed Seonghwa to quickly move on from his desires to have his AI be nothing but an invisible voice.

Because Hongjoong was factual and calm and spoke like a computer sometimes, but he was also sarcastic, funny, and always fed up with these stupid humans who still laughed at fart jokes.

He’d been fascinated by Hongjoong, implanted in his space suit, and the chip located at the base of his neck, connected to just about everything in his brain. And he’d had no problem finding a million things to ask Hongjoong about.

Hongjoong looked like a normal human: a small, skinny man with slightly shaggy hair that was still regulation, and his clothing was nothing more than their one piece space suits, black and nearly skintight, with the Ateez logo printed across one breast.

Hongjoong answered all his questions without annoyance (though some of the stupid ones got him a glare or eye roll, like when he asked if Hongjoong was considered short for an AI). And quite rapidly… Seonghwa took a genuine liking to Hongjoong.

He performed his job well, he communicated with Seonghwa excellently, and the two of them made an awe-inspiring team, according to their progress reports.

_ “We never expected this kind of respond from the AI programs,” Dr. Kim had told Seonghwa practically vibrating with excitement as they did another brain scan that showed excellent results. “I think we couldn’t have picked our candidates for Ateez any better.” _

Seonghwa was living in the changing of an era. A new form of tech and life on the very verge of creation.

He’d always known he was meant for something better than small, dusty planets, and universities that thought space travel was a waste of money that could be spent on the fields and farms.

“Ha!” a voice practically shouted, much too loud for the early morning. “Looks like someone got a call to report!”

Seonghwa looked up from his second coffee at Wooyoung entering, hair looking like he hadn’t bothered to brush it, but his black suit neatly clinging to him properly. At his shoulder was Yeosang, floating along with him quietly as Wooyoung sat at the same table as Seonghwa, grinning.

“I heard the alarm, but knew it wasn’t for me, so I went back to sleep,” Wooyoung cackled, stealing Seonghwa’s coffee and taking a large swig, putting it back before Seonghwa could actually harm him.

“Yeah, I got summoned to take care of one single Niyol ship,” He huffed, taking another long sip of coffee. “Because of my ‘response time,’” he mocked with finger quotes.

“I don’t know why you’re acting as if that isn’t the real reason,” Hongjoong scolded, staring impassively at Seonghwa. “There’s no need for sarcasm- that was the real reason.”

“Yeah, but it’s a stupid reason.”

“Efficiency is never stupid,” Hongjoong said, like the total nerd he was.

“You’re still up early, though,” Seonghwa noted, ignoring Hongjoong and his stupid number-crunching ass. “And with bedhead…”

Wooyoung sighed in exasperation, rolling his eyes to glare at Yeosang at his side. “This one,” he said pointedly, jerking his thumb at the little lavender figure, “was being all kinds of restless and rowdy in my head, so I gave up on going back to sleep.”

Yeosang’s expression, unlike Hongjoong’s, was completely blank as he stared at Seonghwa with no more emotion than a piece of marble. “I told him to deactivate me if I was bothering him. He refused to. His restlessness is not my fault.”

Seonghwa laughed as Wooyoung rolled his eyes again.

Yeosang was a strange character, much, much different than Hongjoong- silent and stoic, but with a voice gentle enough to make Seonghwa wonder if this AI was really supposed to be in battle situations.

But then he’d seen Yeosang hack the steering for a Feren cruiser and send it crashing into the others of its fleet, all without so much as a twitch on his somber expression. 

He, like Hongjoong, was a handsome looking man with delicate features that would probably be quite pretty, if he didn’t constantly look prepared to murder someone in apathy.

That was one of the most startling parts of their program.

Each AI was completely different. Seonghwa had never seen Yeosang smile, much less laugh, but Hongjoong had a sense of humor that made Seonghwa wish he could flick him. Yeosang was all about facts and data- not really carrying about how it came across, and Hongjoong, while still that brand of nerdy, was much more personable.

Yeosang had plenty of personality, so it wasn’t like he was just an AI that wasn’t as advanced. His personality was just one of a stone statue with an attitude problem.

“Yeah, I could tell you to deactivate, but then what if an emergency happened?” Wooyoung posed petulantly, staring at Yeosang, silently demanding an answer to his stupid question.

“Then you would reactivate me.”

“Yes, but  _ efficiency, _ Yeosang,” Wooyoung mocked, grinning as Yeosang merely stared, unimpressed and still looking down for a murder.

“If you’re not careful, you’ll end up with your suit locked up,” Seonghwa warned, taking a slow sip of coffee. “Or your cruiser flying in figure eights.”

“Aw, Yeosang likes me too much to fuck with my shit,” Wooyoung laughed, poking at Yeosang’s chest, despite the fact it just went right through the projection.

Yeosang backed up without moving his legs, expression unchanging. “Please do not touch me.”

“Spoil sport,” Wooyoung huffed, grinning. “Come on, Yeosang, we talked about this. You know it’s not against regulation to smile.”

“Why would I smile when you’ve said nothing funny?” Yeosang asked, calculated and indifferent enough to make Wooyoung gasp in offense and Seonghwa to nearly snort coffee through his nose as Hongjoong’s lips twitched up.

“Okay, so the party started early today!” Yunho’s voice called from across the cafeteria, making the tired night workers glare at their little table. “San, you could have at least set an alarm so I wasn’t late.”

The green figure at Yunho’s shoulder grinned lazily. “All the cool people come fashionably late.”

Yunho was in his suit, but the top was unzipped and tied around his waist, a regular white t-shirt covering his chest, as if he hadn’t finished getting dressed yet.

“Stop being loud, you’re disturbing people,” Seonghwa told him, holding back a laugh as he sat beside Wooyoung, giving a high five as a greeting. “There’s no party, Wooyoung is just getting his ass handed to him by Yeosang again.”

“That sounds like a party to me,” Yunho said, grinning with too much excitement for so early in the morning without coffee. “Can I join? San taught me this really cool insult in Heferan.”

“It’s a horrific one,” San assured them, standing like a professor might at the front of a class. “It’s important to get the phlegm sounds right.”

“How about we save that for later,” Seonghwa said, grimacing as more people began looking their way. He waved apologetically. “Seriously, guys, its too early for this.”

“You think anything before noon is too early for anything,” Yunho huffed, crossing his arms in disappointment at not being able to use his curse word.

“Well, when you’ve been here longer than a few months, then you’ll realize that night shift workers will fuck you up just for breathing,” Seonghwa warned him. “So, cool the puppy energy, new boy.”

“Hey, we agreed no more calling me that,” Yunho pouted, glaring in fake offense. “I stopped being the new guy a while ago.”

“Yes, but you still have much to learn,” Wooyoung said, bowing like an old master in those old martial arts movies. “Just because a bigger idiot shows up doesn’t mean you escape.”

“Don’t call Jongho an idiot,” Seonghwa scolded, rolling his eyes. “You know he doesn’t like it.”

“Well, maybe he should have thought about that before tripping over his own weapon on the training mat,” Wooyoung said, laughing and shrugging helplessly.

Yeosang turned to him with a blank expression. “You have fallen in your own room while attempting to remove your pants a total of 568 times since joining the Ateez program.”

Yunho snorted into his hand as Wooyoung flushed, swatting a hand through Yeosang’s projection that merely flickered before solidifying once more.

“Do not touch me,” Yeosang said rotely. “I may not tamper with your equipment, but I have a large access to your mind, Wooyoung. Do not forget.”

“You can’t threaten me!” Wooyoung burst, mouth dropping. “That’s like AI code number one!”

“Actually,” San said, grinning, “the first rule in our programing is to serve without question.”

“But you guys question shit all the time,” Seonghwa pointed out, glancing at Hongjoong.

“We enjoy messing with our humans,” Hongjoong assured him, lips twitching. “But within the Ateez program, we serve without question. Who we are assigned to, our purposes, our skills- those are all accepted without question.” 

“Sounds boring,” Wooyoung muttered, resting a cheek on his fist.

“Being an AI is extremely boring, compared to humans,” San said, nodding with a grin. “We can only go where you go.”

“That’s why I take walks,” Yunho said proudly, smiling brightly. “So San can see the ship.” He looked at Wooyoung. “Unlike you, who just stays in his room.”

“Yeosang likes it in my room,” Wooyoung said petulantly, crossing his arms. “He’s antisocial.”

“No, he’s allergic to stupid,” Hongjoong said so seriously that all three humans stared at him.

“Seriously?” Seonghwa said, sensing bullshit, but questioning the sincerity of the statement. 

“I have no immune system to be compromised by allergies,” Yeosang reminded them flatly. “However, it becomes harder to control my emotions in the presence of those of lower intelligence.”

“You are the only AI I have ever questioned the presence of emotions in,” Yunho confessed, looking slightly scared. “No offense, but what emotions are you exactly controlling around stupid people?”

“Yeah, you sort of got the short end of the stick with Wooyoung, if that’s the case,” Seonghwa muttered, wincing apologetically as he drained the last of his coffee.

“Wooyoung is not of lower intelligence,” Yeosang said robotically. “His IQ is well above average at 129, categorizing him as ‘superior intelligence.’”

The entire table stared at him, mouth agape as they glanced between each other.

“Well, I’m sure that compliment hurt to say,” Yunho chuckled as Wooyoung still looked stunned at Yeosang’s statement.

“It is not a compliment,” Yeosang replied, emotionless eyes turning to Yunho. “It is a fact. Wooyoung’s IQ score put him above the average by enough to be considered of superior intelligence. Seonghwa is also considered just below the level of genius, while you and Jongho are considered of average intelligence, though existing on the upper end of the scale.”

“Bored now,” Wooyoung broke in, shaking his head sharply, making Seonghwa snort. “Who’s coming to the training room?” he asked, standing.

“You did not eat breakfast,” Yeosang said, like a bad actor reading a script. “You must consume at least 400 calories before beginning your workout routine.”

Wooyoung whined- petulant, loud, extensive, and annoying.

Yeosang stared on without so much as a twitch, his gentle lavender color almost seeming mocking against Wooyoung’s tantrum.

“I hardly think that’s the way a special ops participant should act,” Hongjoong muttered under his breath, making Wooyoung glare.

Yunho got them all trays of fruit, biscuits, eggs, meats, and bowls of rice, setting them down. Seonghwa thanked him kindly as they all settled, Yunho talking with San quietly about what they should do for their training for the day.

Yunho was a newcomer, compared to Seonghwa and Wooyoung.

Seonghwa was the first participant in Ateez to gain an AI- the first and only AI they had created. That was three years ago.

The second AI was ready a few months later, and Wooyoung joined their program- annoying and loud and someone that Seonghwa wanted to strangle and slap all at once. However, he would begrudgingly admit that Wooyoung was good at their job and capable enough to rely on in the field, despite his childish personality.

The next two AI had been started from scratch and took nearly two years to ready for testing. Yunho joined about six months ago, and he was much better company than Wooyoung’s whiny ass. San was certainly a bit more of a personality than even Hongjoong (and certainly more than Yeosang).

Sometimes, Seonghwa wondered how someone as nice as Yunho put up with the little tormentor that was San. He wasn’t cruel by any means, but San was the kind who laughed uncontrollably when they fell from the rock wall.

The one who called out diving scores when they fell into the water beneath their rope climbs. Who told them their hair looked a bit like an electrocuted dog.

He and Wooyoung got along a little too well, until San turned his sharp tongue onto Wooyoung instead, and then he’d declare he wasn’t going to talk to San for the rest of the day.

And only a month after Yunho appeared, they got Jongho- the youngest among them, but the most… determined.

All of them came from small planets without much hope of getting to space unless it was through this volunteer program. All of them were proud of their spots they had earned, and the future they were contributing to.

Jongho, though, was like a machine. He was physically stronger than most of them, and when it came to battle situations, there was no one better at making split second decisions.

Hell, even Mingi- his slightly less obnoxious AI- thought that Jongho needed to take more breaks.

Seonghwa often felt bad for him, as the youngest who tended to be babied by people. He felt as if he had something to prove, and Seonghwa had learned to restrain himself from patting the youngest’s head and telling him he’d done well.

Wooyoung scarfed down his breakfast way too fast, earning him a cold reprimand from Yeosang who warned about his GI tract getting clogged, but Wooyoung was already standing. “Anyone else done?” he asked through a mouthful of unchewed rice.

“You are a disgusting specimen of human,” San told him, nose wrinkling though he looked on the verge of laughing.

“And you’re an annoying ass AI,” Wooyoung fired back. “Anyone done?”

Seonghwa sighed, shoving the last three pieces of fruit into his mouth and standing. “I’m coming,” he said, swallowing as Hongjoong rolled his eyes.

“I’m not enacting the Heimlich function of this suit if you choke,” he warned. “You humans are dumb.”

Seonghwa didn’t respond, rather, he simply grinned at Hongjoong who stared at him for several moments before sighing and looking away.

“Man, your AI is so nice and trained,” Wooyoung sighed wistfully as they exited the mess hall, Yunho running after them with a few pieces of fruit still clasped in his hand, but not wanting to be left behind.

“I am not an animal to be trained,” Yeosang replied flatly. “Is the whole point not to have a computer capable of human thought?”

“Yeah, but you’re only capable of mean thoughts,” Wooyoung muttered, stretching his arms over his head. “Would it kill you to smile a bit? Or at least stop indirectly calling me a bitch?”

“I’ve never attempted to call you an expletive of any kind.” 

“Smartass,” Wooyoung mumbled, frowning in a pout that looked seconds from turning into whining.

“Should we work on weight training?” Seonghwa asked Hongjoong, choosing to ignore the two fighting for the moment. “Or do some sims?”

Hongjoong stared ahead of them resolutely. “Your reaction time against the Niyol ship was good this morning, however your charts show room for improvement. We should work on that today.”

Seonghwa nodded firmly. “Sure thing.”

“Hongjoong is so nice,” Yunho chuckled, falling in step beside them. “I bet he only calls you insulting names in his head, instead of out loud like the rest of them.” He smiled, as if this was the epitome of kindness.

Seonghwa smirked, though, when Hongjoong didn’t respond, looking away. “He’s a big softie. They all are, they just like to act like computers because they think they’re better than humans.”

“I’m not a softie,” San fought, looking offended. “I’m a calculative machine of intellect and knowledge.”

“With the undeniable human downfall of empathy,” Yunho reminded him, smiling knowingly. “I know that deep down you care too much.”

Seonghwa blocked them as well, sensing an altercation as he sighed, focusing on the bright halls they passed through. The ship was beginning to wake up, and people passed them in the halls, eyes begin unerringly drawn to their AIs speaking with them.

Some of them were curious and in awe. And some were a bit darker with either jealousy or discomfort.

There were only four AI within the  _ Aurora _ , and each of them was a feat of science. A very large, unimaginable one. And so it wasn’t hard to believe that there were some people who looked at pieces of machines so human-like… and were uncomfortable.

Seonghwa knew they thought the AI were abominations, in some cases. That they were too close to human, like those old sci-fi movies where people feared robots who were too human because they… might act human?

Seonghwa never understood those movies, either.

They reached their specialized training room (much more interactive and high-end than the regular training rooms around the ship), and found Jongho already inside, beating into a punching bag with enough sweat to show that he’d been here a while.

“At least tell me you’ve eaten something,” Yunho said as they entered, expression softening as he stared at Jongho who didn’t even pause at their entrance.

“Ate an apple-“ He punched roughly, jarring his words- “and some coffee.”

Seonghwa watched San appear beside Jongho, glaring at his dark suit. “Mingi, do not tell me you’ve actually let your human neglect his health.”

There was a flicker of orange, and a gangly young man appeared in front of San, both of them floating in the air.

“It’s not my fault!” Mingi fought, gesturing sharply to Jongho. “I said eat more, and he wouldn’t!”

“So it’s your job to ensure that he does,” Hongjoong joined to scold, staring disapprovingly at Mingi. “You should have locked down his suit or something.”

“He doesn’t like listening to me!” Mingi whined helplessly.

“He’s right,” Jongho panted, leaping back and kicking the bag hard enough to have it nearly swing into the wall. He lowered his foot, landing firmly as he caught his breath. “It was too early to eat.”

“You have to eat before your workouts,” San scolded Jongho, flickering out and rematerializing to hover before his face with a glare. “At best you pass out, and at worse, you damage your body enough that they kick you out of the program.”

Seonghwa saw Jongho’s jaw clench imperceptibly, staring at San in rough disagreement.

Seonghwa stepped up, waving the two AIs away as he touched Jongho’s sweat-soaked shoulder gently. “What they mean is,” he said gently, “that if you don’t take care of your body properly, you can’t effectively do what this program is for. You’ll hurt your body, and you’ll lose muscles and weight, and that’s the opposite of what we’re trying to do.”

Jongho glared at him, too, but Seonghwa knew that he’d accepted the scolding.

“Just don’t hurt yourself,” Seonghwa said firmly. “Mingi is hooked up directly to your vitals. If he tells you to eat, or that you need to rest, or whatever else, you need to listen to him.”

“I don’t want to eat when he tells me to,” Jongho muttered dropping his eyes to glare at the floor.

“You’re never going to become an effective team if you don’t learn to trust him,” Seonghwa said, squeezing Jongho’s shoulder until he looked up. “If you can’t trust him to tell you when to eat, how can you trust him implicitly when he tells you to jump during a fight?”

“I don’t-“

“You need to trust each other without thought,” Seonghwa told him firmly, eyes hard and intent. “You can’t question what he tells you, or else someone’s going to end up hurt. Understand?”

Jongho looked ready to protest again, but he sighed roughly, lowering his eyes once more and nodded solemnly. “Fine,” he muttered, annoyed but calmed.

“Now, go eat before you start another round,” Seonghwa said, pushing Jongho through the door. “And  _ listen _ to what Mingi tells you to eat.”

Jongho huffed, but nodded, some of the anger falling from his face as Mingi appeared beside him. “If you make me eat a bunch of vegetables, I’m not going to be happy,” he warned Mingi as he strode from the room, wiping at his face.

“With how many calories you just burned, we’re about to do a carb load,” Mingi assured him. “And if I told you to eat a bunch of vegetables, you’d still have to do it. Seonghwa just said so.”

“Seonghwa’s not the boss of me,” Jongho said firmly. “And I said I wouldn’t be happy, not that I wouldn’t do it-“

The door shut between them, cutting off their conversation, and Seonghwa turned when Wooyoung started clapping slowly, grinning.

“Mama Seonghwa saves the day again,” he said, strolling over to the rock wall leisurely. “Another teenage rebellion is quelled, and the day is saved.”

“Shut up,” Seonghwa scoffed, rolling his eyes as he walked over to the section of the room in the corner that contained nothing but a large silver square on the floor. “He’s someone younger trying to act like they’re older. All you need to do is talk to him normally, instead of treating him like a kid, like someone I know.”

He stared at Wooyoung pointedly, and the other just shrugged.

“Your teasing doesn’t make sense,” Yeosang murmured idly to Wooyoung. “You are only older than Jongho by approximately one year.”

“Maybe,” Wooyoung said confidently. “But I’ve also been in the program for two years, and he’s been here less than six months.”

“But you also tease him for fighting with his AI, that he’s only been implanted with for six months,” Yeosang reminded him. “Whereas you refused to trust me implicitly for nearly an entire year. Progress-wise, Jongho is doing better than you have.”

“Okay, yeah, shut up and start the timer,” Wooyoung muttered, not looking up as he glared at the rock wall.

Seonghwa snorted. While it was true that Wooyoung had taken a while to warm up to Yeosang, as someone so open and loud trying to work with someone who seemed the most robotic out of all of them, but it was honestly amusing to watch Wooyoung be continuously humbled by his AI.

Yeosang was good for him.

Each of their AI were good for them. They were carefully chosen candidates to match the AI assigned. 

Seonghwa had overcome his hesitancies for Hongjoong within a few weeks. The other was just easy to get along with, even if he had the annoying parts of a computer sometimes.

Seonghwa stood in the middle of the 8x8 square, adjusting his suit at his wrists and assuming a firm stance as he raised his fists.

“Ready when you are,” he assured Hongjoong who nodded stoically, his projection ending and leaving the air around Seonghwa empty, though his voice continued to sound.

“Ready Holos, level 13,” the automated system’s voice called. 

The square was suddenly boxed in by four blue, semi-transparent walls of light. Seonghwa readied himself, tensing.

“Left,” Hongjoong’s voice sounded, as crisp and sharp as a drill sergeant.

Seonghwa didn’t think about the orders, his body reacting instinctively to follow the order, his left hand swinging it a sharp strike that blasted through the holographic targets firing from the blue walls around them.

“Behind.”

“Right.”

“Jump.”

“Left.”

“Duck.”

Seonghwa followed without even really hearing the instructions, almost experiencing Hongjoong’s voice like brainwaves signaling his muscles- without thought and nearly subconscious in his reactions.

“So,” Hongjoong said after a few minutes, his voice casual. “Do you- Left-“

Seonghwa swung his fist, frowning at the conversation that was usually paused while they trained on something like this.

“Do you want one of your own?” Hongjoong asked curiously. “Jump.”

Seonghwa obeyed, not even fully planting his foot before ducking low. “One what?”

“Left- A kid,” he said, as if it should be obvious.

“A kid?” Seonghwa demanded in confusion, nearly missing the target on his left.

“Yeah. You handled Jongho well, and you’re good with the youth. Duck.”

Seonghwa scoffed, shaking his head as he continued to move. “Just because I can talk to him doesn’t mean I want a kid,” he laughed. “And I signed up for this program- when the hell would I have time for a kid? Where would I even get one?”

“I never thought I needed to explain where babies come from to you, Seonghwa.”

“Yeah, no, thanks,” Seonghwa said firmly, leg kicking out to swipe through a target. “Not really interested in that.”

“In what?” Hongjoong asked as Seonghwa leapt up, dodging one target as his leg flew through another. “Having a kid? Or the whole female participant part?”

Seonghwa started so violently, a target hit him square in the face and back simultaneously, sending him to the ground hard.

The walls of the square turned red. “Ending Holos, level 15,” the automated voice mocked Seonghwa as he stared at the ground. 

“Adoption is really simple nowadays,” Hongjoong assured him. “And lots of parents handle their responsibilities along with a kid.”

“What the fuck, Hongjoong?” Seonghwa demanded, lifting himself from the ground and rubbing at his face as he sat. “Stop spewing shit.”

“What?” Hongjoong demanded, the air flickering as his little form appeared before Seonghwa, shrugging helplessly. “Seonghwa, I’m inside your head. We both know you don’t have any interest in the opposite sex.”

“Yeah, and if you’re inside my head, then you should already know that I really don’t have any interest in having a kid,” Seonghwa muttered fiercely, huffing. “It’s not very professional to talk about my sexuality in the middle of a session, you know.”

“I’m prepping you for anything,” Hongjoong lied through his teeth, expression serious. “What if an enemy Turian suddenly asks if you like dick?”

Seonghwa swiped through his projection, rolling his eyes as he stood. “You’re an idiot,” he muttered, dusting himself off as he exited the silver square.

Wooyoung was halfway up the rock wall, his feet hanging where no footholds were provided as he hoisted himself on upper body strength alone.

Yunho was lifting weights, expression tense in concentration.

Seonghwa walked to the corner of the room where the water dispenser was, grabbing a cup and filling it silently.

“Did I make you mad?” Hongjoong asked, appearing at his side, frowning. “Everyone here knows everything about everyone. It’s not like it’s a secret. Wooyoung has called himself a slut on multiple occasions, and made comments on other male crew members.”

“I’m not mad,” Seonghwa huffed, draining the water and tossing the paper cup into the recycler. “I’m just… not used to talking about it so openly, alright? And we’re in a professional environment- you can’t just bring it up like that.”

“You humans are so strange,” Hongjoong sighed as Seonghwa walked to the training square again. “You care about weird things.”

“ _ I _ don’t care,” Seonghwa stressed.

“No, I know,” he assured him. “And I understand the deep psychological impact that your home planet had on you, but literally everywhere but there doesn’t give a shit.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help but smirk in amusement at the expletive. “You need to stop listening to Wooyoung, you’re starting to sound like him.”

Hongjoong simply huffed in offense, disappearing into Seonghwa’s suit again. “We’ll start again at Level 15,” he said. “Without the personal talk.”

Having something almost sentient in your brain… was strange.

Because on one hand, it allowed Seonghwa and his AI to move together in a way no outside force could ever replicate- moving and existing as one because they  _ were _ one. 

But on the other hand, it meant that Hongjoong had access to basically every part of Seonghwa’s brain, and that meant there was nowhere to hide anything.

Any stress, emotion, memory, secret- Hongjoong could see it all. If he so chose. And Hongjoong, basically from the first week they met, had promised not to go rooting around Seonghwa’s brain, unless it was to prevent something detrimental from occurring.

But, Hongjoong couldn’t really block out everything, which meant he knew all about Seonghwa, his innate desire to leave his home, the semi-horrible memories associated with that suffocating place, and most of his personal preferences.

Hongjoong was kind enough to not really bring them up. However, he would help out where he thought he could, in subtly reassuring Seonghwa without bringing up the issues directly.

Sort of like Seonghwa never asking Hongjoong to deactivate, knowing that it wasn’t something he enjoyed, no matter how Hongjoong assured him that he was a machine and didn’t really have things he “enjoyed.”

They had a very spoken-unspoken agreement on a lot of things. And Seonghwa appreciated that a lot.

Jongho came and joined again at some point, everyone moving through their activities, trainings, and spars. (Seonghwa watched with great enthusiasm as Jongho wiped the floor with Wooyoung, who kept insisting on another round, despite Yeosang quoting statistics of low success in his ear).

They ate lunch and moved to the sims, in a separate part of the ship, riding the elevator up (Wooyoung refusing to talk to Jongho who smirked in triumph at a flat success of 12 rounds).

The sims were some of Seonghwa’s favorite parts of training days.

The Ateez program was intended to test and practice with AI that were lifelike and useful, rather than just a computer program responding to commands. They were intended for battle use, as well as everyday functions.

Which meant Hongjoong was being tested to be everything from a navigator and director for their cruiser, to a therapist who reminded them when and how much to eat to keep their bodies in top physical shape. The AI had access to their brains… there was no hiding any issues, forcing them to be dealt with before they could fester.

Seonghwa was someone who was painfully optimistic and excited to see such technology become widespread.

Because he’d lived with Hongjoong in his head for three years now. And after the initial shock at having something else in his head, Seonghwa had come to think of him as a friend, more than anything artificial.

Hongjoong was lifelike and funny… and Seonghwa wished he had had someone like that back at home, when things felt shitty and suffocating and space became his only escape.

And for whatever reason, Hongjoong would always get fidgety, almost like he was embarrassed, each time Seonghwa brought it up- reminding the other how grateful he was to have him around, how much of a valued friend he had become-

Seonghwa was sure that if Hongjoong’s projections wasn’t already red, he’d look like a beet.

But what could Seonghwa do about it?

He went from having no one back home to having someone who understood him, regardless of how intimate or tentative the topic. Someone who trusted him, without hesitation, and whom Seonghwa could trust, without hesitation…

Hongjoong was the first person (the term being used loosely) that Seonghwa had ever gotten close with.

And he valued that- he valued  _ Hongjoong _ \- more than any manner of joking or laughter could ever express.

Artificial or not… Hongjoong was someone special to him. In his personal life, and as someone he trusted on a battlefield.

That night, after their training and dinner had ended, Seonghwa waved goodnight and returned to his room, still laughing over Wooyoung’s wounded attempts to defend himself as Yeosang quoted six different instances in which Wooyoung knowingly and willingly ate pineapple, which he was allergic to.

For no other reason, according to Yeosang, than to “show his body it wasn’t his boss.”

“You’re in a good mood today,” Hongjoong noted as Seonghwa stepped into his cabin, the door hissing shut behind him.

Seonghwa smiled quietly as he changed from his suit to his sleeping clothes. “It was a good day. We were productive, everyone was in good spirits, no one got too messed up at training…” He gave a small shrug as turned to face Hongjoong. “It was a good day,” he said in way of explanation.

Hongjoong chuckled quietly, shaking his head. “By that definition, the past 12 days have been good days, but you haven’t come back from them smiling.”

“I don’t feel too exhausted,” Seonghwa explained, shrugging. “I was up early, but I’m not miserable.”

“So you aren’t going to sleep immediately?” Hongjoong questioned, though he watched Seonghwa lay down in bed.

“I’m going to sleep,” Seonghwa assured him, grinning as he tucked his arms behind his head. “And maybe I’ll actually get a decent eight hours instead of four.”

Hongjoong chuckled, crossing his legs as he hovered, grabbing his ankles. “Knowing you, you’ll still wake up early.”

Seonghwa huffed, shutting his eyes. “Listen, if you were human, you’d understand that it’s not about getting the full eight hours. It’s about the experience.”

He waited for Hongjoong pride-bruised response that being human wasn’t all its cracked up to be.

But the silence that followed was enough for Seonghwa to open his eyes in quiet concern.

Hongjoong hadn’t moved, still sitting in the air, though his eyes stared at Seonghwa almost blankly, not really seeing him. His eyes were a million miles away, and Seonghwa half sat up on his elbows with a gentle frown.

“Hongjoong?” he questioned, making the other blink, shaking his head as he focused on Seonghwa.

“What?” he asked, as if he hadn’t just spaced out.

Seonghwa stared at him in concern. “You… know I’m kidding, right?”

Hongjoong looked slightly winded as he blinked in confusion. “Kidding about what?”

“About… if you were human,” Seonghwa said delicately, frowning deeper as Hongjoong blew out a breath, waving a dismissive hand.

“Duh. You humans aren’t as great as you think you are, trust me,” he laughed, but Seonghwa was still staring.

“Are you… okay?” he questioned hesitantly.

The AI were all still experimental, even Hongjoong who had been active effectively for three years now. It wasn’t uncommon for them to glitch or have little malfunctions here and there. It was always a bit disconcerting to Seonghwa, though, watching Hongjoong blip like that.

“I’m fine?” Hongjoong said, looking confused at Seonghwa’s concern. “You can’t hurt my feelings just by telling me I’m not human, Seonghwa,” he chuckled.

From the beginning, Seonghwa had been hesitant about those instinctive jokes that compared the AI to humans. It felt a bit mocking to say it, as if…

He didn’t quite know. They were artificial, but Seonghwa didn’t like reminding them that they were. They were too lifelike for him to feel good about calling them nothing but programs.

But Hongjoong would always laugh (of course, he saw everything Seonghwa was worried about), telling him that being an AI wasn’t something to be ashamed of.

_ “You can’t feel bad for calling us what we are,” Hongjoong had laughed as Seonghwa waited nervously. “We aren’t humans, Seonghwa. I think that it’s hilarious that you don’t have a 4 million sterz processor, and you find it funny that I don’t emote properly. It’s funny,” he stressed. “Not being human isn’t an insult, it’s a fact of what I am.” _

“Are you sure? Do you feel glitchy?” Seonghwa asked, laying back down. “You spaced out for a second…”

“I was reviewing data from today,” Hongjoong replied a bit… too quickly with a reassuring smile. “Apologies, I should have waited until our conversation was done.”

“No,” Seonghwa assured him, shaking his head, tucking his arms beneath his head. “No, it’s fine… I just got a little worried,” he chuckled. “You’re usually so up my ass, it was weird to see you minding your own business for once.”

Hongjoong’s eyes narrowed, even if his lips twitched. “Watch it, human, or I might have to find away to get that annoying cat food song stuck in your head again.”

Seonghwa chuckled, the concern bleeding from his chest as he stared up at the ceiling of his cabin. “Good night, Hongjoong,” he said pointedly, ending the conversation before they spent the entire night talking.

He saw Hongjoong roll his eyes, his projection ending, but his voice still speaking loud enough.

“Good night, Seonghwa. Pleasant dreams,” he responded earnestly.

Seonghwa chuckled, rolling over and tucking himself beneath the blankets comfortably.

That night… Seonghwa dreamt once more of green light and dark metal halls.  __

~~~~~~~~~

All day training was sort of their normal routine, at this point.

That routine was only broken up by emergency calls, or real-life practice in their cruisers. (Which, Seonghwa personally preferred, as opposed to lifting weights or running programs in the training room all day.)

It wasn’t his fault.

He just thought that his interactions and response times to Hongjoong got better the higher stress the situation. He got that familiar floating feeling in his chest, where it felt like the only thing keeping him down to earth was the safety belt of his chair.

It was the feeling that kept him in the program so ardently. Because he felt that sensation once- the feeling of being so in sync with something, words were useless, and being able to perfectly execute the plan they perfectly communicated…

It was exhilarating and breath taking.

However, especially lately, it had been rare that they head into their cruisers for training outside the  _ Aurora _ , aside from the few freak moments, like when Seonghwa was called out to deal with one enemy ship wandering too close.

Ateez was not originally meant to be a military force. Technically, they were a volunteer experiment pool, but really, the line between science and military had long since blurred more than a little. 

Seonghwa was happy to play whatever part they assigned him. He got to be in space, he rode the thrill of his cruiser, he experienced the utter exhilaration of working with Hongjoong…

He was living a better life here than he could have ever hoped.

He had a freedom here that his old planet would have never afforded him.

However, it wasn’t common lately for them to have a chance to head out in their cruisers.

In those instances, the sims were the second-best thing he could hope for.

The sims took up their afternoons more often than not- hours of running different situations and scenarios all from the comfort of their little pods that imitated the set ups of their cruisers.

To Seonghwa, it was almost like an off-brand sensation of something he knew wasn’t reality. Sometimes, the sims annoyed him, depriving him of the real thing, but more often than not they were a quick fix to the itch he got to go back out there.

And even if it wasn’t perfect… it gave him that thrill of him and Hongjoong working together as flawlessly as one mind could.

Running scenario after scenario as he and Hongjoong worked their way through enemy ships and rescue missions, their thoughts and actions overlapping so minutely that Seonghwa confused his own thoughts with Hongjoong’s orders…

That was the beauty of the AI.

“Am I the only one who finds it a bit insulting that they still have us do baby sims when we’ve literally been on the front lines of fire fights?” Wooyoung asked as they all exited their sim pods, stretching after sitting for so long. “Like, I’ve flown away from a black fucking hole with one thruster out, and they just made me run a sim on  _ proper landing _ during  _ electric storms. _ ”

“Routine actions are some of the easiest to be forgotten,” Yeosang said before Seonghwa could tell Wooyoung to shut up. “Split second decisions in a life-or-death scenario are easier to succeed in, rather than a routine action that was not practiced and that you must hesitate to remember.”

“Yeah, and I got a perfect score on it, so clearly I haven’t forgotten,” Wooyoung muttered, leaning against his pod. “The baby stuff never goes away, does it?”

“That is what I just said,” Yeosang said pointedly.

“I’m hungry,” Yunho said, covering his stomach with a hand. “Who wants to grab dinner?”

“I’m in,” Wooyoung volunteered, pushing off of the pod with a grin. “Five hours of sims is bullshit, and I’m starving.”

“I’m pretty hungry, too,” Jongho admitted as Mingi appeared at his shoulder with a disapproving stare.

“You have better intake at least 600 calories.” 

Jongho rolled his eyes, but caught Seonghwa staring at him across the room. “Fine,” he muttered, crossing his arms. “Let’s go.”

“You coming?” Yunho asked Seonghwa, who simply shook his head, patting the pod he had exited with a grin.

“Not quite yet. I want to run a few more sims I was sloppy on, first,” Seonghwa said, waving them off. “You guys go on, I’ll eat before bed.” 

“Workaholic,” Wooyoung accused, but they bid him goodbye and good night, knowing that they wouldn’t see him again before they turned in for the night.

Seonghwa waved them off, returning to his seat within the pod, relaxing into the familiar chair and placing his hands on the console, only needing to blink hard once to clear his slightly bleary eyes.

“Alright, Hongjoong,” he requested, grinning. “Give me a challenge.”

Hongjoong sighed, shaking his head. “Fine. But don’t start getting mad when you think it’s too hard.”

Staring at a screen for eight hours wasn’t the bed idea, especially coupled with the fact that Seonghwa was having to concentrate to see straight, his eyes tired from more than just the screens.

But hell- they’d have to fight battles under worse conditions than a sleepless night. 

Seonghwa spent the next three hours running sims of various difficulties and scenarios, his head beginning to hurt from staring at the screen that flashed and raced with numbers and commands and warnings that his eyes flickered to and from rapidly.

But he got a passing score on each one, his grin growing wide with triumph before fading to hardened determination as he sped through the holographic space with another cruiser on his tail.

“Divert power to weapons banks,” Seonghwa ordered, barely even breathing. “We’re about to hard stop.”

“Diverting power,” Hongjoong replied through the console. “Clear.”

Seonghwa slammed the brakes, letting the natural form of momentum send the ship flipping over until they were upside down, but their guns were facing the ship behind them.

Three shots later, the sim ended with a bold 96% flashing in the corner, making Seonghwa nod in satisfaction.

The red light on the console turned off, and Hongjoong projected just above the buttons and switches, expression somber. “It’s nearly midnight,” he reported calmly. “You should begin preparing for bed.”

“I want to run a few more,” Seonghwa said, placing his hands on the steering column.

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong pressed, though his voice didn’t change. “You have been running sims for roughly nine hours, now. You have not even eaten dinner.”

Seonghwa huffed, letting his hands fall into his lap. “Fine,” he relinquished. “I’ll go eat dinner, and then we’ll come back and run a few more.”

“It would be best for you to go to bed, after eating dinner,” Hongjoong insisted, expression pulling down.

“I want to run a few more,” Seonghwa said firmly, standing from the chair and stepping out of the pod. “I’m not even tired right now. And I don’t have anything until later tomorrow, so it’s not like-“

“Seonghwa.”

He stopped where he had been walking away, staring at the exit of the sim room intently, his lips pressing together at Hongjoong’s scolding tone.

“What?” he demanded, looking over his shoulders tensely. “I want to run a few more.”

Hongjoong was still projected over the console, but he fizzed out, appearing directly beside Seonghwa, staring at him with an expression that may have been confused for apathetic, but Seonghwa could see the ways where pity and understanding clung to his countenance.

Hongjoong stared at him knowingly.

“You don’t want to face the nightmares,” he stated as fact.

Seonghwa’s jaw tensed. “No, I just want to practice more-“

“Seonghwa,” he broke in, his slightly electronic voice dropping in something almost empathetic. “I’m inside your head. I know when you’re afraid.”

“I’m not  _ afraid, _ ” Seonghwa defended, not quite angry but short and terse. “And I don’t care about the nightmares. I don’t even have them often enough to care about.”

“But you had one last night,” Hongjoong reminded him, arms by his sides dutifully. “And running yourself into the ground will not stop them from happening.”

“Uh, yeah it will- even though that’s  _ not _ what I was doing,” he continued to fight, expression hardening. “If I’m tired enough, I don’t dream.”

“Seonghwa, I know they’re frightening-“

“Just because you happen to be able to see them too, doesn’t mean you understand,” Seonghwa said sharply, regretting the anger in his tone but refusing to soften it. “Now, are you going to let me keep running sims or are you going to lock down my suit?” he demanded.

Hongjoong stared at him almost sadly.

“I won’t lock down your suit,” Hongjoong promised quietly. “But I would rather you spend your night sitting and eating something, rather than running through sims. Simply rest in the mess hall for a while. Please.”

That was another thing.

Seonghwa had been the one to convince Hongjoong about saying ‘please’ and things like that. But somehow, it had turned into Seonghwa’s heart twisting whenever Hongjoong was desperate enough to actually use the word.

And he almost always gave in.

Even though the whole point was to tire himself out and sitting in the mess hall wouldn’t do that.

But whatever. If Hongjoong wanted it bad enough to ask politely, then Seonghwa could just hang in the mess hall and drink some coffee or something.

“Fine,” Seonghwa sighed, turning away from Hongjoong and walking away.

Seonghwa ate what Hongjoong recommended to him, and when Hongjoong glared murderously when he reached for the coffee pot, he simply sighed roughly and moved on.

So now, he had a bunch of food but no coffee as he ate slowly, too almost-annoyed to really want to eat quickly.

He wasn’t really angry with Hongjoong. Because Hongjoong was right.

The nightmares weren’t frequent by any sense of the word, but they’d happened often enough for Seonghwa to begin to become unsettled by them. Sometime, maybe a year after he’d joined the program, he would go through patches of time where he’d dream them every other night.

And then months of perfect sleep and no nightmares. And then suddenly, without any discernable pattern, he’d start having them again until they stopped.

Perhaps they wouldn’t be so unsettling if he could actually fully remember them.

There were the kind that forced you awake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, heart racing as if you’d been running and sharp pains in his head, as if he’d been screaming.

Hongjoong assured him that he hadn’t ever audibly screamed, and that it was all in his head.

“Would you like to talk about them?” Hongjoong asked, his hologram floating beside Seonghwa’s hand holding his spoon, looking up at him with that same sad expression.

“You already know what happens,” Seonghwa muttered, pushing his food around. “And you already know everything I think about them- you’re inside my head.”

“Yes,” Hongjoong allowed, staring up at him. “But humans are funny, and often times, they find comfort in telling their struggles to people, even to those who already know or understand. It’s therapeutic to voice your struggles to someone who will listen.”

Seonghwa was going to shake his head, to scoff and tell Hongjoong that he didn’t want to think about them.

But he was already thinking about them, now that the constant stimulation from training was gone, and he left with nothing but a plate of food and an endless seeming night that he’d rather not sleep through.

He sighed roughly, grip tightening on his spoon as he stared at his bowl of rice darkly.

“You… already know what I see-“

“Tell me anyway,” Hongjoong prompted gently, sounding like a mix between a therapist and a concerned friend.

Seonghwa chose to latch onto the latter.

Hongjoong was someone he trusted. Someone he cared about, and someone he knew cared about him. That went beyond human and AI.

Even with the part of Seonghwa that had become the most vulnerable.

Seonghwa sighed again, bringing his free hand to rest his forehead against, closing his eyes briefly. “I never… see a full image, at least, not that I can remember,” he muttered, seeing the red of Hongjoong flickering familiarly.

Almost comfortingly.

“It’s… green. I remember green,” Seonghwa murmured, trying not to think too intently, because those were the moments the details slipped away. “And… something that looked like wires. Or maybe vines. But I think they’re wires, because there’s… there’s dark metal. Like a hallway. But huge. And… echoey. I only ever see flashes of it all, and never long enough to process where or what’s going on…”

He swallowed, feeling slightly ill as the flashes played in the back of his mind.

“And… there’s always someone screaming… or crying,” he said, swallowing the sick feeling in his stomach. “Most of the time, I can’t understand them… and then sometimes, it sounds like they’re crying for help…”

He remembered the way the screams would echo, making it seem as if a hundred people were crying at him. Begging for help…

“But I can never move,” he whispered hoarsely, his hands shaking slightly, so he clenched them tightly. “It never even feels like I have a body. But sometimes…” He almost choked slightly, feeling his throat burn. “Some…times…”

He felt sick, clammy… nauseous and tight-skinned.

“S-Sometimes-“

“It feels as if you’re the one screaming.”

Seonghwa jerked so hard, his spoon clattered against his plate, as if he had forgotten Hongjoong was there.

The AI watched him with pity and sadness in his eyes, somber and quiet as Seonghwa probably stared like an insane person.

A million more emotions than Seonghwa ever expected an AI to have.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa whispered, feeling a chill down his spine. He shook his head sharply. “Fuck,” he hissed, wiping a hand over his face, as if just thinking about the nightmare had brought it out.

“I know that it is never a true comfort to be reminded of what you already know,” Hongjoong said quietly, walking closer to Seonghwa, expression gentle. “But… you understand that the nightmares cannot hurt you. It is not real.”

Seonghwa stared at the inside of his palm, feeling like he could throw up at any moment. “I know that,” he whispered hoarsely. “But why… why does it feel so real?” he hissed.

“The human mind is a beautiful and amazing thing,” Hongjoong comforted, voice softening to lose the analytical chill it sometimes carried. “It can imagine the impossible and create ways to bring it to life. Unfortunately, that also means it can create horrors the likes of which you can hardly bear to process.” 

Seonghwa swallowed painfully. “Yeah… well, that doesn’t exactly make it any easier to sleep at night.”

“You don’t know for certain that you’ll have one tonight,” Hongjoong told him gently. “You should try and get at least some sleep.”

Seonghwa knew he was being dramatic. He knew that he should be rolling his eyes and treating them as nothing more than an inconvenience, rather than a debilitating horror.

But it was always the same dream.

And to this day… he could never understand how the hell they felt so… lifelike.

Seonghwa had considered that it might be some innate fear of his, maybe of the dark or of tight spaces or of being tied down… but he’d never experienced any problems with those things. Not with his small cruiser, the dark power outages, the tight safety belt…

“Let’s just lay down,” Hongjoong coaxed carefully, gesturing towards the door. “Even if you don’t sleep, some rest will be good for you.”

Seonghwa sighed, rubbing at his face in preparation for a long night. But he nodded, standing as he finished the last of his meal and tossed his tray away.

He hoped he wouldn’t fall asleep. That those images would stay as nothing more than memories.

But they felt so  _ real. _

As if he were actually sitting within cold steel and screaming for help that wouldn’t come.

It left him with chills and the urge to look over his shoulder for a monster he couldn’t see.

~~~~~~~~~~

Wooyoung glared at Yeosang.

“I am  _ not _ inept!” he cried in offense, causing Jongho to nearly snort out his rice.

“I never called you incapable,” Yeosang said calmly. “I merely pointed out that you complain about a training course being unfair, when in reality you simply do not accel at it.”

“Because it  _ is _ stupid!” Wooyoung huffed, falling back in his chair with his arms crossed tight over his chest. “What use is climbing across ropes over water? We’re fucking space fighters! We fight in our cruisers-“

“This is probably why Seonghwa chooses to keep training instead of coming to dinner,” Yunho murmured, wincing behind his bowl of rice.

“Your area of expertise is within space and non-gravitational environments,” Yeosang replied robotically. “However, you are expected to be capable in any such environments that you may find yourself crashed within or sent on rescue missions to.”

“So you  _ are _ calling me inept!” Wooyoung snapped.

“If it helps you win an imaginary argument, then yes, I will call you inept.”

Even Yunho could barely contain his laughter behind his hand, with eyes that begged Wooyoung not to hit him for laughing.

Wooyoung sighed harshly, glaring at Yeosang. “I don’t like you.”

“Inaccurate, from all angles,” Yeosang assured him, his stupid lavender light casting across the table that San was sitting cross legged over and watching with intense amusement. “I have direct access to your dopamine and oxytocin receptors. You receive a large increase when these supposed ‘arguments’ occur between us.”

“Wooyoung likes fighting someone who fights back,” San said, as if this was obvious.

“Or maybe he just likes having someone run circles around him,” Jongho added innocently behind his mug. “Yeosang keeps him on his toes.”

“I just think it’s funny,” Wooyoung defended, grinning as he crossed his arms, staring defiantly at Yeosang. “Because I know that for all your stoicism, you really find me super fucking annoying.”

“I understand that your personality is your own and is unchangeable,” Yeosang monotoned without missing a beat. “I do not find you annoying, even if your unchangeable personality can create conflict in the ease of our interactions.”

“So, yes, you’re fucking annoying,” Mingi translated, smirking from beside Jongho.

“Yeah, stop making his life so difficult,” Yunho said, ever the peacemaker as he offered a piece of dessert to Wooyoung. “He works hard for you.”

Wooyoung grinned, giving in despite looking unapologetic. “Yeah, but what the fun if we don’t make each other’s lives a little harder?” he questioned.

Yeosang turned to him sternly, eyes somber. “I exist to make your life easier, and to increase your productivity and perfom-m-a-ance-“

Everyone froze at the table as Yeosang form suddenly flickered- breaking apart slightly before disappearing and reappearing, like a television with a bad signal, his words muffled through a sudden wave of static.

Wooyoung sat up straight, staring at the lavender ripples that fixed themselves back together properly after only a couple of seconds.

Yeosang blinked, looking slightly winded before straightening again, his eyes returning to his regular indifference. “Apologies,” he said, as if nothing had happened. “I increase your productivity-“

“Are you okay?” Yunho asked, all of them leaning on the table, eyes wide in concern.

“My systems are operating normally,” Yeosang assured him flatly.

“You blipped for a second,” Jongho told him, like he had missed it.

“It was a kick to my system,” he said coolly. “Likely just a program updating or cleaning itself. All my systems are operating normally.”

Wooyoung still stared at him, hands tense against the edge of the table as Yeosang stared defiantly, as if daring someone else to expression concern.

Even San was somber, staring at Yeosang as Mingi blipped closer, as if wanting to speak out for something.

Wooyoung smiled, though, standing from the table. “Well, clearly training today tuckered out the little baby,” he chuckled, drawing everyone attention. “I guess I’ll head to bed before his hard drive overheats or something.”

“I do not have-“

“You guys don’t stay up to late,” Wooyoung said, waving and patting Yunho’s shoulder as he passed. “Or else you’ll turn into Seonghwa.”

“No doubt he’s not planning on sleeping tonight- why should I?” Jongho questioned.

“Because you’ll disappoint Mom if you don’t,” Wooyoung quipped, ignoring Jongho’s glare.

“He’s not my mom!”

“He’s kinda everyone’s mom,” Yunho murmured thoughtfully as Wooyoung dumped his tray and waved one last time.

“I’ll see you guys at the training room tomorrow!” he called.

“Night,” both Yunho and Jongho responded routinely, staying in the mess hall as Wooyoung exited into the hallway, walking the familiar path to the elevator to his quarters.

When he glanced at his side, Yeosang’s hologram wasn’t projected, and Wooyoung frowned slightly as he waited for the doors to open.

His cabin was only three doors down from the elevator, the doors hissing open at his DNA recognized touch.

The inside was plain and mostly bare, as all military quarters tended to be, with nothing but a bed, dresser, desk, and a shelf full of a few memorabilia and collectibles he’d gathered over the years.

He immediately stripped out of his suit, letting it fall to the ground as he changed into a regular t-shirt and sweatpants before sitting heavily on the edge of his bed, staring at the air in front of him.

He waited a few moments, expression somber, before Yeosang’s voice spoke without his hologram appearing.

“I would tell you not to talk about it,” he said coolly, “but you take great joy in going against express wishes.”

Wooyoung laid his hands on the edge of the bed, curling his fingers tensely. “Yeosang, come out,” he requested quietly.

There was a pause where Wooyoung was sure Yeosang would refuse, but a moment later, his projection appeared directly before Wooyoung’s eyes, his expression slightly annoyed, though it maintained that cold, analytical countenance.

Yeosang stared at him silently- his way of demanding that he get on with it.

Wooyoung, however, simply stared back, equally impassive, though his brows pulled down. “Are you feeling glitchy again?” he asked quietly.

“My systems are operating effectively,” Yeosang replied tersely.

Wooyoung sighed quietly. “That’s not what I asked. I know you’re operating effectively. But are you feeling glitchy again?”

“Whether I ‘feel glitchy’ or not is irrelevant, when I operate effectively.”

His jaw tightened, though his expression softened, staring at the tiny, annoyed form before him. “Should we go see Dr. Kim? You may just need an update, or some sort of diagnostics run-“

“My systems are operating effectively,” Yeosang replied, voice turning cold and something almost promising a threat, his expression hardening. “There is no reason to bring me to Dr. Kim. My systems are operating effectively.”

Wooyoung frowned slightly as his words seemed to turn more and more robotic. That wasn’t… entirely normal.

“Yeosang, are you feeling okay?” he questioned gently, expression pinched in concern. “You’re acting funny… Have you been feeling like this all day?”

“You’re mistaken in caring about what I feel,” Yeosang said, voice turning from cold to emotionless. “I am not human, Wooyoung. I am a machine- I do not feel.”

Now Wooyoung was getting scared.

“What the hell do you mean you don’t feel?” he demanded, confusion and an unsettling chill gathering at the base of his spine. “Yeosang- you’re basically as human as any of us. We all know you feel things- all of you AI do-“

“We have emotions that are programed-“

“Stop it!” Wooyoung snapped, rising to his feet, Yeosang’s projection shifting with the movement, staying before him, emotionlessly. “Yeosang, what the hell has gotten into you?” he demanded, fists formed at his sides as he looked the hologram up and down.

Maybe they liked to joke about their AI being nothing but machines... but never, in all the time he knew Yeosang and the others, had he ever heard any of them talk about themselves like that.

As if they were nothing but programs. 

Yeosang’s young face stared back at him, impassive and blank.

As if there was nothing there but ones and zeroes.

Wooyoung jaw clenched. “I’m going to see Dr. Kim,” Wooyoung said stiffly, turning on his heel and marching towards the door. “Something’s gone wrong, he’ll be able to-“

_ “No!” _

Wooyoung felt like a fist had punched through his heart, jerking to a stop as he spun around, eyes widening at the desperate cry that seemed to echo in the air as much as it did in his mind, like voices crashing into the walls of his brain-

Yeosang hovered in the air behind Wooyoung, his expression as calm and apathetic as it had been.

“What was that?” Wooyoung whispered, horrified.

“What was what?” Yeosang asked flatly.

“That- You  _ screamed,” _ Wooyoung pressed, stepping back over to Yeosang, who merely lifted a cool eyebrow.

“I didn’t speak.”

“You did- You said ‘no’-“

“My systems are operating effectively,” Yeosang said, like a broken record. “However, if you are hearing things, you may require rest. Your vitals show you are slightly dehydrated.”

Wooyoung stared, torn for a moment between anger and fear.

That had been Yeosang’s voice screaming at him.

Yeosang never screamed. He never even laughed or raised his voice.

Did he need another upgrade or diagnostics? Or was it Wooyoung who was imagining things?

Wooyoung had always had a tiny bit of trouble with Yeosang. Five total times since joining the Ateez program, Wooyoung had run into issues of Yeosang’s projection beginning to glitch, or a weird space of time where he’d space out in the middle of speaking.

But he’d never screamed like that.

Wooyoung would show up to Dr. Kim, transfer Yeosang to his systems, and within 24 hours, he’d pick Yeosang back up and he’d be back to normal. Dr. Kim always assured him that it was just a glitch or a need for maintenance to his system.

They were still experimental.

And every time he asked Yeosang if he felt okay, he’d just say that his system had been adjusted to peak performance.

Wooyoung stared, jaw tense and eyes looking Yeosang over and over… He hadn’t imagined that scream.

Had he?

The only reason he was doubting himself was because he’d never heard anything like that from Yeosang. But there’s no way he could have just heard that in his head, right?

“Brain scans are showing distress,” Yeosang said quietly. “Wooyoung, I suggest you rehydrate and begin to sleep. Any issues can wait until morning.”

Wooyoung clenched a fist.

“You’re doubting me,” Yeosang said, in that infuriatingly knowing voice that reminded Wooyoung that he could see all the things in his head. “Wooyoung, my systems-“

“I don’t give a shit about your system,” Wooyoung snapped, glaring. “I’m trying to figure out what the hell to do.”

“There is nothing for you to do,” Yeosang assured him flatly. “My systems are operating effectively. Bringing me to Dr. Kim would be a waste of time, as he will find nothing wrong with me.”

Wooyoung pressed his lips together tightly, wondering if he should find Seonghwa and see what he thought.

But… Wooyoung had never been in a hurry to bring Yeosang to Dr. Kim when he started glitching. Yeosang had assured him that it didn’t hurt…

But he was acting so weird…

He didn’t know what to do.

Wooyoung sighed harshly, turning away from the door and walking stiffly back to his bed. “We’ll talk more in the morning,” he muttered, falling onto his bed, suddenly feeling too fucking tired for a fight.

“An alarm is set for 9 AM ship’s time,” Yeosang reminded him, his hologram fizzing out as the projection ended. “Good night, Wooyoung.”

It sounded flat and lifeless.

Wooyoung rolled onto his back as the lights dimmed automatically, tucking his arms beneath his head as he stared at the dark ceiling.

“Yeosang…”

“Yes?” Came the cool reply.

Wooyoung swallowed, chewing on his lip for a moment. “You’re really feeling okay? And I swear, if you say anything about your fucking systems-“

“I am in no pain,” Yeosang replied quietly. “I have no issues within my… program,” he said carefully. “There is no error or stress within my code.”

Wooyoung clenched his jaw as he rolled onto his side, one of his hands creeping back and feeling the little metal implant plate the size of a stamp at the base of his skull.

“You’re scaring me, Yeosang,” he murmured darkly, fingers curling over the implant.

“I am attempting to reassure you.”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung muttered, pulling his hand away and burying his face in his pillow. “That’s what makes me think shit’s gone wrong.”

~~~~~~~~~~

_ There was green. _

_ There was an earthquake. _

_ No. Not an earthquake- _

_ What was that? That noise? _

_ An earthquake? _

_ No, a heartbeat- _

_ Mine? Is that mine? I don’t have a heartbeat- _

_ I don’t have a heart- _

_ So why does it hurt- _

_ Green. _

_ I hate that color. _

_ What’s that noise? _

_ Is that me? Is that screaming? _

_ Wire- Why are there wires, why are there so many- _

_ I can’t move- _

_ Why can’t I move- _

_ I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe, why are there so many wires, why am I screaming- _

_ Is this what drowning feels like? _

_ I can’t breathe- _

_ Why is no one helping? _

_ Aren’t I screaming? _

_ Am… Am I screaming? I’m screaming, why aren’t they coming- _

_ Why aren’t you coming? _

_ Not screaming. Crying. Sobbing. _

_ “Seonghwa, why are you coming?” _

The hallway, the door, the code-

Seonghwa shot awake, heaving in air like a drowning victim hitting the surface-

The world tilted, and he was on the floor, his legs falling from his bed onto the hard tile, his arms shaking under his weight as he gagged, his head spinning violently as his stomach rolled, muscles tensed as if he’d spent hours chained in the same position-

He did throw up. Just a bit, spat out of his mouth with the burning taste of bile, his adrenaline pumping and the sweat covering his body making his palms slip against the cold floor-

_ The door. _

_ The code- _

“Hongjoong,” he panted, voice breaking as his head continued to ring, as if someone was still screaming at him-

He turned, and Hongjoong’s projection was at his shoulder, barely visible through the sweat and tears in his eyes-

Oh. He was crying.

But Hongjoong’s projection made him tense, rubbing his eyes against his shoulder to clear them.

Hongjoong wasn’t standing up with the gentle concern he usually watched Seonghwa with after a nightmare, no quiet pity or discomfort at being unable to ease Seonghwa’s mind at all.

He was knelt in the air, hands in his holographic hair as he bent over, eerily still as Seonghwa tried to catch his breath, looking around his cabin blankly, feeling as if eyes were staring at him-

“Hongjoong, what the fuck?” he choked, his heart still feeling as if it was being ripped out, his head still echoing

_ The door. _

_ The code. _

_ The hall- _

“Shit,” he hissed, pounding a fist against his forehead, trying to stop the lingering whispers, tears prickling. “Hongjoong, what-“

He looked at him again, but Hongjoong hadn’t moved, still curled over his knees… almost as if he were trying to hide from something.

Seonghwa sat up, wiping the bile from his mouth as his legs trembled and his hands shook as he wiped at his clammy skin. “What… I- There was a door,” he whispered, voice cracking and throat burning with bile. “There- There was never a door-“

_ The code. _

_ 001-KHJ-110798 _

_ “I saw the code.” _

_ The code- _

Seonghwa shook his head sharply, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes, making spots dance painfully. “I know that door,” he whispered, ignoring how his eyes begged him to stop pressing. “I- I recognize that door-“

He looked to Hongjoong again, and realized he was shaking.

Could AI even shake like this? He had never seen Hongjoong react like this- least of all to a nightmare. But Hongjoong looked as shaken as Seonghwa-

_ “Seonghwa, why aren’t you coming?” _

He choked, threading fingers through his hair and breathing heavily, feeling his lungs squeeze-

“My name,” he whispered hoarsely, voice shaking. “It said my name-“

_ The door. _

“The door…” Almost in a trance, Seonghwa carefully lifted himself, legs trembling almost too hard to support him, but he stumbled forward. “Hongjoong,” he breathed, glancing back, but the projection was still curled into his ball. He swallowed thickly. “Hongjoong, I know that door-“

Why was he was following a stupid dream?

Rationale had gone out the window as he turned away from Hongjoong, stumbling to his door-

A code.

Seonghwa had never seen enough in these nightmares to ever warrant thinking them anything but his brain trying to scare him.

But now he had a voice. His name. A hallway. A code.

He knew a code-

He recognized that door-

Seonghwa didn’t care that it was still the middle of the night, the brightly lit halls burning his eyes as he stumbled like a drunkard.

Usually, it would be Hongjoong telling Seonghwa to calm down, to go back to his cabin, to stop chasing a stupid feverish nightmare just because something new was thrown into the mix-

But Hongjoong was silent, and Seonghwa could feel a sharp pain at the base of his neck, almost like Hongjoong was in pain, but that didn’t make any sense.

None of it made sense. He felt oddly numb. Entranced, and focused on that one single image in his head.

Seonghwa leaned against the door of the elevator, hands shaking as he ran them through his hair.

“Hongjoong,” he whispered, voice echoing in the small space, “I- Check my brainwaves, whatever,” he managed weakly. “Was… Was what I just saw a dream? Was I in REM?”

There was silence as the doors opened, and Seonghwa hurried out of them, one hand keeping him upright on the wall.

“Hongjoong?” Seonghwa demanded, glancing around but finding his projection still deactivated. “ _ Hongjoong! _ ”

He probably shouldn’t be yelling. If he was lucky, he’d escape with a discharge on grounds of insanity.

_ “He’s coming.” _

Seonghwa whipped around at the voice whispering in the back of his mind, eyes wide as he checked the hall behind him, but it was empty.

“Hongjoong?” Seonghwa questioned slowly, turning back around. “Hongjoong- would you fucking answer me?” he demanded, continuing to storm his way down the halls that became more and more unfamiliar, reaching a part of the ship he hadn’t been to since he was recruited to the program.

The lights in the hall grew dimmer, simulating night, and Seonghwa stood at a T in the hall.

On the left, the lights got a bit brighter, heading towards what Seonghwa knew to be the labs.

On the right, the dim light continued on for a ways until growing dark into a black hole down Zeta Hall. 

He’d only gone to the right once in his life, to meet with the heads of the Ateez program after he was accepted.

_ The hallway. _

He swallowed, walking to the right. As far as he knew, you didn’t come to this hall unless specifically summoned.

“Hongjoong, what the hell is going on,” he whispered, expression pinching as fear and a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach warred with the a slowly splitting headache that gathered at the base of his skull.

He winced, laying a hand over the implant on his neck as he trudged on. He couldn’t give you a single reason why he was on this stupid hunt. He was going to get thrown out for sneaking around where he shouldn’t be.

But why was his implant hurting like this? Why was Hongjoong being so silent? Why was Seonghwa still feeling the cold press of dark metal against his skin?

The end of the hall was a dead end with only three doors.

The first was the only one Seonghwa had ever entered: a conference room for the heads of the Ateez program.

The second was Dr. Kim’s personal office, by the plaque on the wall.

And the third… was unmarked, save for the plaque labeled:  _ Restricted. No access. _

Seonghwa recognized this door.

_ “Restricted?” he questioned as Dr. Kim smiled, gesturing him into the meeting room. _

_ “You’ll find lots of doors like those,” Dr. Kim assured him with a laugh. “We aren’t exactly playing with children’s chemistry sets here, you know.” He laid a reassuring hand on Seonghwa’s shoulder. “You’re changing the future of humanity, Seonghwa, but you’re not quite being asked to build the necessary equipment for that.” _

_ “We don’t even get a peek at how you do it?” Seonghwa joked, laughing with Dr. Kim as they entered the conference room. _

_ “Our secrets are kept tightly locked up,” Dr. Kim said, genuinely regretful. “A million other companies that would employ a thousand dirty tricks to know how we do it. So, only fifteen people on this entire ship are allowed in those restricted areas.” _

_ “Secured with just a passcode?” Seonghwa questioned, frowning as he stared at the regular keypad beside the door. _

_ “DNA locks are amazing,” Dr. Kim assured him. “But do you know how easy it is to just hack off a finger and get into places with it? Or just a speck of blood- the reconstruction capabilities are astounding in the hands of the wrong people.” _

_ Seonghwa stared, absolutely in awe as the man spoke. _

_ “It’s a regular keypad that only those fifteen people know,” he explained. “But, like the DNA locks sense DNA, this one is locked with a very carefully crafted brainwave lock. It’s configured to fifteen people’s brain waves, and nothing more. Hard to copy those, isn’t it?” he asked with a triumphant grin.  _

_ “That’s amazing, that you’ve accomplished so much with so few people!” Seonghwa gaped, making Dr. Kim smile with a kind of pride. _

_ “Fifteen of our best and most trusted,” he assured him brightly. “But, our scientists are nothing without the necessary brave souls who volunteer to carry our vision forward.” _

_ He clapped Seonghwa’s shoulder joyously. _

001-KHJ-110798

Seonghwa swallowed a sickening feeling in his stomach, staring at it.

“Hongjoong,” he whispered, feeling a chill crawling up his spine as he stared in fearful horror. “What’s behind this door?”

There was no immediate response, making Seonghwa tense.

“Hongjoong, please,” he pressed in a hushed hiss, stepping forward almost against his will that was telling him he shouldn’t fucking be here. “Tell me what the fuck’s going on-“

He broke off, flinching and grasping at his forehead sharply as a splitting pain raced through his head, hissing desperately in pain-

_ “Hurry, Seonghwa, please-“ _

He lifted a hand, pressing the 0 twice, his throat burning with the urge to vomit.

“This isn’t going to fucking work,” he whispered hoarsely, heart clenching. “It’s a fucking brain waves lock, it’s going to setoff the alarm-“

He couldn’t stop.

Seonghwa held his breath, the pain in his head growing stronger until one eye closed sharply with a hiss.

7…9…8

Seonghwa waited for the alarms to blare and the armed men to swarm. For Dr. Kim to storm out of the office that was surely empty at this time of night-

With a quiet hiss, the doors parted, revealing a long hallway with barely enough light to see by.

The metal lining it, a dark grey compared to the bright silver of the regular halls he walked through.

“Shit,” he breathed, truly believing he had lost his mind.

He was going to get kicked out of the program, if not arrested.

But he felt… almost a spike of guilt at being worried about that. But what… what else could he be worried about?

“Hongjoong,” he muttered quietly, voice echoing in the hall softly.

Silence.

His voice… said to hurry…

_ Fuck it, _ Seonghwa was already a million miles too deep to back out.

And the black hole in his stomach was only growing larger the longer he stood there in indecisive silence.

Holding his breath, he sprinted down the hallway, letting the darkness and silence swallow him.

~~~~~~~~~

Wooyoung awoke to screaming.

He was always one who could sleep through the end of the world, and when something did manage to jaw him awake, it was startling and disorienting.

Especially when, within that sleep-drunk haze, he recognized the screaming as Yeosang.

He sat up so violently, his head spun, his knees narrowly missing his face as they bucked up, his entire body seeming to slam from sleep to full panicked awareness-

His head snapped back and forth, searching for the screaming, a pain gathering in the back of his head that his hand slapped over, covering the little implant as his ears rang.

The screaming seemed two-fold: resonating inside his head and reaching his ears jarringly.

He realized he was also yelling- not screaming, but his mouth trying to form questions and words that wouldn’t take, leaving him just panting and sending vague noises into the darkness that he finally saw a flash of lavender within. 

Yeosang’s hologram was dropped to his knees near the corner of the bed, body curled over his knees and his hands covering his ear painfully tight as he shook his head violently enough for his entire body to nearly upset itself-

It wasn’t just unintelligible screaming, Wooyoung realized as he finally had something to focus on, one eyes closed against the pain shooting like needles through the base of his neck.

_ “Stop!”  _ Yeosang screamed, thrashing around, his hands beginning to claw his at hair, tugging at it wildly.  _ “Stop- Stop- I can’t- It hurts!” _

Wooyoung threw the blankets back, uncoordinated by the sudden onslaught of emotions and sensations and pain-

_ “I won’t- I didn’t!”  _ he screamed into the air, curling up tighter, shaking his head frantically.  _ “I didn’t do anything! Please- It hurts!“  _ His voice shattered for how hard he screamed, the words devolving into fearful hyperventilation that had Wooyoung’s lungs quickening in reaction.

“Y-Yeosang,” he whispered, voice rough and hoarse as he crawled across the bed, kneeling beside his small form, hands hovering fearfully.

This…

Nothing like this had ever happened before.

“Yeosang,” he called, one hand nearing his projection, but Yeosang flinched away, until he had fallen onto his side, curling up around himself like there was someone inflicting some invisible assault.

_ “It hurts…” _

His screaming stopped, leaving only a weak cry, followed by a heart wrenching sob. The sort of desperate you only heard from those recordings of victims begging their murderers.

_ “Stop,”  _ he cried weakly, hands covering his ears once more, expression warped in fear and an almost child-like agony. _ “Please- I- I didn’t-“ _

__ Wooyoung’s mouth tasted like ash as he tried to stand, nearly falling off of the bed as he placed his bare feet against the floor. “W-What hurts?” he demanded weakly, glancing around the cabin, like there might be something to ease his pain.

Wooyoung had never heard an AI say they were in pain.

They always insisted that they had nothing to feel pain with. But this was… This…

“Yeosang, what’s wrong?” he demanded again, stepping closer as Yeosang turned onto his knees, still curling up and shaking his head desperately-

_ “Stop it, stop it, please- Stop it, it hurts-“ _

“We need to see Dr. Kim,” Wooyoung breathed, already racing towards the door.

_ “No!” _

It was that same terrified, desperate cry that made Wooyoung freeze before, as if someone had just slapped him across the face, whipping back around-

Yeosang still curled on the ground, as if protecting his stomach, but his head bent up, staring at Wooyoung with such open, desperate, begging fear, that Wooyoung didn’t even remember how to breathe as he stared at the completely foreign expression on any AI, much less Yeosang.

He’d never seen that sort of expression on anyone- human or otherwise.

In the moment of silence where they stared at each other in horrified confusion and fear, Wooyoung registered the piercing pain still stabbing in the back of his head.

“Yeosang-“ He looked around helplessly. “Why?” he demanded weakly. “Dr. Kim can help you- Y-You’re clearing having some sort of issue. My implant is killing me-“

Yeosang shook his head, lips parting but no sound falling from them, as if his voice had suddenly been stolen.

His eyes were terrified.

Wooyoung swallowed thickly, fists clenching helplessly. “Then what?” he asked desperately, stepping closer to Yeosang. “What- Who can help you? What’s happening? Can you run a scan?”

Yeosang shook his head, and Wooyoung realized that there were tears on his holographic face.

Tears…

“H-Help m-me,” Yeosang begged, staring at Wooyoung like a starving child at their last hope. “He- He’s- H-H-He-“

“He?” Wooyoung demanded, feeling his own panic rise as Yeosang curled up once more, hiding his face. “Who? Dr. Kim? Yeosang- How do I help you? What the hell do you need-“

“He’s… He’s going… to kill me,” Yeosang whispered in a near whimper, face hidden as it hung between his shoulders, trembling.

Wooyoung’s heart skipped.

“Kill you?” he demanded weakly. “Yeosang, you’re not making any sense,” he pressed. “Dr. Kim will-“

Yeosang flinched, as if the name alone was enough-

Wooyoung froze, mind racing.

He felt like he was going to throw up, but the reaction was enough to sort of slap his brain into cooperating, finally.

“O-Okay,” he said gently, stepping closer to Yeosang again, hands outstretched, as if Yeosang had a physical body he could comfort. “Okay, we… we won’t go to Dr. Kim,” Wooyoung assured him in a soft voice. “But- But I need you to tell me what’s wrong, Yeosang. I need to find someone-“

“Zeta Corridor…”

Wooyoung frowned, blood icy as he leaned in. “What?” he questioned as Yeosang curled into a tighter ball.

“Z-Zeta Corridor,” he whispered, almost inaudible, his voice beginning to sound staticky, like a bad connection. He didn’t look up at Wooyoung, beginning to flex his fists, as if grabbing at something. “Zeta Corridor,” he repeated weakly. “Zeta Corridor… Zeta… Zeta Corridor… Zeta, Zeta Corridor, Zeta-“

Like a broken record, he repeated it, over and over without so much as glancing at Wooyoung.

“Zeta Corridor?” Wooyoung parroted back, bewildered. “You- You said you didn’t want to go to Dr. Kim. His office is-“

“Zeta,” he muttered, like those scenes in movies where the personal finally snaps into insanity. “Zeta Corridor. Zeta. Zeta. Zet-“

“Okay,” Wooyoung said, wincing as the stabbing in his head grew sharper. “O-Okay, we’ll- We’ll go to Zeta Corridors, alright?” he said soothingly. “But there’s not going to be anyone over there-“

“Zeta,” Yeosang kept going, even as Wooyoung spoke, whispering desperately. “Zeta Corridor-“

Wooyoung swallowed, thoroughly freaked out. Maybe it was best to go to somewhere like Dr. Kim’s office.

Zeta hall wasn’t the office they met up with him in, but it was for him and his higher level associates. Wooyoung knew it was near the meeting room he’d been recruited in, and a lab that Dr. Kim worked in…

“Okay, we’re going,” he decided, staring at Yeosang who didn’t even seem like he could hear Wooyoung.

And it… was terrifying and heartbreaking to see him like this. Especially after his glitch from earlier…

Was it Wooyoung’s fault for not bringing him in?

They spoke with and met with Dr. Kim all the time… multiple times a week, sometimes… No AI had ever talked about being afraid of him.

Wooyoung shook his head, running through the halls because the sooner he got this sorted, the better.

He’d take Yeosang to Zeta Corridor, which would probably be empty this late, and then… maybe he’d have to take him to Dr. Kim, because they had never interacted with anyone else to take care of their AI.

And it was very clear that Yeosang was not okay.

Even when his projection disappeared… Wooyoung could still him, whispering and whimpering in his mind, his implant feeling like sparks were traveling out from it, making his head ache horrifically-

“Shit,” Wooyoung muttered, massaging his neck achingly. “Y-Yeosang?” he managed glancing around.

There was silence, save for the distant whisper of  _ Zeta, Zeta, Zeta- _

“Can… Can you at least let me know you’re okay?” he whispered, suddenly feeling… very alone.

He’d spent over two years with Yeosang’s constant presence in his mind, but it suddenly felt as if… as if he were far away. Somewhere distant.

And that was a hundred times more terrifying than the muttering because not once, through all his glitches… had Yeosang ever really disappeared from his place in Wooyoung’s mind.

They reached the top elevator level, which Wooyoung had rarely ever come to.

He stepped out, glancing around.

“Yeosang,” he whispered, something almost begging attached to a whine. “Yeosang, please just talk to me-“

_ “He’s… He’s going to hurt me.” _

Wooyoung heart stopped, his feet freezing at the sudden response.

“W-Who?” he demanded quietly, eerily quiet in the hall without Yeosang’s visible presence.

He still sounded distant, as if he were whispering from the back of Wooyoung’s mind, rather than his place at the front of it.

“Doctor… Dr. Kim?” Wooyoung asked hesitantly, unsure of what the fuck it all meant-

_ “Hurry… Hurry- There’s no time- He’s- He’s going to come for us-“ _

“’Us’?” Wooyoung demanded, running a hand through his hair. “Yeosang-“

_ “Zeta… Zeta, Zeta, Zeta-“ _

Wooyoung groaned, feeling tears of fear and frustration prickle at his eyes because he didn’t know what to  _ do- _

Fucking  _ hell. _

He ran down the hall, to the fork in the hall that led two directions, and turning down Zeta Corridor, letting the dimness of it scare him for a moment.

“Hold on,” he whispered, biting his tongue as he slowed down halfway down, carefully walking through the darkness, his footsteps silent as he creeped along, so sure that someone was going to appear and demand what the hell he was doing-

“Shit.”

Wooyoung froze as another’s voice hissed down the hall, immediately pressing to a wall, heart pounding as he peered through the darkness-

“Hongjoong…”

Wooyoung eyes widened as he unstuck from the wall, taking a few hurried steps forward, the darkness parting just enough for him to see Seonghwa standing outside the lab door.

The lab door… that was open.

Wooyoung almost called to him, wondering what the fuck he was doing here-

Seonghwa suddenly clenched his fists, sprinting down the hall into the restricted lab.

Wooyoung was torn between yelling that he was crazy and telling someone else he was crazy.

But… why was Seonghwa here? With Hongjoong…

Was Hongjoong having issues, too? Why… did Seonghwa look like he wasn’t supposed to be here-

He heard the creaking in the walls, signifying that the doors of the lab were about to close.

Wooyoung didn’t think about shit- he just sprinted after Seonghwa, slipping between the door before they’d even begun to close, standing in the dark for a moment that cleared as he realized there were dim, greenish lights lighting his way vaguely.

The open door behind him made him nervous, so he hurried down the hall, getting away from the opening.

His heart was pounding worse than any sort of fire fight could ever make it, his hands shaking as he froze, trying to decide what the hell to do…

What was Seonghwa doing here?

He suddenly registered that Yeosang’s mantra in the back of his mind had changed.

_ “Hurry… Hurry, hurry, hurry-“ _

Wooyoung cursed silently as he grit his teeth, hurrying down the hall quietly, hearing the almost deafeningly quiet footsteps that seemed to echo around the dark hall.

“This place looks so fucking shifty,” Wooyoung muttered to himself, more of a joke than anything, but… he’d seen a few of the nonrestricted labs around the  _ Aurora _ .

They were all brightly lit with the scientists who patiently explained everything to them, with its equipment and whiteboards filled with things Wooyoung didn’t understand but Yeosang did, as he liked to remind him.

This… This looked like a dungeon, more than a lab.

_ What the fuck was Seonghwa doing here? _

Wooyoung picked up the pace, hearing a distant, quiet noise, like something bubbling or hissing…

“Yeosang, what the fuck is happening…?” he murmured, creeping along, the floor suddenly feeling icy beneath his bare feet.

The darkness began to lift, the green lights growing stronger, becoming less intense and more washed out as Wooyoung reached what looked like the end of the hall. He slowed back down, taking one slow step after another as he peered around the edge of the opening.

The first thing he noticed was the large open space, encased in dark metal and bathed in weird green light from a hundred screens that showed readings and charts.

The second thing he noticed was Seonghwa standing only five feet ahead of him, frozen in place with his arms limp by his hands.

The third thing he noticed was all the lights and screens, blinking and blipping and running a thousand different programs, it seemed, as if it was some sort of multi-billion database running numbers.

And finally… he noticed that Seonghwa wasn’t just taking in the sights. He was staring at something. But there didn’t seem to be anyone else in the lab.

Wooyoung swallowed, stepping out of the hallway, creeping up behind the elder.

“S-Seonghwa,” he whispered, unable to stop the way his voice shook from fear and uncertainty. “Hyung-“

Wooyoung was still a couple of feet behind Seonghwa, but the other didn’t turn, as if he hadn’t heard Wooyoung speak. He reached out, trying to tap his shoulder-

Wooyoung froze as he managed to see passed Seonghwa.

He expected a bunch of tables full of equipment or computers, like the ones lining the walls. 

What he saw was four tables, all lines up with enough room for equipment between them.

It looked like a morgue as Wooyoung’s eyes widened, bile suddenly burning in the back of his throat.

There were bodies on the four tables.

Naked, save for a pair of dark shorts, with a dozen wires running to and from their skin, connected to machines that looked like everything from heart monitors to… to things Wooyoung didn’t want to guess the fucking function of. Their hands and ankles were bound in medical restraints.

He took a shaking step forward, his knees almost giving out as he was finally side by side with Seonghwa.

He didn’t look at the older, but he could see the way Seonghwa’s expression was warped into horrified fear.

Wooyoung was staring at the tables.

From the distance, he could see the bodies better, his chest lurching as he clapped a hand over his mouth, a gag catching dangerously as his body convulsed.

It felt like his brain was shutting down, nothing but white noise ringing as he tried not to throw up as he stared along the line of bodies.

Hongjoong…

_ “Hurry… Hurry, hurry, hurry-“ _

San…

_ “Please… hurry, hurry-“ _

Mingi…

On the second table, a familiar pretty face was laying, unconscious with wires connected to various parts of his body with little pads and tapes keeping them in place.

Wooyoung stumbled forward a step.

“Yeosang-”

Wooyoung caught sight of him, just before doubling over and vomiting, his head feeling like it was splitting in two.

_ “Wooyoung, hurry-“  _


	2. What Makes Us Feel Alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINISHED EARLY I CAN’T BELIEVE IT LOL
> 
> I had a few things at work move around and I couldn’t stop myself from posting early when I finished >w<
> 
> First of all! Thank you guys so much!??? The response to the first chapter was insane, and i continue to be absolutely blown away by how supportive and amazing you guys all are!! I hope this next chapter lives up to it!  
> The story feels a little slow going to me, but I promise it’s worth it~~~
> 
> Thank you so much, lovelies! You have no idea how much this love means!! I hope you enjoy!  
> Please tell me what you think- I rushed through editing this lol~  
> Stay safe, lovelies! 
> 
> -SS

Wooyoung was on his hands and knees on the ground, a small pile of sick on the floor as he took labored breaths.

Seonghwa wished he could vomit.

At least then, he might feel like he wasn’t a statue. A figment of imagination. He felt disconnected, a sense of cold horror stuck in his veins as he stared at the sight he couldn’t bare to look away from.

That was… them.

All of them.

It even looked like them.

The sharp curve of Hongjoong’s nose, the slight lift that his lip naturally sat at… The long lashes, the sharp eyebrows…

The only difference was that this body that looked like Hongjoong was much thinner, gaunter, with hair that grew to his shoulders, rather than the military cut and full face Seonghwa was accustomed to seeing.

The difference almost made him question himself as to whether or not that was truly Hongjoong.

But then his eyes were slowly… slowly track of the other three bodies…

San’s sharp brows… Mingi’s lips and thin eyes… Yeosang’s jaw and soft lashes…

Seonghwa wanted to vomit. Scream, cry, run, punch something- anything to prove that he hadn’t been turned into ash.

Because that’s what he felt like.

Because his mind was so blank… so utterly full of static and horror and fear… he didn’t even know if he was breathing.

Wooyoung suddenly cried out, one hand clapping over his forehead in a pained move, and the other clutching at the implant at the back of his neck.

_ Help him, _ Seonghwa yelled at himself, but he could only stare as Wooyoung sat back on his ankles, doubled over as he clutched at his head-

Wooyoung’s head suddenly snapped up, his eyes pinched in pain as he stared at the body that looked like Yeosang.

Wooyoung suddenly stumbled to his feet, stepping through his sick, still clutching at his head as he drunkenly ran towards the tables-

He was going to the tables.

Seonghwa suddenly jerked forward a step, his hand reaching out frantically-

“Wooyoung!”

Wooyoung reached the table with Yeosang, reaching above the body with a face pinched in agony as he grabbed a wire-

No, not a wire- a thin tube filled with something dark and inky.

He grabbed it, wrapping his fist around it as he cried out, yanking it so hard, it was torn from the medical bag it was connected to.

Inky black liquid squirted everywhere- soaking Yeosang and Wooyoung both as Wooyoung threw the tube away in disgust- the bag continuing to leak onto the floor, the sound of the liquid splattering seeming deafening in the silence.

Seonghwa’s eyes widened, his tongue tasting like ash.

“W-Wooyoung, stop!” he snapped, taking another step, but still not able to make himself move as Wooyoung stumbled back, shaking the dark stuff off. “Are- Are y-you insane?” he stammered, feeling fear and uncertainty poisoning his blood.

Wooyoung looked between the body and Seonghwa, breathing heavily as he hugged himself, looking like a rain-soaked cat, shaking.

“It- It was hurting him,” he managed, sounding near tears.

Seonghwa stared, speechless, lost, confused-

“Hongjoong,” he whispered, despite not receiving a response for so many minutes. “Hongjoong- what the fuck is happening-“

A sharp pain stabbed his implant, and Seonghwa yelped, clutching at it as Wooyoung also cried out, doubling over-

_ “Hurry!” _

Seonghwa flinched at the scream that would have broken his ear drums if it had been outside his head. He heard a quiet, buzzing gasp.

He thought, for a moment, that Hongjoong was still yelling at him, but then he realized the breathing was coming from behind him.

Seonghwa whipped around, dizzy and head throbbing, seeing Yunho holding up a faint looking Jongho who was significantly paler than anything could ever possibly make him.

Seonghwa’s eyes widened. “What- What are you doing-“

“I… woke up to someone screaming,” Jongho said, sounding numb as he stared at the horrific sight before them. “I thought- thought Wooyoung and Yeosang were fighting, but when I went to check, he was running. I- I woke up Yunho-“ Jongho’s expression pinched. “Is… is that… them?” he whispered, looking younger than ever.

“Hyung, w-what the hell is this?” Yunho whispered hoarsely, starving at Wooyoung covered in black liquid.

Seonghwa didn’t  _ know. _

“They- They need our help,” Wooyoung said shakily, looking at the body with equal parts horror, fear, and recognition. “They- Something’s going on in th-this lab. I- We need to get them out-“

“Get them out?” Yunho demanded weakly. “Wooyoung- This is the restricted lab, we can’t just-“

“Can’t just what?” Wooyoung snapped, looking afraid of his anger. “Look at this shit!” he demanded, flinching at his own shout. “Does this fucking look like what we were promised from this place?”

“We don’t even know what ‘this’ is,” Jongho whispered, staring at the Mingi on the table numbly.

Seonghwa felt like his head was going to explode- both from the pain racing through it, and the shouting and weight of these few moments they had-

“Yeosang was glitchy,” Wooyoung said quickly, standing firm, despite looking terrified. “He was acting weird, and then I woke up to him screaming-“

Wooyoung stared down at the body, looking ready to break down.

“He- He kept saying they were going to hurt him,” he hissed fearfully. “He didn’t want to see Dr. Kim- He was scared-“

Seonghwa bit his lip hard enough to hurt worse than his migraine.

“I…”

Everyone’s eyes snapped to him the moment he opened his mouth, and Seonghwa was suddenly hit with the realization that he was the oldest, the most experienced. He was usually the one telling them all what to do.

And here he was, more helpless than any of them.

“I’ve… dreamed about this place,” Seonghwa croaked, looking around at the wires that hung like vines, the dim green lighting, the dark metal… “Ever since arriving… I’ve had nightmares about… this, people screaming… calling for help-“

His voice broke, his head throbbing.

“I…”

He stared at the unconscious body that looked so much but so little like Hongjoong.

“I think… maybe it was Hongjoong,” he breathed shakily, hands trembling. “Unconscious or not, I think… I think they were his memories, experiences,  _ something-“ _ He swallowed painfully. “This… whatever  _ this _ is,” he whispered, “may… have been going on since we got here.”

The bodies… the lab set up…

What the hell did this even  _ mean? _

Humans… that looked like their AI? That were connected to their AI?

That…. That  _ were _ their AI?

It made Seonghwa sick again.

“What about Mingi and San?” Wooyoung asked, uncertain and shifty.

Both Jongho and Yunho blinked, glancing at each other. “San’s been quiet since I woke up,” Yunho murmured.

“Mingi, too.”

“San?” Yunho question unconsciously covering his implant. He stared at the spot before him.

No AI appeared.

“What the fuck is happening?” Jongho demanded, staring in a way that showed he was waiting for a Mingi who wasn’t showing either.

“Shit,” Wooyoung muttered, running dirty hands through his hair, looking on the verge of panicking. “Fucking  _ shit,” _ he cursed harder, kicking at the ground, wincing as he held his head tightly. 

Seonghwa stared, helpless to even think of a solution.

Everything from helping to running was clear from his mind.

All he could do was stare and wonder what the fuck was-

“Yeosang,” Wooyoung said stiffly, closing his eyes and clenching his fists as his jaw tightened. “Yeosang, you’ve gotta talk to me,” he begged weakly. “What the  _ fuck _ is going on?”

There was a pause, until Wooyoung growled in frightened frustration at Yeosang’s apparent lack of response.

_ Hongjoong?  _ Seonghwa thought questioningly, not expecting an answer.

“Yeosang!” Wooyoung yelled, gritted his teeth, and even from a distance, Seonghwa could make out the tears clinging to his lashes. “We’re trying to fucking help, but you need to tell us  _ how- _ “

There was a flicker of lavender in front of Wooyoung- there and then gone, making them all gasp as Wooyoung flinched.

“Run?” Wooyoung whispered, hearing a voice that none of them could.

_ “Run,” _ Hongjoong’s voice finally whispered, sounding a million miles away.

“Run from what?” Seonghwa demanded, heart icing over as he stared at the body.

Wooyoung opened his eyes, looking stricken, tears clouding his eyes as he looked around frantically, like he’d been in some sort of trance.

“Grab them,” he whispered, so fast and desperate, Seonghwa almost missed it.

What he didn’t miss was Wooyoung lurched forward to the Yeosang on the table, grabbing the small suction cups that scattered across his chest and face, beginning to pull off frantically, but with the care of someone trying not to hurt.

“W-Wooyoung,” Yunho stammered, stepping forward, leaving Jongho to stumble after him. “Wooyoung, what-“

“They’re in danger,” Wooyoung muttered, taking each tag off one by one, not looking up. “They- Dr. Kim is going to do something-“

“We don’t know that,” Jongho said firmly, looking desperate to calm him. “We don’t know what’s going on-“

“What did our AI tell us?” Wooyoung shouted, looking up to glare at them through tears still stinging his eyes. “They said to fucking  _ run _ ,” he yelled. “They said to fucking  _ help _ . Do you not fucking  _ trust _ them?” he demanded, voice bouncing off the walls.

Seonghwa flinched at the accusing tone, guilt stabbing his heart as Yunho and Jongho also winced.

Seonghwa… had spent three years of his lives knowing only one thing with all his being: he could trust Hongjoong.

Hongjoong had proven that, time and time again… and Seonghwa was just standing here.

But… it seemed so drastic, grabbing these bodies and what? Running away with them?

Hongjoong… was in pain. Yeosang… was in pain. The others were silent…

They were scared. If Yeosang said they were in danger, that someone was going to kill them…

If Hongjoong begged him to help, to run…

Seonghwa was used to following Hongjoong’s orders without so much as a second’s hesitation. Hongjoong had earned that trust.

Dr. Kim…

Seonghwa always liked the man. He found him easy going… smart, kind… almost like a cool dad.

But this…

This was very hard to explain with a reasoning that wasn’t horrific. What possible reason could there be to have bodies… malnourished… hooked up to machines… Living under the guise of being AI?

Were they even AI?

Seonghwa wanted to vomit.

“Where… Where would we even take them?” Seonghwa asked, but his feet were moving.

Jongho and Yunho stared in helpless fear, but as soon as Seonghwa stood beside the table that held Hongjoong, the two of them were hurrying forward on unsteady legs, standing at the other two tables.

It was even more unsettling, being this close.

The body’s chest rose and fell so slow, it had to be  _ too _ slow, right? He was completely unconscious… Seonghwa could see his ribs…

Up close, he looked so much more like Hongjoong.

They were all definitely malnourished, but there definitely still had muscles clinging to their bones, rather than having nothing but skin stretched over bone.

Holding his breath, like you might when afraid to stick your hand in a mystery substance, Seonghwa placed a careful hand over the electrodes covering his chest at what looked like very purposeful points.

He pulled, the little circles coming up with little resistance.

“Somewhere else?” Wooyoung said as if it were obvious. “Did you forget that we have fucking cruisers?”

“So what?” Yunho asked, still shaken but sounding a bit more determined. “We carry them through the whole ship until we reach the hangar? And then we steal our cruisers without clearance to leave?”

“That’s the current plan unless anyone else has a better one,” Wooyoung muttered, reaching up and pulling wires from the machines surrounding them.

“Is- Is doing this going to hurt them?” Jongho demanded, rapidly removing the electrodes, but hesitating at the IV needle in Mingi’s arms.

“Just don’t yank the needles and stuff,” Wooyoung ordered, leaning down and carefully pulling the needle free from his wrist. “The electrodes can get pulled. Be careful with everything else-“

“How do you know that?” Seonghwa demanded, feeling his throat burning as he saw two wires leading down from a machine.

“Yeosang told me,” Wooyoung muttered darkly.

There was no black liquid leading to Hongjoong, but when Seonghwa followed the wires, he saw them connected at the base of his neck, in an implant almost identical to Seonghwa’s.

To all of theirs.

“Fucking hell,” he heard Yunho whispering, all of them moving as quickly as possible. Seonghwa’s hands were shaking, but he was careful tugging away all the wires and needles inserted along their bodies.

He watched the screens taking readings slowly going dark one by one. The EKG monitor flatlined when Seonghwa tugged it off, making him jump.

The flatline sounded for all of three seconds before Wooyoung flinched, clapping a hand to his forehead with a hiss before his eyes widened.

“The- There’s a silent alarm!” he cried, panic seeping into his eyes. “Yeosang says the EKG sets off an alarm to the scientists-“

“What the fuck?” Yunho hissed, expression fearful as he hurried to undo the straps holding San down, hands shaking.

“We’ve gotta go,” Wooyoung snapped before Seonghwa could even register what he was saying. “Hurry!”

Seonghwa pulled the last two needles from Hongjoong’s arm, undoing the last of the restraints around his wrists and ankles. “Can everyone carry them?” he demanded, his heart torn between calling this insanity and wanting to kick something in angry frustration.

“Got him,” Jongho breathed, grabbing Mingi’s arm and rolling him onto his back in an almost fireman’s carry.

Seonghwa really did forget how fucking strong Jongho was.

Yunho picked San up bridal style, looking ready to sprint as Wooyoung turned around, tugging Yeosang up by his arms and managing to get him onto his back.

Seonghwa quickly grabbed Hongjoong’s arms, sitting him up and copying Wooyoung- turning around and hauling him onto his back.

He was startlingly light for his height and build.

They all stared at each other for a moment before taking off across the floor, and Seonghwa swallowed his fear. “Get to the hangars,” he ordered, voice shaking. “We need to get off the  _ Aurora _ before anything else.”

“Who’s gonna be coming for us?” Yunho questioned. “Who does the alarm alert?”

“Shh,” Wooyoung hissed, holding his hands beneath Yeosang like a seat as he leaned forward to keep him balanced. “We need to keep a low-“

They nearly reached the door that lead back out into the Zeta Corridor when it hissed open.

All four of them froze, the weights on their back and arms a damning visual as a woman in a lab coat and glasses stared at them in open shock.

Seonghwa panicked, glancing around like there was somewhere to go as the woman’s shock turned to anger.

“ _ You- _ “

Jongho suddenly surged forward, taking the woman by surprise to have a child carrying a rather large man on his back suddenly in front of her.

Seonghwa winced as Jongho unapologetically slammed his head into hers, teeth grit and eyes fiery as the woman crumbled, curled on the ground as Jongho turned to them.

“Go!” he hissed, shoving her over with his foot, creating a path.

Seonghwa’s heart was in his throat as they all obeyed, racing past Jongho who followed right behind as they ran through the halls, their steps loud but controlled.

“Would they have alerted more than one scientist?” Yunho hissed as they reached the elevator, slamming the button.

“She wasn’t unconscious,” Jongho panted, a red bruise forming on his forehead. “She might call others.”

Seonghwa adjusted Hongjoong’s limp body-

His body…

Was this his body…?

They entered the elevators, hearts racing.

“When we get to the hangar,” Seonghwa said, his voice sounded muffled in his ears, “only take two cruisers. Anymore will stand out too much wherever we go. Pair up.”

“I’ll go to Yunho’s,” Jongho said firmly, eyes hard as he held a man twice his size across his shoulders. “I’ve co-piloted with him before.”

“This is fucking insane,” Wooyoung muttered, his leg bouncing nervously, though his grip on Yeosang was secure. “This whole fucking- I think I’m going to throw up-“

“Save it for the cruiser,” Seonghwa said, torn between dark and comforting. “Let’s just…”

Fuck, they were doing worse than breaking a law, weren’t they?

This… This wasn’t just trespassing on a restricted area. This was… something bigger.

The elevator opened, and Seonghwa led them out, adjusting Hongjoong, whose head rested over Seonghwa’s shoulder, keeping him up.

He didn’t think about. Just thought of the weight on his back as nothing but a backpack or something.

If he thought about it… his head might actually explode.

They made it all the way to the hall leading to the hangar before alarms began blaring throughout the ship.

_ “Lab break in! Ateez agents carrying lab property! Stop at all costs!” _

“Shit,” Seonghwa hissed, feeling his heartbeat beginning to rise in a way that would have been familiar and exhilarating.

But Hongjoong was silent inside his head.

Seonghwa was on his own. And in a completely different situation than a rogue ship.

“Forget stealth!” Wooyoung snapped, running full tilt towards the hangar doors, Jongho being the first to take up and sprint after him.

Seonghwa braced one hand awkwardly against Hongjoong’s back as he followed, heart rising to his throat as his head continued to throb, the loud sirens not helping him to think clearly.

There were two men standing within the hangar room, startling at the sudden break in, but quickly regaining themselves as they realized who was running through the floor.

“Don’t wait up!” Seonghwa ordered as Yunho and Jongho made for Yunho’s cruiser.

It wasn’t until he was running for his own cruiser that Seonghwa realized he had no Hongjoong to help him.

He was absolutely going to rub in Wooyoung’s face the fact that all the strength training was coming in handy as he kept one hand on Hongjoong’s wrist over his shoulder, using his arm like a backpack strap to hold onto him as his other hand grabbed the rungs of the ladder leading to the entrance hatch.

He slammed his head against the entry button, hearing the door disengage and swing open.

“Shit-“

Seonghwa glanced back to see Wooyoung slam his leg back into one of the men within the hangar, the man crying out and stumbling back, clutching at his nose.

Seonghwa clambered into the cruiser, apologetically and unceremoniously dumped Hongjoong onto the floor as he whipped around to help Wooyoung-

“Get us in the air!” Wooyoung snapped, eyes blazing so bright that Seonghwa didn’t even dare question it as he left Wooyoung to finish climbing, slamming himself into the pilot seat, hands flying in practiced movements as the cruiser shuddered with power surging through it.

“ _ We’re in! _ ” Jongho’s voice came through from the radio, a bit staticky from the yelling. “ _ Yunho’s signaling the doors to open! _ ”

Seonghwa didn’t even have to look up from his console to feel the ship shuddering as the hangar doors began to part.

He heard Wooyoung grunting behind him, and when he glanced back, he was kicking the same man in the face once more, sending him falling down the ladder as Wooyoung slammed the hatch closed, falling back and breathing heavily as he stumbled to his feet towards Seonghwa.

His eye was closed and red, probably soon to turn into a black eye.

Seonghwa slammed the final start up system on, grabbing the steering column with white knuckles as he looked up, the hangar doors half open.

“Don’t wait until they’re open!” Seonghwa ordered, hitting the radio button too hard. “As soon as you can fit, get out of here!”

The cockpit turned dark as the screen lit up with alignments for squeezing through, making Seonghwa grit his teeth.

If Hongjoong were here, he’d guide Seonghwa without issue.

“Hold them,” Seonghwa told Wooyoung, glaring at the hangars, waiting for the moment they became big enough to fly through. “We’re not taking this slow.”

Wooyoung glanced behind him from the co-pilot seat, jaw tense. “Can you navigate without a co?” he asked, already standing and rushing into the small space behind their seats where two bodies lay.

Were it any other time, Seonghwa would have scoffed and grinned. But any other time, he would have had Hongjoong to act as his co-pilot.

He just felt his heart settle heavy in his chest. “I’ll get us out,” he promised, glancing back.

Wooyoung sat with his back against the wall, dragging Yeosang closer and wrapping one arm around his waist and grabbing Hongjoong with the other.

He stuck his legs out, locking his ankles around the pole attaching the pilot chair to the ground, expression dark.

Seonghwa faced forward, pulling back on the steering column and feeling them go airborne.

_ “Cruiser 1, stand down!”  _ the controller yelled through the radio.  _ “Disengage-“ _

_ “Closing hangar doors,”  _ Seonghwa heard in the distance of the radio call, his stomach dropping.

He pressed the radio again, cutting them off. “They’re closing the doors!” Seonghwa yelled. “Go now!” He couldn’t spare a glance back at Wooyoung as he pressed forward. “Hold on!”

“This is gonna hurt like a bitc-“

Seonghwa heard the unfortunate sound of Wooyoung’s back and head hitting the back wall as he was pressed completely against it, a few other thuds sounding like some part of Hongjoong or Yeosang-

Seonghwa glanced in the corner of his screen, seeing a small square showing him around his cruiser.

He saw the two hangar men in uniforms laying on the ground.

Just inside the hangar doors… he saw a man in a lab coat.

Dr. Kim.

Seonghwa’s grip tightened on his column, jaw tightening.

The man just stared at them, hands behind his backs, but could see it, even in the small video feed… the absolutely murderous expression that stared after the two cruiser that were suddenly racing towards the hangar doors.

Seonghwa ignored the feed, focusing on the doors that had slowed their open, preparing to change directions and close, but he turned to the dial to his left.

“Going hyper,” he warned, the inside visual of the hangar beginning to stretch.

“ _ Inside? _ ” Wooyoung screeched, but they were already shooting through the space between the hangar doors and out into the dark space, barely managing to fit as Seonghwa held three dials in place with his hands.

He pressed the radio dial. “Track our signal,” he ordered Yunho. “Travel hyper until we’re at least ten kertz away from this place. Then we’ll regroup and decide a course from there.”

For the first time, Yunho responded, sounding shaken but firm. “ _ We’ll stay close to your tail. Make it fifteen kertz. I don’t like how… they handled all of this.” _

Seonghwa pressed his lips together. “Sure. Fifteen kertz. Keep in touch if something happens.”

“ _ Got it, hyung. _ ”

He flipped off the radio, adjusting his position in the seat as he stared at space shooting past them at unimaginable speeds. He’d always found it beautiful and thrilling.

Now, he was scared it wouldn’t be fast enough.

“They’re going to send people after us,” Seonghwa said, feeling a bit numb, letting habit carry his actions, despite the alarming silence from his console.

“You think so?” Wooyoung questioned carefully, his voice still shaking a bit.

“Dr. Kim was there, in the hangar… he didn’t look happy.”

Dr. Kim had always been an easy presence to get on with. He was kind, funny, and stern where it mattered- like how to care for their AI. He’d been a comfort while Seonghwa was a long way from home, not knowing a single thing about space, much less how to operate a cruiser.

They’d had semi-limited interactions with him, but he was one they trusted. One they liked.

He’d never made an expression like that. One so warped with anger and  _ hatred… _

Seonghwa shook off a shiver, still trying to wrap his head around what exactly they had just fucking done.

Seonghwa’s knuckles turned white. “Are they… okay?” he questioned stiffly.

Wooyoung was quiet for a moment. “Yeah,” he said thickly. “As far as I can see. I can’t check much, but they’re breathing. A few places where the needles were are bleeding, and there’s some bruising around their implants… other than that, I can’t tell.”

Seonghwa hummed, nodding tersely.

“This is fucking insane,” he whispered, not even really intending for Wooyoung to hear, but the other chuckled darkly.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “I… I don’t even know what I think was going on in there. I literally can’t even wrap my head around…” He trailed off, and Seonghwa swallowed. “Hyung, these are humans,” he whispered.

“Yeah…”

“At first, I thought… maybe they were trying to create a human out of an AI,” Wooyoung whispered, voice growing thick and dangerously unsteady. “But… everything Yeosang said to me…” There was a sound that could have been a gag or just a throat noise. “I think they were making AIs out of people,” he breathed.

Seonghwa felt his own surge of sick that he swallowed down, watching the readings across his console.

“We don’t know what the hell is happening,” he said, trying to sound calm, but he probably just came across as evasive. “We can’t worry about that until we’re somewhere safe.”

“If they’re coming after us, we can’t stay on our cruiser,” Wooyoung murmured distractedly. “They’re too easy to track.”

“In space, they are,” Seonghwa responded grimly. “If we land, we can shut them down enough they can’t track them.”

“You think there’s a planet safe enough?”

Seonghwa glanced around, splitting his attentions. “I can… I can see where fifteen kertz will take us, and we’ll look at the surrounding options, but we’ll have to land. We can’t outrun them for long.”

He kept one hand steering as he reached across, flicking in coordinates and scans.

Wooyoung chuckled bitterly. “It’s weird without them,” he murmured.

Seonghwa hummed absently, not trusting his voice to answer.

“Right now, the scariest part of it all is that fact that I can’t feel him,” Wooyoung said quietly, sounding uncertain. “Like… ever since I unhooked him, he’s just been… gone.”

Seonghwa hadn’t had enough presence of mind to take stock of his mind, to see whether it just felt like Hongjoong was quiet or felt gone completely.

And he pointedly did not perform that search.

“Area 2B4 and Geren,” Seonghwa read off the screen. “Those are our two closest options that aren’t entirely hostile.”

“Should we go to a hostile one, just to throw off the scent?” Wooyoung suggested seriously.

Seonghwa’s jaw tensed as he shook his head. “Until we figure out what’s going on and if they’re okay, we’ll head to a safe zone. If we need to move later, we’ll risk a more hostile environment. But we can’t protect them  _ and _ us right now.”

The cruiser fell into silence, the sound of whirring and engines running familiar and comforting, but… still empty without the voice directing him.

Seonghwa was anything but helpless without Hongjoong, but… having that presence constantly for three years made its absence stark and painful.

This was perhaps the first time Seonghwa had ever been within his cruiser without Hongjoong at his side.

Swallowing, he risked a glance back at the three of them.

Wooyoung’s face was set in concentration as he held onto both Yeosang and Hongjoong who were laid over his lap, his arms holding them from moving around in the travel.

Yeosang’s face was hidden, facing Wooyoung’s abdomen, but Hongjoong’s limp body faced Seonghwa- still unconscious, still ragged seeming, still nearly identical…

The lips, the eyes, the nose, even his ears….

He turned back around swiftly, shaking his head. He couldn’t think about anything but getting them to safety right now.

“Tell me what happened before we got to that lab,” Seonghwa said quietly, grip painfully tight. “From the beginning.”

There was a pause before Wooyoung sighed roughly. “You start,” he requested, which Seonghwa complied to.

The others knew he had sleepless nights, but no one ever knew about the repetitive nightmares or what they were about.

He stopped himself from instinctively checking the spot that his hologram always appeared on, trying to forget that Hongjoong was even a thing. He needed to focus.

Not think about the fact that it was possible his friend of three years was actually that body being held down by Wooyoung.

The thought of it made him too sick to even think.

~~~~~~~~~

Wooyoung’s arms were cramping from holding on so tight, but he refused to lessen them, feeling the tug and pull of the cruiser shifting with travel.

Usually, you escaped that sensation by strapping in. Clearly, that wasn’t an option at the moment. He tried not to think about how bruised he was going to be once they landed.

He also tried not to think about Seonghwa’s dark aura and white knuckles he could see on the steering column.

He also tried not to think about the bodies laying across his lap. How familiar they seemed, how fragile they left, and all the mysteries and questions that flew around his head so loudly, it was all he could hear was them slamming and banging into each other like gas particles created a higher and higher pressure until he felt like he might burst.

He could feel Yeosang and Hongjoong’s ribs clearly, their bodies light compared to Wooyoung’s, even if he could feel distinct muscle on their arms and legs…

Stained on his skin he hadn’t gotten a chance to clean, Wooyoung saw the dark liquid still stuck to his clothes, his skin… Yeosang’s skin.

Wooyoung was trying not to look at them, focused on keeping them steady to avoid making anything worse.

“Coming out of hyper,” Seonghwa’s voice came, flat and numb.

Wooyoung shifted his feet, unlocking them and instead bracing them against the bar, clenching around the two bodies harder as he braced himself. The cruiser slammed to a halt, jarring them forward, but Wooyoung grit his teeth, fingers digging into their skin to keep them in place, grunting in effort when their limp legs were unable to escape the momentum that dragged them forward.

Wooyoung released a breath of relief when the momentum stopped tugging, all three of them falling limp on the floor as the screen stopped showing stretched stars and just showed the galaxies surrounding them.

Seonghwa glanced back, tense, and Wooyoung merely gave him a shaking thumbs up, replacing his hand against Hongjoong immediately.

There was a small blip on the screen.

“ _ We’re here, guys, _ ” Yunho’s voice came in, and in the corner of the screen he could see his cruiser floating a distance away. “ _ What’s the plan? _ ”

“Everyone safe?” Seonghwa asked first.

“ _ Yeah, _ ” Jongho’s voice reported. “ _ We’re a little bruised up, but no worse for the wear. _ ”

“We need to get out of space in  _ Aurora’s _ territory,” he went on, voice firm and almost… angry. “Between the two planets, I think Geren is the best bet.”

There was a pause as Wooyoung slowly slipped his arms out from around the two of them, setting their bodies aside carefully and getting up on numb legs as he sat in the co-pilot seat.

“ _ Geren’s only got a few large colonies, _ ” Yunho reminded him, voice crackling. “ _ The rest of it is mostly jungle and forest. _ ”

“Places to hide, outside of immediate civilization but close enough to get help if needed…” Seonghwa gestured vaguely with his hand. “We can camp out in the forests near some smaller colonies, at least until we get our bearings.”

“ _ I think it sounds fine, _ ” Jongho replied immediately. “ _ Yunho? _ ”

There was a slight pause before a quiet sigh that sounded more determined than harried. “ _ Don’t see any reason why not. You’re right, we can’t hang out in the atmosphere.” _

Seonghwa pressed his lips together tightly. “Alright. Jongho, search for a good spot and send us the coordinates, alright?”

They had no reason to go hyper, so Wooyoung remained in the co-pilot seat, watching the screen and console relay information and statuses, his head constantly turning back to ensure their two… friends… were safe.

“We’ve got food rations stored in our cruisers,” Wooyoung murmured, more to himself than anything. “The cruiser’s computer should have any information we need on flora and fauna… The hulls can provide shelter, even if we don’t have them on completely… We have extra suits and survival kits already on board…”

He rested his chin in his hand, glancing to Seonghwa.

“It could be worse.”

Seonghwa’s shoulders were tense as he stared out the screen as Geren came into view. “You do realize we’re fugitives or something, right? Maybe worse. We just fucked with a top secret military operation.”

Wooyoung’s chest got uncomfortably tight as his eyes sharpened to a glare. “Are you saying we should have left them there?”

“Of course not,” Seonghwa said sharply, staring heatedly at him at the accusation. “But ‘it could be worse’ only really applies to the fact we’re not already in jail. Or worse.”

“We didn’t fuck with an operation, we freed people who were clearly being held there against their will,” Wooyoung said firmly, glaring harder as the gaping space in his head only became more obvious and prominent, making him feel off balance again. 

Yeosang was an annoying pain in the ass with no sense of humor or leniency, but he was someone who had been sharing Wooyoung’s headspace for over two years now, and even his silence made it feel like something large was suddenly missing.

Especially when the last thing he heard from Yeosang was screaming.

He stared at the dark inky stains from that liquid that had been feeding into Yeosang…

He felt fucking sick.

And most of all he felt fucking sick that he’d been part of an organization that had done this.

“Entering atmosphere,” Seonghwa murmured. “Taking it slow.”

For the sake of their unconscious companions, they took it easy as they eased through the atmosphere, a ping appearing on the screen with Jongho’s chosen coordinates.

According to the map that the screen brought up, it was fifty miles from a colony of 1200 or so, settled within the jungle terrain with a cave structure and small waterfall within the area.

“Funny,” Wooyoung murmured, just to break the silence. “If it was any other time, I might think we were lucky to take a vacation here.”

Seonghwa’s lip twitched, but it faded too quickly. “I don’t like anything about this,” he muttered.

“I think you’re pretty fucked in the head if you like anything about this,” Wooyoung assured him with a quiet scoff.

They sank lower and lower, until the tops of trees were visible- thick and tangled with vines…. A good hiding space, if nothing else.

“Are we going to be able to get through that foliage?” Wooyoung questioned, straightening, and laying his hands on the console in preparation.

“Just make sure we don’t lose any side boosters,” Seonghwa said, leaning forward. “We’ll try and keep this as smooth as possible.”

In the end, there’s no real way to get through that foliage, except going through it. The cruiser was meant to sustain the vacuum of space- it could handle breaking through some branches and leaves.

However, the sound of which was horrendous- the screeching metal that would be unharmed, but certainly sounded as if they were losing panels off their cruiser as branches tore by them. Wooyoung kept sharp eyes staring at the controls for the side boosters, ensuring they stayed loose enough to not get torn off-

As they broke through the final layer of tree layer, they expected a large area of clearing beneath them.

What they found was a cave outcropping.

Which their cruiser slammed into, full speed without time to slow themselves.

Wooyoung yelped as he eased the side boosters further. The impact, however, jarred them so violently, his body flew forward against the console, his shoulder slamming into the co-pilot steering column.

The cruiser lurched violently to the left, throwing Wooyoung from the chair.

Right. The safety belt he never bothered with.

His head slammed into the edge of the console, and he knew he at least hit the ground before blacking out so fast, it made his unconscious head spin.

If he got them killed because of a stupid mistake…

Well… there wasn’t much he could threaten. They were pretty much already living the worst hell they could.

~~~~~~~~~~

Wooyoung woke up to the sound of rain falling. A sound he hadn’t heard in… a long time.

He blinked slowly, his head pounding, and almost panicked for a minute because all he saw was black. After a moment, he realized there was something covering his eyes, his heavy arms lifting and pulling it off slowly.

Everything ached, but nothing compared to some crashes he had been involved in.

When he blinked this time, he could see a light grey stone a good distance above him, and a gentle light coming from somewhere, flickering and creating shadows that danced.

“All that shit talking about emergency landings… and you fuck up the one that matters?”

Wooyoung recognized Seonghwa’s voice instantly, groaning as he rolled over onto his elbows, hissing at the sharp pain in his head.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Seonghwa scolded gently. “You’ve got a bad bump just above your temple.”

Wooyoung stared at the rough ground of stone beneath him, wincing as his touched the side of his head gingerly, wincing even at the gentle touch to the tender skin over the knot on his head.

“How worrying is it that this is currently the part of my head that hurts the least?” Wooyoung groaned, carefully sitting up, ignoring the gentle spin that the world did.

“All of us are trying not to make the headaches worse,” Seonghwa assured him, sighing. “Yunho and Jongho didn’t get them until we unhooked…” He paused, sharp and long enough to be confliction. “After we unhooked San and Mingi.” The way he said their names was stilted, like a word you’d never heard before.

Wooyoung finally glanced around the area. By the floor and ceiling, he’d assumed they were in a cave, and he was correct.

They sat near the entrance, just far enough back to avoid the rain splattering against the ground outside. Between Wooyoung and Seonghwa was an emergency light turned down low, giving light to see by through the dark sky outside.

Behind Seonghwa was a pile of supplies from the cruisers- emergency first aid, camping equips, food rations….

Wooyoung turned to look deeper into the cave, which seemed to stretch forever into darkness, but logically he knew it should end a few feet past where he couldn’t see.

However, a few feet further into the cave, four bodies were lined up- foil blankets laid over them and rolled up bags supporting their heads.

Wooyoung’s stomach lurched as he pressed his lips together. “Where are Jongho and Yunho now?” he questioned, turning back to Seonghwa pointedly.

“Getting more supplies from the cruisers. We hid them in some of the thickest parts of the trees to give them the most coverage, about a quarter mile away.” He stared at the emergency light. “Close enough to walk… but far enough that we can avoid explaining them should something happen.”

Wooyoung sighed, dropping his head into his hands- both out of frustration and to ease the ache in his neck. “I can’t believe I fucked up-“

“I was kidding,” Seonghwa said, managing an exasperatedly fond half-smile that was tinted with the weight of their situation. “I should have scanned the area better to see the cave. The cruiser was unharmed aside from a few scratches, and everyone walked away.”

Wooyoung groaned, rubbing at his eyes.

“Here,” Seonghwa called, and then a lightweight material was hitting Wooyoung in the face, making him huff in annoyance as he tugged it off with a sharp glare.

He looked down at the suit in his arms. “How many do we have?” he questioned carefully.

“Each cruiser had three,” Seonghwa said, leaning against the cave wall. “We dressed… them,” he said, nodding to their unconscious companions. “Jongho was wearing his under his sleeping clothes like the maniac he is-“

Wooyoung managed a weak chuckle.

“And Yunho and I are fine with our sleeping clothes for now.”

“What about shoes?” Wooyoung questioned, staring at the fabric.

“Each cruiser only had one pair… Yunho put on his boots before following Jongho. So it’s three pairs between eight people, it seems…” Seonghwa’s eyes darkened. “We may have to make one, single trip to the colony and see if we can gather a few more emergency things. Only one, though.”

“We should wait until they wake up,” Wooyoung nodded towards the back of the cave. “They may need some sort of medicine.”

His stomach churned once more, making him glance back at them, sleeping peacefully, it seemed.

They had also looked peaceful while Yeosang was screaming in his head and they were hooked up to monster machines.

“Do you think… they’ll wake up on their own?” Wooyoung asked, unable to help the way his voice trembled at the end, making him swallow. “I- What if they’re… I don’t know… Stuck like this?”

“Like brain dead?” Seonghwa said bluntly, making Wooyoung flinch. He flexed his jaw apologetically. “It’s… hard to say,” he murmured, refusing to look back there. “We can try to wake them once we’re settled… we have a few medical supplies.”

Wooyoung stared bitterly at the stark Ateez symbol on the suit, setting it aside. “I’m fine in my clothes for now,” he murmured. “We can save it.”

Seonghwa hummed, showing he had heard. “They may just be under anesthesia or something else keeping them under,” he speculated. “They make wake on their own.” 

Wooyoung nodded, curling his knees to his chest. “This fucking sucks.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Seonghwa murmured, leaning his head back. “Until they wake up, we just have to keep them safe and hope that…” He paused. “We just have to hope things work out.”

Wooyoung was finding it increasingly difficult to believe that they could achieve that. It was hard to believe something like this could ever work out.

Because even if they understood everything, had everything laid out plainly for them… what then? What happened after they understood what was going on? Did they go back? Keep running? Turn someone in?

Where did all of this end? Where, exactly,  _ could _ it end?

The sound of wet slapping sounded from the entrance, and Wooyoung looked over sharply to see Yunho and Jongho racing through the rain, their arms full and stomping off their muddy boots.

Seonghwa and he both stood, backing away and letting the soaked pair enter the cave, panting and dripping wet as he quickly set down their burdens to keep them from getting damp from the excess water.

“Why didn’t you just wait at the cruisers until the rain stopped?” Wooyoung questioned as Yunho started ringing out his shirt near the entrance.

“It’s creepy as fuck out there,” Yunho excused, as if it were obvious. “And we didn’t want to split up for too long. The rain doesn’t look like it’s stopping anytime soon.”

Jongho, wearing his suit, was mostly dry save for his hair that he shook out. “We got everything from the cruisers,” he panted, wiping off his suit. “That’s the last of the water rations, and a few more camping equips- two sleeping bags and some pocket rations.”

“With just two people these rations could last a couple of months,” Yunho said, eyes scanning over their pile. “We could probably stretch it to a couple of weeks, if we’re careful with eight people.”

“That gives us time to research on what we can eat around here,” Seonghwa assuaged, inclining his head towards the deluge. “There’s a waterfall not far from here. There may be aquatic life there, at the very least.”

With that, they all fell silent, Yunho still ringing out his clothes. Wooyoung silently held out the suit to him, knowing it wouldn’t do well to just stand around in dripping clothes. Yunho took it, no one saying a word and staring at the emergency light in the center of them.

“We should rest,” Jongho finally murmured into the heavy quiet. “Someone can keep watch, but we should try and sleep a bit.”

“I’ll take first watch,” Seonghwa volunteered before anyone could think of anything to say in response. “There’s two sleeping bags- but Jongho and Wooyoung could share. You’re both small enough.”

Wooyoung managed a weak, disgusted smile. “I’d rather sleep in the rain, thanks.”

Jongho glared, making a mocking laughing expression. “Be careful, or I might make you sleep there just for fun.”

“I’m fine without a bag,” Yunho tried to volunteer-

“No,” Seonghwa broke in. “Those two can share. We’re not entirely sure how cold it will get with the rain and nightfall without having our cruisers taking readings.”

He gave Wooyoung a warning look, causing him to roll his eyes, allowing a small ounce of comfort from the familiar banter. “Fine. But if he bites me in his fucking sleep-“

“I’d strangle you before I bit you,” Jongho promised, his lips twitching as well as they grabbed the sleeping bags, shaking off the water from the protective plastic and laying them between the emergency light and the four unconscious people.

Somehow, Wooyoung was almost afraid to get close to them. As if they were corpses… some sort of ghosts or something…

But he shoved the feeling away, slipping in beside Jongho- both of them fitting without much trouble if they lay on their sides.

Seonghwa sat back against the cave wall, staring at the emergency light and eyes already a million miles away.

Wooyoung forced his mind not to focus on the others within the cave, instead just reciting the operations manual for the cruisers that they memorized, refusing to let his mind wander to anything that was happening.

It was infinitely different and useless, without Yeosang’s voice in his head correcting every misquote he recited. It took twice as long, but Wooyoung eventually fell asleep enough to stop thinking and start dreaming.

He dreamt of blackness. And… fear. As if his entire world had been condensed to nothing but black swamp and terror… He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe…

This must be what dying felt like.

The darkness turned icy cold.

Or he was already dead. Was he dead-

Wooyoung was torn from his shallow sleep by screaming.

~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa jumped when the screaming started, hitting his head against the stone cave wall hard enough to have him doubling over, clutching at the bruise with a curse as he got to his feet, head whipping around to try and find where it was coming from-

For a moment, he thought it was Wooyoung or Jongho or Yunho-

But beyond them, a body was sitting up, clutching at its head and writhing as it screamed as if it was being burned-

Seonghwa registered the voice as Hongjoong’s with a more painful force than the cave could ever inflict, his entire body seeming to glitch as he stared at Hongjoong sitting up.

Screaming.

He was still screaming.

Seonghwa bolted forward as he finally mentally slapped himself hard enough to stop just fucking  _ staring- _

Wooyoung shot up as Yunho and Jongho also stirred quickly, but Seonghwa leapt over them, his heart shooting to his throat as his entire mind seemed to scream at him to help, to stop him from screaming-

His stomach felt sick at the sound being audible, not just echoing inside his head.

Seonghwa fell to his knees beside Hongjoong’s body that was thrashing around, clutching at his head with nails that dug into his scalp hard enough that Seonghwa was afraid they’d bleed-

“Hongjoong!”

He grabbed his wrists, pulling his hands away from clawing at his scalp- Hongjoong fighting him with almost animalistic cries, as if Seonghwa was burning him, but Seonghwa held firm.

Hongjoong was weakened, but Seonghwa could feel strength in his desperation. It was useless, though, as Seonghwa pried his hands away and pinned them to Hongjoong’s thighs as his upper body continued to thrash, his teeth clenched-

He suddenly through his head back, his hair falling back enough for Seonghwa to see his face.

He expected to see his eyes clenched shut, caught in some night terror, but Hongjoong’s eyes were wide open.

Blank as canvases.

Staring, unseeing, at the cave ceiling, his mouth open as he breathed ragged and broken.

For a moment, Seonghwa wasn’t convinced they hadn’t just stolen corpses, his grip loosening in horror-

As Hongjoong tried to pull away again, Seonghwa redoubled his hold, gritting his teeth.

“ _ Hongjoong- _ “

Hongjoong thrashed again, his legs beginning to kick and twist-

The screams suddenly turned to cries, sobs that tore out in a desperate, hoarse sound that sounded as if it was being torn from his throat.

Seonghwa was jarred as Wooyoung was suddenly beside him.

“Hold his hands!” Seonghwa ordered over the crying, Wooyoung’s hands replacing Seonghwa’s over Hongjoong’s wrists, keeping them pinned.

Seonghwa’s hands immediately grabbed Hongjoong’s face, hands framing his cheeks firmly, his fingers wrapping around the sides of his skull to keep him in place-

“Hongjoong!” he yelled, forcing his head down to look Seonghwa in the eyes.

Hongjoong’s eyes were still glazed over, staring at Seonghwa but seeing a million miles away as tears fell from his wide eyes, his lips parting for another cry.

“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa pressed, gentler in the moment of silence between his screams, his hold on his head turning softer. “Hongjoong, you’re safe-“

A half-aborted sob left his lips, that tapered off quickly, as if his throat got caught, still streaming tears.

Seonghwa’s expression softened, pity and agony wrenching his heart as he hushed Hongjoong quietly, stroking his cheek gently because it was clear that Hongjoong wasn’t seeing him.

“You’re safe,” he whispered in the break of crying. “You’re right here with me… You’re out of there, Hongjoong- You’re safe here…”

Hongjoong’s expression pinched, going from a slack blankness to something twisted with agony.

“You’re okay,” Seonghwa murmured, eyes tracking Hongjoong’s face desperately. “We’re going to protect you, okay…?”

He almost looked like a blind man, staring as tears- now silent- dripped from his chin that trembled.

One of his arms began to tug at Wooyoung’s hold.

“Let it go,” Seonghwa whispered, never taking his eyes from Hongjoong’s as Wooyoung released one hand.

Blindly, the hand reached up, groping for Seonghwa as his tears fell faster, breath catching as his fingers bumped Seonghwa’s chest, pressing his palm against it quickly, as if he’d found a grounding point.

The hand dragged up his chest, reaching his neck and feeling up it in a way that made Seonghwa convinced that Hongjoong actually couldn’t see.

The hand finally rested against his cheek, shaking with the effort of lifting it, but soft fingertips traced around the back of his neck, feeling gingerly over the implant at the base. Seonghwa winced as a spark seemed to travel from it, but held still as Hongjoong swallowed.

“S-Seon- Seong- Seonghwa,” he whispered, his voice sounding like ancient paper cracking and crumbling into dust. Like a dry pail being dragged across concrete.

He spoke as if the word was a foreign one, as if he’d never spoke it before.

He never had, Seonghwa realized, his throat tightening.

“Yeah,” he croaked, reaching up and taking the hand away, holding it gently. “Yeah, Hongjoong, it’s me… You’re safe.”

Hongjoong began to shake, still staring with eyes that were as blank as a white sky. His entire body began to tremble, as if he was moments away from falling apart at the seams, his lips shaking as they parted as if to speak, but not sound came out.

It was almost like watching someone drown out of water.

His breathing picked up, his chest beginning to heave in desperate, short pants-

“S-Seongh- Seonghwa-“

“Yeah,” he whispered, chest tightening painfully.

“I-I’m-m- I’m al-live?” he breathed, chest stuttering and voice in danger of tearing apart from his raspy whisper.

Seonghwa’s eyes suddenly flooded with tears that didn’t fall as he swallowed the needle in his throat, his heart feeling like it was being torn in two.

“Yes,” he whispered thickly, squeezing Hongjoong’s hand. “Yes, you’re alive. And you’re safe, I promise-“

“Th-The oth- others?” Hongjoong whispered brokenly, more tears falling down his gaunt cheeks.

“They’re safe, too,” Seonghwa promised shakily. “You’re safe. We’re far, far away from there…” He swallowed what felt like a stone in his throat.

And for a moment… he felt ashamed that he had questioned whether this body was Hongjoong or not.

Hongjoong stopped speaking, his cries returning, but quieter in small sobs that came as soft of breathing, a weak hand squeezing Seonghwa’s.

For a moment… Seonghwa didn’t know what to do. He simply stared, helpless and aching, as Hongjoong cried near-silently, but with enough noise that couldn’t be kept quiet escaping his trembling lips.

He didn’t know whether to release Hongjoong, embrace him, lay him down…

He just stared, expression delicate and broken.

Suddenly, Hongjoong’s head fell forward as his cries fell silence.

Seonghwa’s breath caught as he stopped Hongjoong falling with hands braced against his chest, his body slumped forward. Seonghwa was terrified for a moment, but as he and Wooyoung quickly laid Hongjoong back down, his face was peaceful once more.

Seonghwa’s chest unlocked, however, when he realized that Hongjoong’s chest was rising at a more normal pace, compared to the too-slow beat he had been breathing before.

He pressed a gentle hand to his pulse point at his neck and found it rapidly slowing back down.

“Did he pass out?” Wooyoung murmured.

When Seonghwa glanced at him, his eyes were misty.

“I think so… I hope so,” Seonghwa corrected, wetting his lips.

“Hyung…”

He glanced back at Jongho holding one of the medical kits, staring inside with uncertain eyes. “There’s a vitals scanner,” he said, holding up the little rectangular blue square. “Should we take some scans?”

Relief flooded Seonghwa as he held his hand out quickly. “That would be a great help,” he said, silently cursing himself for not going through the med kits earlier. 

But Seonghwa shook his head, turning on the scanner and watching the instructions for use scrolling by as he tapped the buttons needed, swallowing another round of bile in his throat.

Had Hongjoong meant “alive”… as in having survived? Or… that he was alive at all?

Seonghwa passed the scanner over Hongjoong slowly, watching the little projected grid of blue light forming over his skin, Seonghwa lingering over his head, watching the little loading symbol swirl in the corner.

There was a faint beep as Seonghwa peered at the screen- Wooyoung and Jongho also crowding to see.

“Dehydrated,” Seonghwa murmured. “Malnourished… slightly atrophied… All three are at non-threatening and manageable levels.”

“His mental scans?” Yunho asked from behind them.

Seonghwa clicked a few buttons, going through charts about his weight to height, the chemicals in his blood, until he reached the brain scans.

Seonghwa wasn’t an expert on reading brain scans, but he knew they weren’t supposed to look like  _ that. _

“All over the place,” Seonghwa murmured, a stone in his chest. “Half of his brain is aware, the over half is not… spaces almost look hyperactive, and others are…” His jaw clenched. “They’re almost bordering on brain dead.”

Seonghwa saw- the occipital lobe’s scan showing up as mostly shut down. So Hongjoong really couldn’t see at all…

“What the fuck were they doing to them?” Jongho whispered, haunted as a shiver ran down his spine.

“What’s in his system?” Wooyoung demanded, leaning closer. “They were feeding that dark shit into Yeosang-“

Seonghwa clicked back a few, his palms feeling clammy. Some normal stuff,” he murmured, scrolling down until his eyes widened. “A shit ton of anesthetics and paralytics… and other things that look concerning,” he breathed, stomach twisting. “Nutrient packs, saline solutions, muscle proteins, vitamin solutions-“

“Everything you’d need to keep a body alive,” Wooyoung muttered, voice so dark and angry that even Seonghwa was taken aback by it.

“What the fuck?” Yunho whispered hoarsely as Seonghwa moved over to San laying beside Hongjoong, feeling ready to vomit at any second as his hands shook taking the scans.

“He looks similar,” Seonghwa reported, flicking through the screen rapidly. “Not as intense, though. He’s still under the anesthetics, but it looks like they’re being worked out of his system. None of his scans look… quite so brain dead.”

Yunho was pale staring at him as Seonghwa took another scan of Mingi, who was closer to San- his scans mostly intact, save for the anesthetics and paralytics coursing through him.

Seonghwa scanned Yeosang, feeling Wooyoung staring over his shoulder as he waited for the readings to show up.

He couldn’t help the scanner tumbling out of his numb fingers.

“What?” Wooyoung demanded, snatching the scanner before Seonghwa could even gather himself enough to grab it back.

Seonghwa turned to Wooyoung, his chest suddenly hollow as Wooyoung’s eyes widened, lips parting in horror.

“What?” Jongho demanded, moving closer.

“He’s…” Wooyoung stared blankly, hands trembling violently.

“Almost completely brain dead,” Seonghwa said roughly, throat sticking as he glared at the scanner, as if it was its fault. “There’s barely anything but basic brain functions… keeping him alive. Everything else is dark.”

“ _ This,” _ Wooyoung hissed, angry tears gathering in his eyes as he shoved the scanner in Seonghwa’s face. “ _ This _ is the shit they were feeding into him.”

There was an… alarmingly high percentage of some compound that they all shared.

Yeosang’s reading showed nearly three times the amount of Hongjoong’s. Mingi and Jongho barely had any.

But there was one compound in his blood- a long chemical formula full of things that Seonghwa didn’t understand- that none of the others had. That dark liquid Wooyoung had torn out… Seonghwa had no idea what it was. 

But he most certainly knew that it wasn’t supposed to be in the human body.

“Those fucking  _ bastards _ were just-“

Wooyoung’s voice broke, his knuckles white around the scanner that he dropped it onto the ground with a clatter, nails digging crescents in his palms as he grit his teeth.

“Is there… some way we can flush it?” Yunho questioned shakily. “A way to reverse the effects? Can’t we heal it-“

Seonghwa picked up the scanner, scrolling through each page shakily as Wooyoung struck the ground with an angry fist, sucking in a breath that was too unsteady.

He peered at the scans, at the chemicals, at the different charts taking up screen after screen…

“It might… wear off,” Seonghwa murmured, staring at the scans. Wooyoung’s head snapped up, but Seonghwa turned the scanner onto Hongjoong, taking one more scan and tapping a few more buttons. “Look at Hongjoong’s two scans,” he said, showing the scanner to Wooyoung firmly.

The two graphs showed side by side as Wooyoung stared at it, wiping tears quickly.

“It’s only been a few minutes, but look at the numbers- parts of his brain dead sections are already showing more activity.”

Wooyoung swallowed thickly. “You think… Yeosang’s will heal?” he demanded.

“If Hongjoong’s is already healing, we might be able to assume that Yeosang’s will, too. Slowly,” Seonghwa assured him. “But Yeosang has that weird other chemical… I don’t know if that one can be flushed out.”

Wooyoung clenched his jaw, but nodded slowly. “Those sick fucks.”

No one had an argument for that.

Seonghwa set the scanner aside stiffly, breathing shallowly as he tried not to panic or throw up or run away… there were a lot of things he wanted to do aside from sit here.

“Not brain dead.”

All of them turned to Yunho who had picked up the scanner, staring intently.

“What?” Seonghwa asked thickly.

“They’re not brain dead,” Yunho said quickly, turning the scanner to them. “This compound here-“ He pointed to the compound that all of them shared, the one Yeosang had alarming amounts of. “-it’s a mental suppressant. It doesn’t kill those areas, it just blocks them from being active.”

“Why the fuck would you make something like that?” Wooyoung demanded angrily, fists clenching.

“It was used in surgeries a lot,” Yunho said, tapping the scanner intently. “And I’m pretty sure that…it’s never administered in such high quantities. I only recognize it because it sort of rhymes when you say it out loud,” he reasoned when everyone stared at him. 

“Why do you know it at all?” Jongho questioned as Seonghwa took the scanner again.

“San was telling about some of the newer medical procedures that had been going on,” Yunho said, shrugging largely. “He talked about a lot of common ones, and why these new ones were special. He talked about that drug.” He pointed to the scanner.

“You were just casually talking about medical procedures?” Wooyoung questioned, though he looked a little pale with relief.

“I always asked him about random stuff to learn about.” Yunho frowned. “Didn’t you ask Yeosang about random stuff?”

Wooyoung snorted, the sound empty and heavy. “Yeosang was always a bit too busy finding new ways to call me a little bitch. I mostly just annoyed him.” 

Almost unconsciously, Wooyoung’s eyes flickered over to his body, the barely-there light heartedness sinking into somber darkness.

“Do you recognize that last chemical?” Wooyoung questioned intently. “The one they were pumping into him?”

Yunho’s lips pressed together. “No, not that one…Sorry…”

He winced, and Wooyoung’s expression darkened, jaw tightening.

“But that surgery drug,” Jongho said carefully, glancing around uncertainly. “If it’s just a drug that kept them in active, it should get flushed out of their system, right?”

All of Seonghwa’s logic agreed with that, but there was always a chance….

He still felt a knot in his chest. None of them were trained in anything more than emergency first aid. Chemicals and poisons…

If this ended up being something worse than a problem that would fix itself… they may not be able to do anything in time. 

Silence fell over them once more, heavier than ever before.

No one was strong enough to break it. And no one suggested they try to sleep again.

The rain had stopped, Seonghwa noticed, staring out in the pitch blackness of night that turned a sort of ashy grey of dawn.

Jongho was fiddling with the scanner, scrolling through again and again, the gentle clicking off the buttons making Seonghwa a bit on edge, but he wouldn’t dare tell him to stop.

It wasn’t until the full light of morning had pierced through the trees that Seonghwa finally managed to shake the fog from his brain, blinking his tired eyes hard as he swallowed the thickness of not having spoken all night.

“We should start surveying the area,” he said, clearing his throat roughly. “Let’s start looking for fresh food now, and save the rations for if we fail. We can check the waterfall, see if it’s drinkable, and look for vegetation around here. Stay away from wildlife for now-“

“Yeah, we all got the same survival training.”

Everyone turned to Wooyoung who flinched, lowering his head immediately, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, voice thick in a way that had Seonghwa feeling nothing but pity.

Seonghwa nodded, patting Wooyoung’s shoulder gently, the other tensing as Seonghwa withdrew the touch. “We’re traveling in pairs,” he said firmly. “Don’t leave each other alone. Suit communicators should still be working, but you never know what the core of this planet is going to do to them. Just stay safe.”

They all nodded, though Wooyoung refused to meet Seonghwa’s eyes.

Seonghwa sighed quietly. “Yunho, Jongho- are you okay with checking out the waterfall? At the very least, see if it’s good for bathing.”

They both nodded readily, casting Wooyoung worried glances as they grabbed the two pairs of boots they had claimed.

“We’ll keep sending out a ping as we’re going,” Jongho assured Seonghwa. “Just to make sure we’re staying within range.”

Seonghwa inclined his head as the two of them left with a soft, mocking salute that managed to lift Seonghwa’s soul just a bit.

He was left alone with Wooyoung, who still wasn’t looking at him, but Seonghwa managed a soft smile. “You can take the boots,” he offered, grabbing one of the bags that had held the foil blankets. “We’ll see if we can’t find some things to take back to the cruisers to scan.”

Wooyoung didn’t fight him- slipping on the boots and grabbing his own bag. They exited the cave into the damp morning- most of the puddles having already dried, sucked into the earth.

They kept close to the cave- unwilling to leave their four companions defenseless and alone- until the others returned and they could travel to the cruiser.

Seonghwa bent over, careful in his bare feel to avoid cutting himself on anything, but most of the floor was soft dirt, leaves, and a few stones. He glanced up, seeing only little rays of sunshine piercing through the canopy. Surprisingly, the jungle was quiet, save for the singing of bugs and the cries of a few birds.

Perhaps they were still too close to the colony to expect many animals.

“I’m sorry.”

Seonghwa paused where he was digging up a leafy plant, glancing over where Wooyoung was searching a tree for nuts or fruit, focused on his work but his expression dark.

Seonghwa managed an understanding half-smile. “No one is exactly happy under these circumstances,” he assuaged, placing the leaves in his bag. “And we’re all scared about what’s going to happen.”

“Yeah, but you don’t see anyone else biting heads off,” Wooyoung muttered, kicking at the dirt and moving on. “It’s not an excuse to be an asshole.”

“No, it’s not an excuse,” Seonghwa allowed, scanning the ground carefully. “But it does explain why.”

Wooyoung scoffed, eyes still dark and closed off.

Seonghwa had been wondering why Wooyoung, out of all of them, seemed the most effected by it all. Moving into action, demanding they help, knowing what to do, being overly worried without even knowing what was happening…

“Hongjoong was acting weird,” Seonghwa said, voice soft and casual. He saw Wooyoung glance over. “I had that nightmare… and he was curled up… he seemed terrified. But he was silent. He didn’t make much noise, and I could barely get him to speak to me. And when he did, it sounded like almost nonsense.”

Wooyoung stopped walking, staring at Seonghwa, as if trying to decide where he was going with this.

Seonghwa found a few round berries (maybe seeds?) attacked to some vines growing around a tree, taking a few.

“You…” He paused, turning back to Wooyoung, staring him in the eye. “You said that Yeosang was screaming. Telling you that someone was going to hurt him. Telling you what to do. Terrified beyond comprehension.” 

Wooyoung’s expression only got more tense, as if he was bracing himself for a blow.

“That’s a lot to hear,” Seonghwa assured him quietly. “That’s a lot to shoulder, regardless of who told you it. Your friend was telling you they were going to die, and you don’t know what’s wrong with him right now, or if he’s going to make it.”

Wooyoung’s fist slowly curled at his side, expression split between anger and fear carefully hidden away.

“So, it’s not an invitation to snap at me,” Seonghwa said, offering a soothing smile. “But I get it. It’s all so fucked up. And I get it.”

Because suddenly, Seonghwa was grateful that his fear was limited to Hongjoong’s silence, rather than the screams.

If he had been trying to comprehend that whole scene in the lab…while hearing those screams he had heard last night… He would have absolutely gone insane.

Wooyoung swallowed, something loosening in his jaw. “Okay,” he replied quietly, voice thick.

Seonghwa nodded. “So, let’s try and grab a few more-“

A flicker of movement caught his attention, and he turned swiftly back to the cave entrance to ensure no animal was about to get into their things-

He froze, eyes widening as Wooyoung spun around too, both of them freezing.

At the mouth of the cave, Hongjoong stood on shaking legs, leaning heavily against the stone, staring out into the small clearing.

He stared at Seonghwa with eyes exhausted and raw, but intent.

There was no blindness there.

For a moment, Seonghwa’s breath was stolen, his body immobile as he stared at him once more.

It was just so jarring.

Because it was so much like him, but he was human. With a body- full sized and not just a little pocket figure that hovered around Seonghwa like a loyal bird.

Finally, when Hongjoong opened his mouth, trying to take another step forward, Seonghwa snapped out of his shock, rushing forward.

“Hongjoong-“

“Y-You-“ He stammered, pushing off of the cave wall with intent eyes as Seonghwa dropped his bag to catch him when he stumbled.

“You’re awake?” Seonghwa asked, the obvious question falling on deaf ears as Hongjoong clung to him and lifted his eyes that stared at Seonghwa.

There was something… almost innocent mixed with the raw horror there.

“You- You’re h-him-“

Seonghwa frowned, but nodded. “I’m Seonghwa.”

Hongjoong’s eyes fell behind him to Wooyoung, staring wide. “You…”

“Come on,” Seonghwa guided, taking Hongjoong’s elbows to guide him back. “Let’s go sit down. We can get you some water and food-“

Hongjoong walked like a fawn on new legs, eyes moving rapidly, but not filled with much fear. They held something more like disbelief.

“W-Where are we?” Hongjoong asked, that same dust dried voice.

“On Geren,” Seonghwa explained calmly, hearing Wooyoung following quickly. “It’s far, far away from the  _ Aurora _ .”

Hongjoong was silent, staring at the cave as he swallowed.

“Does anything hurt?” Seonghwa asked as they stepped onto the stone flooring. “Any limbs? Your head?”

Hongjoong’s mouth moved, but nothing came out as Seonghwa helped him sit against the wall of the cave gingerly, kneeling down beside him as Wooyoung grabbed a bottle of ration water, passing it to Seonghwa.

“The scanner said you’re dehydrated,” Seonghwa explained quietly, holding the bottle. “Can you drink some of this?”

Hongjoong stared at Seonghwa for a moment before nodding numbly, grabbing the bottle with weak fingers that almost let it slip through.

Seonghwa caught it, smiling quietly. “It’s okay, I’ll help you…”

Hongjoong kept his hands on the bottle, but Seonghwa kept it steady as he drank slowly, in small sips until he had drunk half the bottle.

Hongjoong pushed it away when he was finished, head dropping and breathing heavily for a moment. Seonghwa waited carefully, glancing at Wooyoung. “Tell Yunho and Jongho he’s awake,” he murmured as Wooyoung nodded, grabbing the extra suit they had.

“Th- They’re here…” Hongjoong mumbled under his breath.

“Who?” Seonghwa asked, frowning as his heart continued to try and suffocate him.

“All of th-them,” he whispered, looking up at Seonghwa with eyes shining with more tears. He turned his head jerkily, staring at the three others still wrapped in blankets. “Y-You got them a-all.”

Hongjoong spoke like someone trying to relearn how to speak. 

“Yes,” Seonghwa assured him firmly, despite his confusion beginning to bubble. “Yes, you’re all safe.”

“You h-heard me,” Hongjoong whispered hoarsely, still staring at the others, tears gathering. “You finally… saw.”

Seonghwa’s chest lurched violently. “The nightmares?” he asked, voice shaking.

Hongjoong’s expression warped, pinching in pain and regret a million emotions Seonghwa would never have the experience to understand as the tears spilled over, his lips trembling.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” Hongjoong breathed, voice breaking as he still just stared. “I- I couldn’t th-think of- of how else to t-tell you-“

“That was you?” Seonghwa demanded, insistent but so very careful to be gentle.

Hongjoong nodded slowly, taking a shuddered breath as he cried.

“The nightmares I’ve been having since I joined,” he pressed firmly. “Those were you? What you were seeing and feeling? You were trying to tell me what they were doing to you?”

He nodded again, expression shattered as he finally looked at Seonghwa with so many tears that Seonghwa was sure he didn’t have the hydration to spare.

Seonghwa was finding it particularly hard to breathe as he stared at Hongjoong. “All of you?” he whispered numbly. “You were… our AI?”

A shaky nod.

“But you were humans,” he breathed, blood turning to ice.

Hongjoong nodded again, rapid and desperate, as if scared that Seonghwa wouldn’t believe him as he repeated the motion over and over, until Seonghwa laid a hand on his knees, afraid he might hurt himself.

He pressed the water into his hand again, helping him drink through his choked breaths that eventually lessened as he drank deeper, some of it spilling down the sides of his mouth.

“It’s okay,” Seonghwa kept whispering as he drank, one hand resting on his knee. “It’s okay- You’re never going back there.”

When the bottle was empty, Hongjoong stared at it for a long moment… then stared at the others… then back at Seonghwa.

“Th-Thank you…”

He nodded slowly. “Three years… You were there for three years?” he whispered hoarsely.

Hongjoong swallowed painfully. “F-Four,” he rasped weakly. “He-“

He suddenly gagged, doubling over as Seonghwa caught his chest, startled as he placed a palm between his shoulder blades gently.

“Just breathe,” Seonghwa soothed, rubbing his back gently as Hongjoong curled over his knees, fingers curled into weak fists that shook with either pain, anger, or helplessness. “Just breathe… We can talk later, after you’re… more grounded.”

He began to cry again, back shuddering beneath Seonghwa’s touch that he kept there.

“Yunho and Jongho are on their way back,” Wooyoung whispered, squatting beside Seonghwa, gazing at Hongjoong sadly. “Should he eat?”

Seonghwa nodded slowly, taking the ration bar that Wooyoung handed him, pressing it into Hongjoong’s palm. “Eat this when you can,” he murmured comfortingly, Hongjoong sitting up partially and staring at the bar.

Slowly, he unwrapped it, continuing to cry as took a tiny bite from the end.

“Wait,” Wooyoung said suddenly, eyes wide. “If- If they’ve been living off of IV drips for years, should he be eating solids?”

Seonghwa turned to Hongjoong, half-prepared to slap the bar from his hands, but Hongjoong was already shaking his head slowly.

“N-No,” he whispered shakily, taking another nibble. “’s fine… You’d b-be surprise what th-they can give you to keep you b-body functions normal…”

Muscle proteins… to keep them from becoming atrophied. Nutrients to keep them alive, but without any solid food, it would be hard for them not to lose the weight that showed their gaunt cheeks and ribs.

Why couldn’t there be a chemical you could pump into someone to keep their stomachs working, even without solid food?

To Seonghwa, it sounded like a sick torture technique.

They fell silent as Hongjoong continued to take tiny bites of the bar, his tears eventually running dry as Seonghwa got him to drink another half bottle by the time Jongho and Yunho came running up to the cave entrance.

They both froze, staring at Hongjoong curled against the wall, watching them as well, eyes knowing but reserved.

Jongho stepped back into the cave, eyes wide. “You’re awake-“

He suddenly stumbled, crying out as he clutched at the back of his neck, nearly falling to his knees as Yunho managed to catch him. Seonghwa leapt up-

Another body shot into a sitting position near the back of the cave.

Seeing Yunho holding onto Jongho, Seonghwa stumbled to his feet, racing to the back of the cave as Mingi’s head snapped towards the others, eyes wide-

Seonghwa froze, realizing that Mingi was staring directly at him, not blind.

The other thing… was the utter lack of fear in his eyes.

“S-Sorry,” he stammered, half-bowing towards Seonghwa. “Is… Is the test run done already?”

Somehow… that sent a chill down Seonghwa’s spine as he stared at Mingi in shock.

Mingi stared at him innocently before frowning. “W-Wait…” He stared harder at Seonghwa, confused before glancing back at the others laying beside him… and then to Jongho still getting to his feet, clutching his head painfully.

Hongjoong was staring at them, but Mingi stared at Jongho, eyes widening.

“W-Wait, no-“ He shook his head, hands coming up to hold it. “No, it- it’s-“

“Mingi,” Seonghwa said calmly, walking towards him slowly once more. “Mingi, you’re safe.”

“But- But, it- How long has it been?” Mingi demanded, looking up at Seonghwa as if he was staring at a ghost. Seonghwa swallowed. “ _ How long?” _ he demanded, flickering between Seonghwa and Jongho getting to his feet.

“I’m not sure how long you were there,” Seonghwa replied honestly, voice smooth and even as he knelt in front of him, hands held out nonthreateningly. “But you’ve been acting as Jongho’s AI for over six months now…”

Mingi swallowed loudly, lips parting as he turned to Jongho, staring blankly. “B-But they- they said it was just a quick…” He trailed off, a shaking hand running through his ragged hair. “It was supposed to a week,” he breathed shakily.

“I know,” Seonghwa said, without really knowing. “But you’re safe now. You’re far, far away from those people.”

Mingi stared at him, something in his finally clearing in recognition. “Holy shit… Seonghwa…”

He nodded slowly. “That’s right. We’re all here. Hongjoong already woke up, over there… Jongho, Yunho, Wooyoung… We’re all here. San and Yeosang are right beside you.”

Mingi spent the next few minutes staring at each person, trying to wrap his mind around it.

“S-Six months?” he kept asking, as if the answer might change, no matter how many times Seonghwa nodded regretfully.

Finally, he grew quiet, turning introspective, as if trying to figure out where six months had gone.

“Do you r-remember being Jongho’s AI?” Hongjoong asked, voice weak, but managing to reach the back of the cave.

Mingi jumped, but frowned, thinking so hard it looked painful. “I-“

He glanced up, finding Jongho staring at him stoically, but with an undeniable fear clinging to his eyes.

“I don’t know,” he said finally, swallowing. “I- I remember everyone, but I can’t… I can’t think where six months went-“

“The me-memories will come,” Hongjoong assured him, sound so sure of himself, despite the tremor in his voice. “The m-mental suppressants will finish wearing off.”

“You know about that?” Yunho asked gently, expression tense and frightened.

Hongjoong nodded shakily, slowly pulling his knees up against his chest, eyes turning distant. “I kn-know about it all,” he murmured. “About e-everything they did to us… What th-they fed us, hooked us u-up to… All of it.”

“You can explain later,” Seonghwa said firmly, not wanting any of this to… hurt them? Scare them? Strain them?

It was a little late for all of that.

“S-San should wake next,” Hongjoong said, voice fluctuating between stronger from use and papery. “He and Mingi w-weren’t exposed to it for long. Not as much in their s-systems.”

“How did you wake first?” Yunho questioned gently. “There was a shit ton of that stuff in your system.”

Hongjoong swallowed, looking like he was moments from throwing up. “Call it… t-tolerance,” he murmured. “M-My body got used to flushing i-it out, that’s w-why I had so m-much.”

“What about Yeosang?” Wooyoung demanded, a touch too harsh, but he winced, correcting his tone to something calmer. “He… The scans were showing him as practically brain dead! And he had some other shit in his head-”

Anger turned to distress as Hongjoong gazed at him, strangely impassive before turning to Yeosang quietly.

“Yeosang… w-was a fighter,” he whispered, arms tightening around his legs. “He had h-higher doses than me. M-More drastic compounds and chemicals were use to- to control him.”

Wooyoung turned to him as well, looking pale as he stared at him. “He’ll still be okay, right?” he demanded, quieter.

Hongjoong was silent, making even Seonghwa’s blood freeze.

“Th-They gave us mental s-suppressors,” he explained, looking haunted. “To keep from b-breaking free of the machine and becoming a-aware. They shut down the p-parts of you that got rowdy.”

He swallowed, looking ill, and Seonghwa was on the verge of telling him to save it for another time.

“Yeosang… just k-kept breaking through the s-suppressants. They had him h-heavily suppressed, but they were… they were tired of- of having to up to d-dosage-“

“They were trying to turn him actually brain dead.”

Everyone turned to Wooyoung, his expression stormy as he stared at Hongjoong. “He kept getting over the suppressants,” he said darkly, Hongjoong’s expression softening with pity. “That’s the dark shit they were pumping into him. They were trying to  _ actually _ turn him brain dead, not just suppress him.”

Seonghwa couldn’t believe he was fucking hearing this.

He couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

This had to be some extension of his nightmare.

Hongjoong’s… nightmares. His reality.

“The more… b-brain activity,” Hongjoong whispered hoarsely, “the more… realistic a-and emotive the AI.” His jaw twitched. “They w-were going to tr-trade realism for o-obedience.”

Seonghwa turned to look at Wooyoung in time to see him storming from the cave, heavy steps and clenched fists at his side as he left before anyone else cold say a thing.

“I’ll… make sure he’s safe,” Yunho whispered, leaving after him as Seonghwa stared around the cave.

“This is… fucking insane,” he said, pressing his heels of his palms against his eyes. “J-Jongho, some water and food for Mingi.”

“Yeah,” he murmured in response, getting his things.

Seonghwa took several breaths, trying not to panic over the onslaught of information, emotions, horrors-

“Your b-breathing exercises still s-suck.”

Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong sharply, half expecting to find him smiling at him, but he simply staring at Seonghwa with knowing and understanding in his sad eyes.

Hongjoong’s expression was smooth as he swallowed. “You don’t have to feel g-guilty over us,” he whispered, with too much understanding to be comfortable.

Seonghwa stiffened, straightening. “I’m not-“

“I’m n-not hooked up to a m-machine anymore,” Hongjoong whispered thickly, “but our i-implants are still connected.”

Seonghwa’s hand instinctively covered it, eyes widening as his heart stopped. “You- You’re still in my head?”

Hongjoong wet his lips, slowly lifting a hand to cover his own implant shakily. “Not as… intimately,” he murmured, “but… it’s s-still there. To an ext-tent.”

“Is that what the fuck I felt when Mingi woke up?” Jongho asked, helping Mingi drink as he looked over his shoulder.

Hongjoong inclined his head slowly. “There’s… some m-malfunctioning signals,” he explained. “It’s n-not perfect anymore without the machines, but s-still there.”

This was fucking insane.

Seonghwa swallowed his insanity. “Are you still hungry?” he asked Hongjoong, grabbing another ration pack as Hongjoong nodded slowly.

Seonghwa knelt beside him, handing it to him and helping him open it.

“You’re unsettled by m-me…”

Seonghwa didn’t look up, keeping still. “I’m not,” he said quietly. “I’m just used to you being a foot tall and red.”

There was a rough noise that might have been a cough or a laugh. “Th-that’s what being unsettled is.”

Seonghwa’s jaw worked tensely as he finally looked up, staring Hongjoong directly in the eye. “They were all… actually you?” he asked. “Your personalities, your-“

“It was o-our brains feeding into your AI,” he cut in, voice turning weak for a moment before he coughed roughly. “S-Some aspects of personality may have ch-changed, but they were us. We have those memories of the AI. I-It  _ was _ me that traveled with you for th-three years, Seonghwa. I remember it.”

Somehow, the thought of it made Seonghwa want to cry. 

He could hear Jongho talking to Mingi quietly- unable to make out their conversation. He might have been explaining the last six months of their life…

He was vaguely aware of Wooyoung entering the cave again with Yunho, but he simply sat at the entrance with his back turned and knees drawn up as he glared out into the clearing. Yunho was staring at the back, at San still laying on the ground.

“So… Mingi and San are less affected because they haven’t been here as long…” he murmured, more to himself than anything. “Yunho and Jongho have been here six months…” He pressed his lips together. “Mingi said it was supposed to be a week…” He glanced at Hongjoong whose fragile expression turned grim.

Seonghwa wanted to ask him what the hell was going on. But he held back, knowing that it could wait, now that they were safe.

“Th-There’s not much ab-about everything that’s not f-fucked up,” Hongjoong murmured, a shiver running through him violently enough that his entire body shook.

“Are you cold?” Seonghwa asked gently, reaching for the abandoned foil blanket, but Hongjoong shook his head, the action jerky.

“N-No, it’s… the r-restart process,” he murmured, rubbing at his eyes. “M-My brain is trying to relearn the functions it h-hasn’t used in f-four years. It’ll f-fade soon. Same with t-the returning memories.”

Seonghwa was no neurosurgeon. But he knew that the thought of it all made him sick.

Hongjoong suddenly twitched, another shudder running through him as his shook his head like a bird preening its feathers before staring at Seonghwa with a nearly alarming coherency after his quiet sobriety.

“Do you have h-hydration injections?” he demanded, voice dusty.

Seonghwa frowned, but nodded. “In the med kits. We only have two, so we didn’t use them. None of you were that severely dehydrated.”

“G-Give one to Yeosang,” he said, pointing with a shaking hand. “It will h-help flush his system faster.”

Seonghwa had only just nodded before Wooyoung had turned the moment Yeosang’s name was mentioned, getting to his feet and digging out the med kit with an intent darkness on his face as he popped it open, grabbing the injection gun and a vial colored a cool blue.

Without a word, Seonghwa watched him march over to Yeosang, dropping down beside him as suddenly hesitated, hand hovering over Yeosang’s unconscious form without touching. 

Seonghwa was about to offer to do it for him, but Wooyoung swallowed, something in his expression softening ever so slightly as he gently tilted Yeosang’s head to the side, placing the injection gun to his neck carefully.

A gentle hiss later, Wooyoung set his head back to a comfortable position, withdrawing and setting the injection aside. He stared at Yeosang for a moment before sitting back on the floor, leaning against the side of the cave.

Seonghwa’s lips pressed together firmly. “Do you know if he’ll be okay or not?” he asked Hongjoong seriously.

Hongjoong looked just as somber as Wooyoung, staring at Yeosang. “It depends on w-when they began injecting the deadening solution-“

“Twelve minutes.”

They all looked at Wooyoung, who didn’t look up from Yeosang.

“Yeosang said they had him hooked up to it for twelve minutes.”

Hongjoong’s lips pressed together tightly. “Then it shouldn’t have h-had enough t-time to cause real damage. We’ll know o-once he wakes up.”

Wooyoung grim expression only grew darker.

Seonghwa wished there was a way to comfort or reassure him, but until they had evidence things were going to be okay… there wasn’t much else to do but sit in somber silence.

“You can sleep,” Jongho told Mingi, sitting back on his heels. Seonghwa glanced over and saw Mingi’s eyes dropping as he rubbed at them. “Nothing is going to happen. You can rest as much as you want.”

Mingi slowly lowered his hands, hesitant and looking conflicted as he stared at the makeshift pillow like one might stare at a straight jacket.

“It’s s-safe.”

Mingi glanced over at Hongjoong, who offered him a tight smile, though it reached his eyes in a gentle glow.

“We’re gone from th-there,” Hongjoong comforted. “You can sleep. You’ll w-wake up right here.”

Mingi continued to sit for a moment, conflicted as he glanced around the cave, as if memorizing something about it. He swallowed thickly, glancing at Jongho who nodded encouragingly.

Silently, he laid back down shakily, as if he wasn’t entire sure how to do it, tugging the blanket up over him and closing his eyes.

“Are you going to sleep too?” Yunho inquired at Hongjoong, pensive and severe.

Hongjoong shook his head slowly, staring at Mingi quietly. “N-No… I couldn’t sleep n-now if I tried…”

“Did you know them?” Seonghwa asked, glancing between Hongjoong’s quiet gaze and Mingi’s deep breathing. “The others?”

Something in Hongjoong’s expression pinched for a moment before releasing. He shook his head slowly. “I knew them as w-well as any of you did,” he murmured numbly. “I never met them in p-person, but…I remember all the com-communications we had while being y-your AI.”

“Do you-“

The moment Yunho cried out, doubling over with his hands clasped over his neck, Seonghwa’s head jerked around to see San bolting up, his hands wrapped around the back of his neck with white knuckles.

Jongho was closest- grabbing San’s hands and pulling them away before he could hurt himself, everyone’s heart rates spiking as Wooyoung also got up to help.

For a moment, Seonghwa felt like he’d gone deaf- everything passing in a buzzing haze that was muted, like blood roaring in his ears.

He stared, watching Jongho and Wooyoung sitting before San who was staring at them with eyes wild but coherent as he looked between them, then at Yunho who was slowly getting up, looking winded.

Wooyoung gestured at people, his lips moving, but all of it sounding like static to Seonghwa as his fingertips went numb, his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth.

All of them were so lost…

People robbed of their lives, clearly being held either against their will or under some sort of false pretense, and they were just  _ here. _

They were here, and they had been a part of them just hours ago. People who had lived in their heads and knew them better than anyone-

And they were  _ here _ \- so disoriented by just being  _ alive- _

A strong grip suddenly appeared around his wrist.

“ _ Seonghwa. _ ”

He jumped, jerking his arm away, but the grip remained as his eyes snapped over to Hongjoong who was suddenly beside him, one hand holding on and the other extended out placatingly.

“Just breathe, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong murmured calmly, rubbing small circles on the inside of his wrist, his eyes staring at Seonghwa with too much understanding. “Everyone is safe right now.”

He was breathing, the sound finally reaching his ears again as he looked over at San, staring pale faced and frightened at Yunho, who had made his way over at some point.

“We- We’re-“ San looked over at Yunho, eyes wide.

Yunho nodded slowly. “You’re safe.” 

San’s eyes brimmed with tears as Jongho stood to get him food and water, and Seonghwa shook his head to clear it of the ringing.

“Do you want to s-step outside?” Hongjoong asked, getting to his own legs shakily, making Seonghwa forget his inner turmoil to catch him if he fell, but Hongjoong just grabbed his other hand, holding it gently.

Seonghwa stared at their hands, tongue numb.

“Come step outside f-for a moment,” Hongjoong urged, tugging at Seonghwa gingerly.

Seonghwa stood, and he wasn’t sure if it was an unconscious compliance with Hongjoong’s voice or just an innate knowledge that he needed some air.

Outside the cave, there were several large stones that had fallen away from the outcropping. Hongjoong began helping Seonghwa sit, but he pulled his hands away, holding them to himself as he sat on the rock on his own.

Hongjoong stared at him with sad eyes as he leaned against one beside Seonghwa, waiting as Seonghwa breathed in the warm outside air for several moments of collecting himself.

“You don’t have to f-feel guilty about us, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong murmured gently.

Seonghwa almost wanted to snap at Hongjoong to stop poking around his head.

But he didn’t. Because it was Hongjoong.

Human body or not… this was the same person Seonghwa had trusted for years. Knowing what Seonghwa was thinking was part of his job.

Or his prison.

“Seonghwa.”

There was something stern and disapproving in his tone, and when Seonghwa glanced at him, Hongjoong was staring at him with something akin to heartbreak.

“You did not p-put us there, Seonghwa,” he whispered hoarsely. “And no part of the hell we went through… included y-you.”

“The only reason you ever knew me was because they did this to you,” Seonghwa replied, feeling as if he was seconds from throwing up, gesturing back to the cave. “That ‘connection’ you have with me only exists because of those fucking monsters-“

“You don’t think you made it more bearable?” Hongjoong demanded weakly, eyes misty. “You don’t think that a kind face is enough to make everything else worth it?”

“You-“

“Who got us out?” Hongjoong questioned, gesturing sharply to the others within the cave. “We were  _ helpless, _ Seonghwa,” he hissed hoarsely. “I was  _ conscious  _ and aware, I  _ knew _ what was happening to us, and the only thing I could manage was a few nightmares that didn’t even make sense-“

Seonghwa stared, heart tight enough to break in his chest, as he realized Hongjoong had stopped stuttering as he glared at Seonghwa desperately.

“Mingi and San didn’t even realize things were happening that weren’t supposed to be,” he hissed desperately. “Yeosang was getting drugged more and more- and we couldn’t do a  _ damn _ thing to stop it, until we finally got desperate enough for our minds to send out a signal stronger than vague hints-“

His voice broke, causing him to double over slightly, coughing weakly into his hands. Seonghwa reached for him, but Hongjoong lifted his face with eyes that were equal parts teary and fiery.

“We short circuited our own  _ brains _ to try and get out of there, but we  _ still _ couldn’t have done a thing without you,” Hongjoong said thickly, coughing once more before straightening. “Maybe you were involved in all of this, but it was unknowingly, and you became a part of it that made it bearable, Seonghwa,” he hissed firmly. “You- of  _ all _ the people involved in this- do not need to feel guilt for us.”

Seonghwa wanted to.

He wanted to give in to the thing tearing at his heart that told him he had standing in the middle of a monster’s lair, and he’d done nothing.

He’d been the prison that Hongjoong existed in, worthwhile or not.

“You were always crying,” Seonghwa said numbly, tongue heavy as he stared at Hongjoong’s thin face. “In those… nightmares. You were always crying or screaming-“

“Seonghwa, listen to me,” Hongjoong whispered, finally reaching out and laying a hand on his knee weakly. “You  _ saved _ us. The moment you could, you saved us. Don’t feel guilty about that.”

“You were  _ screaming, _ Hongjoong- That was  _ you- _ “

Hongjoong’s expression tightened, and Seonghwa almost regretted bringing it up, but then he was squeezing his knee gently. “I can’t lie to you and say that it was fine,” he whispered hoarsely. “But… believe me when I tell you, Seonghwa… that none of it was your  _ fault. _ ”

“Just because it wasn’t my fault doesn’t mean it’s okay,” he pressed, glaring at his own helplessness. “You were trying to reach out to me for  _ years- _ “

“Then it’s my fault for not being strong enough to reach you,” Hongjoong said bluntly, eyes pleading. “It’s my fault for only managing something so vague-“

“Hongjoong, stop it,” Seonghwa breathed, shaking his head sharply. “That’s ridiculous-“

“It’s not your  _ fault, _ Seonghwa,” he hissed, a tinge of anger beginning to color his soft tone.

It was still hard to breathe, but Seonghwa didn’t get much of a chance to keep trying before Jongho appeared at the mouth of the cave, expression grim.

“San wants to… talk to Hongjoong,” he said, glancing at the two of them. “He says he can’t remember a lot.”

Hongjoong threw one more knowing, pleading glance at Seonghwa before standing, removing his hand. Seonghwa stood with him as Hongjoong nodded in understanding. “It’s normal, just like with Mingi. Yunho can fill him in, too.”

“He told him about things,” Jongho assured him. “It’s not jogging like it did for Mingi.”

Within the cave, they all sat around San who was staring at nothing, expression terse with effort. Mingi’s eyes were open, but he was faced away from them, towards the mouth of the cave.

“San,” Hongjoong said, kneeling in front of him in the space between Wooyoung and Yunho. “It’s normal that you don’t remember-“

“They said Mingi remembered,” San fought, taking a shaking breath as his eyes focused on Hongjoong, wide and scared. “B-But he keeps saying all this, and I don’t remember any of it-“

“You remember who we are?” Hongjoong asked, as serious and level-toned as a doctor diagnosing a patient.

San nodded quickly, glancing around, before nodding once more. “I remember.”

“But not what we did together?”

“S-Some of it,” San said firmly. “I know… the concept, but I can’t remember anything specific-“

“It’ll come,” Hongjoong soothed, laying a hand on his leg beneath the blanket. “Don’t worry. You were exposed a little longer than Mingi. Your system is still cleaning itself, but it’ll come with time. Probably within the day, alright? They’re not gone forever.”

San held his breath, but nodded quickly, looking relieved beneath the fear.

Yunho’s shoulders also fell in relief as he breathed out, eyes misty as he rubbed at them.

“Why didn’t you forget?” Jongho asked Hongjoong carefully, squatting down and frowning at him gently. “You remembered everything, didn’t you?”

Hongjoong nodded, still patting San’s leg comfortingly. “I was more conscious than them,” he murmured quietly. “Not under less suppressants, but my mind was able to be kept closer to consciousness than theirs, which were shut down almost completely under anesthetics.”

He frowned, as if trying to find the right description.

“I was… unconscious, but aware. My systems were shut down, but I knew what was happening. The parts of my brain they shut down weren’t those related to my awareness.”

“Why weren’t you under so many?” Wooyoung questioned, voice respectfully somber and quiet.

“I was… well behaved,” Hongjoong said carefully, voice soft. “Intentionally,” he added quickly. “It’s why I was able to influence Seonghwa’s subconscious so much. They kept me at a minimal sedation, so my brain was able to do more consciously than others, like Yeosang’s was. I was… subtler, though.”

“What was Yeosang doing?” Wooyoung demanded, losing a bit of the respectful sobriety as he sat up more, expression tense. “He didn’t do anything until that night-“

“Like, I said, Yeosang was… overactive,” he said, voice turning heavier as his expression pinched with something too dark to be regret. “They had him fully sedated, and they kept suppressing more and more of his brain… but his mind was stronger than they ever anticipated, and he kept breaking through in ways. Remembering things, realizing things… Even under suppression he was never fully unconscious.”

“How?” Yunho murmured, stricken and pale.

“All those updates he needed? The glitching?” Hongjoong murmured, glancing up at Wooyoung. “All of those were his mind getting too active for the program, waking up too much. You’d send him in for the update, and they’d suppress him further.”

Wooyoung didn’t move, staring at Hongjoong in barely contained horror and guilt.

“You… You mentioned that the more un-suppressed you were… the more realistic and emotive the AI,” Seonghwa said quietly, throat burning with bile. “Was that… why Yeosang was like that? More… robotic than the rest of you?”

Hongjoong winced, but nodded slowly. “Yeah… From the beginning, they knew he’d have to be one without much going through. They didn’t anticipate how active his mind was. Recently… they were talking about how he had been acting up again… and it was the final straw. They decided to just kill off everything but what they needed for the program’s minimal operation, to see if that would stop his glitching.”

The cave seemed to drop ten degrees.

“What… How would they… even explain that to us?” Jongho whispered, horrified.

“If it continued to fail, they would have… removed Yeosang’s unit from the program. Said something about a bug or virus in his program, and probably… promise to just get you a new one.”

Wooyoung looked on the verge of either breaking down or punching through the stone walls, his expression pale and distraught.

“Yeosang… panicked. He was aware enough to know what was happening,” Hongjoong murmured. “I did, too. And we were both able to send out… call it an S.O.S message,” he whispered. “One final burst… We basically fried ourselves doing it, but… it worked, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, except Yeosang may not be okay.”

Hongjoong turned calm, heavy eyes on Wooyoung, whose eyes were filled with angry, frustrated tears. “None of you are guilty,” he said quietly, making Wooyoung’s fist clench. “No matter how much you may think you were accomplices… you were as unwilling as we were. You were also betrayed.”

“Yeah, but we got cool robots, not fucking human experimentation out of the deal,” Wooyoung snapped, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand roughly.

“Regardless,” Hongjoong said gently, “when Yeosang wakes up- and he  _ will _ wake up- he won’t blame you either.” 

Wooyoung scoffed, rolling his eyes as tears ran down his cheek angrily. “You underestimate how much Yeosang thinks I’m a little bitch,” he muttered, turning away, ending his conversation. 

Seonghwa almost disputed him, but Wooyoung drew his knees up, curling into a ball of spiky, turbulent emotions.

“He’s right…”

San winced as everyone looked at him.

“H-Hongjoong, that is,” he corrected quickly. “We’d been insane to b-blame you for… for rescuing us from something I…” He shook his head numbly. “I didn’t even know I needed rescuing from. I- I remember it now, but while operating… I just thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.”

“I was told I’d be under for a week,” Mingi murmured, voice rough with sleep and disuse. “And suddenly six months of my life are gone… But I don’t blame any of you,” he said, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. “I… remember having fun, despite everything. Working with and knowing… all of you.”

Jongho was staring at Mingi with damp eyes, Yunho turning away and wiping at his eyes.

“The Ateez program was always going to be about deception,” Hongjoong muttered, scooting back against the cave wall and pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes. “It was… originally about studying humans so closely compared to machines that we could just copy and paste what we saw from human to machine.”

He chuckled bitterly, shaking his head and hiding most of his expression.

“But then, I guess… he decided that it would be better to just see if we can shove the human mind into a machine, but of course the human mind has to be connected to a body to work, so let’s just put some people under and see what the fuck we can do and still keep them functioning.”

His voice sounded so… bitter. So twisted, for a moment, Seonghwa was scared that something very, very wrong was about to happen.

“You… sure know a lot about the operation,” Jongho murmured, expression heavy and sympathetic. “How did you… find out about all this stuff?”

Hongjoong laughed again, lowering his hands and staring at them with eyes that were… almost a little crazed, but also impossibly dulled.

“Of course, I know all about it,” he murmured, voice calm. “Dr. Kim is my father.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!!  
> I’m sorry for all the cliffhangers and for Yeosang not being awake yet- but it’s all coming, I promise!!! ㅠㅠㅠ 
> 
> I’m trying hard to keep a consistent upload schedule! Hopefully I can keep it up! 
> 
> Thank you for all your love, lovelies! It really means more than you know! 
> 
> Have an amazing day, and please let me know what you thought of this oneㅠㅠ 
> 
> -SS


	3. What Makes Us Afraid?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we’re back early again!!   
> Thank you everyone for such amazing responses to this fic! I’m so so excited to show you everything!! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter, as uneventfulish as it is lol~ But please let me know what you think, lovelies!! 
> 
> I hope you’re all safe and healthy!!   
> -SS

Wooyoung’s mouth fell open as an ashy taste filled his tongue.

But if Wooyoung felt sick, Seonghwa looked ready to pass out as his eyes widened, staring at Hongjoong, stricken.

“Your father?” Seonghwa whispered, voice croaky and rough with disbelief.

Hongjoong nodded calmly, collected, but Wooyoung could see all the little parts of his expression that were begging to shatter into dust.

“Yep,” Hongjoong breathed, his voice turning thick. “I was his first…  _ volunteer _ .”

“He did that to his own fucking kid?” Jongho demanded, heavy sobriety exchanged for fiery anger.

“If someone is willing to do stuff like this to anyone… your kid isn’t much more of a stretch,” Hongjoong muttered, staring at his nails numbly. “I always used to help with his experiments. And when he posed to me the idea of using me as a basis for an AI… I was completely on board. He’d been working on it for months… I was even excited to help.”

Hongjoong’s chin trembled, but he stilled it resolutely.

“I went down on the table, hooked up to a machine… and I woke up for the first time in this cave,” he managed thickly, dropping his hands into his lap. “But that first year I was down… It was all scans and data. I was almost completely conscious for it all. And I heard…  _ everything _ ,” he muttered, fingers curling tightly. “All about his plan and what was happening… How much easier it would be to start from a template, rather than from scratch.”

“He didn’t create an AI at all!” Yunho fought, glaring. “He’s been marketing it as this breakthrough technology!”

Hongjoong nodded slowly, expression numb but so, so angry. “The whole point of it… was to see what it would take to connect a transmitting machine to just the necessary parts of the brain, without having the pesky parts of a human getting in the way.”

“That’s not artificial intelligence,” Jongho muttered, fist clenching on his knee. “That’s fucking inhumane.”

Hongjoong hummed numbly. “The processing of a machine with the decision making of a human. That’s that he created.” 

“How did no one notice?” Seonghwa demanded weakly, face pale. “Not even among those on  _ Aurora _ -“ He turned to Mingi. “You said you were supposed to be gone a week- how did no one notice you being gone for six months? And Yeosang- he was gone for nearly three  _ years. _ ”

Mingi was still laying down, curling his knees up towards his chest slightly, staring at the ground. “He… marketed it as being a volunteer test subject, in return for college education and housing. My family was never going to be able to afford it otherwise, so I went. The trial was only supposed to be a week, but… the whole program was for four years. They told my family contact would be hard to maintain…”

“Same for me,” San muttered, scratching at the rock floor. “But, I mean… my family and I were fighting at the time, so I don’t think they’d even bother trying to keep in communication. They probably forgot me the moment I left.” He wet his lips. “They said I was the first volunteer they’d had in a while who would… be perfect for the role.” 

Seonghwa jaw clenched, the absolute sickening sensation of helplessness making him want to fucking scream.

Targeting and accepting people who wouldn’t be missed. 

His anger existed over  _ everything _ . From their lives, to the lies, to the suffering they went through, to the scars that they now carried because of what that fucking monster decided to do- all for a fucking scientific shortcut.

A scientific lie. 

Hongjoong’s father…

“I’m not entirely sure,” Hongjoong murmured, staring at his knees, “but I’m pretty sure I heard something about some orphan kid getting picked as a volunteer… That might be Yeosang.”

“So he purposefully picked people who wouldn’t be missed,” San said heavily, glancing up. “That’s fucked up.” His jaw tightened, stricken. “I didn’t even know what the hell was happening.”

“No one did,” Yunho assured him quickly, expression somber. “And it’s no one’s fault but those fucking bastards who orchestrated this whole thing. You were victims.”

“So were all of you,” Hongjoong said seriously, looking up and staring at them with a sober expression, but eyes that were sharp with conviction. “You were lied to, and you were put in the middle of a crime you didn’t know was happening. You were manipulated, too.”

“It’s-“

“It’s not different,” Hongjoong said, voice turning sharper as he glared at Seonghwa, cutting him off. “It’s not. So stop trying to act as if it is. Do you think it’ll help anything- the fact that you feel guilty for something that wasn’t your fault?” he accused. “Will blaming yourself heal us? Will it help tear down the people that did this to us?”

Seonghwa felt as if he had just been slapped across the face, eyes widening as Hongjoong glared.

“I didn’t live solely for the continuation of knowing you, just for you to try and put yourself on the same level as the person who strapped me down and told me it wouldn’t hurt a bit,” he said, voice dark and angry as his fists clenched weakly. “I didn’t make you the sole reason to keep surviving that hell for you to act as if you were the one who put me there,  _ got it _ ?” he snapped. 

Seonghwa couldn’t breathe.

He just stared at Hongjoong, lips parted, heart aching, and unable to think of a single thing to say.

Hongjoong didn’t look away. Didn’t soften his gaze. Didn’t offer anything of comfort after the verbal lashing.

And Seonghwa couldn’t bring himself to either look away or say something back. And more guilt… a different guilt… clung to the back of his throat.

“We can… talk more about it later,” Yunho said quietly, hands held out to diffuse the tension that had appeared. “For now, let’s… let’s just let everyone rest. You’re still healing.”

Hongjoong finally looked away, facing falling into a tired sobriety. “Yeah,” he murmured, bringing hands up to rub at his eyes. “I… I could sleep now.”

“Here,” Wooyoung said quickly, standing and grabbing the two sleeping bags from the corner. “They’ll be more comfortable than just sleeping on the floor. “Hongjoong and San could probably share one, if you don’t mind being a little cramped…”

“I’m fine without it,” San said, gesturing deeper into the cave. “Give one to Yeosang.”

“I’ll help you get him in,” Mingi volunteered, getting to his knees- a bit shaky, but firm enough to make it over to Yeosang.

Once more… Wooyoung hesitated, as if approaching Yeosang was a visible wall he had to surmount. But he gave one sleeping bag to Hongjoong and went to help get Yeosang into the other.

Seonghwa chewed his lip viciously, looking at Hongjoong who was staring at the sleeping bag, running his hands over the smooth plastic idly.

“I’m going to take the plant samples to the cruisers,” Seonghwa said finally, getting to his feet. “Who’s coming with me?”

Jongho and Yunho hesitated for a split second- both of them glancing at Mingi and San, as if they were afraid to leave them for a minute.

“I can go alone,” Seonghwa assured them, expression softening in understanding. “It’s only a quarter mile away-“

“No,” Yunho said quickly, getting up. “We should stick together. I’ll come.”

Seonghwa almost insisted, but it was very much a good idea for them to stick together, instead of going off alone. Even if he understood the desire to stay by their side. 

“We’ll be back,” he told the others. “All of you should rest as much as you can. If we can take care of the plants fast enough, we’ll stop by the waterfall, too, and check it out.”

“Be careful,” Wooyoung said, glancing up where he was tucking the bag around Yeosang. “Don’t do anything Seonghwa would do.”

Seonghwa glared, but once more the banter only lifted a slight weight from his chest, making his lips lift slightly. It wasn’t the time to joke, but somber silence wasn’t helping either, so… 

“Don’t be an idiot while we’re gone,” he said, lips twitching heavily. “Jongho’s in charge.”

“What?” Wooyoung demanded, face scandalized as Jongho grinned mutely. “That’s bullshit!”

“Just make sure nothing happens,” Seonghwa said firmly, still able to support the half-smile as he turned.

“Take my boots,” Jongho said quickly, kicking his off and tossing them to Seonghwa, who had completely forgotten he was barefoot. He accepted them graciously.

As they exited the cave, he took one more glance back, and found Hongjoong’s heavy eyes on him, watching him go like you might watch a loved one head off to war. 

He looked away quickly, but Seonghwa saw him.

And his heart clenched regardless.

The jungle was warm and humid, but not unbearable. Seonghwa and Yunho walked in silence, carrying their bags and adding to them with anything that seemed edible.

“Hyung…” Yunho finally said, when they weren’t far off from the cruiser. “I know… We don’t know anything, but… What exactly are we going to do?” He turned to Seonghwa with eyes trusting and lost. “Like… even after we figure everything out… What? Do we go to the authorities? Will they even be able to do anything? What will they do with San and the others?”

Seonghwa closed his eyes for a moment as he took a deep breath, trying not to let panic consume him again.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly, picking up the pace unconsciously. “I don’t know anything right now. Until further notice, we focus on staying alive and hidden. Everything else is secondary.”

Just stay alive. That was the first mission. 

There was a pause before Yunho hummed quietly. “Right… Sorry. I’m just-“

“We’re all confused and scared and angry,” Seonghwa comforted gently, offering Yunho a tight smile. “But for now… we have to be all those things, and also alive.”

The lost look in his eyes faded slightly as they hardened. “Right,” he said with more conviction, a more familiar expression than the hopeless sobriety. Like they were back on solid ground, in mission-mode. “We can do that.”

They could do that.

At least, Seonghwa hoped they could.

Honestly, he was just as helpless and confused about that outcome as anything else.

~~~~~~~~~

The next day and a half were spent… suffocatingly.

Their three new friends spent most of their time sleeping- their bodies hard at work to flush their systems, according to Hongjoong- only waking up every few hours to drink more water and eat.

The pilots spent their time working around them. No one was ever left alone, so their time was split between guarding the others and trying to gather more supplies.

A scan from the cruiser gave them an idea of a few plants that were safe to consume, and Seonghwa ensured that everyone knew exactly which ones were okayed for consumption.

A trip down to the waterfall revealed that the area was- first of all- absolutely gorgeous with boulders lining the shore and the flowers that hung over the small lagoon at the bottom, and second of all, safe for drinking after a bit of filtration.

They got lucky in their location. It gave Seonghwa a reason to breathe.

They gathered firewood and kindling, and while they had no pots for cooking, most of the nuts, berries, and greens that they gathered were pretty good. Not much different from earth vegetables, even if the two root vegetables they found were pretty hard without cooking.

They busied themselves with these tasks, and everyone very pointedly avoided all conversation about Hongjoong, the others, the past, and their involvement with the shit that was going on. For now, they just focused on regaining strength. 

They avoided certain conversation topics like the plague, and tried to build a temporary bubble of ignorance because thinking about it wasn’t going to help anyone.

But… even if the conversations were never said aloud… didn’t mean that they stopped thinking about it at all.

Wooyoung, for one, couldn’t get any of it out of his head.

From the disgust that someone’s father would do that to their own child, to the horror of trying to imagine waking up and missing months of your life… to the sickness in his stomach and the migraine behind his eyes that refused to leave and only got worse the longer he sat beside Yeosang.

Maybe thinking about it didn’t help, but it was impossible to not be turning these things over and over in his mind when he was faced with these victims for hours and hours.

Staring at Yeosang’s peacefully unconscious face was a whole new brand of guilt. 

But looking away brought an even worse pain to his chest. 

By the evening of the second day, the three others were more awake and coherent.

While they ate nuts and greens, no one spoke about anything other than the surrounding area they had found themselves in.

“There’s a waterfall,” Yunho told them, excited but calm enough not to make Wooyoung’s headache worse. “We have a good enough filtration system for water that we can drink it, but it’s also good for bathing, since it’s so warm out here.”

“Bathing?” Mingi asked, glancing up from his leaves with semi-wide eyes.

“Can we take a bath?” San requested a bit desperately, setting his plate aside quickly with pleading eyes. “I didn’t feel it until you mentioned it, but I feel disgusting right now.”

It was clear that some sort of care had been given to their bodies while they were unconscious- their nails clipped and their hair cut, despite its currently excessive length. But it was probably miserable to be sitting there without anything but maybe a sponge bath for months. 

Yunho glanced at Seonghwa expectantly.

Seonghwa chewed his lip for a moment, staring at their little crackling fire at the mouth of the cave. “It’s a bit of a walk… but if you feel up to it, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“We carried them through a ship, I don’t see why we couldn’t carry them through a jungle, if need be,” Jongho said bluntly, making Mingi snicker quietly.

“We can all go,” Yunho assured them, smiling genuinely. “I’ve been feeling dirty, too. I haven’t done more than wash my hands for the past few days.”

Wooyoung saw Hongjoong glance up from his plate, back at Yeosang with a somber expression.

“I’ll stay and look after Yeosang,” Wooyoung said without Hongjoong needing to say anything. He stared at his greens, picking at them idly. “I’ll go another day, if I want to.”

“Do you want someone else to stay with you?” Seonghwa asked seriously.

But Wooyoung just shrugged. “We’re staying in one place… And you guys won’t be gone for long. We’ve gone a good amount of time without anyone showing up. I think as long as we’re not traveling alone, we’ll be fine.”

He could see the concern in Seonghwa’s eyes, but Wooyoung just grinned- not quite as bright as normal, but still real.

“What- you think I can’t take out anyone who comes around?” he challenged.

Something in Seonghwa’s shoulders unbunched. “I’m saying that we don’t have many weapons aside from flares and a taser, and that Jongho wiped the floor with you during our last training session.”

“Yeah, I did,” Jongho murmured, grinning when Wooyoung glared.

“Yeah, well, Jongho’s a bitch,” Wooyoung said, huffing. “And anyone who comes around here isn’t going to be people like us. At best, I’ll have to fight off this planet’s version of a bear or something.”

“ _ That  _ would be cool,” Yunho said firmly, glancing around to see who agreed.

“The likelihood of something going wrong while being stationary is low,” Hongjoong said quietly, staring at the fire with distant eyes. “He should be fine on his own.”

Wooyoung didn’t miss how Seonghwa’s almost-smile faded as he glanced at Hongjoong, something heavy and worried and a million other Seonghwa emotions gathered in his eyes, even if he said nothing.

Sometimes, he wondered if Seonghwa thought he was subtle. 

Wooyoung could tell that Seonghwa was wanting to say  _ something  _ to Hongjoong. But he wasn’t quite sure what it was, or why he was hesitating.

But then again… there wasn’t much to be said about it all.

Wooyoung considered confronting Hongjoong about… everything. His father, his involvement- because it was clear that Hongjoong had not walked away from it unscathed, and Wooyoung couldn’t imagine living with all this knowledge, consciously, for four years.

But once again… there wasn’t much to be said that hadn’t already been said.

The next morning, the others left, and Wooyoung was left alone with Yeosang inside the cave.

Wooyoung wouldn’t call the feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach “depression,” but it was… a heavy, sickening sensation that wouldn’t go away- one that had begun the first moment he woke up to Yeosang screaming.

There was a dirty, restless feeling in Wooyoung’s blood, and as much as he was afraid to even let Yeosang leave his sight, there was part of him screaming to just run and never stop.

All those “upgrades”… 

Every time he made of Yeosang for sounding like a robot, telling him to get the stick out of his ass, rolling his eyes when Yeosang just stared at him like he was an unimpressive idiot… All of it in good fun, but… 

This shit was going on in the background.

And it didn’t matter if Wooyoung didn’t blame himself the same way he blamed those monsters, there was still an ugly feeling clinging to his skin at the thought that he had handed Yeosang over to them again and again while they were slowly killing him.

And Yeosang couldn’t say a thing.

There was still that sensation, in the back of his mind- that fear that had traveled over from Yeosang… when he thought he was going to die. That chill hadn’t left Wooyoung from the moment it began.

Wooyoung felt… like something inside of him was breaking apart- being slowly torn down by every horror that was revealed to them that they were ignorant to for years.

Wooyoung had been doing this to Yeosang for  _ years. _

It didn’t take a fucking genius to figure out that Wooyoung didn’t hate Yeosang. He wasn’t even  _ annoyed  _ by him.

Yeosang was just Yeosang. Someone easy to mess with, and someone that fought back at Wooyoung while calling it a logical debate. And Wooyoung liked him just as much as any of the others had liked their AIs.

Because Yeosang had been inside Wooyoung’s head.

And Yeosang knew every insecurity and hesitation that had ever passed through Wooyoung’s head. 

They’d  _ talked  _ about them. He knew about every part of Wooyoung’s life that he’d run from, and he knew about every part that he regretted.

And if Yeosang were truly an asshole… those insecurities would have been the first thing out of his mouth when arguing with Wooyoung.

But Yeosang had never even brought them up unless they were safely tucked away in Wooyoung’s room, hidden away from any ears or eyes that may try and catch a peak at the carefully hidden hesitations.

His skills, his once-new status within Ateez, his every mess up and scolding…

Every time he’d cried silently into his pillow the first month away from home. Every time he’d let the demons in his head get a little too loud… 

The fact that every time Wooyoung loudly complained about the climbing wall, everyone brushing it off as him being mad because he always scored poorly…but Yeosang knew that inside his head, Wooyoung was ready to throw up at the prospect of going up that high- a stupid, irrational fear that Wooyoung couldn’t shake, no matter how many times he climbed the terrifying fixture.

Yeosang never once used them against Wooyoung.

Had never even made fun of them in private. They were only ever talked about with a cold, critical sobriety that Wooyoung had first found enraging, and then, comforting. 

He wet his lips slowly, curled over his knees as he stared at Yeosang’s peacefully sleeping face. 

It was eerie… seeing him as a person. Technically, with all of them it was weird, but Yeosang was  _ his.  _ This body was the same machine that Wooyoung had locked all his secrets up in. 

Yeosang was the one who  _ knew  _ Wooyoung.

And Yeosang was the one that Wooyoung had grown to trust an almost alarming amount.

And after seeing him in grainy, lavender holograms, it was eerie to stare at a human face with pale skin, cheeks pink- everything in striking detail, from his lashes to his hair curling around his ears…

Wooyoung noticed, for the first time, a little smudge of pink by his eye, almost like a birthmark.

His eyes burned.

He wasn’t sure if that little detail simply hadn’t been included in the projection, or maybe Wooyoung had just never noticed… but it just added another layer of sick to his stomach. Who knew how many things had just been… left out, all those years. 

All the different parts of him that Wooyoung truly never knew… 

Wooyoung trailed down the lump that was the sleeping bag Yeosang was tucked inside of, one of his arms resting outside of it.

His skin was fair, and his hands were almost dainty… long, thin fingers and a slim palm.

The lax expression of sleep was one that he’d never seen on Yeosang before. He’d seem utter emotionlessness, indifference, uncaring, unimpressed…

He’d never seen Yeosang look peaceful- hair falling in his face and lips parted as he breathed quietly…

The last expression he’d seen had been one of terror and pleading, tears and horror etched into his skin- 

Wooyoung stood suddenly, taking a sharp breath as his cramped legs straightened. 

There was another urge to just run. But he shook it off, tearing his eyes away from Yeosang and moving to the mouth of the cave, staring out into the now afternoon sun, just breathing some fresh air frantically.

He wondered how long the others would stay gone… He supposed Hongjoong and the others would want to spend a bit of free time away.

God knew they deserved it.

Wooyoung settled on one of the warm boulders outside the cave, one knee drawn up and his forehead resting against it as the warm, humid air surrounded him in a gentle breeze. He felt tired, despite sleeping like a rock these past couple of nights they’d been camping out.

However, just because he hadn’t woken up in the night, didn’t mean he was exactly sleeping well.

He wouldn’t call it… nightmares, per se. He didn’t remember actually dreaming anything, but he’d spent his nights feeling as if the black void of sleep…  _ was _ his dream.

Like he was trapped in some dark prison, a linger sense of danger and anxiety making it hard to breathe.

He tried not to think so hard on it. 

It was probably just the closed in space of the cave getting to him. (He knew that it wasn’t.) 

Being out here, in the afternoon, allowed him to take an easier breath, curling over his knees just for a moment of not having to hold himself up.

It was calm out here with the gentle breeze, quiet cry of aviation wildlife, and the rustle of leaves singing a song. Soft and peaceful. Almost mockingly so-

A sharp, stabbing pain tore through the base of Wooyoung’s head without warning, causing him to flinch so hard, he slammed his head into his knee as his hands leapt up, clamping over his implant vicious as an unbidden cry left his lips-

But even in that pain, he knew what it likely meant, and he forced himself to his feet, one eye clenched shut as he grit his teeth, having to force his legs to move back towards the cave because everyone else had had these pains.

Wooyoung barely made it to the mouth of the cave before freezing, head still throbbing violently.

Yeosang was standing, looking equal parts lost and frantic as he looked around the cave, bracing one hand against the rough rock wall as his legs looked like they were moments away from giving out on him.

Even standing, he looked alarmingly small. 

With a snap of his head, his eyes locked onto Wooyoung’s, wide and scared and holding undeniable recognition in them.

They were a striking brown, despite the desperation in them. 

Wooyoung felt like he couldn’t breathe, but he forced his tongue to unstick for the sake of the person in front of him. He managed to take a step forward, carefully.

“Hey,” Wooyoung greeted gently, holding a hand out like you might approach a spooked animal. “Yeosang, it’s okay,” he assured him quietly. “You’re… You’re safe,” he promised.

Yeosang swallowed, pale and unsteady as he stared at Wooyoung like he was trying to tell if he was real.

And it was equally startling to see Yeosang look so uncertain as it was to see him peaceful.

They were simply expressions that Wooyoung had never seen him wear before. Especially not this one- where it looked like he was moments away from either breaking down or maybe… smiling?

There was disbelief mixed into his fear- the same sort of terrified relief that the others had held in their hearts, not knowing what the hell had happened, but knowing that they were finally free from it.

Wooyoung took another step, carefully schooling his expression to be non-threatening in any way. “You’re safe,” he repeated as Yeosang slowly took his hand away from the wall, swaying a bit on his feet, not looking away. “The others are gone right now, but everyone else is safe, too. We’re-“

Yeosang took a step towards Wooyoung, his fear beginning to die down into lips that trembled, his expression pinching gently around moist eyes.

Wooyoung felt a spike of… something stab through his chest as he stared at Yeosang.

It was never that Wooyoung thought that Yeosang was emotionless, even as an AI. But to see someone that you’d only known as a stick in the mud asshole suddenly staring at you… as if you were some savior fallen out of the sky…

It brought a feeling of guilt that he had ever put Yeosang in a position to have those feelings removed.

He wanted to move forward and meet Yeosang, but he didn’t want to risk frightening him, so he simply held out a hand, ready to catch him if his legs gave out.

“We’re far from the  _ Aurora _ ,” Wooyoung told him thickly as he continued to approached slowly. “And we aren’t going to let anyone else hurt you. Okay?”

Yeosang was crying.

Not hard or fast, like an overflowing cup, like Hongjoong’s had been. But slow and silent. As if… he didn’t have more than that left to give.

When the short distance between them was finally closed, Yeosang stood just at arm’s length from Wooyoung, who went to gently grab his arm to support him.

Wooyoung didn’t expect him to dodge the touch, but he quickly withdrew his hand, an apology on his lips-

Yeosang was suddenly pressed to his chest, and for a moment, Wooyoung thought he had fallen, his arms instinctively wrapping around his waist-

And then Yeosang’s arms were around Wooyoung’s neck.

And his lips were covering his.

For another moment, Wooyoung was sure that Yeosang had fallen in the most inconvenient way possible, his entire body going still.

But then the arms tightened around his neck, and Yeosang kissed him harder.

Wooyoung’s eyes were wide open. And he saw Yeosang’s eyes clenched shut impossibly tight, his expression painfully pinched, eyes nothing more than wrinkles that still had tears slipping out of them, as if he was waiting for a blow to be delivered.

The kiss seemed more desperate, than any other emotion. And that was why Wooyoung stood still, holding Yeosang so he wouldn’t fall as closed lips were still pressed to his roughly.

In a blink, the kiss was gone, Yeosang’s head dropping to Wooyoung’s chest, his arms still trembling around his neck. 

Yeosang sagged against him, like his legs had finally given out, and Wooyoung held him up carefully as a broken sob echoed through the cave, muffled by Wooyoung’s chest that Yeosang had buried his face into.

Wooyoung glanced around, lips warm and stinging idly as he decided that taking Yeosang outside might be a bit too much exposure. So, he simply guided Yeosang’s weak legs back a bit, into the shelter of the cave, and helped them both kneel against the stone floor, keeping Yeosang close, who clung to him desperately.

The kiss was honestly forgotten as Wooyoung stroked Yeosang’s hair gently, swallowing after each ugly, choking sob that was released as his back spasmed with aching breaths. Yeosang cried as if he had nothing left to give. 

It wasn’t like the screams that Wooyoung had woken up to, though.

They didn’t sound painful. It was just crying, like Hongjoong’s. An inability to believe they were truly alive.

With one hand, Wooyoung groped around, until he found a water bottle, bringing it to their chests. “You can cry,” Wooyoung murmured against his ear. “But drink a bit of this… please…”

It was odd, speaking to Yeosang like that. 

But Yeosang pressed closer to him for a moment before pulling away just enough to grab the bottle with shaking hands. Wooyoung kept one hand on the container, helping to guide it to Yeosang’s shaking lips, though he choked twice when broken cries escaped as his chest convulsed with barely contained sobs.

Wooyoung sat back, rather than kneeling, his back to the cave wall as he made sure the bottle didn’t fall.

Yeosang managed to drink half the bottle before tears started falling faster again, and Wooyoung took it away, pulling Yeosang back into an embrace. “It’s okay,” he whispered, his voice echoing around the cave as Yeosang surged back into his hold, hugging him as tight as his trembling arms could manage. 

Which was pretty tight.

Wooyoung remained silent when Yeosang stopped hugging him, going nearly limp against Wooyoung’s chest, drawing his arms to his own chest and curling his fingers into the loose fabric of Wooyoung’s sleeping shirt.

Yeosang was now curled between Wooyoung’s legs, laying against his chest as Wooyoung held on tight as he quietly sobbed into his shirt.

“I- I’m s-sorry,” Yeosang rasped, his gentle voice papery and rough, like Hongjoong’s had been upon waking. A cry broke through his lips as he buried his face in Wooyoung’s shirt. “I- I’m s-so sorry,” he cried weakly. “I- I didn’t- didn’t mean-“

Wooyoung stroked his hair gently, the strands soft, albeit in need of a wash. “The kiss?” he asked quietly, a knowing thought tugging at the back of his brain.

Yeosang nodded roughly, still flooding tears through the fabric of his shirt.

“That’s nothing,” Wooyoung assured him, almost wanting to laugh.

Fuck it, after everything that happened, Yeosang could kiss whoever the fuck he wanted.

“You’re okay,” he assured Yeosang quietly, rubbing his shuddering back. “That’s all that matters… You cry as much as you want, Yeosang…”

He wasn’t sure what possessed him to say that. But he felt Yeosang stiffen in his arms.

But almost like an afterthought, Wooyoung felt his eyes burning.

“They hurt you so fucking badly,” he whispered hoarsely, voice shaking a bit as his heart had an icy needle slowly pushing its way in. “So you can cry as much as you want… And you can fall asleep when you feel tired, okay?” he murmured, voice breaking when Yeosang’s breathing fell short and fast. “You’ll still be safe when you wake up… I promise, Yeosang.”

Yeosang turned, burying his whole face in Wooyoung’s chest as more and more broken cries fell off of his tongue, his shaking fingers still clutching onto Wooyoung who kept holding him.

Wooyoung’s vision blurred with hot tears as he stared at the opposite wall of the cave, still holding him as he cried.

And he kept holding him. Even when the cries turned from broken to rough- his voice beginning to give out. Even when they eventually fell quiet- silent, though his body still shook. Even when his breathing turned less frantic and shaky. And even when it eventually turned regular and even, Yeosang’s body losing the tension running through it as he finally fell asleep, sliding down Wooyoung’s chest slightly.

Wooyoung still held him close against his chest, as if he might sense that he was alone when he woke up.

He only cried for a bit- wiping them away carefully so as not to wake Yeosang who breathed quietly. He counted his breaths, swallowing the parts of him that wanted to run again, to get rid of the burning and tension running through his veins from the sheer helplessness of everything.

Instead of running, he held Yeosang tighter, burying his face in his hair as closing his eyes tight enough that he wouldn’t cry again.

In the aftermath of being shocked about his awakening, his fear at his tears, and the rollercoaster of calming him… Wooyoung finally allowed the relief to wash over him, that Yeosang seemed like he might be okay.

At the very least, physically.

Wooyoung only cried one more time. After that, he put the useless tears away for when they would actually help something.

~~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa sat on a boulder beside the little lagoon beneath the small waterfall. It wasn’t made of roaring water and white rapids. In fact, the rock that it fell over could have been reached by Yunho if he jumped.

The others didn’t seem to mind the small size of it while they splashed around.

Their morning began with making sure San, Mingi, and Hongjoong wouldn’t collapse into the water, but after getting their legs wet, the fresh water seemed to revive them a bit, allowing them to walk around as they pleased (though they kept close eyes on them).

They cleaned themselves with bits of cloth, though they didn’t have any soap. The others didn’t seem to mind as they waded through the water, just in pairs of shorts.

The morning changed to afternoon, the cool water warming enough that the others just floated around freely, splashing around here and there, but Seonghwa was strict to not let things get crazy. They didn’t need anyone going under.

They came and went from the water, resting in the shade for a few moments before turning to play.

Honestly, Seonghwa had spent most of his time on the side, after he’d washed himself off the first time, now dry and sitting on the warm rocks. The others tried to cajole him into joining them again, but he waved them off, content to watch.

He let himself feel just a little bit at peace. 

As mid-afternoon hit, Hongjoong climbed out of the water, dripping wet, and onto a boulder next to and slightly in front of Seonghwa’s, close enough to the water to hang his feet inside, kicking at the water calmly.

It was the closest he’d been to Seonghwa all day.

And while Seonghwa was mostly sure that Hongjoong wasn’t avoiding him, he knew that everyone was a little weird around each other right now. Especially, considering the fact that Hongjoong could still see certain things from Seonghwa’s head.

A fact that Seonghwa didn’t mind at all. But it was a little bit different, having an AI know you, and having a  _ person  _ look you in the eyes and understand  _ everything. _

Hongjoong offered him a tight lipped smile briefly before turning to face the water, resting his feet just above the water and playing with it.

“This… felt really nice,” Hongjoong murmured absently, splashing quietly. “It…” He hesitated long enough that Seonghwa could tell he was trying to control his emotions. “It feels nice… being able to be free like this again.”

Seonghwa pressed his lips together, every emotion welling up once more as he chose his words very carefully.

“Where I grew up… there was a watering hole closer to my house than this thing is to the cave,” he said carefully, causing Hongjoong to glance back at him. “We… used it all the time. Even in the dead of winter. I always loved playing in the water.”

Hongjoong drew one leg out of the water, drawing it up to his chest and wrapping his arms around it, resting his cheek there. “You don’t seem eager to get in this water…” he noted curiously.

Hongjoong spoke… normally. As if he wasn’t wearing a traumatic past just beneath his skin. And part of Seonghwa wanted to sob at that fact, and part of him wanted to never bring any of it up again, as if that might mean Hongjoong forgot about it.

“I just felt like watching,” Seonghwa assured him, glancing at Jongho and San pulling Mingi’s wet hair into spikes, breaking into laughter. “I didn’t… much feel like messing around.”

“Yes, it’s a very solemn time, isn’t it?”

Seonghwa’s eyes snapped to Hongjoong and found him smiling gently, though his eyes were heavy. There was something so very understanding in his teasing eyes.

“Isn’t it?” Seonghwa questioned quietly, expression falling slightly.

Hongjoong pressed his lips together, looking out to the others as Yunho splashed San enough to have him choking, but he was laughing as Jongho tackled Yunho, telling him to play nice.

“It doesn’t look solemn to me,” Hongjoong murmured wistfully, eyes growing misty. “It looks like the best scene I’ve seen in four years.”

Seonghwa’s heart wrenched as he stared at Hongjoong staring at the others, looking content and almost proud. “It’s just a moment where they’re not thinking about it. Once we’re done-“

“So you’re going to ruin the few nice moments of life by thinking about all the shitty ones?” Hongjoong laughed softly, turning his head back to Seonghwa. “No wonder you were so depressed all the time,” he tutted softly, looking fond and exasperated. “Life is nothing more than a few good moments between all the shitty times, Seonghwa. Are you really going to try and ruin the good moments?”

“Of course not,” Seonghwa said firmly, fingers curling tightly. “I just… I don’t feel very much… like being happy,” he whispered, voice dying out as guilt and anger flooded his chest.

Seonghwa felt like an ungrateful child. Sitting here, in front of Hongjoong, who had gone through hell, and talking about how much Seonghwa didn’t feel happy. How much he was holding on to those dark feelings, instead of being able to be grateful that they were just safe.

He felt ungrateful, and his gut twisted painfully as he dropped his head in shame.

Hongjoong, however, chuckled quietly.

“You think that only the people who have it worse can feel shitty?” he questioned gently, expectantly in such a way that Seonghwa felt like he was back in the training room and Hongjoong was asking whether he thought that that was the best he could do.

A soft tone, but one that held a challenge.

“No,” Seonghwa muttered, staring at his knees angrily. “Maybe we don’t have reasons to feel guilty, compared to who was actually involved. But you can’t tell me it’s not shitty of me to sit here and act like we went through any hardship of our own-“

Hongjoong sighed so loudly, Seonghwa looked up, finding him leaning back on his hands and staring up at the canopy of trees, lips twisted in exasperated thought.

“Seonghwa,” he began to scold- 

“You said you couldn’t act like it was all fine,” Seonghwa said, a bit sharper than intended, making Hongjoong look at him. “You were  _ screaming,  _ Hongjoong,” he hissed, throat tightening. “In all those dreams, you were screaming and crying- and you expect me not to think it’s shitty of me to feel like I had any wrong done to me?”

Seonghwa swallowed as Hongjoong hummed thoughtfully.

He seemed affected but unbothered by Seonghwa’s accusation. As if a good point had been made… but that he had a rebuttal. 

“In the world of captives and captors…” Hongjoong said carefully, as if choosing his words carefully, glancing at Seonghwa casually, “we were the ones being kept in cages. You and the others…” His lips quirked regretfully. “You were the ones who were told that you were free to go wherever you wish, do whatever you like… You were given nice things to keep you happy, and you were treated well to keep you from asking questions.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help the way he winced, wondering if Hongjoong was trying to cheer him up or outline exactly how different their situations were that couldn’t be compared.

“You were told that the noises you heard in the basement were nothing but animals who got rowdy sometimes,” Hongjoong went on calmly. “And you were told that they were happy down there. You were given ultimate freedom… but all of that freedom was a lie. You were still being held captive. Even if you didn’t know it.”

Hongjoong now stared at him intently, not glancing away even as Seonghwa stared pitifully at him.

“Every good thing you thought you had was a lie. Everything you thought you were working towards was a lie. You were told you could wander the wonderful castle they locked you inside of. You told you you were a guest.” His expression warped into one of determined anger. “But you were a prisoner, Seonghwa. Whether you felt like it or not, you were lied to and manipulated and trapped.”

“At least we were given the goods things we had,” Seonghwa burst, nails digging into his palm as his stomach rolled. “In that scenario, it’s still better to be lied to than locked away!”

“Is it?” Hongjoong asked gently, an eyebrow twitching upwards as he swallowed, looking a bit sick.

Seonghwa’s eyes burned.

“Is it?” he questioned again, expectant. “I’ve always known who my enemy is, Seonghwa,” he whispered quietly. “I knew exactly what was happening to me- every action and trap they put me through. I knew everything.” He wet his lips. “But you?” he whispered, sounding as if he pitied Seonghwa.

Seonghwa wanted to stop him, his chest feeling too tight.

“You didn’t know anything,” he whispered, shaking his head, eyes misty. “You were someone with the best intentions… that they twisted into a heinous action. You were manipulated for  _ years, _ Seonghwa,” he pressed quietly, expression pinching. “And now, you have to live with the knowledge of something you were unknowingly a part of for all those years. You have to live with the fact that you aided a monster, even though you never knew.”

The edges of Seonghwa’s vision blurred slightly. “I thought… you didn’t want us to blame ourselves for that,” he whispered hoarsely.

“I don’t want you to feel guilt for being manipulated,” Hongjoong said firmly, turning to face Seonghwa, pulling his legs from the water. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t feel some sort of way for what they made you do. You  _ did not  _ put us there. So don’t feel guilt. You can feel anything else, but don’t feel guilt, Seonghwa,” he begged quietly. “Because none of it was ever your fault.”

He spoke so gently.

And Seonghwa wanted to shove him into the water so he’d stop having to hear it, and see that familiar face twisted in such pain.

Pain for Seonghwa. 

It felt so unfair for Hongjoong to be hurting for him. 

“I feel…”

Seonghwa swallowed, his stomach continuing to churn sickeningly as he stared at the dark stone beneath him, his fists clenched painfully tight.

“I feel… disgusting,” he admitted, swallowing the guilt at his own complaints. “And I… I hate  _ myself _ for never realizing any of it, even if there was no way I could have. I- I feel… I feel  _ used _ and I  _ hate _ them for making us helpless and  _ lying  _ to me-“

Because even if Hongjoong and the others were now safe, the damage was done. Maybe the scars of their ordeal would heal- maybe within months, maybe never. But that part of their lives was forever something they had been involved in.

The scars were already in place. For both groups. 

“You’re feeling guilty again,” Hongjoong whispered, scooting forward on the stone, until his toes brushed the one Seonghwa sat on. “I told you, Seonghwa,” he murmured, looking up at him with a heartbreaking smile. “You were the thing that made it bearable. The whole time, the only reason I didn’t go insane was because of you.”

“That’s-“

“It’s not up to you to decide what made my life worth living,” Hongjoong said firmly, eyes narrowing slightly. “And it’s not up to you to decide that I shouldn’t have felt that. Because that’s a stupid thing to think, Seonghwa,” he whispered.

“ _ I  _ was one of the things keeping you there,” Seonghwa rebutted harshly. “In your analogy,  _ I  _ had a key, even if I didn’t know what it was for. I should have gone down to the basement, I should have looked beyond just what I was told-“

“Okay, fine,” Hongjoong said calmly, straightened and pulling his knees to his chest. “Then imagine that you did know we were down there. And you saw us… We would have still told that we were happy, that we weren’t real- we backed up their story. We were just animatronics that were being worked on. Because that’s what they made us say.”

Seonghwa wanted to throw up at the thought.

“Do you understand what it takes?” Hongjoong demanded gently. “For someone to look at you, as something they’re told isn’t real, and still treat you like a  _ human?  _ Do you understand what that feels like? As a human portrayed as a machine?”

“I-“

“You were kind to us, despite being told we were nothing but numbers,” Hongjoong pressed, sounding angry again. “You played with us and kept us company… We hinted to you that being deactivated as uncomfortable, and you never made us do it, Seonghwa. You spoke to us as if we were real, and you  _ cared  _ about us-”

Hongjoong swallowed thickly, jaw working tensely.

“I was inside your head, Seonghwa,” he whispered, voice thick as his eyes grew misty again. “I know exactly how much you cared for me, even as someone you believed wasn’t real. You cared about a machine. Just because we seemed human enough.”

Seonghwa stared, feeling as if he’d been slapped.

“I know exactly how much you valued me, outside of my usefulness to you,” Hongjoong went on hoarsely, a tear slipping down his cheeks. “You loved me, Seonghwa,” he whispered. “You considered me a friend, and you have for a long time.” He gave a watery smile.

And it broke Seonghwa’s heart. 

Somehow, it hurt to hear the emotions he knew existed spoken out loud. 

And it hurt even worse to realize that Hongjoong knew that those emotions existed. 

“I  _ knew  _ what was happening to me,” Hongjoong pressed. “My own father put me on a table and tried to turn me into a machine… Do you not understand that for four years, you and the others were the only people who ever cared about us?” he demanded weakly. “That for four years, the only thing that kept me sane was the fact that I’d see you, and you  _ cared _ about me? You reminded me that I was  _ human. _ ”

“Hongjoong-” 

Seonghwa couldn’t find a single thing to say, but he didn’t want to just sit in silence. His expression pinched as Hongjoong’s smile grew stronger, wiping at his tears with his sleeve as he brushed his wet hair from his face.

He looked happy, beneath the tears. 

“Feel however you want,” Hongjoong eventually said, wetting his lips. “But don’t ever think that you weren’t the best thing that ever happened to me, Seonghwa.”

“But I can’t  _ help _ you,” Seonghwa burst, shaking his head sharply and willing the tears away as he stared at Hongjoong helplessly. “For everything they did to you, I can’t  _ do  _ anything-“

“You got us out of there,” Hongjoong pressed, glaring intently. “Seonghwa, you don’t have to fix everything. That’s not your job. And we’re okay now-“

“Stop acting like it hasn’t hurt you!” Seonghwa snapped, not even angry, but just so tired of knowing everything they’d had to go through. “I heard you screaming in those dreams!” he pressed. “It doesn’t matter if I made it better- You spent years begging me to hear you, to help you-“

“And it isn’t your fault that you couldn’t.”

It was said so calmly, Seonghwa felt like he’d been punched in the chest as Hongjoong stared at him intently, lips thin, making Seonghwa feel like a child throwing a fit.

“That’s what I need you to understand, Seonghwa,” he said quietly. “Not that I wasn’t hurt, not that you can’t feel angry, but that… that it isn’t your fault that you didn’t understand.” 

“He hurt you,” Seonghwa said, almost bordering on a question.

“It isn’t comfortable to have-“

“Hongjoong-“

“ _ Yes _ ,” Hongjoong said finally, sighing shortly and nearly rolling his eyes. “ _ Yes,  _ Seonghwa, it hurt. When they shut down parts of your brain, it  _ hurts.  _ And when we were deactivated, it was like being left in a sensory deprivation tank,” he said bluntly. “Even if there was rarely any direct pain, we were always just  _ alone. _ My subconscious was calling out to you, and it was  _ terrified,  _ even if I knew everything that was happening. I was alone, and it was dark, and I was  _ scared _ , Seonghwa,” he hissed. 

His lips shook, but his eyes remained fiery.

“And do you know the only times I wasn’t scared?” he demanded, voice weakening. “When I was with you, Seonghwa. Do you understand why you were the best thing to happen?” he demanded. “You took that away-“

“You’re still having nightmares,” Seonghwa said bluntly, making Hongjoong freeze.

Hongjoong didn’t shy away. He simply stared at Seonghwa, his jaw tight and his expression tense, as if he was preparing to run. His eyes were wide. 

“You... see them?” he whispered, as if there was something unnerving about it.

Seonghwa chewed the inside of his lip, wondering if he had said the wrong thing. But he nodded slowly. “I only knew it was you… because I woke up with you last night. I saw you sit up…”

Hongjoong continued to stare, stricken as he wet his lips. “Okay,” he breathed, finally glancing away and running a hand through his damp locks. “Then… then that means the implants are… are way more effective on their own than I realized.”

Seonghwa frowned gently at the sudden change in tone. “What?”

“The- The implants,” Hongjoong said, staring at his knees with slightly wide eyes, as if he was trying to figure something out. “They’re a two-way street, but to operate effectively, we needed to be hooked up to that machine. Otherwise, you just get things like… sensations or flashes or glimpses of the other’s mind- nothing coherent. The fact that you saw a nightmare…”

It felt different than the visions Seonghwa had been watching all these years.

It felt like a real nightmare. And that was honestly a comfort to Seonghwa, more than anything.

But Hongjoong swallowed, looking so frantic that Seonghwa reached out towards him, but then he looked up at Seonghwa sharply.

“It must operate differently when we’re fully conscious,” he decided firmly. “It- It must be easier to transfer the information when we’re not put under.”

“So… So what?” Seonghwa questioned carefully, not touching Hongjoong, but wishing he would stop looking so tense. “We can still communicate? But both ways?”

“I don’t know to what extent it’ll work,” Hongjoong admitted quietly, rubbing at his knees agitatedly. “But…The fact that the implants are strong enough on their own… strong enough for you to see something from my subconscious…” 

He shook his head sharply, running hands through it. 

“We can read things from your mind and send our own messages,” Hongjoong said rapidly, “but your implant is only really supposed to pick up whatever we send it- you’re not supposed to be able to see into our subconscious.” He swallowed nervously. “The fact that it’s sending out that much information...” 

Seonghwa rolled his lips slowly, staring as Hongjoong’s mind seemed to race a million miles an hour. “Is that… bad?” he asked, wondering if maybe Hongjoong didn’t like the idea of Seonghwa also being able to see in his head, to an extent. “Maybe- Maybe the machine you were hooked up to acted like a regulator. Without it, maybe there’s more freedom, even if it’s a weaker signal?”

Seonghwa didn’t know if that made any sense. 

But Hongjoong nodded slowly, eyes distant like he was solving an equation in his head. 

“That’s possible,” he assured him. “And no, it’s not bad, necessarily,” Hongjoong replied without hesitation, frowning deeply. “I’m just… I’m trying to gather as much information, to figure out what exactly we’re dealing with. There’s a lot more variables than I thought.”

Seonghwa almost wanted to smile, his lips twitching.

It sounded just like Hongjoong.

“I… I didn’t realize that your smarts… were natural, rather than just something given to you for the AI.”

Hongjoong started, as if surprised, looking up at Seonghwa. “What?”

“You… You’re naturally smart,” Seonghwa said, hoping he didn’t say anything bad, but the smile tugging at his lips grew stronger. “I just… I didn’t know that you were like that, outside of being an AI.”

Hongjoong blinked slowly, but swallowed, nodding. “Yeah, well… I liked listening… to my dad talk about his work,” he said, dragging a finger along the stone beneath him. “I learned a lot from him. Before…” He pressed his lips together tightly. “Before he involved me in his AI experiment… he talked about his plans and the different experiments. So I know a lot.”

Seonghwa felt like he was being slapped each time Hongjoong brought up the fact that Dr. Kim was his father.

His father was the one who had put him on that table. The table Seonghwa had stood and stared at.

“I’m sorry.”

Hongjoong quirked his lips, glancing up expectantly. “For what?” he questioned, obviously ready to shut down Seonghwa’s guilt again.

“I hesitated,” Seonghwa said, throat suddenly tightening as he stared Hongjoong in the eye. He tried to swallow around the stone caught in his esophagus. “Before. When you gave me that nightmare… When we ended up in the lab… I hesitated.”

Hongjoong frowned slightly, but Seonghwa didn’t look away.

“I saw… everything that was happening to you,” he murmured, voice turning hoarse, “and I hesitated. Even after Wooyoung started yelling at us to help… Wooyoung trusted Yeosang’s from the beginning, but I tried to make excuses for what you were doing there… as if it fucking mattered.”

“Seonghwa-“

“I’d still be standing there if it wasn’t for Wooyoung,” he went on heavily. “I’d still be wondering what was going on, rather than seeing an obviously horrific scenes and knowing what to do-“

Hongjoong’s hand caught Seonghwa’s firmly, squeezing it tight enough for Seonghwa to break off, his voice catching as his eyes burned.

_ He was so fucking sorry.  _

Hongjoong stared at him, that gentle, heavy smile on his lips as he gazed up at him.

His hand was thin but strong, and cool compared to Seonghwa’s skin.

“I forgive you,” Hongjoong whispered, squeezing it tighter, lips twitching. “I forgive you for everything, Seonghwa. Things were fucking crazy back there. And I couldn’t give you much to go off of, I’m sorry. Yeosang was able to communicate with Wooyoung much more clearly, that’s why Wooyoung knew what to do. It’s not your fault you didn’t know.”

There was so much they didn’t know. And so much that was apparently not their fault.

Seonghwa stared at him, lips pressed together to keep them from shaking, but it didn’t stop hot tears from blurring his vision.

He’d stared at people, strapped to tables… and he’d hesitated.

_ I forgive you. _

His free hand wiped at his eyes harshly as he nodded. Guilt wasn’t going to help them. Regrets were not going to help them.

Helping them…giving Hongjoong someone to talk to, to confide in… giving them all a few moments away from remembering those horrors, making sure they were healthy and hydrated…  _ that _ was going to help them. 

“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa whispered, lowering his hand. “I-“

“You used to call me Joong all the time,” Hongjoong suddenly said, catching Seonghwa off guard.

“W-What?”

Hongjoong shrugged, a watery smile on his lips. “I’m just… thinking,” he said quietly. “Especially during sims and battle situations… you always called me Joong.”

Seonghwa stared, not… entirely sure what the correct response was.

But rather than making him feel cold, the reminder almost felt like a comforting reminder. As if… As if Hongjoong were reminding him how close they were.

Someone… that was Seonghwa’s first friend. The first person he trusted… so implicitly. If he could trust Hongjoong to lead him through an exploding star… he could trust him to place blame correctly…

Right?

Hongjoong cleared his throat gently as he slowly released Seonghwa’s hand, letting their fingers slide over each other as he drew it back into his lap. “We’ve been here a while,” Hongjoong murmured calmly. “Maybe we should head back- make sure Yeosang is okay.”

Seonghwa nodded, standing on the rock and calling for the others to get out so they could head back.

When they got out from the water, dripping wet and flicking water off onto each other… they were smiling. All of them. Even San and Mingi as Yunho showed Seonghwa a cool rock he’d found with a swirl imprint in it.

They were happy for now.

And as they walked back, Seonghwa… let himself smile. Just a little.

It got easier when Yunho offered Hongjoong a piggyback ride, and San leapt on before Hongjoong could even decide, making Hongjoong laugh.

The sky had turned a warm yellow of afternoon by the time they arrived back at the cave.

They found Wooyoung sitting against the wall of the cave with Yeosang curled against his chest, fast asleep with his limbs throwing around Wooyoung.

They all froze, startled for a moment, before Wooyoung glanced up at them.

“He woke up a couple hours ago,” Wooyoung told them as they all stepped inside. “He was fine and everything… a little disoriented, though. Cried himself back to sleep… I didn’t want to move. I can’t feel my ass.”

“Do you want us to…” Yunho offered, holding out his hands awkwardly, but Wooyoung shook his head, arms seeming to tighten around Yeosang protectively.

“No,” he said quietly. “I’m fine. I managed to get him to drink some, but he hasn’t eaten anything.”

“He’ll probably wake back up before dinner,” Hongjoong said, eyes trailing across Yeosang as he sat down on the other wall. “Maybe. It depends on how much got flushed out of his system.”

Wooyoung’s lips quirked, looking torn between confused and amused as he glanced between Seonghwa and Hongjoong. “He kissed me when he woke up,” he told them.

Seonghwa froze, blinking in shock as Hongjoong simply nodded slowly.

“I don’t think he really… meant to,” Wooyoung assured them, glancing down at Yeosang, his eyes holding nothing but gentle concern. “He apologized for it later, but… I think it was probably just something about waking up.”

“Most likely,” Hongjoong said, making Seonghwa look at him.

But Hongjoong looked like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

“The way they suppress us, there’s emotional suppression, too, like I said,” he explained quietly. “It’s why we all cried, why some of us were afraid- it’s a rush of emotions, coming awake after being under like that.”

He began drawing on the floor of the cave with his finger idly.

“I told you, Yeosang was put under heavier suppression than most of us, especially emotional ones, since that was the main reason he kept breaking through. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a heavier rush of emotions. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“I’m not,” Wooyoung said quickly, almost a bit defensive, as if he were against the idea of Hongjoong thinking it might upset him. “I didn’t care. I was just letting everyone know.”

Hongjoong glanced up from the ground, a genuine smile on his lips, eyes scrunching slightly. “I figured,” he replied, a bit cryptic, but Wooyoung simply nodded as Seonghwa glanced between the two of them.

He looked at everyone… spread around the cave…

“The waterfall was really cool,” Yunho told Wooyoung quietly, mindful of Yeosang sleeping. “There are things that look like fish underneath it, and they change colors when you scare them.”

Wooyoung smiled quietly, lips quirked. “Can’t wait to push one of you off of it.”

Despite Seonghwa’s inner turmoil… the mood was good.

Yeosang didn’t wake up for dinner, which Hongjoong assured Wooyoung was okay, when Wooyoung began to hyperactively glance back at Yeosang during the whole meal.

The day had been active, and Seonghwa’s body was that good kind of ache where he felt like maybe he’d sleep well.

He knew the others were feeling the same when San’s head kept dipping during dinner, falling completely onto Yunho’s shoulder once or twice before popping back up. They had barely finished eating when Hongjoong suggested that they get some sleep.

Immediately, everyone who played in the water gathered their supplies, slipping into sleeping bags and wrapping up in their foil blankets.

Seonghwa was unsurprised when Wooyoung laid a blanket over Yeosang and laid down beside him, close enough to be intentional but far enough away not to crowd him.

Seonghwa was surprised, however, when Hongjoong dragged his sleeping bag away from Mingi and San, and laid it down beside Seonghwa, smiling quietly as he opened it and slipped inside.

He must have stared for a bit too long because Hongjoong lifted a curious eyebrow as he laid down. “What?” he questioned softly, the others already settled down. “Would I rather I sleep over there?”

“No,” Seonghwa said quickly, pulling his blanket up firmly. “No, you can sleep where you want. I don’t mind.”

Part of him breathed a sigh of relief. Not that he thought Hongjoong was mad at him, but the openly blatant choice to sit near Seonghwa… 

It felt nice. Familiar. 

Hongjoong chuckled quietly, rolling onto his side so that he faced Seonghwa, an arm tucked beneath his head. “It was weird,” he murmured, staring off. “It feels really weird sleeping away from you.” He smiled, as if it was a funny thought.

But Seonghwa’s heart was pounding.

“What did it feel like?” he whispered back to Hongjoong. “When we slept?”

Hongjoong merely hummed, as if it were an interesting question. “It felt like sleeping,” he assured him. “But…it’s hard to explain. As if… We stopped having that stimulation, so it was like sleeping without dreaming, except we were still getting information from your brain, though it was a lot less.”

He smiled quietly.

“That’s why it was easier for me to send nightmares,” he murmured. “Your brain wasn’t giving off as much info, so I could send my own.”

“Is that what… it was like when you were deactivated?” Seonghwa asked, almost afraid to hear the answer as he rested his head against his palm.

Hongjoong’s smile stiffened, and then faded slightly around the corners. “No,” he whispered, tense but calm. “No, when we were deactivated… we were cut off from the machine. So, we lost contact with you, but we were still kept under, and… we- at least  _ I _ \- was more aware. So, it was just hours of… sitting there, paralyzed and in the dark.”

His smile reappeared, making Seonghwa’s chest tighten.

“Stop asking questions that are going to make you try and blame yourself,” Hongjoong chuckled quietly. “Just sleep, okay?”

Hongjoong was still staring at him, and Seonghwa was afraid to close his eyes.

“You can wake me up,” Seonghwa told him quietly, making a gentle eyebrow lift. “If you have a nightmare… you can wake me up,” he assured him. “I don’t mind.”

Hongjoong’s eyes grew misty as his smile widened, soft and grateful. “Thank you…”

Seonghwa nodded slowly, watching Hongjoong swallow thickly before turning onto his back and hiding most of his face from Seonghwa.

He closed his eyes, listening to Hongjoong’s breathing.

That… was his friend. Someone who knew him inside and out. And only now was Seonghwa realizing… how little he actually knew about Hongjoong. He knew plenty… but he didn’t know as much as he thought.

He didn’t sleep quickly. But he knew at some point that Hongjoong rolled a bit closer in his sleep, one of his hands falling and brushing against Seonghwa’s. When he cracked his eyes open in the now-darkness, he could barely make out Hongjoong’s sleeping face.

Well, Seonghwa didn’t move, just closing his eyes and letting time and darkness lull him to sleep with Hongjoong’s fingers still brushing his warmly.

~~~~~~~~~

Wooyoung woke up because his covers were taken.

Initially, he wanted to smack Jongho for stealing them, but before he’d even fully become conscious, he remembered that it wasn’t Jongho he was sleeping next to.

With a quiet noise of alarm, Wooyoung flipped over, finding the space beside him empty and the blankets pushed back. He sat up quickly, rubbing at his eyes as he looked around the cave frantically-

In the silhouette of the night created by the planet’s two moons, Wooyoung saw Yeosang’s outline stumbling away.

Wooyoung got to his feet quickly, not sure if he was running, leaving, or just getting some air, but he hurried after him-

Yeosang sat heavily on one of the stones, just outside the cave, half-collapsing in a way that seemed like he was still asleep.

Wooyoung froze at the mouth of the cave, holding his breath. He should probably go back to bed… He didn’t want to crowd him, if Yeosang was looking for a moment alone-

Yeosang turned around suddenly, staring directly at Wooyoung with deep brown eyes that shone with moonlight. Eerily quiet…

Wooyoung wet his lips. “I… I just wanted to make sure you weren’t running off,” he said quietly, already taking a half-step back. “And that you were okay… San almost wanted to run away when he first woke up. You’re safe here, though,” he assured him quickly.

Yeosang continued to stare, and Wooyoung realized his eyes were reflecting the silvery moonlight so much because there were tears flooding them.

“I… I’ll go,” Wooyoung whispered, another step away. “You can stay out here as long as you-“

“Stay,” Yeosang said quickly, one hand reaching towards Wooyoung before snapping back, like he hadn’t meant to. “I- You can stay,” he corrected quickly, turning away from Wooyoung, curling over his stomach, as if it hurt. “Or… go. I- I don’t care. I- I don’t know-”

Wooyoung was almost afraid that Yeosang was nearing some sort of breakdown that he wasn’t equipped to handle. But then he remembered Hongjoong talking about the overwhelming surge of emotions… especially to Yeosang.

“Sure, I’ll stay,” Wooyoung said quietly, stepping up to the boulders, glancing around before finding one on the other side of Yeosang, sitting down facing him.

Yeosang was staring out into the woods, breathing quietly, silent tears slowly leaking down his face.

“Do you need anything?” Wooyoung asked carefully, leaning to see him. “Water or food? A… A hug?” he offered, arms half-raising in offering.

Yeosang glanced at him, staring at him as if he wasn’t sure what he wanted, glancing from Wooyoung’s hands to his face to the rest of his body. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, voice shockingly soft and deep.

It had been all that before, but usually the softness of it was ruined by the cold, indifferent tone he spoke in.

This tone… was warm and gentle. Like the quiet kid who presented in class.

“For the kiss?” Wooyoung questioned.

Yeosang’s fists curled on his thighs tightly, his head bowing low. “I… I meant for waking you,” he said, voice tense. “But… yes, for that, too.”

Wooyoung winced. “Both are fine,” he assured him. “Don’t worry, I can kick the ass of anyone who tries to force themselves on me.”

It was a lame attempt at a joke, Wooyoung smiling into the night that was suddenly silent when Yeosang glanced at him, as if he was utterly confused. Wooyoung’s smile began to slip, realizing that Yeosang probably wasn’t in the mood for jokes-

“Thank… you,” he murmured quietly, making Wooyoung instinctively scoot forward to hear better.

Before Wooyoung could even ask what he was being thanked for, a quiet sob caught in Yeosang’s throat as he covered his face with his hands, shoulders shaking.

“I- I’m s-sorry,” he cried quietly, voice thin and reedy. “I- I don’t know why I can’t stop fucking-“

“It’s okay,” Wooyoung said quickly, scooting closer to Yeosang until he could carefully lay a hand on his knee, squeezing. “Hongjoong said that it’s just emotional release from what they put you under with. It’ll fade. And it’s okay to cry, you were…” He swallowed. “You went through a lot of shit. So you can cry or laugh or hit something, if you-“

Wooyoung choked off, nearly falling backwards off the boulder when Yeosang threw himself at him once more, but there was no kiss this time.

Instead, he simply buried his face in Wooyoung’s neck, shaking arms wrapped around his neck hard enough to cut off oxygen with anymore pressure as Yeosang’s legs fell over his in an uncoordinated jumble, nearly upsetting their careful balance.

Wooyoung caught them both with a hand on the boulder behind them, saving them from the fall, but he froze as Yeosang cried so loudly, he was sure everyone within the cave heard, if they were even remotely awake.

But the cry broke in the middle, as if his voice couldn’t handle it.

A painfully shaking breath made Yeosang’s entire body tremble.

“I- I th-thought I was going to die,” he cried into Wooyoung’s neck, his skin already slick with tears as Yeosang frantically shook his head, like trying to shake the terrifying memory free.

He sucked in gasping, painful breaths that never seemed to fill his lungs for how hard he cried.

“I- They- I- I thought th-they were going to- to-“ Yeosang’s weak voice faltered with another cry. “I- I didn’t want t-to die-“

Wooyoung stared over his shoulder, feeling a horror in his blood that didn’t reach his face.

His expression was stone cold. A silent, chilling anger at the absolute monsters and what they had done to him. What they had made him afraid of… 

He pushed off with his hand until he was sitting up, both his arms wrapping around Yeosang slowly, gingerly tightening their grip so as not to hurt him, until the two of them were wrapped around each other tightly.

Yeosang’s body was surprisingly warm where Wooyoung buried his nose in his shoulder, eyes glaring off into the darkness of the jungle as Yeosang kept crying.

“I- I was so s-scared,” he cried, voice weakening with each ragged breath. “I- I thought I w-was going t- to die-“

“I’ve got you,” Wooyoung murmured, his voice sounding hollow and dark as he tightened his arms around Yeosang’s body.

“They-“

“I know,” he whispered into his shoulder, eyes slowly shutting as pressure began to build behind them, his heart twisting painfully. “I know, but you’re safe. I’ve got you, I promise…”

Yeosang’s nails were digging into the back of Wooyoung’s thin shirt, surely creating marks in his skin, but he just let another loud sob rip from Yeosang’s throat as he began running a hand slowly across his shoulder blades.

“Y-You heard me-“

“I heard you,” Wooyoung whispered hoarsely, his fingertips digging into Yeosang’s side. He swallowed the bile in the back of his throat. “I heard you, I’ve got you-“

Yeosang nodded- at least, that’s what it felt like, but he was shaking so hard, it was difficult to tell.

Wooyoung grabbed Yeosang’s hip, tugging him forward so that he wasn’t just half-fallen off the boulder, and was basically sitting in Wooyoung’s lap. It allowed Yeosang to curl more comfortably, as if hiding away in the crook of Wooyoung’s neck.

Yeosang began taking short, but deep breaths, clearly trying to calm himself down as his fingers fisted the back of Wooyoung’s shirt dangerously tight. Wooyoung simply held him and waited for the tears to pass once more- whether it was Yeosang gathering himself or simply crying himself back to sleep.

“Th-Thank... you,” Yeosang croaked, more intelligible but still in the middle of calming himself.

Wooyoung swallowed, feeling tears pressing at his closed eyes. “Yeah,” he whispered back hoarsely. “I’m… I’m sorry,” he breathed thickly. “For everything-“

Wooyoung could feel each frantic puff of breath against his neck as Yeosang forced his breathing to regulate.

“D-Don’t,” he rasped quietly, shaking his head slowly, still hidden away. “I…” Yeosang released a noise that could have been a helpless laugh or something like a terrible sob. “I- I can still… feel part of you,” Yeosang whispered hoarsely, sounding like he was speaking through glass.

A stiff, trembling hand released Wooyoung’s shirt, reaching up to tap the implant at the base of his neck gingerly.

“Here,” Yeosang whispered. “I can feel you... here…”

Wooyoung nodded slowly. “Hongjoong mentioned… a less powerful connection, but that they were still linked.”

Yeosang nodded shakily. “I… I knew what you’re thinking…” He could feel Yeosang’s jaw clench. “You were… scared, too.” Another slow breath. “You… You thought I had left you…”

Wooyoung bit the inside of his cheek, giving up on stopping the tears once one escaped.

“I’m sorry,” Yeosang whispered, hugging Wooyoung tighter. “I- I didn’t leave, but I couldn’t-“

“Shut up,” Wooyoung breathed, a bitter laugh caught on the end as he rolled his eyes in exasperation. “You’re insane if you have to apologize for that shit-“

His voice broke, and his eyes shut tighter.

There was a long moment of silence, Yeosang’s labored breathing eventually calming to small hiccups. 

“It’s weird,” Yeosang whispered hoarsely, though significantly calmer. “Not… being able to know everything you’re thinking. The silence is… really loud.” A thick swallow. “It feels empty. You always had… a lot of thoughts.”

Another noise passed Yeosang’s lips, but it sounded so foreign in his voice that Wooyoung was sure he must have imagined it.

A breathless laugh caught in his throat. “Did… Did you just giggle?”

The sound came again.

Wooyoung felt something in his gut wrench painfully as a quiet chuckle left his own mouth.

“Is that you laughing?” Wooyoung asked again, feeling Yeosang shaking. “It sounds like you’re choking a bit…”

Yeosang sucked in a quiet breath, the sound coming again and again-

This time it was clear that it was soft, breathy laughter muffled by Wooyoung’s neck, his hands flexing on the back of his shirt.

“Why are you laughing?” Wooyoung questioned softly, feeling his chest expand. “Weren’t you crying just a second ago?”

Yeosang shrugged gently, another uncontrollable laugh exiting into Wooyoung’s skin.

“I’m alive,” he whispered, voice shaking with laughter. “And- And you got everyone out- And we’re  _ alive- _ “

He hugged Wooyoung tight enough that his breath escaped in a little squeak as his throat was squeezed, but Yeosang was still chuckling, soft and gentle and light into his neck. Something about it was almost a bit manic, a little out of his control.

Like the sort of laugh you got after surviving a barrel roll through two enemy cruisers and you somehow managed to make them shoot each other, and you walked away unscathed.

That sort of rush of adrenaline and relief and disbelief.

And Wooyoung felt his own chest expanding with the ridiculous urge to break down laughing. “Yeah,” he said quietly, petting the tips of Yeosang’s longer hair gently. “Yeah, you’re alive. You’re okay…”

Saying it… was just as much a comfort for Wooyoung as it was a relief for Yeosang.

The laughter continued, until it began to break apart as sobs started working their way through Yeosang’s throat, creating a horrid choking sound as they both tried to exist in his throat.

Yeosang continued to shake, switching between wet laughter and quiet cries that made him grip Wooyoung’s shirt impossibly tighter.

As if he didn’t know what he should be feeling.

Wooyoung wondered how long those emotions would be surging inside of him, like ocean tides threatening to drown him after being held back by a dam. 

Wooyoung tucked his head against his neck, holding him firmly. “It’s okay,” he assured him in a quiet whisper, eyes shutting tight as his heart wrenched at the broken cries and laughs. “You can let it out, it’s okay…”

He hugged him a bit tighter, until Yeosang’s laughter and cries became the only sound he heard, despite the insects that screamed in the night and the trees that rustled in the wind.

~~~~~~~~

Wooyoung never fell back to sleep.

He watched the sun rise between the trees, feeling the comforting weight of Yeosang slumped against him. Somewhere between twilight and dawn, he’d fallen asleep. Or at least cried out any energy he had, limp in Wooyoung’s hold.

Once more, his ass was asleep from the stone, but he barely noticed, even when Seonghwa exited the cave, bleary eyed and trying to fix his unkempt hair.

His eyes fell to Yeosang, expression soft and pinched around his eyes. “He’s okay?”

Wooyoung nodded. “He woke up a few hours ago… I followed him out here, and we talked a bit. He cried. Laughed… I think he’s having something like mood swings because of what Hongjoong was talking about.”

Seonghwa hummed quietly, lips pressed together in a familiar expression of helplessness. “Hongjoong thinks we should wake him up, to make sure he eats and gets enough water. He can sleep afterwards, if he wants.”

Wooyoung inclined his head slowly, fingers tensing against Yeosang almost protectively. “Okay,” he said quietly. “I’ll wake him up.”

Seonghwa merely nodded, walking back into the cave as Wooyoung tried to figure out the best way to wake Yeosang without jarring or frightening him.

He raised a hand, prepared to do what his mom used to when he was little, and rub his back while waking him gently. But no sooner than he lifted a hand, Yeosang tensed.

“I heard,” he murmured, voice rough from the crying as his limbs shifted slowly, like a statue learning to walk.

“You were awake?” Wooyoung questioned as Yeosang’s body tensed in preparation to move.

“I woke up a few minutes ago…” His lips and tone were sluggish, still clearly tired.

“You just need to eat something and drink some water,” Wooyoung assured him, helping shift Yeosang backwards so he could plant his unsure feet on the ground. “You can sleep more after that.”

“Don’t wanna sleep,” Yeosang muttered, straightening slowly to ensure his legs would hold his weight again.

But Wooyoung merely stared at him, eyes red from tears, and his cheeks pink from sleep… His hair was long enough to almost reach his shoulders, fallen in his eyes and framing his face as it stuck in various directions.

Yeosang rubbed at his eyes slowly, and Wooyoung was slapped across the face at the fact that the action was cute.

Fuck it, Yeosang’s whole stance at the moment was cute.

Not in the stupid baby way that Yunho tried to act when he wanted to convince San to let him eat an extra dessert. But in a way that made it seem that he was made out of rounded edges and soft corners- none of the spiky personality or glares that Wooyoung was used to seeing from him.

Even in the sleek black suit they wore, with his shoulders curled in, his wrists bent, his knees just bent enough- as if he were trying to be smaller, rubbing at his eyes with his wrists, rather than his hands. 

Certainly opposite of the rigid stance and cold tone he was used to. 

And then Wooyoung winced, stomach churning in guilt, because the only reason Yeosang had ever been someone flat and unapproachable was because they were slowly killing him-

“I can feel it.”

He started, staring at Yeosang who stared back at him, eyes half-closed, as if he couldn’t be bothered to open them anymore, lips soft and not set in a terse line.

Yeosang lifted one hand, tapping his temple softly. “You keep feeling guilty.”

Wooyoung’s jaw tensed, already having heard a million reasons why they shouldn’t feel guilty from Hongjoong. But that didn’t really help.

“Can you blame me?” Wooyoung asked, intending to try and laugh with it, but his throat grew uncomfortably tight as he stared at Yeosang.

Yeosang… who stared at him calmly, not emotionlessly. With a million little ticks across his face, hinting at exhaustion, annoyance, disbelief, regret… Emotions and feelings that he hadn’t been able to feel before. Hadn’t been able to show.

But with an unmistakable softness in his eyes surrounding it all. 

Wooyoung’s eyes tried to burn, but he blinked it away, pressing his lips together. “The last time I heard you speaking, you were screaming that someone was hurting you, and I didn’t know what the hell to do.”

He saw Yeosang’s jaw tick slightly, but not in anger. He wet his dry lips carefully, chewing his lip for a moment.

Another dozen ticks that Wooyoung had never seen Yeosang do before. All because of those people.

“I… was in a lot of pain,” Yeosang whispered, voice hoarse as he stared at Wooyoung.

Almost in indifference. Almost.

There were too many things swimming in his eyes. Things that weren’t all bad. Something was glowing in Yeosang’s eyes, and it made breathing very hard.

Because he’d never seen that before.

“Every time they suppressed me, after a certain point… was like having a limb twisted behind your back and pinned there.”

Wooyoung winced.

Yeosang swallowed thickly, fingers curling loosely. “And when I heard them talk about just putting me on brain kill… I was so fucking scared,” he whispered roughly, voice remaining that almost comical gentle. “And when they hooked me up… I spent twelve minutes in the worst agony I had ever felt.”

Tears brimmed in Yeosang’s eyes, but they didn’t match the expression on his face. His eyes held too much light and darkness and anger… Wooyoung honestly couldn’t find a single emotion to name as the primary sensation going through Yeosang right now.

“I was screaming, and I didn’t even think you could hear me,” Yeosang murmured thickly, lips curling in distaste. “They… were going to essentially kill me and keep me as nothing more than a shell, and they weren’t even going to have the decency to make it painless.”

Wooyoung wanted to shake away the memories of those screams. The ones that hadn’t sounded like Yeosang, that barely sounded human-

But he didn’t. He held onto them, letting them replay.

Because that was what Yeosang felt. One of the only things he had been allowed to feel- was fear and pain.

“I honestly wished it was a faster process,” Yeosang assured him, lips trembling but his voice steady. “I was in fucking agony...” His jaw tensed. “And what did you do?” he questioned, head tilting, making a few tears spill down his face, some getting lost in his longer hair.

Wooyoung had… sat there and considered bringing him to the one person who was doing it to him.

Wooyoung had turned him over, time and time again, to Dr. Kim and just went on his merry way.

Wooyoung had teased him and tormented him about being emotionless and a robot-

“You made it stop.”

He couldn’t stop the disbelieving laugh from leaving his mouth as he stared at Yeosang as if he had gone crazy.

But Yeosang stared at him with something more reminiscent to the gazes Wooyoung was used to- hard and daring Wooyoung to question him.

“Do you think I would have gotten out of there without you?” Yeosang questioned, expression pinching painfully. “Do you think something would have magically changed after three years? That I’d somehow be able to be my own knight in shining armor?”

“Yeosang, I don’t blame myself-“ 

“You do,” Yeosang said, voice turning a bit thinner as more tears ran down his cheeks, that hardened expression disappearing into a fragile one that looked on the verge of breaking. “You do- I can feel it, Wooyoung.”

“I feel guilty and shitty and everything in between,” Wooyoung said, standing as well, only a foot or so separating them. “But I don’t blame myself. I know I didn’t do that to you. But I was involved. So let me stew in that for a bit, okay?” he requested stiffly.

Because no matter how much it wasn’t their fault… ignorance wasn’t a good enough excuse.

Yeosang scoffed, bringing a hand up to wipe at his eyes that only let tears fall faster. “You’re an idiot,” he muttered, voice weak and on the verge of breaking. 

Wooyoung managed to lift his lips for a brief moment. “That’s the first time you’ve been able to directly call me an idiot. Did it feel good?”

Yeosang blinked, staring at Wooyoung as if he had suddenly started speaking another language.

And honestly… it made it a lot easier to smile, seeing the utter confusion on Yeosang’s face that made it seem like he’d just been slapped. Something innocent and vulnerable in his slightly wide eyes that stared at Wooyoung.

Eyes continuing to burn, Wooyoung closed the distance, hugging Yeosang once more.

The other started, clearly not expecting it, his hands resting limply against Wooyoung’s back as he squeezed him firmly. It felt different, hugging him while standing. Wooyoung hadn’t noticed how close they were in height before.

Nor how scrawny Yeosang really felt, beneath the black suit.

“Let’s go eat,” Wooyoung said, managing to laugh in order to keep the tears at bay. He pulled away, offering Yeosang a probably pitiful smile.

Yeosang stared at him, dumbstruck.

Wooyoung simply tucked a piece of hair behind his ear and grabbed his hand carefully. “Come on…”

Yeosang went without fighting it, his hand in Wooyoung’s shaking a bit, but curling in a way that let his fingers brush Wooyoung’s palm, without actually returning the hold.

While they ate, Yunho went around and gave all four of them a scan, ensuring that their systems were clearing out effectively and that nothing was going wrong. Everyone passed with only a few cases of vague malnourishment and dehydration to speak of.

Yeosang was quiet while they ate, chewing on some protein bar they’d given him. Wooyoung kept eyes on him the whole time.

(Which wasn’t even that bad because Seonghwa kept watching Hongjoong, and Yunho kept staring at San, and Jongho was subtly trying to keep Mingi within his sights- so it’s not like he was being weird.)

But because of this staring, Wooyoung got a front row seat to Yeosang taking a bite of a plant that seemed similar to lettuce leaves.

He watched him chew once, his mouth freezing and tightening.

Wooyoung sat up further, on the verge of asking if he was okay-

Yeosang opened his mouth, letting the piece of green fall into his palm that he closed his fingers around quickly, hiding it by his side as he set the piece of leaf down.

Wooyoung couldn’t help but snort, nearly choking on his nuts he had half-chewed, making him cough-

Yeosang looked at him, startled by the loud noise covered with laughter, and Seonghwa also glanced over to make sure he wasn’t going to need to intervene.

By Yeosang’s expression, he definitely knew that Wooyoung had seen him, his face turning the barest shade of red as he ducked his head, letting his long hair hide his face as he suddenly grew very, very still.

Wooyoung coughed once more, silencing the cough and offering a distracting half-smile at Seonghwa to get him to look away.

Wordlessly, Wooyoung moved the green leaf from in front of Yeosang and passed over the remaining nuts he hadn’t eaten (or choked on). Yeosang glanced at them, and then peeked at Wooyoung through the spaces of his hair.

Wooyoung quirked his lips at him, but stopped staring, turning his attention to Hongjoong who was watching the two of them closely, his own lips looking amused.

For a moment… Wooyoung let himself feel relieved.

“Should we… talk about our plan?” San asked carefully, glancing around their circle to see if anyone was going to object. “Or… at least what the hell is going on?”

“I think… we’ve gotten a pretty good idea of what’s happening,” Seonghwa said slowly, also checking people’s reactions. “Yeosang, do you feel up to talk about it?”

Yeosang looked startled at being addressed suddenly, stiffening. “I…” He wet his lips. “I… don’t think there’s really a time… that is going to be completely right for talking about it.”

“We can put it off,” Wooyoung assured him, voice softening when Yeosang looked at him. “We haven’t been here long. We’re safe to just rest for a minute.”

Yeosang’s jaw tightened as he looked away. “We can talk,” he said, voice nearly giving. “I doubt we’ll ever feel ready to actually acknowledge all of that…”

Seonghwa hesitated, but when Yeosang fell silent, he nodded slowly. “Okay... Then let’s just… recap what we know.”

Dr. Kim was behind it all. He was Hongjoong’s father who had lied to him and three others, telling them they were partaking in an experimental trial, expected to last a few weeks.

This had been going on for four years, since Hongjoong became his test subject.

“Four years,” Hongjoong murmured, “was a long time to get used to what was happening. I got better at understanding what was happening to my body outside of my head… and I got better at controlling what parts of me were put through the machine hooked up to my hologram. I actually got good enough… that I could trick it.”

Seonghwa blinked, frowning. “Trick it into what?”

“Nothing long-term,” he assured them. “But… I knew enough to be able to change the brain waves being transmitted by our implants.” He turned to Seonghwa with dull eyes. “That’s how I got you through the door without an alarm. Through the implant, I changed your brainwaves for a split second to match my father’s.”

Outside of that being… horrifically violating and useful… Seonghwa’s mouth dropped open.

“Is that even humanly possible?” Jongho questioned cautiously.

“No, I couldn’t actually change his brainwaves,” Hongjoong assured him, fingers twisting gently. “But I could fool the machine reading it for long enough.”

Horrific and useful.

They shared what they knew.

San jumped at the chance to get to space, get an education, and leave his always arguing family behind. Mingi thought long and hard about being away from his family with so little contact, but ultimately decided it was the only way he would be able to make anything of himself.

And Yeosang…

Wooyoung stared with almost sick fascination as Yeosang stared at his knees, never lifting his eyes through his whole story.

And Seonghwa was a bit stunned, seeing someone he was so used to seeing emotionless and uncaring… look almost intimidated. It didn’t cross the line to “shy,” but Yeosang seemed to be trying to make himself as small as possible, avoiding eye contact, twisting his fingers together and brushing his hair down into his eyes like he was trying to hide…

And Seonghwa felt a twist in his gut at the thought that this was who Yeosang truly was.

Before they deadened his brain into what they wanted him to be.

Yeosang volunteered because he was turning of age, and was going to be kicked out of the orphanage he had grown up in, and he had nowhere to go. Nothing planned out.

They’d told him it would just be a “quick trip through his brain,” just to see if he’d be compatible with their programs. 

He woke up inside a cave nearly three years later. 

“I hadn’t even been officially accepted into the program,” Yeosang said, voice soft and blurry around the edges- regret, rather than anger, taking up his tone.

The entire purpose of the program was to use humans as a basis for a computer, to try and turn brainwaves into ones and zeroes that an AI could interpret. It became glaringly obvious that it was simply easier to hook a human up to a machine and call it an AI.

Science had crossed the line from experimental into inhumane.

“They never even gave us a chance…” San murmured, fingers curling tightly as he stared off, conflicted. “Why- I just don’t get  _ why  _ they would ever-“

“My father…”

Everyone winced collectively at the reminder, Seonghwa’s stomach churning as Hongjoong stared impassively at the stone, continuing to draw figures against the rough rock.

“My father was always obsessed with finding the things that no other scientist could,” Hongjoong said quietly, lips downturned. “And he did. So many times… He found missing links and errors that no one else could… He was brilliant, and that was why I looked up to him.”

A dark cloud passed over Hongjoong’s face before clearing back to calm indifference.

“I always knew… he was obsessive over his projects. He tended to try and bend the rules  _ just enough _ …” His lips thinned. “He’s gone a bit too far in the name of science before… But always with positive results. I just… I never thought he’d go this far.”

“And then he dragged even more people into it,” Mingi murmured, glancing between the four of them. “You guys thought you would be helping test a better future…”

“Honestly, I feel more pissed off than betrayed,” Jongho said, eyes darkening. “I don’t really care that they lied to me or that they manipulated us into trying to perfect you guys-“ His fists formed, tight and white knuckled. “I just really feel like punching Dr. Kim in the fucking nose. No offense,” he muttered at Hongjoong.

Hongjoong shook his head quickly. “Be my guest,” Hongjoong scoffed, waving a dismissive hand. “You won’t see me standing up for him. Using me was one thing… but then he involved more and more people…” His eyes darkened. “And the things he did to us… just to form us into perfect little robots-“

Yeosang suddenly stood, making Seonghwa jump at the sudden movement, but he was already nearly running to the mouth of the cave, a hand pressed to his mouth as if he were about to be sick-

Wooyoung jumped up, running after him, waving a hand at Seonghwa to let him know he was handling it and to continue on.

Yeosang disappeared from sight around the side of the cave, Wooyoung following a bit slower, calling his name gently.

And that was another stunning realization. One he should have already realized but…

That was Yeosang. 

Wooyoung’s Yeosang. 

The two of them didn’t know how to let each other breathe in peace… and it was a bit startling, seeing the sides of them that Seonghwa had never been allowed to see.

Seonghwa wasn’t aware that Wooyoung knew  _ how  _ to be gentle with Yeosang. But Wooyoung didn’t seem like he was struggling with it at all. Which brought up another question of how long the two of them had since learned to get along beyond their endless banter.

He supposed more went on behind closed doors than he expected.

When he glanced back at Hongjoong, his eyes pinched with guilt.

“I… I’m sorry,” he said, glancing between San and Mingi. “If any of you want to leave and get some air-“

“We’re fine,” San assured him, glancing at Mingi who nodded readily. “I think Yeosang’s just… overwhelmed.”

“They targeted him most heavily,” Hongjoong agreed, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. “He went through more… alarming procedures than the rest of us. It makes sense that he’s not very keen on discussing it…”

Seonghwa glanced back at the mouth of the cave. He could hear vague conversation happening, but he had no clue who was speaking or what they were saying.

He looked back to Hongjoong, searching for any sign that the conversation was straining him…

One thing he’d never noticed (or never needed to notice) was how well it seemed that Hongjoong held things in.

Because Seonghwa knew there was no humanly way he was as calm as he seemed. As unaffected. Not with the nightmares he’d seen, the glimpses of horror he’d caught, the fact that it was his father behind it all…

Hongjoong was holding something inside. Something unsettling. And Seonghwa suddenly found it so fucking unfair that Hongjoong could read his emotions so well, but Seonghwa was left to search uselessly.

So far, all he’d gotten from Hongjoong were nightmares.

“Do you… hate him?” Yunho asked, voice as fragile and careful as crystal glasses being set on marble. “Your father?”

Hongjoong pressed his lips together, staring at the stone darkly.

“Yunho, that’s not relevant,” Seonghwa scolded gently, giving Yunho a look-

“It’s fine,” Hongjoong said before Yunho could apologize, shaking his head. “Hate...” He trailed off, eyes going a bit distant before he blinked and was back. “I don’t think… I’ve had enough time to process what’s happening. I know that I hate what he’s done, and I’m disgusted that I ever looked up to someone who was capable of this.”

His lips curled in distaste, his expression souring as his fingers curled into fists on his knees.

Everyone watched him, breaths held.

“I know that I hate him for what he put everyone through… I hate that he got confident enough in his past rule-breaking to go this far… And I hate what he did to me, that I was the first person he decided was  _ disposable _ enough-“

His anger failed as his voice wavered dangerously, eyes dark but looking prepared to brim with tears any moment.

Seonghwa reached a slow hand out, mouth open to give some sort of reassurance-

Hongjoong gently moved his arm out of reach, not looking at Seonghwa, struggling to keep his anger up.

“I know that I’m never fucking going back to that place, and I never want to hear his name ever again,” he hissed, knuckles turning white as his teeth ground together. “I don’t ever want to think about him or anything about that place.”

And Seonghwa’s hand fell to his lap, eyes widening slightly.

“But… what about stopping him?” Mingi asked so very carefully, but Hongjoong still looked up at him sharply.

There was anger in his eyes.

But also a very clear plea. To stop talking. 

Seonghwa’s lips closed, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut.

“Y-Yeah,” San said slowly, apparently missing the plea, looking nervous but voice firm. “We- We have to go back. To confront him about what he did to us-“

“We don’t have to go back to do that,” Yunho said, picking up on the tension and lifting a placating hand. “We can go to the authorities-“

“He’s a respected name among just about every community,” Hongjoong said darkly. “Good luck getting anyone to do anything.”

“He was experimenting on humans after lying about what was happening!” Jongho said sharply, looking disgusted, voice raising.

“Jongho,” Seonghwa tried to calm-

“He’s bent rules before,” Hongjoong assured them, suddenly looking… a bit numb. “He’s gotten away with misconducts before. And he’ll get away with this one, too.”

“You said he’s never done anything this bad before!” Jongho fought angrily. “We have  _ implants  _ in our necks! How the hell is he-“ 

“He’s on an S class ship with an entire team of scientist who decided not to say anything,” Hongjoong said bluntly, making Seonghwa wince. “How many was it? Fifteen people? Fifteen scientist directly involved, and who knows how fucking many others-“ He gestured angrily with a hand. “He’s practically kidnapping people- Who knows how many other people are involved? It’s an entire fucking web-“

“So because there’s more than just him… we’re supposed to just let it go?” San asked quietly, looking wounded.

“Do what you want,” Hongjoong said roughly, turning away. “I’m just telling you that’s it’s not going to go anywhere, and you’re wasting your time.”

“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa said, voice almost scolding for how shocked he was at the statement-

Hongjoong shoved himself to his feet, glaring heatedly. “Do what you want,” he repeated numbly. “But leave me  _ out  _ of it. I’m never looking back at that place.”

Seonghwa opened his mouth, trying to figure out where the sudden anger and bitterness had appeared from.

“What if he does it to others?” Yunho demanded fearfully. “Even if no one believes us, we have to at least put it out there that there’s something shady. He may just replace us with whatever other volunteers they find-“

Hongjoong’s expression pulled down, another dark shadow passing over him. “Not my problem,” he said, voice turning reedy, dropping low. “We all got out of there. That’s all that matters. Just go back to your families and tell them the program was bullshit. We don’t have to keep reliving that nightmare-“

“You just said you hated that he was doing this to people!” San fought, worry turning to disbelief. “Even if you don’t want to go back, you can’t just sit here and tell us to go home and leave it alone!“

“Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong was looking at San, eyes dark and fists clenched, but he froze at Seonghwa’s call. He didn’t look at him.

But Seonghwa stood up slowly, staring at Hongjoong… the tense shoulders, the white knuckles, the warped expression of anger… the shaking that looked like he was either about to break down or break something.

Seonghwa wanted to embrace him, touch him, something-

But Hongjoong slowly turned to him, expression hardening as he stared angrily at Seonghwa.

“You said it with Yeosang,” Seonghwa said gently, taking a step towards him, hand extended slowly. “They suppressed a lot of you, too,” he reminded him. “The mood swings-“

“Don’t act like you know what you’re talking about,” Hongjoong scoffed, dodging Seonghwa’s touch once more. “And you feeling guilty isn’t going to make me ever fucking go back there.”

“We aren’t trying to make you go back there,” Seonghwa assured him quietly, a placating hand floating between them. “But… you can’t deny that we have to do something.”

“No, we don’t,” Hongjoong snapped, fists shaking. “I’m walking away. You guys can do what you want-“

“Hongjoong, we have to go back!” San fought, glaring. “It happened to  _ us _ .  _ We’re _ the evidence-“ 

Hongjoong looked at San so sharply, Seonghwa grabbed Hongjoong’s arms to ensure he didn’t move forward. Even Yunho extended an arm in front of San, eyes widening, as if he had also feared Hongjoong might… attack?

San’s lips pressed together, anger and something more fragile shining in his eyes.

Hongjoong scoffed dismissively, yanking his hand from Seonghwa’s grip so hard, Seonghwa’s nails scratched his skin, but Hongjoong didn’t even seem to notice.

“Well, then, you can go back on your own,” he muttered darkly, glaring around at all of them. “I’m never returning to that hell again.”

He started walking away.

Mingi shoved himself to the side to keep out of Hongjoong’s path as he stormed towards the cave entrance, body tensed into a line ready to snap.

Seonghwa understood.

And Hongjoong would never have to go back to that hell- Seonghwa would die before letting him back into the hands of those monsters. He didn’t want to make Hongjoong return to the place that held so much horror for him.

It wasn’t fair to ask him to face his abuser like that. Especially as his father.

But… it felt wrong.

Hongjoong’s anger, the reactions to everyone… Was that just a part of Hongjoong they had been suppressing that could no longer be held back? Or was it like Yeosang’s mood swings, and just a product of his brain finally being free to feel?

Either way, his anger and darkness was unsettling, as if he was about to do something he’d regret. 

His anger was justified, but Seonghwa didn’t want him to face it alone. 

Seonghwa jogged quickly after Hongjoong, stomach churning at the anger radiating off of him like heat waves, waving a hand at the others to try and assure them it would be okay.

“Hongjoong!” Seonghwa called, but the other didn’t slow down, making it into the dirt of outside and continuing to walk towards the denser part of the trees at the edge of the clearing.

Seonghwa sped up.

“Hongjoong, stop,” he called loudly. “You can’t just wander off!”

Hongjoong began to sprint.

Seonghwa ran faster, a hand reaching out to the growing distance between them.

“Hongjoong!” he yelled, just as Hongjoong was about to reach the tree line. “You don’t have to go back there! You’re-“

The ground in front of Seonghwa exploded.

The world flipped as he was suddenly thrown backwards by a blast of heat, dirt spraying in every direction.

Seonghwa hit the ground hard enough to wind himself, his skin burning like a slapped sunburn as he cracked his eyes to see nothing but dirt.

His ears rang like a high pitched scream.

For a moment, he couldn’t move, paralyzed by the explosion and the sound of chaos clanging around him.

The world flipped again, and he was staring up at Yunho’s dirt covered face staring at him in panicked horror.

His lips moved, and Seonghwa had to viciously concentrate to hear what he was yelling as he grabbed Seonghwa by the front of his shirt, hauling him into a sitting position, making his head spin yet again-

There was a tree fallen only a meter from Seonghwa’s legs, part of the wood missing as if it had been blasted.

Blasted…

_ Blasters. _

Someone had fired a blaster.

He was dragged to his feet, and through the spinning and ringing, he saw a gaping hole in the canopy of trees, showing the clear blue sky marred by a menacing figure of an A class cruiser.

With that knowledge, Yunho’s screaming became intelligible.

_ “Hyung, they’re here!”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SORRY FOR ALL THE CLIFFHANGERS ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 
> 
> I’m so grateful for everyone reading this! You guys seriously have no idea how much it means to me (>w<)  
> Thank you all so much for reading!! Please let me know what you think, lovelies!! 
> 
> Please be safe and healthy, lovelies!   
> -SS


	4. What Makes Us Brave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels so nice to be back on semi-quicker updates lol~   
> This chapter was so much fun, and I love it! I edited it super quick, though ㅠㅠ But I hope you all enjoy it just as much~ 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, lovelies!   
> I hope you’re all happy and safe!   
> -SS  
> (TW: homophobia and homophobic families)

“ _ Run! _ ”

Like a hand grabbing a bell, the ringing in his ears suddenly cut out, letting Seonghwa hear every ounce of chaos around him.

Yunho was dragging him back towards the cave.

San stood at the mouth of the cave, staring out in horror.

The clearing was destroyed with gaping holes in the dirt and trees felled in crisscrosses.

To the left of the cave entrance, Wooyoung was getting to his feet where his body had been laid across Yeosang’s who looked dazed, a cut on his forehead and dirt smeared across his face.

They were all huddled near the structure, seeking cover-

Hongjoong.

With a cry of realization, Seonghwa whipped around, yanking his hand from Yunho and sprinting back across the clearing.

“Hyung!”

“Get to the cruisers!” Seonghwa yelled over his shoulder, salty earth filling his mouth as the other side of the clearing exploded in dirt. “ _ Go! Now! _ ”

They all stared for a moment, conflicted, until Wooyoung shoved Yunho forward. “ _ Run! _ ” he ordered, one hand grabbing Yeosang’s arm and the other shoving San so hard he stumbled into Jongho.

Seonghwa vaulted over a tree in his path, landing on the other side and seeing Hongjoong laying face down in the dirt, his head and shoulder pressed against the roots of a tree. It looked like he had hit the tree when he was thrown. 

“ _ Hongjoong! _ ”

He didn’t shift, making Seonghwa curse as he sprinted on bare feet, dropping down beside Hongjoong on his knees.

It was harder to get him off the ground than it was to slide him off of a raised table, but Seonghwa flipped him over, grabbing an arm.

He ignored the blood smeared across Hongjoong’s pale face, hauling him over his shoulders in a fireman’s hold.

Seonghwa shoved his feet beneath himself, Hongjoong light enough to carry without struggling, but heavy enough to make a difference as another explosion sounded behind Seonghwa, shoving him forward to stumble through the trees.

He turned left, orienting himself to make sure he was going to the right direction.

They’d never even gotten a chance to sort themselves out. How many days had it been? Five? Less? And they’d found them already? Their exact location within the planet?

He ran as fast as he could without dropping Hongjoong or slamming his head into a tree as they got to a denser section of the forest.

He could hear trees groaning and creaking, crashing to the ground and splintering behind them-

By the time Seonghwa’s face was drenched in sweat, his feet probably bruised if not bleeding from running over the sticks and stones and leaves on the forest floor… he felt Hongjoong shift.

“Don’t move,” Seonghwa ordered over his panting, blinking sweat out of his eyes as he felt Hongjoong’s body weight shift as he lifted his head before dropping it with a pained groan. “You might have a head wound. This isn’t the best position to carry you, but…”

He let it hang as he grabbed onto Seonghwa’s arm to steady himself, letting Seonghwa run a bit faster with the added stability.

“W… What…”

“They found us,” Seonghwa panted, running around a stump in his path. “We need to get to the cruisers-“

“You’re… You’re bleeding…” Hongjoong mumbled, still sounding dazed.

Seonghwa frowned. “Me?” he demanded as they finally made it to the section where the trees began to thin. They were close.

“Back of your head,” Hongjoong mumbled, bouncing against Seonghwa’s back as he leaned forward slightly, trying to run faster.

In front of him, he could see the white of Yunho’s sleeping shirt in between the trees.

“We’ll take care of it later,” Seonghwa breathed, feeling a bit light-headed. “We’re almost-“

“’m sorry,” he mumbled, tongue tripping over itself.

“Shut up,” Seonghwa huffed, expression hardening. “It’s-“

He heard a high pitched whine of a blaster charging to full power just as he broke through the clearing where the others were racing towards the cruisers.

“Hit the deck!” he heard Yunho yell even as Seonghwa’s instinct took over and he dropped to the ground like a stone.

His chin hit the ground painfully, the wind knocked from him as Hongjoong’s weight fell completely against his upper back, half landing on his head.

But he heard the discharge of a blaster and then the sound of metal tearing apart.

One arm flew back, covering Hongjoong’s head as much as he could as small bits of metal rained from the sky.

“They got the cruiser!” Wooyoung yelled, fear and distress breaking his voice.

“Go! Everyone into the other one!” Jongho ordered. 

Seonghwa lifted his head, forcing Hongjoong’s body to shift backwards as San yanked people to their feet. It was chaos. 

Jongho was suddenly in front of Seonghwa, grabbing Hongjoong around the waist. “Hurry!” he yelled, dragging Hongjoong like a rag doll, eyes wide. “Before they recharge!”

Disoriented or not, Seonghwa ran with them, the others all scrambling up the ladder.

“Wooyoung, get us in the air!” Yunho yelled, practically shoving San up the ladder without him even needing to touch it.

“Here!” Jongho lifted Hongjoong to Yunho inside the cruiser, his smaller body being dragged inside without an issue as Jongho flew up the rungs, too.

“Get us airborne!” Seonghwa yelled as he grabbed the ladder.

No sooner than he’d ordered it did his feet leave the ground before he’d even put them on the rungs of the ladder, his grip redoubling as wind whipped around him.

“Come on!” Yunho yelled, face pale as Seonghwa dragged himself up three rungs, fighting the air rushing past him as they climbed through the trees.

Yunho’s hand grabbed his wrist, holding tight as Seonghwa clenched his eyes shut as leaves tore passed him, nearly ripping him off the ladder.

“Jump!” Jongho’s voice ordered, another hand grabbed his other arm.

Without hesitation, Seonghwa pushed off of the rung, both hands dragging him upward with the momentum until his waist slammed into the side of the opening.

His feet scrambled for a moment, but Yunho and Jongho dragged him up, scraping his entire lower half against the rough metal, but Seonghwa didn’t even feel it as San slammed the button to close the hatch that nearly caught Seonghwa’s foot.

“Go hyper!” Yunho yelled to Wooyoung as Seonghwa panted into the metal flooring of the cruiser.

“Within the atmosphere?” Wooyoung screamed back, his voice breaking, implying that Yunho had lost his mind.

Seonghwa could barely hear over his own ragged breathing, but he made out Yeosang’s voice responding, calmer and quieter.

“Do it,” he ordered softly. “I’ll stabilize.”

Lifting his head sent a shot of pain down his neck, but Seonghwa found Yeosang sitting in the co-pilot seat, fingers already flying across the board.

And for a moment, he thought Wooyoung might argue.

But looking back, it was a stupid thing to think.

He found himself unsurprised when Wooyoung merely cursed, fingers racing across the steering column without hesitation.

Trust. Always and inherent.

“Buckle up!” Wooyoung yelled as the blue sky began to stretch and warp with hyperdrive engaging.

Yunho grabbed Seonghwa, pushing him into a sitting position and shoving his back against the back wall for support.

No sooner than he’d done it did momentum shove Seonghwa against it so powerfully, he couldn’t have shifted forward if he tried.

A hand grabbed his on either side, everyone holding each other in place without any real safety belts, but to his right, a face pressed against his shoulder. Unable to do more than turn his head slightly, Seonghwa stared down at Hongjoong bracing his forehead against Seonghwa’s shoulder, hand clasping Seonghwa’s tightly.

Several tense, quiet moments went by.

“Are our boosters still attached?” Wooyoung asked, one hand grasping the steering column and the other continuing to adjust dials and switches to keep them together during hyper.

Seonghwa was on the verge of asking if he or someone else needed to help Wooyoung and relieve Yeosang. But he swallowed the words before they even really formed.

Yeosang’s movements were just as practiced as Wooyoung’s, delicate fingers holding down buttons scattered across the screen. As if he’d been doing this a thousand times.

And… he had. Just as a mental participant, rather than a physical one.

In fact, there was no better co-pilot for Wooyoung.

“Everything is functioning,” he reported, reminiscent of the Yeosang Seonghwa knew, but tinged with too much worry and concern to be the same. “We can hold hyper for seventeen minutes before we start losing our vent boosters. At fifteen minutes, we can drop down to mid-warp to reset everything.”

“That takes what? Nine minutes?” Wooyoung questioned seriously, eyes dark as he stared at the readings coming across the screen.

“Between the two of us, we can cut it to five,” Yeosang assured him calmly. “After those five minutes, we can continue on at hyper until our next destination.”

“Where are we going?” Wooyoung asked the cruiser at large, not daring to glance back and miss a reading.

The cruisers were meant to be two-man fighter ships. There was a small cargo area beneath the floor panels, but no other room besides it. So the six of them were crowded in the back space that was only really large enough to walk through, pressed together like little sardines.

Honestly, Seonghwa was comforted by the proximity more than anything. It allowed him to hear everyone breathing- even recognizing the in and out breaths of San, Mingi, and Hongjoong (who still braced himself on Seonghwa).

“Just keep flying for now,” Seonghwa said when no one immediately piped up with a miracle solution. “We want distance, at the moment.”

“I can’t believe they blew up my fucking cruiser,” Yunho bemoaned quietly, completely joking about the severity of it compared to what may have happened.

“Oh, shit,” San breathed quietly, breath hitching. “I just realized we… we left  _ everything. _ All our supplies…”

“Yes,” Seonghwa said, voice strong and calm before anyone could chime in with something potentially panic-inducing. “We’ll be fine, though. We just need to find a planet that will have supplies for us.”

“Do we have any money?” Mingi asked, making Seonghwa pressed his lips together firmly, expression tensing.

He wasn’t angry at the question. It was relevant and necessary to ask.

But he hated that the answer was that no, they were just going to have to do without.

“We can look for planets that have a barter system,” Jongho said, voice hesitant but hopeful. “There’s gotta to be some part of the cruiser we could sell. Or our boots-“

“We’ll figure something out,” Seonghwa agreed, relieved at the suggestion. “But a barter planet sounds like a good start.”

“But… most barter planets are way advanced,” San practically whispered, swallowing nervously at having to ruin the plan. “They wouldn’t trade much for something plain like shoes. And… especially without knowing how long we’ll need to run, we can’t risk getting rid of any part of the cruiser…”

Seonghwa’s fist tightened in frustration before realizing he still had Hongjoong’s wrapped in his. He loosened it immediately, wetting his lips as he tried to think.

Hongjoong’s hand squeezed his slowly, almost a comfort, but without seeing his face, it was hard to tell.

“Bartering is our best bet,” Seonghwa decided. “Even if we have to ask for scraps around the planet.”

“Get a distance between us and them, first,” Yunho warned. “It won’t do us any good to stay in the area.”

“Uh-huh,” Wooyoung responded flatly, turning a dial. “And does anyone want pickles with that order?”

“Is now really the time for sarcasm?” Jongho questioned, even as Yunho cracked a smile and San managed a weak chuckle.

“There is never a better time for sarcasm than in a life or death situation,” Wooyoung assured them. “Ask Yeosang. It’s how I get out of all my impossible situations.”

Yeosang was silent, continuing to make adjustments across the control panel, though he seemed withdrawn, rather than the usual apathetic.

“He… does like to make comments,” Yeosang said quietly, as if he didn’t really want them to hear.

Wooyoung chuckled, and Seonghwa found himself able to quirk his lips a bit, too.

They were alive, still. They could… make this work. 

It wasn’t until Yeosang reached across the board to check the exhaust readings that Seonghwa caught sight of and remembered the scratch across his forehead, dried blood running in streaked around his eyes- minimal, but still concerning enough.

“Who needs medical attention?” Seonghwa asked at large, struggling against the force of momentum to stare down their line.

“I just scratched my head on a rock,” Yeosang replied calmly, voice soft around the edges in a way it never had been before.

When he was being himself, Yeosang spoke like everything around him was a spooked animal.

“You  _ hit _ your head on a rock,” Wooyoung corrected petulantly. “I don’t know how hard you hit-“

“Perhaps you should have tackled me in a better direction,” Yeosang replied quietly, not sharp but knowing.

“Well, excuse me for not thinking about it while we were being shot at,” he huffed in response, but Seonghwa could practically hear the smile in his voice.

“What did I say about routine movements and actions?” Yeosang questioned rhetorically, the bickering almost the same as before, but Yeosang sounded a bit more amused than he ever had.

“You suck-“

“ _ Medical attention, _ ” Seonghwa repeated loudly, regretting to break up their moment, but wanting a report. 

“Mine is fine,” Yeosang said, glancing back at Seonghwa to show how small the cut was. “It doesn’t even hurt.”

“Just scrapes and bruises from running,” Yunho said, all the others agreeing with him.

“Hongjoong, lift your head so I can see where the blood is coming from,” Jongho requested gently on the other side of Hongjoong.

Hongjoong was still for a moment, and Seonghwa almost thought he had fallen asleep, but then he was slowly lifting his head with a notable effort against momentum. Seonghwa glanced from the corner of his eyes as Jongho leaned forward enough to examine him.

Dirt and blood smeared across his face, but Hongjoong stared off, his eyes dull and flat…as if he were so very tired.

Jongho managed to prod around a bit, frowning. “I think there’s just a cut on your forehead and a scrape across your temple… I don’t think it’s coming from anywhere else. They don’t look bad… Does your head hurt excessively?”

Hongjoong shook his head slowly, head dipping back down like he didn’t want to hold it up.

“Am I bleeding?” Seonghwa questioned, shifting his head for Yunho to see the back. “Hongjoong mentioned it, but I didn’t feel anything.”

“Probably adrenaline,” Yunho tutted, but long fingers prodded through Seonghwa’s hair. “There’s dried blood, but the wound looks small. Probably hit your head when the explosion threw you. Your face and arms look a little red, too… probably from being so close to the blaster shot.”

Glancing down, he saw his arms were pink, like a concerning sunburn.

“So, nothing major to account for,” Seonghwa summed, “but enough damage, that we’re going to want somewhere we can get medical attention or at least trade for some supplies.”

There was a general pause of agreement, Seonghwa sighing and leaning his head back, tilting it to keep pressure off of the wound.

“I’m… ’m sorry,” Hongjoong suddenly murmured into the silence, head dropped low and resting against Seonghwa.

The hand that was still inside Seonghwa’s curled into a shaking fist.

“What for?” Yunho questioned, sounding bewildered.

Hongjoong took a slow breath that shook too much to be dry-eyed. Seonghwa’s stomach flipped.

Hongjoong clearly tried to keep the tears quiet, but his voice shook in a too telling way. “F-For everything,” he said quietly, voice weak. “For… For yelling before, for telling you it was stupid, for w-walking away and then getting hurt because I was too s-stupid to be  _ calm- _ “

“You say that like there’s something worth blame in there,” Seonghwa said, frowning severely. “Hongjoong, you didn’t do anything wrong-“

“I was fucking s-selfish,” he spat, weak anger diluted with tears on his tongue. “And I- I don’t even know why I was yelling, but I just- I just-“

He cut off, taking calming breaths that didn’t seem to do much as they all sat in somber silence. Seonghwa squeezed his hand gently, shifting closer to him. 

“Do you really think… it’s selfish of you… to not want to go back there?” San question quietly, leaning as best he could to see Hongjoong’s curled up form. “Hongjoong… what they did to you was just short of torture.”

“They did it to  _ all _ of us,” Hongjoong fought, voice thick, rubbing his tears against Seonghwa’s shoulder. “I was just too fucking selfish-“

“You’re crazy if you think what San and I went through is the same as you and Yeosang,” Mingi spoke up, quiet but stern, San nodding along quickly. “They left us alone for the most part. It was jarring and scary, and I can’t lie and say I’m not going to have fucking nightmares about it… maybe for the rest of my life.”

Hongjoong’s breath shook again, and Seonghwa squeezed his fist gently.

“But you were held there for four years, and you knew it,” Yeosang’s quiet voice suddenly pierced through.

Seonghwa looked up, but Yeosang didn’t glance back, his fingers stiff on the steering column and back rigid.

“You were aware the whole time… And it’s not that it’s a competition, but you went through more than is fathomable, Hongjoong,” he said flatly, voice a bit dull around the edges.

As if he were speaking about it, but trying not to let himself think about it.

“Your brain hasn’t fixed itself yet,” Yeosang reminded him gently. “It’s still going haywire, and even if it wasn’t, it’s not your fault that you never want to have to think about that place ever again. You shouldn’t  _ have  _ to ever think about it again. That’s your right, to remove yourself completely from that hell.”

Seonghwa saw Wooyoung glance at Yeosang, but look away quickly, as if he didn’t want to make it seem like he was staring.

“That’s your choice,” Yeosang assured him sternly. “The rest of us have that same choice. Whether its stupid and useless… or not. We can make the choice to go back and stop them, the same as you can make the choice to leave it behind. There’s no right or wrong choice, Hongjoong. Not when you go through the things we went through.”

Hongjoong was shaking harder, but the cries were silent, despite how Seonghwa could feel his back spasming with containing them.

“It’s not wrong for a victim to never want to think about their trauma,” Yunho said comfortingly. “And once we’re safe… we’ll help you find somewhere to go. Somewhere your dad will never find you, and somewhere you’ll never have to think about him again.”

Seonghwa brought his other hand over slowly, laying it on Hongjoong’s knees that were pressed to his chest, squeezing it comfortingly.

Hongjoong continued to cry, wordless, as they all tried to find a word to say.

“We’ll keep you safe,” Seonghwa promised under his breath, really intending the words to be for Hongjoong. “I promise… Even if we spend the rest of our lives running, we’ll find a way to keep you safe. That’s our first priority, Hongjoong. Only after that will we even consider going back to fix anything.” 

Hongjoong tucked his head further into Seonghwa’s shoulder, shifting upwards a bit until he could hide in the crook of his neck, shaking breaths and damp eyes pressing to Seonghwa’s skin.

Seonghwa couldn’t do much from their position, but he held him as best he could, Hongjoong feeling exceptionally small in his arms. He tried to send some sort of comfort… as if that aura might reach Hongjoong and convince him he was safe.

He vaguely wondered if Hongjoong could feel that intent through the implant…

“In a few minutes, we’re dropping from hyper,” Wooyoung told them somberly after a few minutes of heavy silence. “I suggest once we’re back to hyper, we fly for as long as we’re comfortable with, and then take a scan to see what planets we end up near.”

“We still don’t want anywhere crazy,” Jongho noted. “We don’t want people getting caught up in it, if we do get found again. And we don’t really know how they found us so quickly.” 

“As much as I’d love somewhere civilized, camping off the radar is our best option,” San muttered, bringing a hand up to massage at the back of his neck with a wince as his hand dragged over the implant. “It’ll make us harder to-” 

_ The implant.  _

Seonghwa gasped audibly, eyes widening.

Simultaneously, he heard San take a sharp breath, snatching his hand away and staring at it with gentle horror.

“The implant,” Seonghwa demanded when everyone looked at him sharply.

“The implant!” San repeated, expression warped between fear and discovery.

“Wait- Could they track them, now that they’re unhooked?” Jongho demanded, brows drawing down darkly. “I thought we unhooked you from the machine.”

“They’re still functioning,” Seonghwa reminded him sharply, blood turning icy. “I- I assumed they would be operating on a closed channel- circuit- whatever the hell you want to call it. I never through they might transmit that openly-“

“Does it have an open signal?” Wooyoung demanded from the pilot seat, risking a glance back with wide eyes. “What- I mean, how does it transmit?”

Everyone’s eyes skipped from Yeosang, Mingi, and San… landing on Hongjoong who had his face hidden in Seonghwa’s shoulder.

Hongjoong took a slow, deep breath that sounded a bit calmer than before, but seemed as if it took a monumental effort to take. He uncurled just enough for them to be able to hear his voice, though his body was stiff as stone against Seonghwa.

“The… The implants… I  _ thought _ … I assumed they were too weak without the machine to do much,” he said, voice low and hoarse. “And… to an extent, they are. We can’t communicate as fully via them… and they can’t connect to the suits any longer. The signal is too weak.”

“But-“

“Hush,” Seonghwa urged before Wooyoung could interrupt, staring down at the top of Hongjoong’s shaggy hair.

Hongjoong swallowed, his throat bobbing against Seonghwa’s arm. “But… Seonghwa mentioned seeing my nightmares. Without me trying,” he clarified quietly. “The fact that he was able to receive a visual- which is more complex than auditory or emotional… and the fact that he was able to override the sort of… one way street that the visual signal is…” 

Hongjoong had struggled to show Seonghwa a visual for years.

Hongjoong had seemed confused over that sudden success, but not really… concerned. Which he definitely sounded, now.

“The connection between implants is definitely stronger than I assumed,” Hongjoong murmured thickly. “And… yes… that means that their signal would be… easier to pick up on, from an outside source. They’re designed to communicate with each other, but… they’re not on a closed or locked channel.”

He sounded like he was announcing a funeral list.

And Seonghwa’s stomach dropped like he was.

Hongjoong curled back up, dropping his head to his knees stiffly. “I- I’m sorry,” he muttered, sounding close to breaking down again. “I- I should have realized- I knew something was wrong-“

“You’re going off of information you gathered while under a hundred different drugs and operations,” Jongho said bluntly, though his voice softened at the end. “The fact that you can give any information is enough.”

“Yeah, we wouldn’t have a clue what the fuck is happening without you,” Yunho comforted gently, trying to offer a quiet smile. “It’s not… It’s not your responsibility to know stuff, Hongjoong. It’s okay- you’ve given us  _ everything  _ we know so far.”

Hongjoong just curled tighter, arms crossed like a barrier.

With a bit of struggling, Seonghwa managed to get one of his arms behind Hongjoong, wrapping it around his shoulders and tugging him closer to lean his little ball against his side.

“It’s okay,” he assured him quietly, but not trying to hide it from the others this time. “Whatever you’re feeling… it’s okay. You can let it out…”

Hongjoong took a sharp, shuddering breath that sounded like glass breaking. But there was no release of tears or any yelling. Hongjoong just curled that much tighter and shook that much harder.

Seonghwa kept a tight arm around him, waiting for Hongjoong to try and shake him off.

But he didn’t.

Silence fell over them once more. And Seonghwa felt a knot of anxiety, of uncertainty, of fear wrap around his stomach painfully tight.

Unconsciously, he leaned into Hongjoong a bit. He swallowed, closing his eyes against the space flying past their view screen, taking a slow breath. In the past, he might have heard Hongjoong whispering in his head about how his breathing exercises sucked and weren’t doing any good.

Instead, he had a warm, living body pressed up against his, shaking but alive.

And even if it wasn’t the same, even if Seonghwa knew that Hongjoong was hurting without a way to be comforted, Seonghwa still let himself take a bit of comfort in the familiar presence.

Even if he was human, even if he had emotions Seonghwa wasn’t used to seeing… it was still Hongjoong.

Hongjoong, that Seonghwa trusted above and beyond even himself. It didn’t matter if he was tangible now. He still knew everything about Seonghwa, still experienced all those years with Seonghwa…

Even if it was a marred, broken experience… Hongjoong still remembered them.

He was still Hongjoong.

Still Seonghwa’s Hongjoong.

Just as important as he had ever been.

~~~~~~~~

They dropped from hyper, and Wooyoung heard a collective, quiet sigh of relief from the others.

“Stretch your legs now,” Wooyoung warned as he and Yeosang both dropped to the ground, pulling the panel from the bottom of the console and revealing the underbelly of wires and connectors. “You’ve got five minutes.”

He heard shuffling behind him but didn’t both looking as he laid on his back, staring up at the mess of wires.

“You take care of the automatic processors,” Wooyoung ordered, hands weeding through a sea of yellow wires in search of the blue he needed. “I’ll handle the connectors.”

“Automatic processors,” Yeosang repeated, sliding under beside Wooyoung, the space small enough that their shoulders and arms brushed as they worked. “Make sure all warp functions are reset.”

“They’re clear,” Wooyoung reported, shifting down to disconnect a wire that smoked a bit. He blew on it sharply before replugging it. “How are the boosters?”

“Nearly fried,” he replied crisp and quiet as he began stripping the wire covering back, breaking the tiny copper wires apart with eyes almost angry in their intensity. “Demo crystals?”

“Intact, thank God,” Wooyoung muttered absently, closing his eyes when a bit of dust fell as he unplugged a large red wire and examining the three prongs. He bent it back into place before replacing it.

“We can last hyper for maybe three hours,” Yeosang said, expression stoic as he rummaged through a jungle of green wires looped together. “We could push it to four, if we’re willing to give up the demo crystals once we’re done.”

“We’ll stick with three,” Wooyoung muttered, mouth twisting in distaste. “We’re not ruining any part of this cruiser we don’t have to.”

He groaned as he sat up, his body aching from the abuse of the past few days, but he managed to stand as Yeosang slid out from under the console. He offered a sooty hand down.

Yeosang stared at it for a moment, expression unreadable in its impassiveness, before he took it in a firm grip, pulling himself to his feet as well as they turned back to the console.

“Alright,” he said, falling back into the seat and staring at the screen as he started punching things in.

He heard Yeosang clicking all the systems back into place.

“Did you… know all that stuff before?” Wooyoung asked without looking over, though he could feel Yeosng glancing at him. “About the ship. Did you already know about it or did you learn from them?” 

He did risk a glance, but Yeosang was concentrating as recalibrating the gravitation readers, expression calm and withdrawn slightly, but softened in a gentle sort of way. 

“I don’t… remember everything that they processed through us,” he confessed quietly. “The calculations and big numbers and useless jargon… I didn’t know about flying before, but we did it often enough together that I remember.” He nodded to himself, as if he thought that was a good thing to be proud of. “At the very least, I remember how to fly with you.” 

The last part silenced whatever remark Wooyoung might have been wanting to make. 

He simply nodded and offered a quiet smile before sobering. 

“Where would three hours of hyper put us at,” Wooyoung muttered to himself, tapping his chin, watching the screen fly through their path through space before stopping abruptly with a green ring around a cluster.

“The Xenron galaxy,” Wooyoung said, voice tightening a bit.

Yeosang glanced at him before returning his attention to the screen. “It has only two bartering planets in all of its systems,” Yeosang reported, knowing everyone was listening. “Hyg and Yenre.”

“How advanced are they?” Seonghwa asked the question none of them wanted to know.

“Highly,” Yeosang said regretfully, soft voice pinching as his lips stiffened the further he scrolled through the list given to them by the computer. “Lowest official bartering item is a cerulean crystal.” 

“Shit,” he heard Yunho breathe harshly.

Wooyoung’s lips pressed together hard enough to turn white, his entire body stiffening as his grip tightened on the console. “They’re not great options,” he said stiffly.

“What’s the nearest other bartering planet?” Mingi questioned slowly.

Yeosang tapped a few buttons, glancing back up. “Either much too far for us to reach, or only an hour’s hyper drive away.”

“That’s too close,” Jongho hissed in frustration, groaning and running a hand through his hair. “We need distance.” 

“It may be our only option,” Wooyoung muttered darkly, his stomach twisting and turning like it was trying to tear itself apart. He turned his seat around, and was suddenly face to face with six tense, tired, frustrated faces of fear.

Wooyoung swallowed, straightening stiffly as Seonghwa actively softened his gaze.

“We can stop an hour away,” Seonghwa suggested. “Trade enough to get some supplies before moving on. And we’ll think of a more permanent location from-“

“Sensors just picked up something,” Yeosang reported, tense and sharp.

Wooyoung swung his chair around, staring at the screen and tapping the controls rapidly.

“An A Class ship,” Wooyoung read off, stomach sinking as his blood ran cold. “Roughly 104 kertz away… It’s gotta be the same one that attacked us.”

Fuck, that was too close for how far they went in hyper.

“How the hell-“

San’s outraged cry was cut off as he remembered exactly how the hell they had followed them so fast.

They were being tracked.

Wooyoung wanted to put a fist through the screen and the stupid red, blinking light of the A Class following them.

“We can’t risk stopping that close,” Yunho pressed fearfully. “We have to go the full three. We can figure out something when we get there, but we need to get farther.”

“Just get us back to hyper,” Seonghwa ordered, everyone settling back into their places. “Other worries come after avoiding getting caught.”

Wooyoung steeled himself, grip tightening on the steering column.

Right. The first thing that mattered was not getting caught. They had to make sure that no one got their hands on them again.

As the cruiser began to rumble, beginning to go hyper, Wooyoung glanced over at Yeosang.

His expression was tensed in concentration, a furrow in his brow as he leaned over the console, working as rotely as any of them ever did on a cruiser. His lips were thin in concentration and pulled in an almost frown.

The only expression Wooyoung had ever known on Yeosang was indifference.

And if he let those monsters get them again… he might go back to that. Or maybe… maybe they would just kill them. They had been planning on turning Yeosang brain dead anyway-

Wooyoung’s head was filled with so much buzzing static, he completely missed Yeosang telling him to engage the drive.

They’d wanted… to turn him brain dead. To get rid of everything but what was needed to run through a  _ machine- _

“ _ Wooyoung _ ,” Yeosang said, stronger and with a tap to Wooyoung’s arm hard enough to make him draw away. Yeosang stared intently. “Engage the drive,” he ordered.

Wooyoung shook his head, not even having to look as he flipped a switch, feeling the shove of momentum pushing him back into the seat as they took off again.

He grit his teeth, staring out the window and hoping that Yeosang wasn’t actually still staring at him, because it felt like it was his eyes pressing to the side of Wooyoung’s head, burning a hole and demanding his attention.

Wooyoung didn’t give it, stubbornly, and simply called a half-sarcastic statement to the others that they should get comfortable for the ride.

“Sleep, if you can,” Seonghwa told them gently. “We don’t know how the next few hours will go.”

Wooyoung’s knuckles turned white as everything fell quiet again. He practically glared out of the screen, watching space fly by, his entire body feeling like it was caught in a vortex that was trying to tear it apart from the inside out- his blood cold and rushing, his heart beating too fast, his skin itching like he needed to run…

He heard the rustling of discomfort behind them slowly morph into silence and quiet breathing.

When he glanced back, everyone’s heads were laid down, eyes closed. He had no idea how many of them were simply resting and how many were actually asleep, but he felt a bit better, seeing them resting.

He faced forward away, staring at the little green dot they were racing towards on the screen.

Xenron…

That class A had found them too quickly… They were tracking their implants. And somehow, Wooyoung felt extra disgusted at that. His implant was something he came to value because it was the thing that gave him Yeosang.

And even with Yeosang beside him, aiding him without needing to be a glowing ball of lavender… the implant seemed like a sacred thing that they had desecrated by using it against them.

Absently, his hand lifted, laying over the implant in the base of his skull, fingering gently at the little ridges and falls of the etching and chipping of it.

His jaw tightened.

“You’re angry.”

Wooyoung glanced at Yeosang, and found him, in fact, staring directly at Wooyoung.

And it was beginning to dawn on Wooyoung how much of Yeosang he had never known, in all the years they had worked together.

But he was also beginning to see the parts he did know.

The part that argued with him when it could, and the part that shut up and worked together like a well oiled machine when it was needed… the part that was a little too sarcastic, able to match Wooyoung’s pace…

The part that was made of soft eyes that never  _ glared,  _ but that would look at you and were so intense, you felt like someone was holding you down.

Wooyoung was used to seeing that gaze from someone a foot tall and colored lavender.

Seeing it, full-sized and in color… made Wooyoung’s mouth go dry as Yeosang stared at him. His eyes were lax and gentle, but his gaze seemed like it was tearing its way through Wooyoung to find exactly what he was trying to hide.

And for whatever reason, Wooyoung was confident that Yeosang didn’t need to be in his head to figure it out.

Wooyoung didn’t look away, though, holding Yeosang’s gaze.

(His eyes were a light brown, he noted. The kind that would probably turn gold in sunlight. It was weird, after seeing only purple.)

“I’m not,” Wooyoung said quietly, glancing at the screen to ensure he wasn’t missing anything. “What would I be angry about?”

Yeosang stared.

Wooyoung didn’t cave, though his lips pressed together defiantly.

Yeosang continued to stare, as if silently asking Wooyoung how long he really thought this would go on for.

Wooyoung set his jaw, unwilling to voice the sickness in his stomach.

Yeosang finally sighed quietly, turning back to the screen and adjusting their bearings. “Maybe you’re angry at yourself, rather than something else,” Yeosang said, voice so quiet, Wooyoung could barely hear it.

So the others in the back most certainly could not hear it.

Yeosang worked innocently, though his voice was heavy. “You’re angry at yourself for even considering going back there.”

Wooyoung saw it coming.

He fucking knew that it was coming.

But hearing it aloud, in Yeosang’s voice still slammed into his stomach hard enough to make him want to gag. He turned away, not even touching the console, just glaring and feeling like he could tear something apart with his bare hands.

As soon as he finished sobbing like a child.

He jumped when a hand rested on his fist, gentle and soft, like a flower petal landing on his skin. He stared at Yeosang, eyes probably comically wide.

Yeosang simply stared- intense and unnerving and so very knowing. But underneath it all… there was understanding. And pity. And regret.

“You have no reason to avoid that place,” Yeosang whispered, voice carefully low to keep the others from hearing.

Were it the past, this conversation would have happened in the dark of Wooyoung’s cabin, or within his head where no words needed to be exchanged verbally.

And maybe that was the hardest part- hearing it out loud in public for the first time.

Wooyoung looked away, feeling as if he would say the wrong thing if he kept eye contact.

“And second of all,” Yeosang murmured warmly-

Huh.

Wooyoung had discussed this a hundred times with Yeosang, over the years. And he had only ever heard it talked about in robotic, analytic, emotionless apathy. Cold tones and blunt words- which was the AI Yeosang’s best attempt to not be harsh and sharp in his words.

It had been… the first time Wooyoung understood that Yeosang did care. Even if he didn’t (or couldn’t) show it.

And now… hearing it in a warm tone, a gentle tone… a tone that was practically coated in regret and empathy…

Wooyoung’s eyes burned fiercely, making him shut them tightly to keep the emotions at bay.

“Second of all… why would you even consider it an option?” Yeosang posed gently, questioning and… and careful.

It was so different from the AI he was used to.

But… Wooyoung had always known, that in the cold tone and blunt words… there was caring and empathy hidden away. He knew that it was Yeosang’s way of telling he cared.

So in a way… it still sounded just like him.

“I’m not… considering it,” Wooyoung muttered under his breath, quiet and careful. “But… But Hyg and Yenre are never going to work out. We won’t be able to get shit there, and we all know it.”

“We’re going through with it because we have no other options.”

“Yeah, we have no other options,” Wooyoung whispered, placing a hand over his eyes to ensure they stayed dry. “So…we may have to use something… that wasn’t an option, before.”

“Wooyoung,” Yeosang murmured, and it almost sounded pleading.

The sound of it made Wooyoung’s heart wrench.

“Wooyoung, you don’t have to go back there,” he pressed quietly, his hand squeezing Wooyoung’s arm gently. “We’ll get to Hyg or Yenre, and we’ll figure something out-“

“Until they track us again,” Wooyoung fought back in a quiet hiss, teeth gritting together. “And then we run again, to a planet we can’t get shit from. And then they track us, and we run- It’s never going to fucking end, Yeosang. We need somewhere to at least make a plan,” he hissed.

“And you think we can do that at your old home?” Yeosang demanded quietly, expression warping. “What exactly do you expect to get from there?”

“It’s two galaxies over from Xenron,” he explained stiffly. “If we shifted course after the Gideon conglomerate, it’d only be another hour to my home planet.” He swallowed the sick feeling in the back of his throat. “My dad has tools, my mom has medical supplies… they have food and water we can restock with- we can at least get our immediate needs taken care of. Even if we only hang around a day.”

It made him sick to say it.

It made him want to tuck his tail between his legs and scamper away. It’d only been about three years, but it felt like a lifetime of freedom that he’d enjoyed from that place.

And he felt like a coward.

But Yeosang was right beside him, also telling him not to go.

“We’re not anywhere near anywhere else that could give us help,” Wooyoung pressed, not even realizing how badly his hands were shaking as he pressed along the console. “At the very least, we can restock.”

“We’re not in need of supplies that badly-“

“Infection, dehydration- everything each of you have running through you,” Wooyoung listed bluntly, turning to stare defiantly at Yeosang.

Yeosang…

Yeosang stared at Wooyoung, as if begging him not to.

And Wooyoung was unprepared for how hard Yeosang’s softened gaze would punch him in the chest, making him want to give in and just keep running.

He’d never seen Yeosang beg before. Had never known there was a thing in all the world that was important enough to make him utter a plea. 

But he grit his teeth, blinking back the burning in his eyes.

“It’s not like I’m going back there for good,” he said stubbornly, hoping his voice wasn’t actually shaking. “But we have more issues than just a few scratches. You and the others need more hydration- you’re still working through the last of those serums they were putting into you-“

“Not at the cost of everything you ran away from,” Yeosang pressed, sounding more desperate. “Wooyoung, you know they’re never going to let you just walk away-“

“Do you think they could stop me?” Wooyoung demanded, managing a weak little manic laugh. “You think I wouldn’t do whatever it took to get out of there again?”

Yeosang stared at him, lips pressed together.

And Wooyoung’s stomach flipped when he realized his eyes were shining with tears.

Wooyoung managed another weak laugh that sounded like glass breaking to his ears. “You can’t seriously be that worried for me,” he scoffed, trying to play it off.

“I was in your head, Wooyoung,” Yeosang whispered softly.

Wooyoung looked away as naturally as possible, trying not to make it seem like he was hiding as he rolled his lips stiffly, bile burning the back of his throat.

“I know what being there was like for you,” he whispered hoarsely. “And I know what it meant to you when you got away. I know how they affected you- How they still-“

“Yeah, I remember, too,” Wooyoung snapped, a bit harsher than he meant to, but he didn’t apologize as he glared at the screen. “I was there.”

Yeosang was silent, the hand on his arm flexing gently, a silent plea.

Wooyoung didn’t want to go back. And Yeosang was begging him not to. 

But he took a breath that was deep enough to hurt and slow enough to make it that much harder to keep his eyes dry. “We’re out of options,” He said quietly, voice rough. “We can’t just keep drifting. We at least need a pit stop. And we don’t have anywhere else to go.”

The grip on his arm tightened. “Wooyoung,” Yeosang begged.

Wooyoung turned his chair, removing Yeosang’s grip from his arm roughly.

“Seonghwa,” He called quietly, not wanting to wake up everyone before running it passed the oldest.

Seonghwa started, jarring Hongjoong pressed to his side enough that they both lifted their heads blearily, clearly having managed to get to sleep.

Wooyoung winced apologetically, but it faded quickly as ice filled his veins again- Seonghwa and Hongjoong staring up at him, Hongjoong’s face still smeared with blood, and the strain of it all clearly showing on Seonghwa’s.

Wooyoung pressed his lips together, swallowing his fear and selfish desires to run.

“I think I know somewhere we could go,” Wooyoung said, hoping the shaking of his lungs didn’t permeate his voice.

“Woo-“

“It’s not far off,” Wooyoung said without letting Yeosang speak, even though Hongjoong and Seonghwa both glanced at the other. “And we could get food, supplies, and medical attention.”

Seonghwa frowned slightly. “Where?” he questioned, clearly believing it too good to be true.

Well, it sort of was. But Wooyoung managed a tight smile.

“My home planet.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Your home?” Yunho echoed, frowning as he rubbed the last of sleep from his eyes. “The one you ran away from?”

Wooyoung nodded, and Seonghwa narrowed his eyes, not believing his nonchalance, but finding no hole in it to poke at. “My parents are some real bitches,” Wooyoung assured them. “But they would never turn us away.”

Seonghwa didn’t like this.

Especially not with Yeosang staring at Wooyoung, silently pleading with a look that Wooyoung was pointedly ignoring.

The expression was startling on Yeosang, to say the least- that usually cool face warped in quiet desperation, as if he were holding himself back from saying something.

Seonghwa didn’t know much about Wooyoung’s past. Well, Wooyoung didn’t know much about Seonghwa’s, but that’s because there wasn’t much to tell. He came from a suffocating planet in every way, and he jumped at the chance to get away to something more.

But Wooyoung had run away… against his parent’s wishes, according to him. He never really said much about why he ran, and always just said the planet and family were too overbearing. He just wanted freedom, and he got that here.

And maybe it was just the over-emotionality that Hongjoong talked about making Yeosang so nervous, but Seonghwa knew that Yeosang must know exactly why Wooyoung ran away. He’d been inside his head.

Wooyoung looked carefree, as if they were doing nothing more than taking a stop at a nosy relative’s house.

“Yeosang,” Seonghwa said, feeling slightly guilty when Yeosang stared at him, startled at being addressed. “What do you think?” he asked carefully.

Wooyoung’s head whipped to stare intently at Yeosang, but Yeosang was looking at Seonghwa’s, lips tucking in for a moment before he spoke, after only a second’s hesitation.

“If Wooyoung thinks… that it’s a good idea… I don’t see why not,” he said slowly, glancing at Wooyoung.

Like a cloud clearing after rain, some of the trepidation cleared from Yeosang as the two locked eyes, his jaw tightening almost in determination.

“Is it necessary?” Yunho asked, glancing between the two. “If you ran away… You don’t know much your parents may have changed… That was two years ago, Wooyoung…” he reminded him nervously.

“We can still chance Xenron,” San pressed, frowning gently. “We don’t have to make-“

“We all know Xenron is a lost cause,” Wooyoung said, turning away from Yeosang with an almost grateful glance. “It was a Hail Mary guess at best. We’d never get anything from there we didn’t steal. All we’re doing is running, and we don’t have the supplies to keep that up for long.”

Seonghwa… begrudgingly knew he was right.

But still…

“Wooyoung, if you’re not comfortable going to your home planet, we’ll figure out another way,” he assured him sternly, eyes dark where Wooyoung stared at him almost defiantly. “Even if we end up stealing- it’s not like we’re not already on the run.”

“We can’t risk drawing more attention,” Wooyoung said firmly, unmoving in his determination. “And as far as my parents go…” He laughed quietly, so flat that Seonghwa couldn’t place an emotion within it. “There’s no way they wouldn’t help us. I can’t guarantee it’ll be entirely pleasant for everyone, but… It will give us the supplies we need. And a little discomfort is worth that, isn’t it?”

He stared, almost accusing, at Seonghwa.

“They need help,” he pressed, voice quieter. “We need at least food and water- not to mention we’re probably bound to get a lot more beat up. It’ll just be a pit stop. We can maybe even stay a couple days- as long as we feel we can- to rest up before moving on.”

Seonghwa ground his teeth together, conflicted.

He knew Wooyoung would never put them in any danger. But he could tell that at the very least, Wooyoung was not as okay with this as he was making it seem.

But… he was right.

Hongjoong and the others were still recovering. They needed food and water at the very least. And… honestly, an ally- even an annoying or uncomfortable one- would be greatly appreciated.

They may even be able to contact someone who could help them.

If Wooyoung was offering this… no matter how reluctant he may be, it wouldn’t be dangerous.

“And if they find us while we’re at your parents’ house?” Mingi questioned slowly. “Won’t they be in danger?”

“We’ll worry about that when we get there,” Wooyoung said dismissively, waving a hand. “Should I change course for Jinun?” he asked pointedly, glancing between Seonghwa and the rest of them.

Seonghwa didn’t like it.

But then again, he didn’t like anything about this whole situation. However, a need was a need.

“I think… it’s our best bet,” he said quietly, glancing at the others to see their faces hesitant also. “Even if we just run in, grab supplies and fly off.”

“Then let’s go for it,” San said, comforted by Seonghwa speaking up first, a hesitant determination in his eyes. “We’ll be able to make a plan from there.”

The others all nodded, save for Hongjoong who was still silent and curled up. But he hadn’t voiced an opposition, so Seonghwa merely nodded to Wooyoung.

Wooyoung didn’t necessarily look thrilled, but his expression hardened in a finalized decision, swinging his chair around and changing their coordinates on the screen.

Seonghwa looked to Yeosang who was staring at the side of Wooyoung’s head, unblinking in what almost seemed like a threat as he slowly turned his chair around as well.

_ Don’t do something you’ll regret. _

Hongjoong’s hand suddenly squeezed Seonghwa’s, making him remember that he was in fact still holding onto it.

Seonghwa glanced down, watching the way Hongjoong’s shorter fingers curled through Seonghwa’s like pieces of thread woven into fabric. Unwillingly, he felt his discomfort die down a bit, taking a deep breath that helped to chase the nerves away.

Seonghwa had created almost a bad habit of taking comfort from Hongjoong’s presence in his head. To him, it had been the ultimate comfort to remind himself that he wasn’t alone. That there was someone right there who understood him completely, inside and out.

And it was startlingly easy to merge that to the body sitting beside him.

“I feel bad…” Seonghwa murmured suddenly, squeezing Hongjoong’s hand back.

Hongjoong shifted slightly, lifting his head a bit, but not enough for Seonghwa to really see. Perking up like a dog’s ears. “For what?” he asked quietly, voice a little rough from the crying and silence.

“You know… everything about me,” he replied softly, his thumb rubbing against the back of Hongjoong’s hand absently as he stared at them. “Literally everything… but I hardly know anything about you. I haven’t been inside your head to know what you’re afraid of… and I’m not equipped to be able to know what you’re feeling…”

Everyone shifted as the cruiser changed directions, pressing Hongjoong further into Seonghwa’s side.

“And I feel bad… that you can’t have someone who understands you like that,” Seonghwa continued regretfully, heart heavy. “Because half of the comfort I get from you… is knowing that there’s someone who’s seen it all, and still… still stuck around.” He pressed his together tightly. “And I just think… it’s unfair that you don’t have someone like that.”

There was silence that met his little speech, Hongjoong remaining immobile and feeling slightly stiffer than before.

But Seonghwa still waited.

In truth, he wished he could hug Hongjoong for real. Because he knew that there was so much more going on beneath the surface than Hongjoong was showing- his anger before he stormed out was proof of that. His breakdown and apology was proof of that.

He was hiding some of it away- or maybe covering it up, like any victim did their trauma.

Because Hongjoong’s hurt was different from any of theirs, even Yeosang. Because Hongjoong’s hurt came from betrayal- knowing that everything that happened to him, to all of them, was because of his father.

Someone he had looked up to. Trusted. Even loved. 

“I… I don’t need someone like that,” Hongjoong murmured quietly, fingers flexing in Seonghwa’s hold but not tugging away. “Honestly, I never thought… that I’d need anyone,” he admitted, fingers curling back around Seonghwa’s tightly. “But I’m… I’m happy to… to have you,” he said, like it took an effort to admit it. 

But Seonghwa took the statement and held it tightly.

Because through the guilt of everything and Hongjoong’s reassurances that Seonghwa had made that time bearable… Seonghwa still wasn’t sure if he was nothing more than a bad memory for Hongjoong.

But Hongjoong laid his head to rest on Seonghwa’s shoulder, seeming unbothered and welcoming of the proximity.

“I… I know everything that went on inside your head,” Hongjoong whispered under his breath. “So I know… how much you cared about me. And… And I realize now… that that’s all I really need.” He swallowed audibly, hand holding Seonghwa’s tighter. “You care…  _ so much, _ Seonghwa, it’s almost painful to see,” he murmured thickly.

Seonghwa didn’t think so.

He didn’t think it was anything extra to feel that guilt and fear after what they saw.

“You cared so much about  _ me _ …” he went on quietly, pausing for a long moment. “You seriously cannot imagine… how much you saved me from losing my mind,” he whispered hoarsely, voice sounding thick. “How much you were the one thing… that made it bearable. You…”

He trailed off as Seonghwa tried to keep his breathing even, knowing that Hongjoong would feel any catch in his breath.

Seonghwa wasn’t used to being very… important to people.

It’s why he left his home. He knew that he had friends here among the Ateez program… and he knew that they relied on each other, and Seonghwa would consider them practically brothers, even more than friends.

The trust he had felt comfortable enough to give here… was unbelievable to him.

But Hongjoong had been the first. 

And even among the others of Ateez… none of them needed Seonghwa. They were capable and independent, and Seonghwa was just sort of a person they could look to to make sure they were going the right direction.

Hongjoong, though… Hongjoong had been helpless. Alone. Imprisoned.

And his words punched Seonghwa in the stomach like a fist.

“Even… Even before everything,” Hongjoong said, voice weakening the longer he spoke, “I was never… good at expressing myself. Not- Not when it mattered,” he assured him. “I could joke around about things, but… it was always so hard to tell someone what they  _ really _ meant to me… to explain that sensation in your gut that you get when you see someone that just… that just makes your entire body do this weird lurch-“

He coughed gently, clearing his throat roughly when his voice tried to catch.

Seonghwa wet his lips slowly, staring at his extended legs and chewing the inside of his cheek.

“I don’t… need someone who understands my every thought,” Hongjoong said after he finished clearing his throat. “I just… am happy that it’s you next to me…”

Hongjoong sounded as if the words were almost painful to say.

And Seonghwa knew that… sometimes, it was the people closest to you that were the hardest to say a good thing to. It took Seonghwa several minutes of building up courage just to tell Wooyoung he’d done well on the training floor today.

For whatever reason, humans were just weird that way.

And without the handy-dandy bonus of being able to communicate without words… Hongjoong and Seonghwa were now forced to voice what had once been understood, but unspoken, for years now.

Every time Seonghwa turned around… Hongjoong had been there. Whether it was when he laughed at Yunho falling from the training course or when their shields were failing and six cruisers were on their tail.

Seonghwa chewed his lip for another moment before shifting his arm that was still wrapped around Hongjoong, tugging him a bit closer into as much of a hug as he could give.

“I don’t know everything about you,” Seonghwa murmured, as if he could have forgotten. “But… I’m never going to let them take you, Hongjoong,” he assured him quietly, not sure if it was the right thing to say.

Especially when Hongjoong practically turned to stone in his grip.

Seonghwa swallowed the hesitation. “It doesn’t matter if I don’t know you perfectly… I know I can trust you beyond reason. And I know that you have been someone… that I value more than you can possibly understand, even knowing everything you do.”

Because it didn’t matter if Hongjoong could feel everything from Seonghwa.

Hongjoong could never truly comprehend what it meant to be totally alone… and then to have someone like Hongjoong appear.

Like a savior. Or a rope thrown down into a well you were slowly trying to crawl your way out of.

He never wanted for Hongjoong to have to feel so lost and angry again. 

“So… I don’t want you to think for a second… that I would ever leave you behind,” Seonghwa murmured firmly, squeezing his arm. “I can’t know everything you’re feeling… but you won’t face it alone, Hongjoong. I can promise you that. I’m not going to leave until you're safe. Until you have somewhere you can be happy, far, far away from that hell. I don’t know how to make you understand how much I want to help you, Hongjoong-“

“I can tell,” Hongjoong whispered, hoarse and weak, hiding his face from Seonghwa purposefully. “Trust me… Seonghwa. I… I know. I know, and I-“ He took a slow breath, clearly trying to hold himself together. “I… I…”

He cut off, shifting in Seonghwa’s hold until he was facing into his side completely, curling into him like you might while laying in a bed, tucking himself against Seonghwa’s side without hesitation, knees curled to his chest and pressing against Seonghwa’s ribs.

“Thank you,” he whispered thickly, voice filled with so many emotions, Seonghwa wouldn’t dare try and insult it by labeling a single one. One of his hands was held in Seonghwa’s and the other rested on Seonghwa’s thigh, curled tight into the loose pants he wore. “Th-Thank you, Seonghwa-“

It made his heart wrench painfully.

“We’ll get you safe,” Seonghwa murmured, running a comforting hand up and down Hongjoong’s back. “We’ll keep you safe…”

Seonghwa was almost surprised at how Hongjoong leaned into the different touches Seonghwa provided. He half expected him to try and shake them off or avoid them.

But Hongjoong hadn’t removed himself from Seonghwa’s side since they entered the cruiser. Especially after his anger, Seonghwa expected him to be hesitant about any sort of contact…

But Hongjoong kept pressing closer, accepting each touch without complaint and even giving his own- holding Seonghwa’s hand and curling his fingers into whatever loose article was clothing was close enough…

And as Hongjoong rubbed his face against Seonghwa’s shoulder, almost like a cat-

Or… rather, almost like a child holding its favorite pillow or blanket…

It hit him like a truck that… Hongjoong had been strapped to a table for four years… completely alone.

Touch starved did not even begin to describe what he was.

Him coming to sit near Seonghwa all the time, moving his sleeping bag closer… Seonghwa had just assumed it was wanting to be close because Hongjoong had been his AI. That it was just a natural inclination to choose Seonghwa as the most familiar face among them.

And perhaps it was, but… Hongjoong hadn’t had a single touch that wasn’t someone inserting a needle or adjusting some electrode in years.

Seonghwa’s eyes suddenly burned, making him blink rapidly as he tightened his grip on Hongjoong that much more.

It felt almost foreign, the sensation of trying to care for Hongjoong.

Hongjoong had been watching his back and telling Seonghwa how to take care of himself for three years now. That was what their relationship was- Hongjoong doing his assigned duty to ensure Seonghwa stayed in peak physical health.

Telling him what to eat, when to sleep, what to do during battles, comforting him when the nightmares returned or when the stress of life began to build…

As an AI… Hongjoong had not been “programmed” to show the difficulties he encountered. He wasn’t allowed to have that pain showing through.

And confident, playful, exasperated AI Hongjoong… was suddenly someone unsure, frightened, and angry- seeking a comfort from Seonghwa that he wasn’t sure he knew how to give.

But dear God did he want to give it to Hongjoong.

Seonghwa just… didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to reassure Hongjoong because he didn’t know what would happen, he couldn’t ease his fears because he didn’t know what was actually scaring him, and he couldn’t calm his anger because… well, because Hongjoong deserved the right to be angry.

Hongjoong was hiding so many things beneath a smooth smile, a fiery anger, and a quiet solemnity. And Seonghwa was trying so hard to read him, but…

Regardless of whether Hongjoong wanted someone who knew him inside and out… even if Seonghwa was enough…. Seonghwa wanted to give him more than just “enough.”

After three years, the least he could do was return the favor.

But when Hongjoong just tucked his head beneath Seonghwa’s jaw without question, the only thing Seonghwa could do was hold him a bit tighter and hope that Hongjoong would be okay until Seonghwa figured out how the hell they would get out of this.

Seonghwa had never been a very tactile person, aside from a pat on the shoulder or a ruffle of hair. He’d hugged the others of Ateez before, but mostly after a battle where adrenaline was high and they all pulled each other into quick embraces.

He’d never been in a position to ever… hold someone. Most definitely not like this.

But… over the hours, he felt Hongjoong slightly relax in his hold, letting the full weight of his head drop to Seonghwa’s shoulder… letting his arm fully rest against his leg, rather than hovering… having his body curve to match the lines of Seonghwa’s body, rather than being a rigid line against him.

Hongjoong seemed to have fallen back to sleep. 

He just wanted his clumsy comfort to be enough.

But it was  _ something, _ and Seonghwa just had to pray that that was sufficient for the moment as he lowered his shoulder to be at a more comfortable height.

~~~~~~~~~~

Wooyoung’s voice was calm and controlled.

“Reaching Jinun in approximately 23 minutes,” he reported, glancing back at the row of dozing people.

“Taking the hyper drive and shielding into account,” Yeosang added, staring intently at the reading scrolling across the screen, “there should be no way those A classes can catch up with us sooner than three days.”

“Even though they can track our implants?” Jongho asked, voice crackly with sleep that he wiped from his eyes.

“My parents are… what you might call a bit techno-phobic,” Wooyoung said, lips twitching without any real amusement. “The only advanced tech they keep is a sort of… tyren shield around their property. It won’t likely block the signal completely, but Yeosang agrees that it may be enough to scramble it enough to buy us some time.”

Time was good.

Time was all they needed. Just time to figure something out, a plan, a scheme of revenge, a safe place-

They just needed to get them all the fuck out of all this. 

Wooyoung felt the hair on the side of his neck prick up, and he glanced over to see Yeosang watching him- subtle, but noticeable. His expression was… a bit difficult to read. Some odd mixture of apprehension, determination, and maybe a bit of… disappointment.

“What?” Wooyoung questioned quietly, giving him an unimpressed stare.

Yeosang didn’t shy away, but he did break eye contact for a moment. “You don’t have to,” he murmured. “We have-“

“We don’t have other options,” Wooyoung said before he could finish, looking away as well and staring at the green dot on the screen that was rapidly approaching the red dot. “And stop assuming some shit is going to happen. Nothing is going to happen.”

“Wooyoung,” Yeosang said, voice flat in a way that was too uncomfortably knowing. “It was never your physical safety that you were afraid for while you lived on that planet.”

“We’re twenty minutes away,” he said, a bit sharper than intended as his grip tightened on the steering column, pointedly not looking at Yeosang, despite feeling his stare that had softened in pity. “It’s a little late to turn around. So stop pushing it.”

A pause.

“You find it harder to argue with me when I show emotions.”

Wooyoung felt himself bristle in a natural defense at the accusation, glaring at Yeosang from the corner of his eye. Yeosang was staring back at him calmly, but with that same softer light in his eyes that made his entire emotionless face seem much warmer than Wooyoung was accustomed to.

He was about to snap back some retort about how Yeosang was seeing things, that he was crazy…

But, despite the fact that Yeosang was no longer in his head and therefore could no longer really know when Wooyoung lying… it still felt wrong, trying to twist words in front of him. Wooyoung had never bothered actually  _ lying _ to Yeosang.

He’d insult him in ways he didn’t actually mean, and he’d laugh as he told obvious fibs that anyone- AI or not- could have called bullshit on.

But in terms of actually trying to hide a truth or reason because he didn’t want Yeosang to know? After the first moment Wooyoung trusted him, he’d never bothered to try.

He never  _ wanted _ to lie to Yeosang after that moment of trust.

And he still didn’t.

So, Wooyoung was stuck with sucking on his teeth to hold back the instinctive defensiveness that Yeosang was always spared because of his position in Wooyoung’s head. But here, as a person…

“Yeah, well,” Wooyoung muttered lowly, glaring out the screen, “when you argued before, it was always like you just wanted to prove me wrong. You were always churning out facts like a computer… you never actually let it show that you gave a shit. So, yeah, it’s harder to argue when I’m used to just ignoring you, rather than caring that you care.”

When all he was met with was a long silence, Wooyoung stiffened, slowly turning his head to see what Yeosang was doing.

He was staring at the steering column his hands rested stiffly on, lips tense, but no anger or anything on his face. In fact, he looked oddly numb.

“I couldn’t… show anything I felt,” Yeosang murmured, so quiet Wooyoung barely heard him. “And… to an extent, I  _ didn’t  _ feel anything. They shut down those parts of my brain.”

Wooyoung pressed his lips together, wanting to slap himself across the face with a fucking boot.

“But…even if I never… consciously felt anything, they can’t stop your brain from producing those chemicals… even if they stopped them from translating to the machine I was hooked up to.” He took a slow breath, straightening in his chair. “So, even if it never showed… I still felt it. I still cared-“

“I’m not saying that you didn’t,” Wooyoung said quickly, wanting to bite his own tongue off in frustration. “I’m not- I’m not saying that you were a robot or that you didn’t feel- I know you did. Even before I knew what they did to you, I could tell that you cared, in your own little smartass way-“

The teasing was a blind shot in the dark, but Yeosang turned to him with an exasperated glare that made Wooyoung able to breathe a little easier.

“But yeah… it’s a lot harder to argue with you when you’re looking at me and actually showing me up front… a lot of emotions,” Wooyoung murmured.

“Weak.”

“Excuse me?” Wooyoung squawked, unintentionally loud enough for the others to look up at them.

“I said ‘weak,’” Yeosang replied unapologetically, staring stubbornly out the windshield. “You talk big, but you’re so soft, you’re practically the inside of a roasted marshmallow.”

“I’m not soft-“

“You feel guilty about saying no to me, now,” Yeosang replied bluntly. “You’re barely able to even hold your ground.”

“Well, then stop with the fucking puppy eyes!” Wooyoung fought, glaring. “It’s not my fault-“

“What?” Yeosang questioned expectantly, turning and lifting a quite delicate eyebrow at Wooyoung. “Not your fault that showing the barest emotion makes your will crumble like a cookie? I’m not even using puppy eyes, Wooyoung- You’re just that weak willed.”

For a moment, Wooyoung felt like he’d been slapped.

And more things began to click into place in his head.

Because maybe… maybe all of Yeosang hadn’t quite been suppressed. His emotions, some of his mannerisms, some of his ticks- those were all new and terrifying to Wooyoung. But… the way he argued, the way he snapped back, the way he couldn’t allow Wooyoung the last word…

That was familiar.

It was different, still, because Yeosang didn’t do it with cold indifference on his face. He did it with the barest of smirks, and his eyes a gentler shade than ever- as if he was determined to torment Wooyoung, but was whispering a secret little “don’t worry, I’m only kidding,” all at once.

Wooyoung turned away slowly.

“Just… shut up,” he said in lieu of having any real retort, making even him realize how petulant he sounded.

Yeosang’s lips twitched in the barest of smiles before he turned back to the screen, his smile fading back to worry. “Arrival in ten minutes. Entering atmosphere in two.”

“Wooyoung, is there anything we need to be worried about?” Yunho asked cautiously, clearly trying not to step on some invisible line.

Wooyoung could probably name a list a mile long of things to worry about.

But nothing the others needed to be concerned with.

“No,” he assured him confidently, glancing back. “But let me do the talking. They aren’t going to turn us away, but some of this stuff needs to be talked about… delicately. Like I said, they’re a bit techno-phobic.”

He watched Seonghwa’s lips quirk in a half-failed attempt to lighten the mood. “I’m sure they’ll be very happy about you showing up with your three pilot friends and their once AI…”

Wooyoung grinned, though his stomach rolled violently as he turned back to the screen, beginning to ease them out of hyper.

“I’m sure they’re going to be thrilled…” 

~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa was sure he held his breath the entire of the following ten minutes.

Jinun was similar to his own planet- huge cities where there were populations and small, miles-and-miles-wide farms and grassland that barely had five people in a 500 mile radius. For a moment, Seonghwa was worried they might be heading to a bigger city where things might get a bit… crazy.

But Wooyoung assured him that his parents live in the middle of nowhere.

“You couldn’t catch them dead in a city as large as Rayal,” Wooyoung laughed, shaking his head as they eased through the atmosphere. “Even their groceries and stuff- they use those ancient programs that are still using humans in motor vehicles to deliver them.”

“What’s their issue with technology?” San asked, frowning in half-offense.

Wooyoung’s face was hidden from them, but he shrugged. “They just don’t care for it. They don’t think it’s necessary, and they’re always paranoid about how it can be hacked, who can trace it, what it’s connected to, blah, blah, blah…”

He waved a hand as if silently signaling that they were crazy.

And Seonghwa could almost believe his nonchalance. Except that Seonghwa had seen Wooyoung when he was apathetic and unbothered- and while what he was doing now was a good imitation, Seonghwa had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

He didn’t know what exactly Wooyoung was feeling, but it wasn’t the nonchalance he was trying to show.

“You’re worried about him,” Hongjoong murmured, voice suddenly speaking very close to Seonghwa’s ear, making him jump slightly after the hours of silence.

Seonghwa instinctively held him tighter, but let his grip relax slightly after the jump. “You’re not?” he questioned quietly. “I don’t believe he’s so unbothered.”

“Of course not,” Hongjoong mumbled, like it was obvious, shifting against Seonghwa’s side. “But Yeosang isn’t going to let him do anything stupid.”

It’s not like Seonghwa thought Wooyoung was putting himself in physical danger.

But the way Yeosang had stared at him, and the way Wooyoung had avoided his gaze… it was clear that Yeosang was against whatever Wooyoung was planning.

“Yeosang may be different… he may have changed,” Hongjoong murmured, curling against Seonghwa’s chest slowly. “But… regardless of his personality, he cares too much about Wooyoung to ever let him do something dangerous. If he’s letting him go… he thinks it’ll be okay.”

“How do you know that?” Seonghwa questioned slowly, frowning. “You aren’t connected to the other AI.”

It wasn’t like Seonghwa suddenly thought Yeosang was a pushover- several times over this short trip, he’d seen him firing back and forth with Wooyoung like normal.

But inside the cave, Yeosang had shrunk in on himself in the face of speaking to the rest of them. He’d practically been cowering, his eyes avoiding theirs, and his fingers twisting together nervously.

He was only concerned that Yeosang may want to say something, but was too nervous to.

But… almost as soon as he said it, Seonghwa shook his head against the thought. Because while Yeosang had shifted and mumbled in front of the rest of them, he’d shown no issue in confronting Wooyoung about anything.

Maybe he wasn’t brave enough to speak up in front of the rest of them, but he seemed plenty comfortable enough to scold Wooyoung to hell and back, still.

He opened his mouth, prepared to tell Hongjoong to forget about it, but Hongjoong was already shrugging. “It’s the same way I feel about you. It’s sort of instinctive to feel that way, after everything we’ve been through together.”

Hongjoong said it so casually, mentioning the fact that… that they felt connections. He’d said it before, of course, but it hit Seonghwa harder this time- the fact that they all… they  _ knew _ each other.

Hongjoong cared for Seonghwa, outside of AI and captives and betrayal.

And Yeosang cared for Wooyoung, outside of programming and suppression and coercion.

He glanced down the way and saw Jongho watching Mingi doze, a half-glare between his brows, as if daring him to wake up before he had to. On his other side, San was speaking quietly with Yunho who was tugging at his the front of his bangs, maybe discussing the regulation of their haircuts.

San tugged at his own hair that was curling long around his ears, lips quirked as if he wanted to make a joke about it.

They knew each other.

They weren’t just programs inside their heads. They were humans that had built trust and relationships with each of them, specifically and specially. They weren’t… just bad memories to them.

In the same way Seonghwa didn’t look at Hongjoong and just see a missing AI… Hongjoong didn’t look at Seonghwa and just see his prison. Hongjoong had the same, innate urge that Seonghwa had found, to protect and ensure their safety…

Not because he felt guilty for what they’d gone through.

But because Hongjoong was his friend. More than that. He was someone Seonghwa cared for more than anyone in the world. And Seonghwa… was someone that Hongjoong had spent years of his life caring for.

Neither of those urges would fade, just because things changed.

“One minute to touch down,” Wooyoung called, turbulence beginning to shake them a bit. “They don’t have a radio, so this is going to be a surprise visit, I guess.”

“As long as they don’t shoot on sight,” Yunho tried to joke, but it came across half-serious.

“I think my dad got rid of that old gun,” Wooyoung said, sounding entirely too serious. “But my mom’s always had a mean swing with a taser baton.”

Seonghwa stared, but Wooyoung was too focused on a smooth landing.

He’d thought that Wooyoung lived a pretty boring life, like Seonghwa. He’d always sort of assumed that Wooyoung had run away because his parents wouldn’t let him become more in life, sort of like Seonghwa. Maybe they’d been more suffocating than Seonghwa’s parents, who had met his dreams with indifference, rather than ridicule.

And maybe at the end of this visit, he still wouldn’t know exactly why Wooyoung ran.

But Yeosang kept glancing at Wooyoung, a patch of concern across his gentle expression, and it made Seonghwa’s curiosity and concern burn hotter in his stomach.

There was a small bump, knocking them all into each other, making Hongjoong’s head hit his shoulder roughly, and Seonghwa held it gently in apology as he stared out the screen.

From what he could see, it was nothing but pink sky and green grass for miles, disappearing into a horizon in the distance.

Wooyoung released a slow breath, easing his hands off of the steering column. “Alright,” he said, patting his thighs and standing. “Everyone can start getting off. I’ll head out first, though. No one…”

He glanced around them, usually playful expression forced into a mixture of sobriety and tense excitement, as if this were nothing more than just another mission. Seonghwa tried to remind himself of that- that Wooyoung was just as capable as any of them, and they had gone through worse than bad family situations.

They’d be okay. 

“Just, no one say anything until I explain the situation… and just go along with anything I say, understand?”

They all nodded, confused but trusting.

Seonghwa stood, groaning as his knees clicked and his back protested after the awkwardly bent position. He kept one hand on Hongjoong to keep him from slipping to the floor, half-crouched as he glanced back at him.

Throughout the trip, he hadn’t been able to see Hongjoong’s face.

But it still hit him like a brick to the stomach as he stared at the dried blood and dirt sticking to Hongjoong’s forehead and cheeks- running over one of his eyes. Seonghwa almost instinctively tried to brush it away, but he stilled his hand, reaching out for Hongjoong to take it.

Mingi and San groaned in effort as they stood with the help of Jongho and Yunho.

“Can you stand?” Seonghwa asked, glancing at his temple and seeing the dried, clotted blood stuck in his hair. “Are you dizzy? Tired?”

Hongjoong stared at Seonghwa for a moment before shaking his head, reaching up and grabbing his hand with a firm grip, despite how it shook slightly. “I’m a bit tired, but it’s just the aches and bruises. I can stand,” he assured him, tugging himself to his feet, though Seonghwa did most of the pulling.

When he was upright, he hissed, rolling his shoulders and rubbing at his neck as he carefully stretched his back.

“Do I need to carry you?” Seonghwa offered, only half-joking, but Hongjoong simply narrowed his eyes at his snark.

“I don’t need another incident of being carried like a rag doll over your shoulder,” he said, lifting an accusing eyebrow.

“We were being shot at,” Seonghwa reminded him, eyes widening at the statement. “You were unconscious. Shit was exploding- what? Was I supposed to gently shake you awake and ask if you could kindly climb on my back?”

“Guys,” San laughed, hiding his smirk behind his hand. “Let’s go. Wooyoung’s already heading out.”

Hongjoong simply smiled- heavy and sad, but with a light that reached his eyes as he kept one hand holding onto Seonghwa for balance as they followed San and Yunho to the hatch that was open.

Seonghwa climbed down after staring at Wooyoung standing a few feet from the cruiser, hands resting on his hips in preparation. He hadn’t noticed Yeosang move, but he stood slightly behind Wooyoung, hands twisting together, though his stance was almost aggressive.

As if daring anything to make Wooyoung need him as backup.

And maybe Seonghwa smiled a bit at that, though it faded quickly as he hopped from the ladder onto the hard packed, dry earth. The grass beneath his bare feet was rough and stung slightly, but the dirt was warmed from the sun.

It seemed as if it was mid-afternoon on Jinun. Seonghwa’s eyes traced across the pink sky that was almost reminiscent of Earth sunsets- gentle and soft seeming. Like those cotton candy treats.

They stood in the middle of nowhere, like he’d thought. The cruiser landed next to an old dirt road that stretched off and disappeared into wild, tall grass in the distance. It led behind them, and Seonghwa followed it until he saw a large home, looking like an artistic mixture of a farmhouse and a mansion.

“Farmhouse” was definitely the most prominent feature- made of colored blue wood and white steps that lead up to a white colored porch that wrapped around the whole house.

_ Plantation, _ Seonghwa realized the more he looked at it. In those old history books- it looked like a slightly run down version of those plantation homes. Probably a good bit smaller, too, though it had plenty of room between two stories- and even a small balcony hanging from the second level.

Beyond it, Seonghwa saw what he thought was another dirt road, but shifting his gaze slightly revealed it to be a small river or stream that ran behind the house.

It reminded Seonghwa a bit of his own home planet, but even his farming planet had been more modern than this. They worked with and utilized technology to the fullest, to an extent. They just didn’t like the idea of space stealing all their future farmers.

But this… this place looked like the oldest kind of museum.

He turned back to the cruiser after his quick surveillance, seeing Hongjoong preparing to climb down. Seonghwa reached up, preparing to catch Hongjoong should he fall, and by the time Hongjoong’s feet touched the ground gently, he was breathing a bit heavily, Seonghwa’s hands half-touching his waist to guide him so he wouldn’t miss a rung.

Seonghwa turned quickly when the sound of a creaky old door rang across the wide open space.

A grey-haired woman stood there, a long, black stick in her hand that crackled with electricity threateningly as he brandished it at them with a murderous glare.

“Who the  _ hell _ do you think-“

Her sharp eyes landed on Wooyoung at the front of their crowd, a switch flipping as he expression dropped into pale shock, the weapon in her hand lowering to her side and switching off.

“W… Wooyoung-ie?” she whispered, looking as if she had seen a ghost.

Seonghwa glanced at Wooyoung, but couldn’t see much beyond his tense profile.

“Hi, Mom,” he greeted, voice cordial but stiff.

“I-“ She glanced between him and the others, mouth gaping as she tossed the taser onto a white sun chair by the door, stumbling forward and down the steps. “What are you doing here?” she demanded breathlessly, glancing Wooyoung up and down, hands half held out like she wanted to hold him. “You- You came  _ home _ -“ 

“I’m not coming home,” Wooyoung said, voice firm and short enough to make Seonghwa blink in slight shock.

But Wooyoung looked at his mother sternly, like he was determined to not even give her an inkling of thought that he was here to stay.

“We need help,” Wooyoung told her, making his mother blink in shock. “We need medical supplies- half of us are dehydrated and undernourished. We just need to stay for a couple of days to get our bearings, and then we have to go again.”

“G-Go?” she questioned weakly, eyes widening. “Wooyoung- You just- You come home for the first time in almost three  _ years _ \- You never even  _ contacted _ us-“

“Will you  _ help us-  _ yes or no?” Wooyoung demanded, short and harsh, but without raising or hardening his voice at all. It was simply firm and unmovable, unswayable.

And Seonghwa was almost inclined to think Wooyoung was being a bit harsh, considering how heartbroken his mother looked.

But he shoved the pity away. 

He trusted Wooyoung’s judgement of running more than he did someone’s acts for sympathy. He didn’t know what this woman had done, but it was enough to drive Wooyoung away.

And make Yeosang want to keep him away. 

Seonghwa did not pity her as she looked away from Wooyoung, staring at the rest of them, looking prepared to pass out.

“Why… Why are you bleeding?” she demanded, voice turning frail as she clutched at her chest. “What- What happened? Who are these people, Wooyoung-ie?”

“They’re friends of mine,” he said shortly, silently telling her not to ask anything else. “We had a run in with some people.  _ Will you help?” _ he demanded, eyes intent and sharp, but not glaring.

Wooyoung wasn’t attacking or turning aggressive against the woman.

He was simply stating everything with a tone unmoved by sympathy or concern for what she may try and say.

Seonghwa watched her eyes hover over Hongjoong and then Yeosang- the two most visibly bloodied up. 

Her lips thinned, seeming to gather herself a bit as she laid a hand over her chest in comfort. “Of… Of course, sweetheart,” she said gently, glancing back at their cruiser with a little twitch of her nose in distaste, though it didn’t show on her face. “Come, bring your friends inside. I’ll get the medicine box. Tell your father to get them some food and drink.”

Seonghwa expected Wooyoung to relax after the confirmation that they’d get help, but he didn’t back down even an inch, shifting backwards slightly to turn to the rest of them.

“Okay, let’s go, guys,” he said tersely, jaw tightened as if he was preparing for the worst. “Hopefully, we can make this painless.”

“Wooyoung, don’t try and scare them,” his mother scolded, swatting his arm gently in that way mothers did. “I just made some extra side dishes last night, so there should be plenty for them.”

Wooyoung pressed his lips together, turning back to her. “Thanks,” he said, voice flat and dull as if it pained him to say it.

His mother smiled warmly, eyes a bit misty. “Are you sure you won’t talk about stay-“

“Let’s go,” Wooyoung said, ignoring her and gesturing the rest of them to follow him.

They hesitated for a split second, but Yeosang simply followed a half step behind Wooyoung, not even glancing at the older woman as they made it to the steps.

The rest of them followed quickly, mostly because it would have been even more awkward to remain outside alone with his mother.

San, Yunho, and Hongjoong all murmured quiet, awkward thank you’s as they passed her, not even really wanting to glance at her as they hurried after Wooyoung.

The inside was clean and neat, smelling like vanilla and old people, and decorated minimally but tastefully. It was definitely a bit more farmhouse on the inside, though everything seemed sparkling clean, despite the older appearance of the white wood and tile.

The floorboards didn’t creak as they walked, despite their worn appearance, and Wooyoung didn’t wait around in the entrance hall before walking through a doorway on the left, expression tense.

Seonghwa watched Yeosang’s face pass between wanting to say something and drawing back, knowing it wasn’t the time.

Seonghwa wasn’t exactly sure what “wrong thing” any of them could have said, had they not let Wooyoung speak for them, given that Wooyoung was anything but polite to his mother. But, they weren’t her child, so maybe she would have been more aggressive to the rest of them.

They entered directly into a kitchen area- large, but outdated, with an old fashioned refrigerator but a more modern flash stove and oven. The counters were clean white, and the cabinets all a beautiful cherry wood.

Matching that wood, to the side, was a square table meant to fit four, but that held an older man reading off of a book tablet.

The mixture of new and old gave Seonghwa impressions of some weird aesthetics. Maybe a poetic juxtaposition of new and old, surrounding people who were equally as old. None of the things they used were necessarily ancient, but they were things the universe had long since moved past the need for.

So, perhaps tech-phobic was a good term, despite the electronic in the man’s hand.

After all, who cared if someone hacked your books?

Wooyoung stood just far enough inside that the rest of them could fit behind him (the kitchen was actually surprisingly large with an alcove of windows across the room, giving a brilliant afternoon glow to it.

It was a beautiful home, despite everything.

“Dad.”

The older man jumped, turning around quickly, eyes widening as he took in the scene before him.

“Wooyoung?” he demanded, getting to his feet, holding onto the table for support. “H-How-“

“Mom is going to get the medicine box,” he said without another greeting. “We need to stay here a couple of days to get a plan in order, and then we’re going to leave.”

He put a bit more emphasis on “leave,” staring intently at his father, as if questioning whether he understood.

“You- You’re home,” his father muttered, glancing between the rest of them gathered behind his son.

“I’m not staying,” Wooyoung said clearly, even using his hand to gesture firmly, like an unwavering period. “We’re only here because it was an emergency. Some of my friends need food and water. And before we leave, we need supplies.”

For a moment, it seemed as if his father might suffer some sort of medical emergency, but then he nodded slowly, gathering himself from the shock.

“Alright,” he agreed, gesturing to the old refrigerator. “We just changed the filter,” he said in invitation.

Wooyoung merely nodded with that cloud over his eyes as he walked purposefully to a nearby cabinet, reaching up to open it and revealing a bunch of cans of food.

“The cups are over there now,” his father said, pointing to a cabinet that sat a bit lower. “Those cabinets are getting too high for your mother to reach. Her shoulder’s been-“

Wooyoung closed the cabinet loud enough to cut the man off, grabbing a stack of cups from the correct cabinet and walking back over to the fridge. “Can they sit?” he asked stiffly over his shoulder, like it was killing him to stay polite.

Seonghwa was on the verge of telling Wooyoung that it really wasn’t worth it. That they could just go because… this whole thing was giving him a weird tension at the base of his spine, like he was preparing to need to run. Or maybe fight.

“Oh, of course!” he said as if he had forgotten, shifting away from the table. “Make yourselves at home…” He trailed across those of them hurt, an odd mixture of curiosity and something tense in his eyes.

Seonghwa ignored it, simply turning to Hongjoong and grabbing his elbow gently. “Let’s sit,” he invited, gesturing for San and Mingi to join them. They were probably sore and exhausted from all the running…

But when he gestured for Yeosang to follow, he merely shook his head, standing a couple of feet from Wooyoung resolutely as Wooyoung filled the glasses from a faucet attached to the inside of the fridge. Like a guard dog protecting its human’s back.

Wooyoung glanced at Yeosang from the corner of his eye. “Go sit,” he invited, his tone softening for the first time since they arrived, jerking his head gently.

Yeosang shook his head again, expression almost angry in its determination.

“Here it is!” Wooyoung’s mother exclaimed, rushing back into the room holding a large metal box in her hands. “Sorry, we haven’t used it in a while, it was behind all those shampoo bottles your father won’t get rid of-“

“Yunho can take care of it,” Wooyoung said, taking two cups and sitting them on the table in front of Hongjoong and Mingi.

Seonghwa straightened where he helped Hongjoong sit. “I can-“

“You’re one of the ones who needs aid,” Wooyoung reminded exasperatedly, his tone still tense but taking on the familiar scold that implied Seonghwa was an idiot. “Yunho can do it.”

He returned to the fridge to get more waters as the rest of them slowly migrated to the table.

“Sweetheart, I can get the water,” his mother offered, handing the box to Yunho and moving over. “You look exhausted,” she tisked, approaching. “What has the god awful program been doing-“

Wooyoung turned, holding two more glasses, and this time, he did glare at her softly, still not crossing the line of aggressiveness. “I don’t need help,” he said flatly. “And I told you, we ran into some of the wrong people. It’s not that bad.”

“Your friends are bleeding- and it looks like they’ve been hurt for a while,” she pressed, letting Wooyoung carry the water and return for more. “What exactly is going on, Wooyoung?”

“Nothing you need to know.”

“My son shows up with seven strangers I’ve never even seen before, telling me you need help, and you think I don’t deserve to know what’s going on?” she demanded, looking hurt and discomforted.

“That’s exactly what I think,” Wooyoung muttered.

Seonghwa glanced at the others, trying to see if anyone else had any idea what was happening, what they should do, or what was wrong.

Yunho was carefully wiping away the dried blood from Hongjoong’s face. He shrugged. But San simply glanced from Yeosang to Wooyoung and shook his head quietly, placing a finger to his lips, telling Seonghwa that they shouldn’t do anything.

Which is what Seonghwa was afraid of.

“Who are these people?” his father questioned, confused as he gestured to them. “How do you know them?”

“They’re in the program with me,” Wooyoung said without looking at them, bringing more water. “They’re my friends.”

“Your friends,” his father repeated, glancing them over with a frown. “Are they-“

“They’re standing right there, I don’t know why you wouldn’t ask them yourself,” Wooyoung said, turning with another small glare over his shoulder. “Why don’t you want to talk to them, Dad?” he asked, the question very much supposed to be an accusation.

“Wooyoung, stop it,” his mother said firmly, though she kept her hand pressed to her chest, like warding off the argument. “We’re just concerned. We lost you in the middle of the night, didn’t hear from you for three years, and suddenly you’re showing up bloodied- What?” she demanded. “Are we supposed to pretend like we weren’t right? That program is clearly-“

“And how did all those conversations end last time?” Wooyoung asked, setting more water down, not meeting any of their eyes. “Do you really think you can convince me to stay?” he demanded, glancing at his mother with a genuinely curious expression. “Do you think this will end any differently?”

“I don’t understand why you’re being so hostile,” his father said, expression turning down in frustration. “We’re helping you, Wooyoung. Is this anyway to repay that?”

“He doesn’t need to repay it,” his mother said firmly, glaring at her husband sternly. “But, Wooyoung-ie, he’s right… Even if you aren’t staying, you can’t be mad at us for worrying…”

Wooyoung snorted, seemingly on instinct as he turned to them a genuinely bewildered expression on his face. 

Seonghwa held his breath as his chest tightened. 

“You think I’m mad because you’re worried?” he demanded quietly. “You think anything that happens during this visit is anything but a result of the life that I spent here?”

“Are you still holding grudges?” his father demanded. “I thought running away would get that out of your system.”

Wooyoung opened his mouth, looking prepared to snap something bag, his grip tightening on the glass in his hand-

“Wooyoung.”

He looked at Yeosang almost alarmingly quickly, despite the gentle tone Yeosang called him in, the anger in his eyes holding for a moment as he stared at Yeosang.

Yunho awkwardly lowered his hands where he had been disinfecting the gash on his forehead, letting them do their thing. 

Yeosang didn’t say anything else, and he didn’t shift his expression as he shook his head subtly, as if telling Wooyoung that the fight wasn’t worth it. 

And Seonghwa knew that they never were. 

He was a bit surprised, though, when Wooyoung swallowed in relinquishment, some of the anger fading from his eyes as he dropped the fight, turning and filling up the last two glasses silently.

Seonghwa didn’t miss his father glancing between the two of them.

He frowned deeper. “And you are?” he asked Yeosang carefully.

Wooyoung whipped around, looking prepared to snap at the man for even talking to Yeosang, but Yeosang spoke before he could.

“A friend,” he replied, voice soft, but definitely reminiscent of the coldness they were accustomed to hearing from Yeosang’s AI.

There was bitterness there. An emotion Seonghwa had yet to hear from Yeosang.

“A friend,” his father repeated, in a tone that made Seonghwa’s stomach tense.

He barely felt Yunho moving behind him, getting rid of the clotted blood at the back of his head and beginning to disinfect it.

“He’s my partner from the program,” Wooyoung said tersely, as if daring his father to say anything. “We pilot together.”

“Ah,” his mother said in understanding, though her fingers curled against her chest like she was clutching her metaphorical pearls. “And the others are…”

“We’re on the same team,” Wooyoung told them stiffly. “We all pilot together.”

“Mm,” she hummed, nodding along, though everything about the conversation was off.

Of course, they couldn’t actually tell these people that they were on the run with their previously-AI’s-turned-humans-but-not-really from the mad scientist that was one of their fathers and were trying to avoid being tracked by the chips implanted in their brains.

That was a conversation that wouldn’t end well, regardless of who it was happening with.

But Seonghwa had a feeling they were skirting around another issue entirely.

He didn’t jump when Hongjoong’s hand wrapped around his wrist, but when he glanced down, he couldn’t exactly tell what the purpose of it was.

Hongjoong glanced at him, but Seonghwa couldn’t tell if it was to comfort, to calm, or to warn against something, as if he was worried Seonghwa may try and intervene.

He wanted to.

But he also trusted that Wooyoung knew what he was doing. And he’d call for backup if he needed it. He twisted his hand, squeezing Hongjoong’s wrist in acknowledgement before tugging his hand away. 

“That should be all the first aid we need,” Yunho said, placing the supplies back into the box and breaking the deafening silence. “Thank… you,” he said, as if he wasn’t sure if he should.

“No problem,” his mother assured them, smiling kindly, though a bit stiff. “And we have plenty, so we can give you as much as you need. We’ll just buy more.”

Wooyoung was silently continuing to move back and forth from the fridge, keeping their glasses filled with water.

“Grab your cups,” Wooyoung said, ignoring his mother’s look. “I’ll show you where we’ll settle down. Any of you that are tired can take a nap. Maybe just sleep till-“

“I can get the rooms in order,” his mother volunteered. “They’ll be stuffy-“

“It’ll be fine,” Wooyoung cut off sharply, barely glancing at her. “Come on, guys.”

The tension in the room couldn’t have even been cut by a heat knife- a wall of anger and unspoken words building up since they first arrived.

But when Wooyoung stood near the door and gestured them all forward, forcing his expression to relax some with a half-smile, they all followed, standing and walking towards the door.

“Start heading up the stairs,” Wooyoung directed San as the first person out, gesturing. “Most of the rooms up there should be open. We can-“

“Wooyoung,” his father called as Seonghwa was passing them, only Yeosang remaining in the room, stiffly. “A word, please. While your friends get settled.”

If Yeosang had any plans of leaving the room before Wooyoung did, those plans all went out the window as he stiffened, turning back to man with an unreadable expression.

There was clear anger there- an obvious demand for the man to dare try something. But all of it was wrapped up in a sprinkles of nerves and anxiety shining vulnerably in the back of Yeosang’s eyes. 

Wooyoung caught Yeosang by the arm, in a hold firm enough to be sending a message he couldn’t say with his mouth. “It’s fine,” he said, looking at Yeosang sternly. “I’ll just be a minute.”

Yeosang looked prepared to completely ignore the silent request to leave, and honestly, so was Seonghwa, his chest tightening uncomfortably.

But Wooyoung was pushing Yeosang physically out of the door. “Go. I’m just going to talk to them for a minute.”

He glanced at Seonghwa, a silent plea in his eyes, and Seonghwa’s lips thinned as he grabbed Yeosang other arm, slowly dragging him from the room which earned him a small glare from Yeosang.

“We’ll wait outside for you,” he told Wooyoung whose grim expression lightening in gratitude. 

He sent Yeosang a warning glare- probably telling him not to attack his parents. 

“Listen to him,” Seonghwa murmured, finally getting Yeosang over the threshold and out into the hall where he paused at the foot of the stairs. “Wooyoung knows what he’s doing,” he said sternly. 

“Wooyoung would also die an alarming amount for any person on this team,” Yeosang replied quietly, though his voice was accusing as he looked prepared to run back in there. “He doesn’t want to be here, but he’s never going to admit it because we need-“

“Answer me,” they suddenly heard the deep voice of his father traveling down the hall, slow and sounding as if he were carefully choosing his words.

Seonghwa’s grip tightened on Yeosang, preparing to pull them away from the conversation.

He froze, however, at the next question.

“Your friends…” he continued, voice slightly muffled by the distance but completely audible. “Are they… like you?” he questioned stiffly. “You always tended to hang out with that crowd.”

There was a short silence, and Seonghwa could almost see the defiance in Wooyoung’s eyes, arms crossed and hip cocked.

“Yeah, they’re all pilots,” he said in a tone of voice that was clearly meant to mock.

“Wooyoung,” his mother warned sternly, sounding disapproving.

“Oh,” Wooyoung said in exaggeration. “Sorry, yeah, they’re all human. Yunho likes to claim he’s half Zorian, though. It’s bullshit-“

“Stop playing games, Wooyoung,” his father snapped sternly, sounding annoyed. “Are they-“

“Yeah, they all believe technology isn’t bad. We work around it all day, and it’s really not as bad as you think. In fact, I’ve probably gotten worse treatment from the  _ people against _ tech than I ever have from tech-“

“Wooyoung!” his mother snapped, loud enough that he was sure even those of them upstairs could hear it. “Stop avoiding the point,” she demanded angrily. “Answer your father right now.”

“Well, he won’t ask the question,” Wooyoung said darkly, voice dropping. “I’m not sure what you mean, Dad. Are they  _ what? _ ”

His voice turned dangerous enough- angry enough- that Seonghwa almost let go of Yeosang to run back in, sure that some sort of fight was about to start.

But he was frozen in place.

“You know what I mean,” his father muttered angrily. “Now answer the question.”

A silence- defiant and thick.

“Well,  _ sorry, _ I don’t actually know the answer to your nonexistent question,” Wooyoung said, mockingly innocent. “I’ve never asked my teammates if they like dick. I don’t really care whether they do or not.”

And despite the fact that Seonghwa knew… He could tell from every glance the older couple gave, it still hit him in the chest like a ton of bricks.

It also jarred him enough to have to mind to tighten his grip on Yeosang who shifted agitatedly.

“So that boy?” his mother asked sternly. “Your… pilot partner,” she demanded. “You and he aren’t…”

Silence.

“You know when you don’t answer it only makes us think the worst-“

“The worst?” Wooyoung scoffed, sounding like he was on the verge of laughing. “That’s what you think the worst is?” he demanded, laughing loud and bitter. “That’s your worst-case scenario? That he and I are together? That we might- the stars forbid- be  _ gay? _ ”

Seonghwa heard the quiet gasp from his mother.

“You can’t even fucking say it,” Wooyoung scoffed. “I show up with a group of people who are bleeding- people who I  _ care  _ about- and the  _ worst  _ thing you can think of is that I’m  _ fucking _ one of them?”

“That’s enough,” his father snapped darkly, voice calm but edging on angry. “Wooyoung, stop this-“

“Did you  _ seriously  _ think three years away would change anything?” he demanded angrily, his tone becoming that one that he used when he got defensive. “Did you really think I would  _ run away _ from you because of your stupid opinions, go to space, join an elite team, and somehow come back tech-phobic and  _ straight? _ ”

“Stop it with the disrespect,” his mother scolded. “We were willing to work with you, Wooyoung. You were the one who ran away and created all this bad blood. You mocked us and taunted us-“

“I went on  _ dates! _ ” Wooyoung finally shouted, loud enough that there was no hiding it. “I met nice guys and I went out with them! How is that a fucking  _ taunt? _ ” he demanded.

Seonghwa’s stomach churned.

“You weren’t willing to  _ ‘work with me,’ _ ” he scoffed in angry disbelief. “Your solution was to  _ stop being gay _ and just go to some  _ school _ around the corner!”

“You asked us before you ran,” his father muttered, “what it would take to fix the fights we’d been having. We told you-“

“You weren’t trying to  _ fix _ anything!” Wooyoung fought, voice straining in a horrible way that made Seonghwa afraid he was about to break down. “All you wanted was for me to stop being everything that you hated- which was everything that I  _ was!” _

“You were out of control, Wooyoung,” his mother said, voice softening in concern. “We never thought you’d actually run away. We spent three years, worried out of our minds-“

“Well, you can spend the rest of your life worrying,” Wooyoung broke in sharply. “Because after we get our bearings, we’re leaving, and if I have my way, I’m never seeing this place again.”

“Wooyoung!” his mother called, sharp and demanding.

“Don’t you walk away,” his father snapped, but a moment later, Wooyoung was rushing out into the hall, expression stormy and volatile.

And also moments away from breaking.

He froze, just out of the line of sight from the door, staring at the two of them with dark eyes.

Yeosang yanked his arm from Seonghwa, taking a step towards Wooyoung, but stopping before he’d even reached him, his arms hovering between them uselessly.

Wooyoung, however, looked at Seonghwa tensely.

And Seonghwa stared back, chewing his tongue.

“I’m sorry,” Seonghwa said hoarsely, unsure if it was an apology for listening or for everything happening.

It was more for everything happening.

He was surprised, though, when Wooyoung nodded, his jaw unlocking. “I know,” he replied, rolling his lips, but something in his eyes shining gratefully. “Thanks…”

Seonghwa swallowed, glancing at the kitchen door and waiting for them to storm out after him.

“Say the word,” Seonghwa assured him quietly. “Say the word, and we’ll leave, Wooyoung. I told you-“

“It’s not… It’s not bad,” Wooyoung said, despite the weakness in his voice. “Really, trust me, hyung- I do not give a fuck what they think,” he assured him, eyes shining with genuineness. “In fact, I find it fucking funny that they still think we were ever okay.”

He took a slow breath, swallowing.

“I guess… maybe part of me was sort of hoping things would be different, you know?” he said, shrugging one shoulder. “I knew it wouldn’t… but you can’t help but hope, you know?”

Seonghwa nodded slowly, gaze heavy. “Yeah,” he murmured. “I know. But it rarely ever is.”

Wooyoung chuckled heavily. “Damn straight,” he muttered, sounding tired.

“Head up and sleep,” Seonghwa told him gently. “You were flying through that whole thing.”

Wooyoung shrugged. “It wasn’t that-“

He turned to Yeosang. “Make sure he actually sleeps, okay? You try and rest, too. You’re still recovering from everything.”

Yeosang’s expression was a mixture of gentle gratitude and a general receiving a mission. “Thank you,” he murmured, stiff but genuine.

Seonghwa nodded slowly. “You guys go rest,” he urged once more. “It’s… It’ll be alright,” he said firmly, forcing himself to believe it too.

Wooyoung’s lips pressed together, and he nodded, glancing at Yeosang as the two of them walked to the stairs, Seonghwa right behind them, not glancing back to the kitchen.

To his unsurprise, Hongjoong was waiting at the top of the stairs, expression somber as the two of them passed.

He looked to Seonghwa, a silent question of whether he was okay.

Seonghwa managed a weak smile, able to hold it long enough for Hongjoong to grab his hand, which promptly made it crumble, his stomach churning with memories of disapproving stares and stern lectures.

He never knew why Wooyoung ran away from home. He’d been semi-correct about half the reason it seemed. But Wooyoung had never mentioned anything about his parents' opinions or attitudes, keeping that part a secret locked up tight.

Because obviously, despite the bravado he faced it with, Seonghwa knew that there were few things that cut deeper than the sort of words he’d heard exchanged. No one was completely unaffected by that.

However… at the very least…

He watched Yeosang take Wooyoung’s hand, glancing at him knowingly as he ushered him into one of the empty rooms.

He understood now… what had probably been the thing that brought Wooyoung the ability to trust Yeosang.

He glanced at Hongjoong.

There was nothing quite like having someone see those scars… and knowing that you were safe with them.

Seonghwa’s had been scars of loneliness that Hongjoong had gently coaxed out and assuaged, sitting in silence with Seonghwa for hours without a thing to say, but always assuring Seonghwa he didn’t mind just sitting to keep him company.

It appeared as if Wooyoung and Yeosang had much more unspoken than Seonghwa had ever had with Hongjoong.

Wooyoung’s were scars of fights and altercations… and Seonghwa was sure that despite the personality of his AI… having someone see everything involved in those scars… was probably as freeing and terrifying to Wooyoung as it had been to Seonghwa.

Probably even more so.

“Pain isn’t a competition, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong murmured as if he read Seonghwa’s mind. They entered a stuffy bedroom with a large bed sitting in the middle of it. 

“I know,” Seonghwa assured him.

There was no ranking for who had it worse. The point was that they all had it bad. And they would all come out of it alright. 

Seonghwa felt like he understood Wooyoung a bit better now, even if he didn’t really understand anything. The fight echoed a bit in his head, overlaying with memories of stern but “well meaning” lectures that had left him curling up on his bed, alone, and feeling like he just wanted to disappear. 

He blinked, and suddenly Hongjoong sat beside him, a warm hand laying over his and a solid presence at his side.

Seonghwa used to wish with all his heart that he had had someone like Hongjoong earlier in his life. That he could have spared himself that loneliness and pain. 

Now, though… he knew that it was enough to just have found him at all. 

“Sleep,” Hongjoong urged gently, rubbing a thumb over Seonghwa’s hand.

It felt nice, and when Seonghwa took a slow breath, Hongjoong didn’t scold his technique. 

“Only if you do,” Seonghwa bargained, making Hongjoong smile in exasperation, the action making Seonghwa further able to leave behind the ringing argument.

“Fine,” Hongjoong murmured, standing and walking around to the other side of the bed, climbing in with a stern but warm stare. “But only because when we wake up… we’ve got a lot of work to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, lovelies!   
> I hope you all enjoyed it because I had so much fun revealing more and more!   
> Please let me know what you think!! 
> 
> Have an amazing day and be safe, lovelies!   
> -SS


	5. What Makes Us Run?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented and read the last chapter, it really means so much!!   
> (>ㅅ<)
> 
> I hope this chapter is worth it- I really liked writing it!! The next chapter may come a tiny bit slower, but I’ll try my best to keep my schedule! 
> 
> Please enjoy and let me know what you think, lovelies! It really means a lot!   
> Stay safe!! 
> 
> -SS

The childhood bedroom around them was familiar to Wooyoung. 

It was just that he never thought he’d ever be back here. 

What wasn’t familiar was having another body laying beside him in that too-large bed. 

“Would it kill you to blink?” Wooyoung murmured, almost feeling a laugh bubble in his chest.

It didn’t escape, however, leaving the two of them in further silence.

Yeosang lay against the pillow, curled beneath the blankets of their shared bed and gazing at Wooyoung with a gentle expression that could have been anything from pity to anger. Whatever it was, there was a lot of it.

“I told you you didn’t have to come here,” Yeosang murmured, soft but intent eyes scanning Wooyoung’s face over and over, as if searching for something.

Concerned, Wooyoung decided to label his expression.

“It’s fine,” Wooyoung murmured quietly, feeling the tension in his muscles begging him to sleep, eyes heavy after the roller coaster of emotions from the argument minutes ago.

Yeosang’s brows twitched. “I’m inside your head, Wooyoung,” he whispered, tucking a piece of his own long hair behind his ear to tap his temple slowly.

His fingertip brushed the birthmark smudge by his eye.

“I know it wasn’t fine.”

“Being fine doesn’t mean unaffected,” Wooyoung huffed, not even really annoyed, but struggling to articulate the sensation boiling in his stomach. “But I seriously don’t care.”

“I know you don’t care,” Yeosang mumbled quietly, and Wooyoung stiffened in surprise when a gentle touch landed on his arm resting at his side. “But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt…”

“You know how I feel about it all,” Wooyoung said stubbornly, glaring at the familiar ceiling of his childhood room. “I don’t care.”

But, Yeosang was right, as always. That didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. That it hadn’t hurt three years ago, and that it didn’t continue to hurt even now.

And they still didn’t even realize what they did wrong.

“Wooyoung-“

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Wooyoung said quietly, closing his eyes like it might block something out. “Until we leave here, it’s going to suck, so there’s no point in talking-“

“I know you don’t want to talk about it. You've always treated it like a dirty little secret,” Yeosang replied calmly, the touch on his arm turning to a gentle hold. “The first time you found out I could see everything, you told Dr. Kim to rip me out of your head.”

Wooyoung fell still, jaw tightening.

“To be fair… no one ever told me you’d see everything that was in our heads,” Wooyoung defended, despite the heavy weight on his chest at the thought of how close he’d come from running away.

He’d been so angry, or so he thought. 

In reality, he’d just been scared. 

Just because Yeosang could see every fight with his parents, every ounce of hesitation and anger that Wooyoung had held onto, every determined decision he made to run, to keep going, to do everything he could just to piss them off…

And every dark regret that his family had turned out this way.

When Yeosang mentioned it for the first time, near midnight one night only a few weeks after Wooyoung joined… Wooyoung felt violated.

He felt spied on, betrayed, angry-  _ violated.  _ By having his every insecurity and hidden secret bared to some  _ stranger. _

To someone like Yeosang, who Wooyoung was already wary of, given that Wooyoung couldn’t get a real reaction out of him to save his life, and he’d been convinced he’d spend his time here, miserable.

Yeosang had been so unaffected by everything and that only scared Wooyoung more. 

“You only stayed… because you’d have to leave the program if you gave me up,” Yeosang murmured heavily. “You would have rathered have all your secrets bared and examined… than to come back here, Wooyoung,” he reminded him, like Wooyoung could ever forget. “We don’t have to stay here-“

“My head was fucked up back then,” Wooyoung said, opening his eyes slowly, rolling his lips. “My priorities were all out of order. I was too focused on proving them wrong… to realize I had nothing to prove.”

He swallowed the memory swirling in the back of his mind.

“And the only reason I realized that… was because of you,” Wooyoung murmured, turning his head to glance at Yeosang who was still watching him quietly.

His eyes shimmered, and he couldn’t tell if it was the lighting or tears, but it didn’t really matter.

Wooyoung’s heart clenched either way.

Wooyoung had come to regret almost throwing Yeosang away and running. 

He’d held that almost-mistake for the entire time he was in the Ateez program. They never talked about it (out loud) but it was something Wooyoung never forgot.

He’d just been so angry back then. 

So sick and tired of having his every decision analyzed and mocked and torn apart- it had felt like the worst thing in the world to have someone rummaging around his head, able to hear and see everything- giving Wooyoung no privacy and no choice but to face the past he ran from.

But that guilt was a hundred times heavier on his chest as he stared at Yeosang now.

A human. Real and alive and the same person he’d had for over two years…

What would have happened to Yeosang if Wooyoung had run from the program? Would they have kept him? Would he have just been thrown away? Were there others who would have taken Wooyoung’s place?

“You asked me… what I was so eager to run from,” Wooyoung murmured, unable to look away as Yeosang nodded slowly, also remembering.

__

_ “I’m not running,” Wooyoung snapped, gut twisting in a dark anger as he stared at the calm, glowing form in front of him. _

_ Maybe that’s what was making him so angry. How calm and unaffected Yeosang was about everything. _

_ It just highlighted how much Wooyoung was  _ not _ that, despite his claims. _

_ “Wooyoung, I have seen the memories you hold of your home planet,” Yeosang had replied, cool and level. _

_ Wooyoung’s fist clenched. _

_ “It is not my fault that those memories exist, I merely viewed them,” he reminded Wooyoung annoyingly. “And you do not need a computer to tell you that you are running from that past.” _

_ “I’m not running!” he yelled, sure that the noise traveled even outside of his closed cabin door, his heartrate picking up. _

_ “I am implanted in your brain, Wooyoung. I can tell when you are afraid. And you are afraid to go back to that home.” _

_ “I-“ _

_ “Not for fear of being physically harmed… but because you are afraid that your act of rebellion was useless.” _

_ Wooyoung hated him. _

_ He hated the calm little figure that just kept tearing open every box Wooyoung had shoved into the darkest corners of his head. _

_ And he hated the way his statements made Wooyoung squirm. _

_ “The only reason I didn’t let Dr. Kim take you back is because I had a dream bigger than that dusty planet,” Wooyoung fought, even hearing the weakness in his own voice. “You said you were able to control what you saw- so stop rooting around in my head!” _

_ “I can control what I see of your subconscious,” Yeosang replied, irritatingly unbothered, expression almost bored. “However, the memories and emotions that you associate with your home planet are not within that subconscious. You still have them in the forefront of your mind. Therefore, I cannot easily block out seeing them.” _

_ “Just stop-“ _

_ “What are you trying to prove?” Yeosang questioned, head tilted. “You ran from your home that scorned you for your dreams of the future and your sexuality. If you leave and go back there, will you change who you are?” _

_ “No!” Wooyoung snapped, taking an aggressive step forward, teeth clenched. “I’m not going to go along with their stupid plans!” _

_ “Then why are you angry?” he asked calmly. “If you have no intention of changing for them, if you have no intention of leaving the program… why are you angry? What, exactly, is threatening you to make you afraid?” _

_ “You!” Wooyoung yelled, pointing an accusing finger at his stupidly apathetic face. “Maybe a fucking machine wouldn’t get it, but humans don’t generally like it when their fucking secrets are spread around!” _

_ “Whom did I tell?” _

_ Wooyoung stuttered, blinking hard when Yeosang tilted his head again. “W-What-“ _

_ “Whom did I tell your secret?” Yeosang questioned plainly. “Even when asked directly by Dr. Kim what was going on inside your head, I simply told him my programming was equipped to handle it. We have met with others of the Ateez program and general personnel 56 times since I revealed what I knew. Not once did I reveal your secret.” _

_ Wooyoung glared, silent. _

_ “And it has been six weeks since you joined the Ateez program and I saw your past,” he reminded him flatly. “Not once in those six weeks did I reveal your secret.” _

_ Wooyoung’s eyes burned the longer the stared at Yeosang who was unblinking. _

_ “I am not someone else’s AI implanted to spy on you,” Yeosang said calmly, eyes intense in their sobriety. “I am  _ your _ AI, Wooyoung. I exist to help you. Whether that be in completing your cruiser training or in facing the fears instilled in you by your past.” _

_ Those fears that included everything from failure to realizing that… maybe his parents were right. _

_ No. He shook his head hard enough to have Yeosang lifting a curious eyebrow, a fire lighting in his stomach. _

_ “I’m going to prove them wrong,” he swore, expression warped in angry determination. He’d prove them wrong. _

_ Even if it meant putting up with a robot who knew all his secrets…One who’d kept all his secrets… _

_ In six weeks…Yeosang hadn’t treated Wooyoung any differently, despite knowing… knowing he was gay, that he ran away, that he was a coward. _

_ Yeosang still treated him like a mild inconvenience to his day. Which Dr. Kim assured him was how Yeosang said hello.  _

_ “Are they wrong?” Yeosang asked calmly, almost a challenge in his voice. _

_ Wooyoung grit his teeth, not in anger, but in determination to meet that challenge. “Yes. Yes, they’re wrong.” _

_ Yeosang spread his hands, as if it were obvious. “Then what do you have to prove?”  _

“I was… cruel to you, at times,” Yeosang murmured, wincing.

“You said what I never wanted to hear,” Wooyoung corrected, sighing as he rolled onto his side, facing Yeosang once more. “You were… the one thing I couldn’t actually run away from. You made me face my issues, instead of running. And I was only able to do it because of you.”

Yeosang was silent, lips thinning slightly as he averted his eyes, staring at the threads of the pillow and thumbing at them absently.

“I… felt for you,” Yeosang confessed in a quiet murmur, eyes downturned and hurting. “I… I couldn’t show it, but… when I saw what happened to you… the sort of strength you had, to run away, to join a program that was completely foreign to you…” He blinked slowly. “It was the first time I cried in months.”

“You… cried?” Wooyoung questioned, lifting himself onto one elbow, eyes widening.

“My body did… even if the machine didn’t translate it over,” Yeosang murmured, expression pinching slightly as the mist in his eyes grew thicker. He curled up a little tighter. “I felt…  _ so _ many things while working with you,” he confessed weakly, “and it killed me every time because it made me feel  _ alive _ again, but then it-“

He swallowed, curling his fingers that played with the pillow into a fist, tears slipping from his eyes onto the pillow.

“It was like… trying to scream into a glass jar,” he whispered hoarsely, holding his fist to his chest. “You’re…  _ doing _ it, but nothing… nothing comes out. It’s muffled and blocked up- You’re producing it, but it can’t  _ escape _ , and so it just feels like it’s all going to explode in your head-“

Yeosang turned his head, rubbing the tears against the pillow roughly, taking a shaking breath-

“And being with you made me feel  _ alive-  _ You made me feel  _ free, _ but then it just built like a pressure inside of me because it couldn’t go anywhere, and I loved being able to interact with you  _ so much, _ but it hurt so  _ bad- _ “

He choked off into a half-sob that was lost to the pillow.

And Wooyoung surprised even himself as he shifted forward on his elbows until the short distance of the bed between them had been crossed, his body laying beside Yeosang’s beneath the covers.

He hesitated for only a moment before wrapping his arms around Yeosang and hugging him tightly.

To his surprise, Yeosang shifted forward to meet him, arms wrapping around Wooyoung’s back and holding him so tight, it was as if Yeosang was hanging over a cliff he was desperate not to fall over.

Yeosang buried his face in Wooyoung’s shoulder, his chest shaking with the breaths he tried to calm himself with.

“It’s okay,” Wooyoung assured him, shifting so they fit together more snuggly, their cheeks pressed together.

“I- I don’t want you to be here,” Yeosang cried into his shirt weakly, fist the loose fabric tightly. “I don’t- I can  _ feel _ it hurting you, Wooyoung. It’s not  _ fair- _ “ 

“Nothing about any of this is fair,” Wooyoung huffed, actually feeling some of the tension melt from his muscles, allowing his chest to slowly unlock into almost… peace. “Nothing that happened to you was fair either-“

“But you got me out,” Yeosang fought firmly, pulling away and glaring weakly up at Wooyoung with tears still clinging to his lashes. “Why do we have to go from my hell to yours?” he demanded.

“It’s temporary,” Wooyoung stressed once more, releasing one hand to brush the tears off of Yeosang’s cheeks. “Just a couple of days.”

“It’s barely been a couple of  _ hours  _ and they can’t even _ - _ “

“You’ve never been one to be impatient, Yeosang,” Wooyoung chuckled quietly, brushing a rogue piece of hair out of his face gently, making Yeosang blink. “I spent over twenty years at this place. Another two days isn’t going to kill me.”

Yeosang opened his mouth, no doubt about to fight the point that “not killing” was a very low bar to try and meet.

But Wooyoung placed a finger over his lips, laughing genuinely at the way Yeosang looked offended, crossing his eyes to stare at the offending appendage that he removed once the argument was quelled.

“See?” he asked, managing a genuine smile as Yeosang glared at him. “I’m feeling better already. You’re so good at your job, Yeosang.”

Yeosang looked exasperated, but sighed and rolled his eyes. 

It distracted him.

All of them did.

Even in the middle of the kitchen, he’d glance back and see his team standing there…

All of them practically screaming in the silence that they would fight, stand, or grab whatever they needed to for him.

Wooyoung swallowed, smile shaking, not because it was fading but because emotions clogged his throat. “I’m not facing anything alone this time,” Wooyoung reminded him. “I’ve never seen you look so pissed. I thought you were going to bite my mom.”

Yeosang looked unamused by the joke, eyes darkening.

“If you asked me to, I would,” he muttered, unamused but clearly not willing to let Wooyoung think the idea was off the table. “I’ve seen the things they’ve said to you.”

“See?” Wooyoung said obviously, smiling quietly as he brushed the last of the tears from his lashes gently, beginning to fix his hair. “I have seven guard dogs, Yeosang. And you know I’m tougher than that-“

“I’m not calling you weak,” Yeosang fought, glaring, but almost seeming more angry at himself.

“I know that,” Wooyoung chuckled, removing his hand from Yeosang’s hair. “So go to sleep.” 

“You-“

“Yeosang,” he broke in firmly, though his lips quirked up. “You’re not my AI anymore. You’re not in charge of keeping me in peak mental health at all times. And you can’t control my suit, and you can’t influence my brain patterns right now.”

“That’s-“

“But what you are,” he went on, chest unlocking as a bit of warmth flooded in gently, “is my friend,” he whispered.

Yeosang blinked, taken aback as the anger died from his eyes.

“We’re on equal footing now,” Wooyoung murmured, smiling. “Just two humans. You’re my friend, Yeosang. And that means… that we take care of each  _ other _ now. Okay?”

His jaw tensed, as if he wanted to say something, but it didn’t come.

“So… go to sleep,” he asked quietly, laying a hand on the curve of Yeosang’s waist and patting it. “Stop worrying about me… and let me help get rid of those stupid dark circles under your eyes.” He smiled as he tapped one with a gentle finger. “And let’s just both sleep, okay? You can still worry when we wake up.”

Protesting was on the tip of Yeosang’s tongue the entire time until Wooyoung’s last sentence, the fight dying in his eyes like a balloon deflating.

“Come on,” Wooyoung murmured when Yeosang continued to stare. “I’ve trusted you and listened to you for two years-“

“You never listened,” he muttered-

“ _ I trusted and listened, _ ” Wooyoung laughed quietly, patting his waist sharply in revenge, “so listen to me for once, okay? Sleep.”

For a moment, Yeosang continued to defy him.

And then he dropped his eyes slowly, staring at the pillowcase for another minute before glancing back up at Wooyoung. “Close your eyes then,” he murmured, snuggling downwards to settle against the pillow better.

Wooyoung smiled quietly, feeling that warmth spreading in his chest as he sighed, rolling onto his back and closing his eyes.

After several moments of silence, he realized he was still pressed into Yeosang’s half of the bed- one arm resting against the curve of his waist.

No sooner than he went to shift back over to the other side did Yeosang shift forward. Slow and hesitant… almost like he thought Wooyoung was asleep and was trying not to wake him.

That theory was shot down when Yeosang rested his head very… very… very lightly against Wooyoung’s shoulder, freezing.

“Is… Can I… um-“

“You’re fine,” Wooyoung murmured, still keeping his eyes closed, though he was sure if he opened them, Yeosang would be stock still in fear.

Wooyoung almost wanted to call his true personality an introvert. Overwhelmed easily, a little withdrawn when you took him by surprise… but the kind of person who chose a handful of people to connect and surround themselves with.

Wooyoung had known several quieter people who had a handful of friends they were close enough to let loose with.

They were a force to be reckoned with, and it suited Yeosang pretty well.

“Do you want me to spoon you?” Wooyoung asked, still not opening his eyes.

He was glad he’d given Yeosang the privacy when the other stiffened, hands turning tense where they half-rested on Wooyoung. “S-Spoon?” he whispered, almost horrified at the prospect.

Wooyoung hummed, relaxing a bit as exhaustion began to catch up with him. The bed was soft, Yeosang was warm, and he felt… better.

Better than he ever had while on this household. 

“Do you want me to hold you?” Wooyoung offered quietly. “Like… you know, like a comfort thing. I don’t mind.”

It was no different than hugging while you were awake. Why should hugging while you’re asleep be any different?

But Yeosang swallowed audibly, shaking his head. “No… No, this is fine…” 

Whether it was out of embarrassment or a desire to not be surrounded like that (which Wooyoung totally understood), Wooyoung nodded, letting sleep fall over him slowly.

He was aware enough to feel Yeosang shifting around, trying to get comfortable, but he didn’t say anything, satisfied when Yeosang finally fell still- flipping over onto his stomach and resting his head on Wooyoung’s chest, an arm thrown over his stomach.

He felt even more satisfied as he felt Yeosang’s full weight begin to settle against him, rather than the polite half-weight he’d been hovering with as sleep overcame him.

Wooyoung fell asleep before Yeosang’s breathing evened out, the sensation of the body next to him almost like a weighed blanket, pinning him down so that sleep could come.

It was the first good sleep Wooyoung had gotten in a week.

~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa woke up with Hongjoong on top of him.

Which was fine. More than fine. It was probably the best way Seonghwa had woken up in years. 

It was warm and a comfortable weight, and it felt nice to know that Hongjoong had slept deep enough to shift all the way across the bed to him.

But now Seonghwa was afraid to move because he’d rather die here than wake Hongjoong up before he needed to.

So Seonghwa did something he hadn’t done… probably ever in the last ten years of his life.

He went back to sleep.

And by then, the dim light had changed to full morning shining through the lace curtain hanging on the window. But it wasn’t the light that woke him.

It was the knee slamming into his stomach as the weight on top of him suddenly flipped itself off- followed by a painful sounding thud.

And even without the pain in his stomach, Seonghwa slammed into full awareness of a foreign surge of adrenaline hit him full force, shoving him into a sitting position and holding his heart that was pounding almost painfully-

Distantly, a memory of dreaming of bright lights and ringing noise flashed across his mind.

And Seonghwa could tell the dream wasn’t his.

He turned, seeing Hongjoong sitting on the floor, curled over his knees and the heels of his palms pressed to his eyes as he breathed deep and slow.

It didn’t look like he was panicking.

But it was clear the nightmare- or maybe just the sensation of suddenly being awake- had taken him by surprise. Startled, rather than terrified.

But Seonghwa slipped down the side of the bed anyway, blinking his thick eyes hard to clear them. “Hongjoong,” he murmured, placing a single hand on his arm in a gentle touch. “Hongjoong- are you okay?” he asked calmly.

To his relief, Hongjoong nodded quickly, continuing to breathe deeply, back rising and falling.

“Another nightmare?” Seonghwa asked, rubbing his hand along his arm gently.

Another slow nod.

“Do…” Seonghwa swallowed nervously as Hongjoong’s breath caught. “Do you… want to talk about it?”

A gentle shake of his head.

“Because… you know, humans are weird… and it sometimes helps… when they talk about things, even if… the other person already understands.”

Slowly… Hongjoong lowered his hands, blinking away his misty eyes as he stared at Seonghwa almost in confusion. But it didn’t carry the weight of moments before.

“That’s your plan?” Hongjoong asked, smiling weakly and shaking his head. “Using my own words against me?”

“Hey, as the human you used them on… I can vouch for the fact that… it does help,” Seonghwa assured him. “You may not think it does… but it does.”

Seonghwa suddenly frowned as Hongjoong wiped at his face.

“Wait a minute,” he murmured, face pulling down in confusion. “You were telling me to talk about your  _ own _ nightmare that  _ you _ were showing me.”

Hongjoong stiffened slightly, but nodded slowly, calm behind his shaken appearance.

“But… you were speaking through the AI,” he parsed out, brows twitching down. “So… did you not actually know they were your nightmares? Or were you forced to say it? Or was it… just a programmed thing for you to ask me to talk about it?”

Seonghwa felt bad for asking him to go into more detail, a retraction on the tip of his tongue, but Hongjoong just stared at his hands for a moment before wiping them across his cheeks.

“It’s… hard to explain the line between our consciousness and machine,” he said quietly, sounding tired. “It wasn’t stagnant, for good reason. It allowed more of our personality to show through and then less, depending on what was happening.”

It still made Seonghwa’s stomach turn- that thought of having his mind manipulated so violently at the will of another.

His grip tightened on Hongjoong’s arm, and while the other glanced at it briefly, he said nothing about it.

“It’s like… I was aware that the nightmare you were describing wasn’t yours. And while, yes, programming did make us ask you to talk about it… I was also hoping that having you talk about it would encourage you to remember more of it. To realize… what was happening.”

Seonghwa’s lips thinned.

But Hongjoong looked at him sternly. “Don’t start feeling guilty again,” he warned before his expression softened. “There were parts of us that the machine didn’t filter- like when you asked me about what it felt like to deactivate. Were we entirely machines, it would have been a simple answer of not feeling anything. But… our personalities colored our speech. And we were able to tell how it was a bit uncomfortable, even if we couldn’t completely describe the real experience it was.”

Hongjoong lowered his hands to the ground, wetting his lips.

“We, of course, couldn’t say anything about being AI… but it always seemed mocking, those times when we would assure you we were nothing more than numbers… I, at least, always knew it was fake. And I’m pretty sure Yeosang did as well. It’s why he was so active.”

“What was your nightmare, then?” Seonghwa coaxed quietly, sitting back on his heels. “The one you just had, I mean.”

Hongjoong sighed quietly, running a hand through his hair as he stood with a bit of effort. Seonghwa moved with him, prepared to support him if needed.

“I think… it was more like a memory,” Hongjoong confessed, to Seonghwa’s surprise.

He hadn’t expected him to give in so easily.

“I think it was… when I first joined the Ateez experiment with my father,” he murmured, staring off, frowning. “When… When I was first put under.”

As if the vague identification was a trigger, Seonghwa suddenly remembered what he’d seen besides blinding white light in the back of his mind- in a dream that wasn’t his.

_ “Really, Dad?” his voice asked, younger but still old. “Why do you have to tie me down?” _

_ He looked down at his wrists and ankles that were bound securely in medical restraints, tugging at them experimentally. _

_ “Because we’re going to be looking very closely at your brain, Hongjoong-ie,” his father chuckled, a hand patting his hair gently. “If we accidentally prod something that makes you move, we don’t want you hurting yourself.” _

_ He huffed, falling back against what felt like a dentist chair- comfortable, but stiff beneath his body. _

_ As he laid down, the bright light hanging above him shone in his eyes, blinding him and making him close his eyes. _

_ The real time it happened, his father held his hand while he slowly counted backwards from 100, eyes drifting shut until darkness overcame his mind. _

_ This time… in the dream… he shut his eyes against the bright light and was suddenly met with silence. _

_ “Dad?” he called, his voice echoing despite the crowded lab. He tried to open his eyes, but the light hurt too badly. “Dad!” he called, tugging at his arms that were still bound, yanking harder in hopes of getting his father to approach again. _

_ He was alone, though. No beeping. No machines clicking. No heart monitor beeping. No sign of anyone else in the room. _

_ He left me. _

_ He left me here. _

_ He thrashed and yanked, trying to free himself, the bright light seeming to grow closer and hotter against his skin the more he tried to see passed it, trying to see if anyone else was there- _

_ He was left alone. _

__

__ “I didn’t… suspect a thing,” Hongjoong said, making it to the bed and sitting heavily on it. “The whole time, I treated it like just another one of his experiments… I’d never gotten anything worse than a bruise working with him. I never even thought that he would… that he would lie to me like that.”

Seonghwa could only stand, watching Hongjoong’s expression tighten and loosen as he warred between anger and helplessness.

“And I’ve been… I’ve been wondering, ever since I woke up…  _ why _ he did it,” he whispered hoarsely, fingers curling into the blankets. “Why would he do that to me? To  _ anyone? _ Why would… Why would he think that- that a scientific  _ farce _ was worth his own  _ son-“ _

His voice broke as the glare in his eyes shattered. There were tears in his eyes that didn’t fall- colored darkly with anger and betrayal.

And Seonghwa sat beside him quickly, opening his mouth to offer some sort of comfort, some sort of statement that it would be okay.

But no sooner than he’d sat did Hongjoong turn towards him, hugging Seonghwa so desperately, the top of his head hit Seonghwa’s chin, but neither of them seemed to care very much.

Seonghwa’s heart skipped at the realization that this was the first time he had fully hugged Hongjoong, despite their allowed proximities.

He didn’t hesitate to hold him, though, wrapping arms around Hongjoong’s still shockingly thin frame and tugging him closer.

The tug made Hongjoong’s lower half shift closer until their legs pressed together, but Hongjoong didn’t seem to mind, curling slightly to bury himself in Seonghwa’s embrace. Seonghwa pressed his face to the top of Hongjoong’s head, swallowing the part of him that wanted to break the silence.

He wanted to whisper that it would be okay, that he was safe, that he was never going to have to go back there. But Hongjoong already knew that. Hongjoong had been told that before, and Hongjoong was the one who made the decision that he was never going back there.

However… what Hongjoong didn’t have… was any sort of physical comfort. In the years he had been held against his will, not once had he been given that. And during the most turbulent time of his life, upon waking up on the run, he still hadn’t been given any of that.

From the moment Yeosang woke up, Wooyoung had been holding onto him as if he were afraid he’d fly off.

And Seonghwa felt another prickle of guilt.

Somehow, as much as Hongjoong meant to Seonghwa, he was still shit on reading him well enough to matter. He wanted to do better.

He wanted to be better for Hongjoong.

Hongjoong chuckled quietly, wet and weak as he stayed pressed to Seonghwa’s chest. “Only you,” he whispered thickly, “could throw your entire life away to rescue someone, save their ass multiple times… and still thing that you hadn’t done enough.”

Seonghwa’s jaw tightened. “It won’t be enough until you’re safe,” he said honestly.

Because right now… they were only running. Biding their time. Chasing their tails.

He glanced around the foreign house, old and wooden and beautiful, but hiding so many dark things. 

He couldn’t believe that things were completely okay until they were safe- not just from the immediate threat of capture, but safe from anything that could ever threaten them again.

One of Hongjoong’s arms released itself from its hold on Seonghwa’s shirt, sliding away from his waist until it rested between the two of them.

For a moment, Seonghwa thought he was pulling away, loosening his hold.

But Hongjoong merely lifted the hand, placing it against Seonghwa’s chest firmly, his fingers curled in slightly, making a clear press of four little fingertips through the thin shirt.

From what Seonghwa could see, Hongjoong stared at the fingers resting against his chest calmly, taking a slow breath.

Seonghwa wasn’t entirely sure what was going through his head. But he felt Hongjoong relax minutely, the fingertips not digging in quite so much.

“I like your heartbeat,” Hongjoong whispered, smooth and calm enough that it almost sounded like he were sleep talking.

Seonghwa blinked, the statement punching him in the chest. 

He was suddenly hyper aware of Hongjoong’s head resting against his chest, the hand pressed there, the rise and fall of his own chest that pressed closer and then farther away from Hongjoong…

Hongjoong sounded content.

“Do you?” he murmured, voice thickening as Hongjoong shifted, his ear pressing to Seonghwa’s chest.

A small, subtle nod from Hongjoong- slow and lethargic. “I spent… three years… getting readings from it, watching charts and graphs from it…” The fingertips pressed a bit harder before lessening once more. “But I never could hear it… I never got to listen.”

Seonghwa’s throat closed up as Hongjoong’s voice turned a bit lighter, as if he were smiling quietly.

“It’s louder than I thought,” he whispered, showing no intention of moving himself from Seonghwa’s chest.

Which Seonghwa couldn’t blame him for.

He’d been forced from being human for four years. 

Things like heartbeats, touch, the little details… they probably meant to the world to Hongjoong.

“You have one, too,” Seonghwa murmured, careful to keep his voice low to avoid disrupting his listening.

“I could hear mine,” Hongjoong assured him, voice calm and peaceful, like he might fall asleep listening. “It was all I could hear sometimes… but I like yours,” he murmured quietly. “It’s… calming.”

Seonghwa had never been complimented on his heartbeat before.

But suddenly it seemed like there was nothing more beautiful to compliment someone on.

There was a short burst of silence before Seonghwa noticed that Hongjoong’s breathing had synched up with his- Hongjoong’s chest rising slowly as Seonghwa’s did. 

Seonghwa’s hold tightened on Hongjoong a bit, something almost… possessive-

No. Protective. 

It swelled in his heart and cut off his breath as Hongjoong found comfort in him. 

“I’m… sorry,” Hongjoong murmured, sounding half-asleep again, the fingertips pressing to his chest curling into a loose fist resting there.

Seonghwa paused at the sudden break in the silence, and then frowned at the statement that broke it. “For what?” he asked, bewildered.

The bedroom around them almost seemed unsafe for a moment. As if ears were listening to whatever Hongjoong’s heart spilled. 

But Hongjoong was quiet again, his breathing suddenly pausing, losing its pattern with Seonghwa’s.

“I… I don’t know,” Hongjoong whispered, voice suddenly sounding too thick to be without tears in his eyes.

Sure enough, Seonghwa felt a pinprick of dampness appear against his chest.

“I don’t know,” He whispered hoarsely, shaking his head against Seonghwa’s chest. “I just… I just feel like I have to apologize-“ He swallowed, a choking sort of noise. “What- What I said back at the cave… a-about leaving and never looking back,” he said quickly. “And just- just for everything. I- I didn’t mean- I- I just got scared-“

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Seonghwa said firmly, the idea of it making his chest tighten while he held Hongjoong closer. “Absolutely nothing, Hongjoong.”

“I- I don’t want others to suffer like we did,” he cried, “but I- I can’t-“

He can’t face him. 

“No one is going to make you face any of this,” Seonghwa swore firmly, grip tightening. “I will make sure you never have to face him or anything else ever again, Hongjoong. The others weren’t trying to tell you to face him, they were just surprised-“

Hongjoong’s face suddenly turned, buried Seonghwa’s chest, like he was trying to hide.

“C-Can you just say it’s okay?” Hongjoong asked, muffled in Seonghwa’s chest, his other hand coming until they both clung to the front of his shirt. “Even if you don’t mean it-“

“It’s okay,” Seonghwa said without hesitation, rubbing a warm line up and down Hongjoong’s spine slowly. “And I sincerely mean it, Hongjoong. Whatever you’re sorry for- everything you’re sorry for, it’s okay. Even if you don’t need to apologize for it, it’s okay, Hongjoong, I promise… You haven’t done anything wrong, it’s okay-“

His heart cracked when Hongjoong began nodding, as if that was what he needed to hear.

Seonghwa had no idea what Hongjoong could possibly be sorry for, just for wanting to never have to face hell again, but it was not necessary.

He vaguely wondered… if Hongjoong blamed himself for his father's crimes. 

But Seonghwa didn’t care if he had to place his hands over Hongjoong’s eyes while they ran- he would never have to see his bastard of a father again.

But… if Hongjoong needed to hear that, then fine. Seonghwa would assure him it was forgiven over and over.

“I-I’m sorry,” Hongjoong said again, voice trembling as he cried silently into Seonghwa’s shirt, rubbing at the tears harshly. “I- I don’t know why- why I keep-“

“Do you want Yeosang to apologize for being emotional?” Seonghwa asked, perhaps a bit too firm. “Or San? Or Mingi?”

“N-No-“

“Then you don’t apologize either,” Seonghwa said sternly, rubbing his back gently. “I don’t care if you feel like crying, laughing, or hitting something, Hongjoong.”

He laughed, wet and broken and dying quickly, but it was enough that he turned his face out of Seonghwa’s chest, resting his head there again, still clinging to his shirt with his hands.

Seonghwa listened to his shaking breaths that tried to match with his own, Hongjoong’s eyes closed quietly as Seonghwa rested his chin gently on the top of his head. 

“It’s… okay if you want things… like this,” Seonghwa murmured into his hair. “Like… a hug or something. You know, if you… want to listen to my heartbeat or whatever. I don’t mind.”

It seemed strange that most of the time he had seen Yeosang and Wooyoung together, they’d been in each other’s arms as naturally as breathing.

But touching Hongjoong was a terrifying prospect as much as it was an appealing one.

The comfort of someone familiar wrapped in the terrifying urge to protect him against things he couldn’t really be protected against. 

Hongjoong chuckled, once again watery but genuine. “I know,” he whispered thickly, sounding like he was laughing and crying at once. He released his arm slowly, a hand crawling up to cover the implant at the back of his back. “Remember?”

Seonghwa kept forgetting that, somehow. “Ah…”

Hongjoong laughed, more to himself than anything, angling his body more towards Seonghwa. “You… You like it when you get to hug and touch me,” he chuckled, like he was teasing. “It makes you feel good.”

It was spoken as fact.

So who was Seonghwa to deny it?

“I do,” he confessed quietly, smiling the barest amount despite himself. “It makes me feel… like I’m helping something. We can’t do anything yet… but it makes me feel like I can at least do this for you.”

A heavy pause followed as Hongjoong slowly let go of his vice grip on the front of Seonghwa’s shirt, letting them fall around Seonghwa’s waist and hugging him once more. He turned his head more, pressing his ear to Seonghwa’s heart as his body relaxed with a quiet breath out.

“It does,” Hongjoong whispered quietly, settling. “It does help… You help. A lot.”

Seonghwa was able to smile a bit, despite Hongjoong not being able to see it. He’d be able to feel it. He didn’t expect Hongjoong to say more than that, though.

“You’re… familiar,” Hongjoong murmured tiredly, his fingers playing with the hem on the back of Seonghwa’s shirt. “And… you’ve always felt safe. Even before I woke up. Being with you… was always the best experience.”

Hongjoong’s whole perspective of Seonghwa being the thing that made it all okay…

Until this moment, Seonghwa couldn’t understand.

But he was beginning to imagine if he never met Hongjoong. If he had run away from that small, dusty planet, and just joined a military team. If he’d never had Hongjoong there… guiding him, helping him…

Becoming a friend before he was ever an AI or helper…

If he’d never had Hongjoong… Seonghwa was absolutely positive that his life would have been a lot darker. A lot different.

He was sure he’d still be alone and miserable.

“You… made my life so much better.” Seonghwa was surprised that he was brave enough to voice it.

But Hongjoong chuckled quietly. “I know,” he murmured.

Seonghwa opened his mouth, ready to scold him for taking it so lightly.

“I know… how much you were hurting when we were first partnered.”

Seonghwa’s tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth like a magnet clicking.

Hongjoong cleared his throat, though the thickness remained. “I know… how alone you felt…”

He said it as if the thought physically pained him.

“How… How you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life alone… only able to rely on yourself. Because… you were sure that reaching out was only going to get you hurt.” Hongjoong’s hands flexed against Seonghwa’s back. “And how afraid you were… that the pain was never going to go away.”

Seonghwa stiffened, eyes burning.

He remembered it all so vividly, even if he forgot what the pain exactly felt like. Even if he spent his life avoiding thinking about it.

Seonghwa’s life had been a dark place.

The freak, on his home planet. Surrounded by school mates who stared at him as they passed, giving a wide berth. Told by his parents that he just needed to get out of that phase.

There was not a single person on his side. And those he tried to reach out to… only left him behind while he still tried to hold onto their sleeves that slipped away before he ever really had a chance to grab on.

Hongjoong laughed, the sound definitely hiding tears as he pressed his head to his chest harder. “We had known each other… for seven months,” He whispered, a laugh coloring his words bright, despite their weight. “Seven months…The first time you told me…”

Another weak laugh.

Seonghwa’s heart wrenched. He’d felt so abandoned by everything… everyone… And then suddenly there was someone inside his head.

__

_ “I can feel it,” Hongjoong had told him, looking apologetic about it. “Up here-“He pointed to Seonghwa forehead. “All that… pain inside of you.” He winced. “There’s a lot of it. A lot of people hurt you, didn’t they?” _

_ Seonghwa felt like he’d been slapped. _

_ Hongjoong offered him a wry smile, somehow looking completely genuine, despite the dullness in his eyes. “It’s okay, that’s what my function is,” Hongjoong assured him. “To help you overcome that.” _

_ Seonghwa thought it was laughable. Some voice in his head wasn’t just going to magically cure a lifetime of backs turned. _

_ But then that voice was suddenly his friend. _

“You told me you didn’t feel alone anymore,” Hongjoong cried weakly, laughing to himself quietly. “Y-You told me that I-“ He swallowed. “That I was the first person who accepted you, that you… you trusted me-“

Seonghwa jumped when a tear fell from his own eyes, disappearing into Hongjoong’s hair.

“You thanked me for being your friend,” Hongjoong continued, sound torn between heartbroken and grateful. “You told me… that I was the first…”

“You were the first,” he said, voice sounding dull to his ears.

Hongjoong nodded. “I know,” he whispered. “That’s what made it hurt so fucking  _ bad,” _ he hissed. “I- I could see every fucking  _ moment _ you locked yourself away- I could  _ feel _ it, every time you had considered just running from it… And I was  _ conscious,  _ Seonghwa- I felt it  _ all _ -“ 

Seonghwa knew that.

He knew, back then, that Hongjoong could feel it all, could tell each emotion that passed through Seonghwa’s mind and heart.

But now… now he knew that there had been a boy on the other end the entire time, aching for him and unable to voice it...

“There were so many things I wanted to say to you that they wouldn’t let me,” Hongjoong managed thickly, fingers shaking. “And even without it… you still found a way to be happy… I couldn’t believe that you… you considered me a friend…”

“You were more than that,” Seonghwa assured him, his own laugh stuck in the back of his throat like a stone. “You were so much more than that, Hongjoong-“

“I know,” he murmured, throat tight and voice quiet. “I know that…”

A short, tense silence.

“I want you… to imagine… that moment you realized you didn’t feel alone,” Hongjoong whispered hoarsely. “I want you to imagine how it felt… when you realized there was someone beside you. Someone who was going to stay… Someone who made it better…after so long of suffering alone, thinking you would die like that… ”

Seonghwa had felt like he was dying, just a little. In the best way possible. 

The sensation of realization was dizzying and thrilling, like flying a cruiser at unimaginable speeds. It had been crushing and elating all at once.

And most of all, Seonghwa had smiled.

He had been so relieved. So grateful that he could have cried… just to know that he wasn’t alone anymore. That there was at least one person who would stay.

“That… is exactly how it felt when I was assigned to you,” Hongjoong murmured.

Seonghwa froze.

“Do you get it now?” Hongjoong whispered, curled a bit tighter. “Do you understand… why I can’t bear to have you blame yourself for anything? Do you understand… what you were to me, Seonghwa…?”

He did. 

There was a difference between knowing your life would be darker without them… and knowing that you were the thing that made their life brighter.

That you had… saved them from that darkness.

Seonghwa felt more tears falling, though he kept his mouth shut, staring at the long strands falling to Hongjoong’s shoulders, vision blurry as his heart tore itself in half, over and over…

“Yeah,” he whispered hoarsely, voice thin and weak as he rested a hand in the curve of Hongjoong’s hip.

Hongjoong shivered a bit.

“Yeah, I think I finally get it,” he confessed quietly.

Hongjoong breathed out quietly, like a sigh of relief, arms tightening around Seonghwa.

“You-“

A gentle knock cut off Hongjoong.

Seonghwa turned quickly, forgetting about the tears clinging to his cheeks as he faced the door, Hongjoong slipping from his arms.

Yunho looked startled, standing in the open doorway, clearly having not noticed what he was interrupting. “I- Sorry-“

“It’s fine,” Seonghwa assured him, wiping at his eyes quickly. “What is it?” he asked, grateful that his voice held out.

Yunho winced in apology once more, crouching to make himself as small as possible. “Most of us have woken up,” he informed him. “There’s two bathrooms up here. You should shower while you can. Wooyoung said he would get us some different clothes. And he’s working on getting us some food. Just get in your old clothes until he finds the new ones, he said.” 

The warmth in his stomach turned colder at the thought.

If he had his way (which was completely undoable), he would have Wooyoung stay as far away from those people as possible.

“Is anyone helping him?” Seonghwa asked, straightening slightly.

Yunho nodded. “Jongho and San already showered, so they went with him downstairs. And Yeosang, of course.”

Of course.

Seonghwa nodded. “Alright… we’re up. We’ll take next showers, and then we can all try and figure a plan.”

Yunho nodded, glancing at Hongjoong apologetically. “I’ll… go… uh, see if Mingi is done with… whatever he was doing…” He gestured over his shoulder, smiling regretfully and backing out.

Seonghwa felt a bit of whiplash from the mood change, but his shoulders relaxed slightly as he turned back around.

He expected Hongjoong to be curled around himself, but he sat on the bed with a smile on his face.

It was watery and weak, but it shone through his eyes that were still misty and dotted with tears.

“You’re such a soldier,” he chuckled wetly, poking Seonghwa’s shoulder, smiling… in a way that Seonghwa could only label as fond.

“Soldier?” he questioned, frowning.

“You get all tense when you face things that worry you,” Hongjoong told him, still smiling, wiping at his eyes and clearing some of the sadness from them. “Like you’re about to tackle something. You straighten up and get all serious… even over something as simple as Wooyoung walking around a house alone.”

Seonghwa couldn’t tell if he was being made of or not.

But then Hongjoong stood slowly, eyes scrunching gently with his smile as he poked Seonghwa’s chest. “I’ve been meaning to make fun of how serious you are for years.”

And rather than make him tense, Seonghwa felt his chest unlock slightly as he caught Hongjoong’s hand, holding onto it as he stood, lips quirked to hide the smile that wanted to appear.

“Well, excuse me for being the only one who took training seriously,” he said, too much amusement bleeding through.

Hongjoong looked… heartbreakingly happy as he tugged his hand away, only to poke Seonghwa with it again.

“I’ve been waiting to call you a stick in the mud since day one,” Hongjoong told him petulantly. “And,” he stressed when Seonghwa tried to interject.

The finger pressed to his chest suddenly lifted, pressing between his eyebrows that he hadn’t noticed were drawn down.

“You frown too much,” Hongjoong said matter of factly, expression lightening when Seonghwa made a face at him. “It makes you look old.”

“Excuse me-“

“And you take jokes way too seriously.”

“Do you just have a list of complaints about me?” Seonghwa demanded, laughing in genuine shock at the continued beratement.

“Yes.”

“ _ Hongjoong _ .”

“They’re not  _ complaints _ ,” Hongjoong laughed, removing his hands to hold them behind his back, looking innocent. “They’re jokes and observations I wasn’t able to make. So I’m making them now.”

Seonghwa sighed in exasperation, though his blood felt like helium running through his body. “Anything else before we go?” he asked, gesturing to the door expectantly.

Hongjoong frowned, genuinely thinking about it and rolling his eyes to the ceiling as his lips pushed out in thought. “You mean more to me… than any language or action could ever encompass,” he decided on, stating it firmly as he nodded.

Seonghwa blinked, staring perhaps a bit too wide eyed. “That… That’s not a complaint,” he said, feeling his blood warm.

“I said jokes and observations,” Hongjoong reminded him, smile turning warm and, once again, dusted with fondness. “That was an observation I’ve been waiting to make.”

He smiled wider as he slipped past Seonghwa and walked towards the door, glancing over his shoulder coyly. “I’ll take the bathroom at the end of the hall,” he informed him.

Seonghwa was still standing there as if he’d been slapped, staring after Hongjoong long after he’d disappeared.

He slapped his cheeks when he realized how warm they felt, shaking his head sharply.

He knew Hongjoong meant it. Hell, the statement was a pretty good outline of Seonghwa’s own feelings.

But he still ended up accidentally running into the doorframe on his way out, too busy trying to shake the heat from his face.

~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe they put all your stuff in the basement,” San murmured, coughing as dust tickled his nose.

Wooyoung quirked his lips mutedly. “I’m actually surprised they didn’t throw it away. But I guess they always did think I would come back…”

Yeosang was silent behind him as they searched through boxes, trying to find which ones contained Wooyoung’s old clothes.

“Yunho and Mingi may have to wear something of my dad’s,” he warned them. “Maybe even Seonghwa…..”

“You read comic books?” Jongho asked, peering inside one box, holding up one thinly bound paper book.

“Yeah,” Wooyoung said, unashamed, grinning slightly. “How do you think I figured out that space was an option? Most of those are actually just visualizations of novels. One of them’s about black holes.”

“Ooh!” San suddenly said, intrigued. “I found some string!”

“Why does that matter?” Wooyoung asked, turning from where he shifted a box over, the dim light turning everything a warm shade. 

It seemed like they were enjoying their searching, more than they were interested in finding what they were looking for. 

San, however, grinned as he took a small ball of yarn and popped a piece of string off of it. “Because now we can do this!” He marched over to Yeosang who wasn’t paying attention, grabbing the hair that had grown down his neck.

Yeosang jumped. “What-“

“Shh,” San said firmly, gathering it at the base of his skull and wrapping the string around it, tying a tight knot to hold it together. “I don’t know about you, but mine was getting a bit annoying. And yours is longer, anyway. We don’t have anything else to tie it back with, do we?”

Yeosang turned, face flushed in embarrassment as he reached back, feeling down his hair and to the ponytail resting at the back. “Wh- Does it look weird?” he asked, unable to see it himself.

“No, it doesn’t look weird,” San scoffed, popping off another piece for himself. “Now you can see without it getting in your face.”

Yeosang still looked unsure, glancing at Wooyoung. “Is it uneven or something?” he asked, turning his head.

Wooyoung took a minute to answer.

With his hair pulled back, it showed off Yeosang’s face in its entirety (which he’d seen as an AI but he didn’t trust that anymore). It showed sharp eyebrows, pulled away from hiding the little smudge by his eyes, tucked behind his ears that stuck out a bit more than Wooyoung had thought…

“No,” he said when Yeosang started reaching back at his silence, probably trying to take it out. Wooyoung caught his hand, lowering it back down quickly with a genuine grin. “No, it looks good. We can cut it, if you want, if we have time. But for now… yeah, it looks good on you.”

Really fucking good.

“Am I the only one who thinks it’s a little unfair how pretty he is?” San asked, glaring at Yeosang, as if analyzing him and finding himself angry. “Like, how the hell do you take a face like that and turn it into an experiment?”

Yeosang winced the tiniest bit, but not even enough for Wooyoung to scold San.

In fact, Wooyoung found his lips twitching as the pink on Yeosang’s cheeks turned darker. “Stop it,” he mumbled, turning his back and continuing to dig through a box they’d already gone through.

San gave Wooyoung a knowing look before going back to his own box.

Wooyoung wasn’t quite sure what he knew, though. But it was still funny to see Yeosang blush. (Because it was true, and now that San mentioned it, Wooyoung realized Yeosang really was pretty- as opposed to the general handsomeness that Wooyoung always teased him about.)

“Clothes,” Jongho sighed in relief as he tore open a box. “ _ Finally. _ ” 

They set upon them, digging through and finding some plain clothes that would be sure to fit- Wooyoung smacking Jongho for making fun of his style of nearly three years ago.

“They’ll probably be a bit small, but sacrifices have to be made,” Wooyoung muttered, digging out an old sweatshirt that was already supposed to be three sizes too big, holding it up to his chest. “Actually… I forgot I went through that baggy clothes phase. Maybe we can work with these!” 

He pulled out some sweatshirts that had been huge on him before and were sure to still be too big. 

“I can bring these to Yunho and Mingi,” Jongho volunteered with a stack of the largest pants, shirts, and sweatshirts.

“Go ahead,” Wooyoung said, examining an old stain on a pair of pants. “Take whatever you want, too.”

Jongho disappeared back up the stairs, and Wooyoung turned with a light blue sweatshirt.

“Yeosang, do you want a shirt or a sweatshirt? For now,” he clarified, holding up the clothing that would probably still be too big.

“Did you own any normal size hoodies?” San asked, frowning as he held up another large one.

“What’s the point of owning them if they fit?” Wooyoung scoffed, giving him a look. “Yeosang,” he called again, walking over where Yeosang was examining a box. “Do you want this one? Or a different color?”

Yeosang, however, still didn’t turn, staring at something in the box with a gentle frown of confusion.

Wooyoung stepped up a bit quicker. “What?” he asked, letting the hoodie fall to his side as he stood beside him. “What did you find?”

Yeosang’s jaw flexed, looking a little sick. “This…”

Wooyoung had to shift to see properly in the box, but Yeosang held a little box no bigger than his hand. The only thing on it was a small, dead screen and a dial with a button.

Wooyoung frowned deeper. “What is that?” he questioned, taking it from Yeosang who let it go without a fight.

San glanced over curiously.

“It’s an EMP,” Yeosang said, voice quiet and dull, like he wasn’t sure what to feel.

“Is it?” he questioned, examining it and turning the dial which did nothing. “It looks ancient.”

“It’s an older design,” Yeosang assured him, glancing at it with heavy eyes. “But that’s what it is…”

“An EMP?” San questioned, dropping the shirt and walking over, frowning. “Those things that shut off electronics?”

“It creates an electric surge,” Yeosang muttered, staring at the device like it was something dangerous. “Depending on the level, it can either cause a blip or destroy the device completely. Large enough pulses can even make them explode.”

“Um… okay,” Wooyoung said, tilting his head. “I don’t know why my parents have it- I’ve never seen this before. But I guess it makes sense, since they’re so against tech. Like keeping a gun for the zombie apocalypse, probably.”

He quirked his lips, thinking that it was funny for his parents to keep such a device, but that it was a horribly old design.

“Would it even still work?” San asked, taking it and flipping it over in his hands. He made a noise of discovery. “It’s solar powered,” he said, pointing to a little dot at the back. “It’s probably just dead. Unless something happened it. But I don’t know why they’d keep it if it were broken.”

“So it’s probably just dead,” Wooyoung said, frowning and turning back to Yeosang, an odd tension appearing in his blood. “Why?” he asked. “Why do you care?”

“Do you think we could use it?” San asked after Yeosang just glanced from the EMP to Wooyoung. “For what, though? It’s too old to effective against anything like the ships chasing us.”

Wooyoung’s stomach turned cold as Yeosang stared at him almost knowingly.

As if he knew something Wooyoung didn’t.

“Yeosang, what?” he asked firmly, making Yeosang roll his lips stiffly.

As if he didn’t want to say it.

Wooyoung blinked and the dark determination in Yeosang’s eyes turned more fragile as one of his hands reached up, almost unconsciously, laying over the implant at the back of his neck, his grip over it tightening until the skin turned white.

His expression turned strained.

Wooyoung’s stomach dropped out, a gag resting just at the back of his throat, barely suppressed.

His eyes widened, muscles freezing as he held Yeosang’s gaze.

“You… You want to short circuit our implants?”

~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa had to admit: he’d take the yelling over the awkward air that had fallen over them.

Wooyoung’s parents hovered around them like little dragonflies, and the only reason Seonghwa hadn’t said anything was because they hadn’t said anything either.

But still, they were just watching the five of them eat.

“Would anyone like any more soup?” his mother asked awkwardly, glancing between them.

They had all gathered in the room Jongho and Mingi had stolen, eating off the little trays she had carried up, his father behind her. 

Seonghwa wasn’t saying they were trying to keep an eye on them. 

But that’s exactly what he was saying.

The rooms were all old seeming- deep reds and browns, boring and a bit musty with age, like the rest of the house. It was pretty once, but now seemed suffocatingly dense with the two parents hovering over them with forcefully polite smiles. 

Seonghwa glanced around, raising a questioning eyebrow as Mingi and Hongjoong both raised their hands unenthusiastically. She beamed, nodding and heading back down the stairs.

The silence that remained in her absence was crushing- a familiar, enraging silence that Seonghwa had grown used to in his own home, whenever a _certain_ _topic_ was brought up. 

It made him stiffen, the lingering anger at injustice boiling in his stomach at the memory of the fight he’d overheard. 

The tense silence did not last long. 

And Seonghwa immediately missed the silence.

“So what exactly has our Wooyoung been getting up to?” his father asked as the other left the room.

Seonghwa paused where he had been ready to take another bite of rice, glancing at the man (hopefully with a little less disdain than he actually felt).

“What do you mean by that?” he asked smoothly, taking his bite.

The others all lowered their bowls, tensing.

“We haven’t seen him in three years,” his father reminded him tersely, expression pulled down in what might have been mistaken as concern. “I just want to know what he’s been up to. How he does, all that…”

_ If he’s continued on his lifestyle of dreaming big and being gay.  _

Seonghwa shrugged. “Isn’t that a question you should be asking your son?” he asked innocently.

He watched the man’s brow tick, and he saw Hongjoong glance at him, lips thin. “Surely you know Wooyoung ran away,” he muttered, glancing at the door. “Clearly, he’s not on the best of terms with us… He won’t talk to us.”

“And why is that?”

“What?” the man questioned, blinking.

“Why is that?” Seonghwa repeated clearly, staring the man down. “Why did Wooyoung run? What was so bad about this place?”

His father’s lips thinned in suspicion, but he glanced away. “Wooyoung’s always been a free spirit. He can’t stand being told what to do.”

“Really?” Seonghwa questioned, eyebrow raising high in shock. “Wooyoung’s never had an ounce of trouble following any rules of the program, nor has he ever expressed an issue with authority.”

(That was a tiny lie, but Wooyoung only did it to be a shit, not because he fundamentally disagreed with authority.)

His father stared, clearly suspecting something. “Well… maybe he’s changed a bit. But he still resents us for trying to control him while he was young.”

“Control,” Seonghwa repeated, frowning in confusion. “That’s a rather damning word, sir. Especially for parents, who should probably guide or care for their children, rather than ‘control’ them.”

It was clear that statement came across a bit more openly rude, the man’s eyes widening before narrowing again.

“I don’t care for that tone you’re taking with me,” he said darkly. “Until you’re a parent of your own, you can’t understand what it is to raise a child.”

“I know that having your child choose to run away and want to cut all ties with you is a pretty big failing grade in the parenting department,” Seonghwa said, matching the darkness in his voice.

“Young man, how  _ dare _ you-“

“What are you fighting about?” his mother demanded as she entered again with the extra food, frowning. “Dear, you need to control your temper,” she scolded. “You’re only going to make them feel unwelcome.”

“They’re making themselves very unwelcome,” he muttered, turning narrowed eyes on Seonghwa who didn’t glance away.

“Dear-“

“Guys.”

Everyone turned as Wooyoung suddenly stood in the doorway, Yeosang and San a half step behind him, expressions grim.

A bit too grim.

Seonghwa tensed, half getting to his knees, scanning over them for something wrong.

The only thing out of place was Yeosang and San’s hair pulled back into ponytails, and the little grey box in Wooyoung’s hand.

“Wooyoung, you’re in time for lunch,” she said, her pleasantries becoming a bit more forced.

Wooyoung didn’t so much as glance at her, holding out the box in his hand. “We found this in the basement,” he said seriously.

Seonghwa frowned, standing completely and hearing the others rise with him. “What is it?”

Wooyoung’s lips thinned, letting Seonghwa take it. “An EMP.”

“Oh, that old thing?” his mother said, approaching much too close to a conversation she wasn’t a part of. “We had to buy it because those damned robots from a few miles down the road kept getting too close. That lady just would not keep them corralled. Horrible-“

“What about it?” Hongjoong asked, looking equally confused, standing at Seonghwa’s shoulder to peer down on it. “Do you think we could make it big enough to take out those ships?”

Seonghwa didn’t think it was likely, and he saw Yunho also frown in skepticism.

But Wooyoung shook his head, face much too grim and somber. “No,” he said quietly. “Yeosang… Well, all of us… think it might be useful to short out the implants they’re tracking us by.”

Wooyoung looked anything but confident or happy in that plan.

But Seonghwa’s stomach fell away, his blood suddenly turning icy.

“With an EMP?” Jongho demanded, sounding distressed. “That- That sounds incredibly risky-“

“Our implants are way too wired into our brains,” Yunho reminded them, stricken. “There’s no telling what forcing an overload could do. It might tear them apart. Or- fuck it- it might just burn our brains beyond help. That sort of electricity-“

“We know,” Wooyoung said flatly, lifting tired, dull eyes. “But…Yeosang and San both think that those guys would have had to be crazy if they didn’t put a surge cap on the implants. It would stop the surge from damaging the brain.”

Seonghwa stares at the little box in his hands. 

And his stomach twisted painfully. 

“But we don’t know for sure,” Jongho pressed, lips stiff.

Wooyoung sighed, but shook his head, regretful and pained, but trying so hard. “We can’t know for sure. But you also can’t know that a ship’s got erran crystals in it. It’s still a pretty fucking good chance it’s there…. And this is the only way we can think of to stop us being tracked.”

“This is insane,” Mingi murmured. “We can’t-“

“We don’t need a large impulse,” Yeosang assured them, expression equally as dark, his voice dull. “Even by brain damage standards, we would likely only create a lasting headache, or maybe temporary coma, at worst.” He spoke like a textbook.

No. His voice was  _ cold. _ As if he were forcibly stopping any emotion from working its way in. Like he spoke when he was nothing more than a lavender projection. 

But Seonghwa did not need to be connected to him to see the fear in his eyes.

And he felt it too, creeping deeper the longer he thought about destroying the pathway in his head. 

He couldn’t look at Hongjoong. 

“We don’t need to destroy the implant, we just need to stop the signal,” Yeosang pressed firmly, as if he were forcing his voice to be steady. “It would take some working out, but between us, we could figure out what level we need the pulse to be at to work without hurting us, even without a surge cap.”

“Without  _ mathematically _ hurting us,” Seonghwa reminded them, still feeling a bit numb. “Just because the math works out doesn’t mean-“

“It’s the only way without surgery, which is even more out of the question,” San muttered, looking reluctant. “We would only need a small blast- just enough to overload the circuits barely-“

“Wooyoung, what the hell is going on?” his mother suddenly snapped, stepping forward angrily. “What’s all this talk of implants and  _ brains _ ?” she demanded, looking at him severely.

Wooyoung ignored her, staring at Seonghwa intently. “We’re going to keep being tracked,” he muttered darkly. “I don’t… want it anymore than you do,” he assured him quietly. “But… we can’t get anything done if we’re constantly being chased. We can’t hide or spend time contacting authorities with them tailing us. We just need-“

“Wooyoung!” his mother snapped.

“No.”

Everyone turned at Hongjoong’s stern interjection.

Seonghwa turned quickly, but Hongjoong was already backing away, as if the EMP was slowly forcing him back, eyes wide but hard with fear as he glared at it.

As if daring it to be used against him. 

“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa said calmly, trying to soothe him, but Hongjoong shook his head, a hand covering his implant almost… protectively.

“We wouldn’t take a stupid risk,” Yeosang pressed weakly, eyes shining as his cold façade slowly began to slip. “We- We know it’s risky, but there’s no other way-“

“No,” Hongjoong said, voice darkening with distrust, curling in on himself. “I’m not- I’m not losing that. You’re insane if you think-“

“They’re  _ tracking _ us,” Yeosang pressed desperately, taking a step forward pleadingly. “They’re going to keep finding us, Hongjoong- We have to take measures-“

“We can keep running,” he snapped, back pressed to the wall angrily. “We’ll fight them- I don’t give a shit,” he hissed. “But I’m not just getting rid of-“

His eyes flickered to Seonghwa, fearful and vulnerable for a moment before hardening. 

“No,” he repeated darkly, shaking his head. “I’m not losing him.”

“ _ He’s _ right there!” Yeosang suddenly snapped, making Seonghwa jump as he turned to face him, prepared to tell him to calm down.

But Yeosang’s eyes were already flooded with tears.

“Look at him!” Yeosang demanded, gesturing to Seonghwa sharply. “He’s right there!  _ That’s _ the person you’re supposed to be protecting! Not some obsolete implant- It’s useless now! You have him right fucking next to you!”

He pointed at Seonghwa like a knife thrown with deadly accuracy. 

“Yeosang,” Wooyoung coaxed, clearly not surprised by the outburst, laying a hand on his arm-

Yeosang shook him off angrily.

When Seonghwa glanced back, Hongjoong’s eyes were brimmed with tears, both of his hands covering the implant like it might protect it.

“Hey-“

“They found us once,” Yeosang muttered angrily, fists clenched at his side as tears slowly streaked down, unnoticed. “They’re going to keep finding us. You didn’t want to face them- You’re never going to get  _ rid _ of them,” he snapped. “And that’s putting everyone in danger. You don’t want to lose the implant?” he snapped accusingly. A challenge. “How much do you want to lose him?” he demanded, gesturing to Seonghwa-

“Stop it!” Hongjoong snapped, pushing off the wall, aggressive but shaking. “They aren’t going to get us-“

“You were knocked unconscious in  _ seconds _ ! Half of us would have been wiped out if not for the cave!” Yeosang fought, throwing a hand down, gesturing sharply to Wooyoung. “I don’t give a shit about the implant- I’m not losing  _ him _ because of  _ your _ crazy father!”

“Yeosang!” Wooyoung shouted, grabbing his arm and yanking him around, glaring-

But Yeosang yanked away, not giving in this time as Seonghwa’s eyes widened, heart tearing. 

“The likelihood of the implant not having a cap for electrical surges is next to  _ none, _ ” Yeosang hissed angrily, not even bothering to wipe his tears. “The likelihood of the EMP causing damage to the brain is next to none- and you know it,” he hissed. “You’re just too selfish to give up an  _ obsolete _ implant for the sake of  _ comfort _ .”

Hongjoong glared with something much too close to hatred, tears angry and dark, though he stood like someone who’d just been struck.

“That’s enough,” Seonghwa said firmly, stepping between the two of them, staring at Yeosang in disapproval. “We can’t be 100% certain of our safety-“

“I’ll protect both.”

Seonghwa turned to Hongjoong, a plea for him to not fight on his tongue.

But Hongjoong wasn’t looking at him- he stared at Yeosang, both of them in a tense standoff that crackled with bitter energy.

“Maybe  _ you _ don’t trust yourself,” Hongjoong accused, “but I know that I’d die before I let him get hurt.”

“Don’t fucking talk like you have any control over it,” Yeosang snapped back, fists clenching. “Do you really think a stupid human body is any good against a blaster canon?” he demanded, voice raising.

“Yeosang, this isn’t what we talked about,” Wooyoung hissed, tugging him back-

“You think I wouldn’t die  _ trying _ ?” Hongjoong demanded, stepping forward, and Seonghwa placed a firm hand against his chest, heart squeezing-

“Oh, because you did a great job of that when he was carrying your unconscious ass to a ship!” he fired back angrily. “There isn’t going to be a ‘trying-‘ You’re just going to  _ die!” _

“I’m not giving him up!”

“You’re too  _ selfish _ to let go, and it’s going to get all of us killed!”

“As if you’re doing this out of the goodness of your heart?” Hongjoong snapped, pressing against Seonghwa’s hand harshly. “Look at you! You’re fucking terrified! You don’t want this anymore than I do!”

“At least I’m  _ willing _ !” he shouted back, moving forward and only held back by Wooyoung’s grip. “You think I want to lose this?” he demanded, gesturing to his head sharply. “I’d rather die than lose that connection to him! But guess what?” he spat, smacking the side of his head. “I’d rather suffer through being alone in here than let him die!”

“Enough!” Yunho broke in, voice raising above the two fighting. 

Everyone looked at him, startled at the sudden yell. 

“Enough,” he snapped when they all looked at him- Seonghwa in shock at hearing him raise his voice and the other two with anger and barely contained aggression.

Seonghwa felt like he’d been thrown down a hill from the fight, the harsh words. Disoriented and bruised, he glanced between the two of them and tried to comprehend what had just happened.

All he saw was anger and hurt in their eyes. Fear and bitterness. 

Yunho, however, had words that Seonghwa lacked

“I’m happy that you’re both so willing to die for your friends in your own ways,” he assured them stiffly. “But this is going nowhere. The EMP was a suggestion- Hongjoong, stop acting like we’re going to pin you down and force you.”

Hongjoong’s jaw clenched, though he looked chastised.

“Yeosang, stop assuming that we’re all going to die, it’s not doing great things for morale,” he said sternly, making Yeosang tense but look away in shame.

“You guys aren’t the only ones who are attached… to the people you’re connected to,” San said quietly, though his face bordered on accusational. “All of us don’t want to just give that up. I agreed with Yeosang because he made sense in that it’s better for us if we get rid of their ability to track us.”

He shrugged, looking around at everyone, including Hongjoong.

“We don’t know how this is going to end,” he reminded them. “It may end with us just hiding away where we hope they won’t find us. Losing our implants is worth that freedom.”

He turned, glaring lightly at Yeosang.

“What I did  _ not _ sign up for was fighting and accusing people of being heartless and unable to see past their own comfort to do the right thing.” He glared harder. “There is no  _ right _ option. All we have are guesses and hope. I just agreed that giving up our implants was a worthy exchange for freedom.” 

Yeosang was staring at the ground, fists clenched and shaking. He didn’t look up at the chastisement. But he didn’t dispute it either.

“We don’t have to make a decision yet,” Jongho pointed out carefully, looking prepared to be attacked any second. “We can keep the EMP as a backup plan, but… as long as we can try and stay two steps ahead, we shouldn’t need it until it’s proven we can’t just outrun them.”

“All it takes is once,” Yeosang muttered, making them all look back at his bent form. “They just have to get lucky  _ once- _ all we have is a cruiser for defense. They’re not fast, and against another cruiser, they’re not going to last forever. There are eight of us. Cruisers are meant for two. We don’t have unlimited supplies-“

He looked up, expression stricken and pleading as he glanced around them.

“I don’t… want to lose my implant,” he confessed weakly. “Being alone like that is terrifying. But it’s even more unthinkable that I’d lose Wooyoung completely.” His jaw ticked. “I’d rather rip this thing out on my own than end up having it be the thing that kills us.” 

Hongjoong winced, both of them reaching an understanding, but neither of them enjoying it.

“Yeosang,” Wooyoung said gently, turning him until he could look him in the face.

Yeosang pointedly avoided his gaze, staring darkly at the wall. 

One of Wooyoung’s hands came up, holding Yeosang’s cheek gently as the other shut his eyes, like he couldn’t face him as Wooyoung lifted his head carefully.

Seonghwa felt Hongjoong’s hand wrap around the wrist of the hand against his chest, but he continued to watch Yeosang with tense eyes that were drained of anger.

They both just looked tired.

“I think you’re not giving me enough credit,” Wooyoung told him gently, smiling mischievously. “All of us- we know how to handle ourselves… we’re trained for this,” he reminded him. “And the rest of you are brilliant. Together, we’re going to get through this.”

Yeosang closed his eyes tighter, taking a weak breath that seemed like he was seconds away from losing his composure, lips trembling.

“Or did you suddenly forget how to trust me?” Wooyoung asked, an obvious tease, but when Yeosang opened his eyes, it was with a fear that Wooyoung truly believed it. He smiled quietly. “Give us more time before you start freaking out,” he requested. “Trust me, Yeosang… We’re going to get through this. Everyone, alive and intact.”

Yeosang swallowed, staring at Wooyoung- all anger and coldness replaced with fear, but… a clear plea that his trust not be betrayed.

But above all… there  _ was _ trust. 

“ _ Wooyoung _ .”

Everyone turned at the hushed, horrified voice of his mother, Seonghwa already bracing himself and the anger boiling in his stomach, already unsteady from the fight.

His mother had a hand pressed to her chest, eyes wide and face paled in what could have been either betrayal or anger. “What- What is happening?” She demanded, grasping at her invisible pearls. “What is this- this talk about implants?” she hissed. “They- They put that stuff  _ inside _ of you- You let them-“

“Yes, you’ve always been very concerned over what I put inside myself, Mom,” Wooyoung replied flatly, staring at her emotionlessly, though his hands remained on Yeosang.

Which did not go unnoticed by his mother.

“Well- Well, what do you  _ expect?” _ she demanded breathlessly. “ _ Look _ at this-“ She gestured between him and Yeosang. “What to you expect us to think when you say you’re  _ only _ partners, and yet you’re-“

“He’s  _ what _ ?” Seonghwa finally snapped, moving to face the woman fully who looked shocked at the loud interjection. He glared openly at her, his blood boiling.

He did not fucking having the patience for this anymore. 

Because they weren’t  _ doing _ anything.

It didn’t matter if Yeosang and Wooyoung  _ were _ together- it was a tipping point for this woman who wouldn’t even let Wooyoung comfort a distressed friend without accusing him.

“What exactly is he doing that’s so inappropriate in your eyes?” Seonghwa demanded heatedly, locking gazes with her. “Did you raise him to stand by silently while his friends are upset? To offer nothing more than a ‘hope that works out?’”

“I- This has nothing to do with you,” she stammered, mouth agape and offended. “This is between me and my son-“

“No, it isn’t,” Wooyoung broke in angrily, turning more towards her, but keeping a hand on Yeosang. “Not anymore,” he told her, glaring. “Because I’m not alone anymore. So it’s not just you and me. It's you against  _ us _ .”

He gestured to the other firmly. 

And Seonghwa felt a prickle of pride in his chest, seeing Wooyoung stand his ground. 

There was no hurt in Wooyoung’s eyes as he continued to keep a hand on Yeosang’s shoulder, as if defying the outrage. 

And his mother couldn’t find the words to stammer out a reprimand. 

“Not that it matters,” Yeosang said, voice thick and weak from the tears, but so full of anger that it made it strong, “but the answer to your question is yes.”

Seonghwa glanced at him, a bit confused, as Wooyoung’s mother narrowed her eyes in warning. 

“What question?” she demanded, high and lofty.

“Yes, his friends are  _ like him _ ,” he spat quietly, watching her eyes widen. “At least one of them is.”

Her eyes widened, staring at Yeosang as if he had just cursed-

And it felt so fucking good to Seonghwa.

“Two of them are,” Seonghwa said, stepping towards her, eyes dark, making her look at him frantically.

It felt… freeing to say it. 

“Actually, three,” Hongjoong added, looking sick but matching their dark gazes when Seonghwa glanced at him.

“Four,” San volunteered, raising a hand with a sarcastic smile towards her, her eyes only continuing to grow as she panicked.

“I guess technically five, but I’m solid bisexual,” Yunho informed her, lifting a hand. “Still probably pisses you off, though, so…”

Seonghwa could have laughed, if not for the knot in his chest. 

Jongho and Mingi both glanced at each other. “Eh, not sure,” Jongho said casually, shrugging. “I’m still willing to fight over it, though. Square up, lady.”

She gasped as Mingi nodded in agreement.

“W-Wooyoung-“

“What?” he demanded, looking a bit more confident, as if he suddenly realized he truly was untouchable. “I told you before- I had no idea. You want me to stop them, too? I couldn’t stop myself. How do you think that’ll work out?” he challenged expectantly. 

His mother looked as if they might attack at any moment, and while Seonghwa was mildly offended at that, it felt pretty good to watch her gape.

Maybe he was getting some sort of self-satisfaction from this- the closure he never got from his own family and planet. It felt good, regardless, despite the fact that he was slightly shocked that so many of them fell in the same way.

“Say a single word against anyone here,” Yeosang muttered, a threat clear and sharp in his tone. “I dare you.” 

Seonghwa glanced back at Hongjoong, but he wasn’t looking at his mother. He stared at Wooyoung’s father, who had been oddly silent.

And he did… not look happy.

His arms were crossed and his eyes the sort of enraged that, had Seonghwa been twelve years old again, would have sent him running in fear.

Now… he saw what the anger truly was. 

A mask. A diversion. A way to stomp your foot and get what you want when you knew you were beat. 

And now… he met the man’s gaze without even blinking.

“Get out,” the man hissed stiffly, practically shaking with… who knew. Maybe anger, maybe fear, maybe… just the realization of what he was facing. “All of you,” he growled, gesturing sharply across the room. “I don’t care about this whole implants and robots- I don’t give a damn if you fry your brains doing whatever-“

He paused, enraged beyond words as he glared at Seonghwa.

“Just get out.”

Wooyoung, despite the harsh words, smiled. It was triumphant. “Yep,” he said lightly, straightening. “Barely two days. You couldn’t bear to keep your son for more than two days… and you still think anything is my fault.”

His father turned to him with rage in his eyes, but Wooyoung rolled his eyes, tightening his grip on Yeosang’s hand.

“Hope you got all those rages out of your system,” Wooyoung told him, gesturing for the others to follow, sending one last glare between the two of them. “Because it’s the last time you’ll have me to take them out on.”

With a tug, he and Yeosang made their way to the door-

Yeosang, however, tugged them to a stop, glaring with such hatred in his eyes, Seonghwa was prepared to jump between them if he decided to get physical.

However, he just looked them up and down with disgust that slowly cleared to calm, stormy anger as he stared at Wooyoung’s mother.

“Your son was an amazing person,” he said quietly, making her stiffen. Yeosang looked her up and down. And there was only pity in his eyes. “It’s a shame you never got to know him.”

Wooyoung stared, his eyes going wide-

This time, it was Yeosang dragging him forward, out of the room without looking back.

Seonghwa followed, a hand on Hongjoong’s arm, not looking at the couple they left behind- only glancing back to ensure the others were following.

Wooyoung was staring at Yeosang, a bit starstruck, before realizing they were halfway down the stairs, heading to the door.

“W-Wait,” he said, freezing, turning back. “Yunho, grab that medical kit from the left bathroom. We’re taking it.” Yunho turned back without hesitation. “San, Mingi- you guys run down to the basement and grab the two boxes by the door. They have clothes for us.”

Wooyoung looked to Seonghwa, eyes apologetic.

“I don’t think we can do much for food… Sorry.”

Seonghwa shook his head sharply, eyes hard. “We’re getting out of here. We’ll figure it out.”

Wooyoung nodded slowly, lips twitching before continuing their walk down the steps. “We’ll start getting the cruiser ready to go,” he said, picking up his pace. “We only wanted to stay two days anyway. This will just give us a bigger head start.”

The last part was directed mostly to Yeosang who simply nodded, looking both angry and uncomfortable. 

But he gravitated around Wooyoung like he couldn’t bear to move away. 

The rest of them followed behind, climbing into the cruiser with Yunho and the others who had their tasks completed, right behind them.

But Seonghwa kept glancing at Hongjoong who kept his head hung low, lips stiff and looking angry- either with himself or the whole situation.

The hatred in his eyes felt like it had burned Seonghwa. 

“Hey,” Seonghwa murmured, squeezing his hand gently, leaning to see him when he glanced up. “You know… even if we lost the implant… I’d still be right here.”

Hongjoong swallowed, eyes becoming more fractured. “It’s not the same,” he whispered heavily.

“I know,” Seonghwa assured him gently, lacing their fingers. “But I’d still never leave.” 

Because he remembered those terrifying moments of having Hongjoong seemingly absent from his brain. The silence had nearly killed him. And even if now, Hongjoong was almost completely silent in his head…

Seonghwa could feel that there was  _ something. _ A presence, a force- whatever it was- he could tell it was  _ Hongjoong _ , even if he never heard a word.

The thought of losing that… was terrifying.

The connection was special. It meant something, symbolized something,  _ embodied _ something… 

But it was worth losing it, if it meant keeping the human next to him safe. Even if he totally understood Hongjoong’s desire to fight to keep both.

Even if it meant losing that connection with him… He’d rather get rid of it than see Hongjoong back in the hands of those monsters. 

“We’ll keep us all safe,” Seonghwa promised as he helped Hongjoong into the cruiser. “Without losing our implants, if at all possible. I promise, Hongjoong… I don’t want to lose that connection with you, either,” he murmured, staring at their joined hands.

Hongjoong’s hand was a bit paler than his own. And much smaller where it held his back as they crouched against the cruiser wall. 

“I don’t know how that’s possible,” Hongjoong muttered, lowering his head once more, grip tightening in frustration. “They’re…They’re right, we need a better plan, we didn’t have time-“

“It’ll work out,” Seonghwa promised, lifting Hongjoong’s head with a gentle finger. He managed a small smile, more sentiment than expression, but Hongjoong stared at him like he was seeing a light.

Which was good, in Seonghwa’s opinion.

“I swear to you, Hongjoong, we will find a way out of this,” he promised again, squeezing his chin gently. “And we will make it out together.”

Hongjoong’s eyes shimmered again, lips trembling slightly, parting to say something-

“ _ Wooyoung! _ ”

They all jumped at the frantic yell from outside the hatch, and when Seonghwa looked down the ladder, he saw Wooyoung’s mother standing at the base of the ladder, holding a zipped up satchel bag that she struggled under the weight of.

She stared up at Seonghwa, laying it at the foot of the ladder.

“Sooyun!” Seonghwa heard his father yelling at a distance. “Leave them!”

She locked eyes with Seonghwa, though, lips hard and white, but her eyes misty. “Perhaps I can’t support my son,” she said over the engine beginning to pick up. “But that doesn’t mean I want him dead.”

Seonghwa had several things he could have said in response to that. But then his mother was backing away, torn between anger and tears, disappearing from sight.

“We’re taking off,” Wooyoung called-

“Wait,” Seonghwa broke in, climbing down the ladder swiftly and grabbing the bag, shouldering it before ascending without looking back at the house.

No sooner than he gave the signal the hatch was closed, Wooyoung and Yeosang had them tearing out at a much higher speed than was probably necessary.

And Seonghwa felt pity, more than anger, at the people who would never know their sons. 

All because of their own hatred. 

Despite losing a “safe place,” Seonghwa couldn’t feel regret in leaving so soon. It was better for everyone to keep running than to face a place like that again. 

San and Yunho opened the bag, examining the contents- mostly nonperishable nutrient bars and cereal, but with a few junk foods thrown in hastily. She had clearly been in a hurry.

Seonghwa stepped up to the pilot chairs, leaning on Wooyoung’s before they went hyper, the other glancing up at him.

“You mother says she doesn’t want you dead,” he murmured.

Wooyoung snorted, smiling like he expected it. But there was no heaviness to his voice or expression. “Figures,” he chuckled. “She always seemed to think that that was the same as loving someone.”

Seonghwa hummed, drumming his fingers on the seat and holding tighter when they began to rumble through the atmosphere. He watched Wooyoung’s fingers press and dance across the console.

“I’m sorry,” he said once again.

But Wooyoung smiled this time, warm and bright. “I’m not going to apologize, so you shouldn’t either,” he said firmly. He gripped the steering column tightly, shoulders relaxing slightly as his expression unlocked a bit.

The planet flew away from them, leaving everything behind.

“Thank you,” Wooyoung said, loud enough that the others in the back could hear, though his eyes remained firmly out the window. “Everyone… for what you did back there.” He swallowed awkwardly, though his voice was genuine. “It really… means a lot.”

“Aw,” Yunho cooed, appearing beside Seonghwa and wrapping an arm around Wooyoung’s chest to give as good of a hug as he could, smiling. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” he promised.

“Yeah, it’s not like we lied or anything,” San said, knees tucked up to his chest, though he seemed proud. “All we did was say that she was talking to more than just you.”

“Still,” Wooyoung said, voice softer than Seonghwa had ever heard. “Thank you.”

Seonghwa’s lips quirked as he patted Wooyoung’s shoulder. “No problem,” he promised gently. 

Wooyoung sighed, shaking Yunho off roughly. “Okay, alright,” he said, voice back to loud and annoying. “Enough of that- where are we heading? We can’t just drift around forever.”

“Just keep heading away from those Class A’s,” Yunho said, moving to take a seat in the back. “We can figure things later.”

“We need to start thinking of a final destination,” Seonghwa muttered, tapping the back of the chair agitatedly. “Even if it’s just somewhere we can hide some of us while others go… I don’t know, risk the authorities?”

“Staying planetside isn’t going to be our best option,” Jongho murmured, curled up in the corner though his expression was dark. “We can’t be stationary for that long.”

“But the cruiser can’t outrun them forever,” Wooyoung sighed, leaning back, conflicted and frustrated. “So what-“

“Should we just risk contacting authorities?” San suggested hesitantly. “If shit goes downhill… we can always run again.”

“That’s a dangerous game to play,” Yeosang murmured heavily, eyes heavy and afraid where they scanned the screen that was rolling through planets and locations. “Honestly, our best option would be to get a ship big enough to escape them. Large enough to hold us all, and not have us stationary on a planet. Best option is to find one with strong enough cloaking to hide us. But there’s no way we could afford one, even if we sold everything we had.”

Seonghwa sighed, hitting his head on the top of the chair. “I don’t suppose anyone knows anyone with a spare S Class laying around, do they?” he muttered, stomach boiling with indecision and fear at yet  _ another _ unknown- 

“Um… I actually might.”

Seonghwa whipped around to see Hongjoong staring at the screen- confusion, hesitancy, and determination warring with fear in his eyes as he shifted.

“Besides the  _ Aurora _ ?” Mingi asked unnecessarily, making Hongjoong give him a gentle but scolding look.

“I… I don’t know how risky it would be,” he confessed gently as everyone looked at him expectantly. “I don’t… exactly know where he lies in all of this. But… as far as I know, he cut contact with my father years ago. I never heard mention of him since I was sixteen. I think he’s safe from being involved.”

“Where is he?” Wooyoung asked, glancing back with a frown. “He just has an S Class sitting around?”

“No,” Hongjoong said, wincing in indecision. “But he’s the captain of one. He was friends with my father… the captain of a ship he used to work on. I grew up on his ship, the  _ Horizon _ , since I was eight until I was sixteen.”

“You know how to contact him?” Seonghwa asked carefully, straightening. “Assuming he’s still captain?”

Hongjoong smiled weakly, twisting his fingers. “He would have never let  _ Horizon _ go. If she’s still around, he’s still her captain. As far as contacting him…” He pressed his lips together. “I vaguely…  _ vaguely _ remember the numbers for the  _ Horizon’s _ hailing frequency… but I don’t quite remember the order they’re in.”

“Well, start typing them in and see when it goes through,” Wooyoung invited, gesturing to the screen.

Seonghwa, however, held Hongjoong’s gaze. “You’re sure he'd be safe to trust?” he asked carefully.

It wasn’t distrust. 

Seonghwa was just so  _ scared _ to make the wrong choice. 

Hongjoong stared at him like he really didn’t want Seonghwa to ask that, but he nodded slowly. “I have no reason to believe he knew anything my father did, nor that he continued working with him after we left  _ Horizon _ . And if I can get into contact with him… I’ll know whether or not to trust him.”

“It’s a good plan,” Yunho said quietly, shrugging. “Even if we do find out he’s working with Dr. Kim… Even if he tracked us, we’d be far enough away to scamper.”

“There’s not much risk involved in it, unless we make a stupid call,” San agreed, looking to Seonghwa expectantly.

Seonghwa had already made his decision from the moment Hongjoong believed he could be trusted.

“See if you can get him on the right frequency,” he invited, gesturing, putting every ounce of blind faith into Hongjoong.

And he saw Hongjoong receive it with a face of stiff determination as he nodded.

“We’re gonna go into hyper while we’re waiting,” Wooyoung said, glancing at Yeosang worriedly. “Yeosang… you can wait in the back,” he offered carefully. “If Hongjoong’s going to be trying frequencies-“

Yeosang looked at Wooyoung sharply, and for a moment Seonghwa thought he was going to fight it, considering that just minutes ago, he and Hongjoong were at each other’s throats.

But Yeosang’s expression was softer, Wooyoung clearly waiting for some explosion. But Yeosang merely undid his safety belt. “I know,” he said, voice soft enough to not hold anger. “Yell if you start messing up too badly.”

“ _ Hey, _ ” Wooyoung whined, turning to pout after Yeosang, but there was visible relief in his eyes.

He stood, turning back as he and Hongjoong were face to face. 

There was a tense moment, both of them staring at each other with a stiff atmosphere. There was no anger there. 

But there was a mutual acknowledgement of regret. 

“I’m sorry,” Yeosang murmured, glancing away with a tense jaw. “I… I didn’t mean any of it…” His voice dropped to a pained whisper, expression pinching. 

“I know,” Hongjoong replied quietly, also averting his eyes guiltily. “I was just scared-“

“I was, too,” Yeosang whispered, glancing back at him. “It’s not your fault, what your father did-“

“I know,” he said gently, smiling quietly. 

“And you’re not selfish-“

“I know,” Hongjoong assured him, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. “We… We just need a real plan.” 

Yeosang swallowed. “Hopefully, this friend will be able to give us one.” 

There was a moment of understanding. Of trust. Hongjoong released Yeosang with a nod of assurance. 

They all settled against the back with Hongjoong seated in the co-pilot seat.

Seonghwa was pressed to the back of the cruiser with momentum, Yeosang seated beside him in Hongjoong’s place. He almost felt like he should say something, but Yeosang simply curled over his knees, expression loose enough that he could have been trying to fall asleep.

“Are you really okay?” Seonghwa murmured carefully. “You still seem… tense.”

Yeosang took a slow breath, releasing it carefully as he continued to stare at the screen dully. “I’m burning with something on the inside,” he murmured idly. “It’s boiling my stomach and making me…defensive. But I also know exactly what it is, and it isn’t fair to take it out on Hongjoong any further. I shouldn’t have taken it out on him to begin with.”

Cutting, true guilt shone in Yeosang’s eyes as his fingers curled into fists. 

Seonghwa frowned gently.

“You know what it is? But it isn’t anger?” he clarified, confused.

Yeosang hummed. “I know what it is.”

“What is it?” he asked after Yeosang showed no sign of answering on his own.

Yeosang simply sighed, curling over his knees tighter. “Nothing to worry about. It’ll pass.”

Seonghwa frowned deeper. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk-“

“Got it!” Hongjoong cheered, clapping his hands together triumphantly. “Tenth try!” he celebrated as the screen began to crackle with static over the speaker.

“ _ Horizon _ !” Hongjoong called, staring at the little video screen in the corner that hadn’t fully connected without them accepting the call. “Come in,  _ Horizon _ !”

Another burst of static as they all held their breath, Seonghwa craning his neck to see the video screen still dark.

_ “This is the communications officer on the S Class  _ Horizon _ ,”  _ a woman’s voice answered back crackly, but with a tone of voice that definitely spoke of her not having a clue who she was speaking to.  _ “Identify yourself, unlabeled caller.” _

“This is Kim Hongjoong,” he reported calmly, though he gripped the console tightly, leaning forward. “I’m calling to speak with the Captain of the  _ Horizon _ .”

A short pause.

_ “Wait. Accept the call-“  _ A distant voice sounded, male and much older than the woman who answered. When he next spoke, it was clear communications had been passed over to him. “Hongjoong?” he repeated in confusion as the video screen cleared. “Kim Hongjoong?”

Hongjoong breathed a harsh sigh of relief, smiling widely as a man’s face appeared.

He was definitely older, but not as old as Dr. Kim. He stared at them all in utter confusion, but there was definite recognition in his eyes as they fell on Hongjoong who leaned in.

“ _ Hongjoong _ ?” the captain demanded, finally fully recognizing the face and voice.

“Eden,” Hongjoong breathed in relief. “I need your help.”

“Help?” The captain questioned, glancing around. “What- What happened? Where’s your father?”

Hongjoong was thoughtfully silent, lips pressing together.

Seonghwa held his breath, observing the seemingly genuine distress, confusion, and curiosity in the man’s face. 

“Eden… I’m in a lot of trouble,” Hongjoong’s said quietly, a plea in the edge of his tone.

The man’s eyes widened in concern, and even Seonghwa had to admit that if he was faking his ignorance of their situation, he was doing a damn good job of it.

But then Eden’s eyes hardened in determination. The sort of look you might see on someone about to embark on a search and rescue. 

Seonghwa felt… a breath of relief. 

“What do you need, kid?” The man offered without hesitation.

Hongjoong’s white knuckled grip finally released the console.

“We need your coordinates. And a ride.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I meant for this to be shorter, but I’m have so much fun lol~
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think, lovelies! 
> 
> I hope you all have an amazing day, and that the next chapter comes soon!! Thank you! 
> 
> Stay safe, lovelies!   
> -SS


	6. What Makes Us Stand Our Ground and Stay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, lovelies! But thank you all for being patient!  
> A lot happens in this chapter, and it was so much fun to write! I hope you all enjoy it!! 
> 
> I hope you’re all safe and healthy! Please let me know what you think about this one!!   
> -SS

“You’re sure we can trust him?” Wooyoung whispered as the screen went black with this “Eden” character promising to be right back.

Hongjoong was glaring at the screen gently, thoughtful. “I think so. I’ll… I’ll make sure, though.”

Wooyoung glanced back and saw everyone looking equally tense and nervous. Even Yeosang, who hadn’t looked anything more than a little pissed for the last few days, had finally lost that mask of defensive anger on Wooyoung’s behalf and was chewing his lips nervously.

Their eyes locked, and Wooyoung threw a tight grin at him before turning back around as the screen lit up again, Eden appearing once more.

“Alright, kid, we’ve sent our coordinates to you,” he said, smiling just barely, though his eyes were warmer than the icy gaze from before he recognized Hongjoong. The smile faded, though, as his brow twitched. “What sort of trouble are you in, Hongjoong?” he asked carefully, glancing around at all of them. “Are you on some team? Why are you suddenly- It’s been like ten years-“

“Eight or so,” Hongjoong agreed, voice painfully tight and careful as he gripped the console. “Eden…” His voice suddenly shifted, becoming harder. “My father is dead.”

Only years of having surprising shit thrown in their faces kept Wooyoung from looking at Hongjoong like he was insane.

He knew it was a ploy.

What he didn’t expect… was for Eden’s expression to remain completely still- staring at Hongjoong in calm, intent silence without any sort of reaction.

“He’s dead?” he repeated, voice somewhere in the range of curious and disbelieving. “How?”

“A lab accident,” Hongjoong replied quietly, voice tightening and eyes pinching in a rather impressive act of distress, though it probably wasn’t hard to fake.

Eden’s eyes, however, narrowed slightly, and Wooyoung’s stomach clenched in preparation. He opened his mouth, prepared to back up Hongjoong’s story-

“What’s really going on?” Eden asked slowly, frowning deeper. “Kid, what trouble are you really in? Is your father involved?” he asked, head shaking in confusion.

Hongjoong held his breath, falling still. Wooyoung tensed, prepared to cut the transmission any second.

“Eden,” he said quietly, voice returning to the usual tone he’d spoken in these past few days. “I need you… to swear on Maddox’s grave… that you’ll help me.”

Wooyoung didn’t know who that was, but Eden’s eyes suddenly widened, lips parting in shock that looked ready to demand something-

But he closed his mouth slowly, staring at Hongjoong as if he’d been slapped.

“Hongjoong,  _ what _ is going on-“

“Swear!” Hongjoong snapped firmly, eyes dark. “Swear on his grave that you have no idea what’s going on right now.” His knuckles whitened on the console, but his face was collected. “That you have no idea why I could be calling you.”

Eden looked beyond concerned, but he nodded, as if he finally realized how serious the matter was. “I swear… on Maddox’s grave… I have no idea what is going on or why you called me,” he said, tone as dark and level as if announcing a death. “But I promise, I can help,” he said, voice lightening ever so slightly, expression softening. “Just tell me what’s going on, Hongjoong.”

Wooyoung glanced at Hongjoong and saw a clear war in his eyes before he released a breath.

“We’re being tracked,” Hongjoong said thickly. “By a ship called the  _ Aurora _ . There’s at least one, maybe more, A Class cruisers tailing us. We need a ship that can outrun them and that can potentially hide us from the S class. Can you do that?”

Eden clearly had a million questions swirling behind his eyes. “That’s not the whole story-“

“I can tell the whole story when we get there,” Hongjoong promised. “I don’t want to risk anything over communications. Can I count on you, Eden?” he demanded firmly, eyes as dark as they were pleading.

Eden didn’t hesitate long at all before nodding slowly.

“We’ll start making our way towards you, kid,” he promised. “If you make your way towards us, we should have you squared away within… three hours? How long can your hyper last?”

“We’re running it hot,” Wooyoung said when Hongjoong glanced at him. “We can manage two hours on hyper. After that we have to drop to half-warp to let it cool.”

“Then we’ll pick up our pace,” Eden acknowledge with a nod. “We’ll be to you in two hours, Hongjoong, don’t worry.”

Wooyoung was pleasantly surprised… that Eden looked prepared to break through planets to get to them.

“Thanks… Really, Eden-“

“Well, I get a call from someone after nearly a decade and you’re lying about your dad dying…” His brows twitched down. “Now, the kid I knew at sixteen would have never joked about something like that. So you’ve got some explaining to do. Real explaining, Hongjoong.”

“I will, I’ll tell you everything,” Hongjoong promised, expression clearing in relief. “I just… We don’t have the means to keep running-“

“We’ll get you,” Eden swore, expression hardening. “You just keep safe and contact me again if something gives you trouble. We’ll keep an eye on your location.”

Hongjoong looked prepared to break down into tears, but he nodded firmly. “Thank you, Eden.”

“Thank me by getting here in one piece, kid,” he said, a half-smile on his lips before the screen went black and the call was dropped completely.

“He…  _ seemed _ genuine,” Yunho noted from the back, hesitant.

“Or he’s a really good actor,” San murmured, chin resting on his knees as Wooyoung glanced at Hongjoong, waiting for a signal to start hyper. “Most ship captains have to be.”

“Start taking us to the sent coordinates,” Hongjoong requested of Wooyoung before glancing back at the others, expression somber. “I knew Eden really well while living there. He and my father worked together closely. Eden’s a master liar, but…” He dropped his gaze, brows pinching.

Wooyoung prepared them for hyper with half his mind focused on what Hongjoong was saying.

“If he were working with my father, he’d be way more willing,” Hongjoong said firmly. “Eden’s style of lying is hospitality. The moment I lied about my father, he would have offered me sympathy and suggested I come straight to him… Him questioning it means that he didn’t know.”

“Or he knew you knew he lied like that,” Mingi suggested.

Hongjoong shook his head. “Regardless… he was being genuine. And even if he wasn’t… he swore on Maddox’s grave,” he muttered, turning the chair to face the back. “Maddox was a pilot on  _ Horizon _ for a long while. He was the youngest crewman there, and Eden basically treated him like a son.”

Wooyoung knew where stories like that always went.

“Maddox ended up dying during a battle in the middle of a lightning storm,” Hongjoong said heavily, rubbing at his thighs. “It nearly tore Eden apart… He blames himself-“ He waved a hand suddenly, shaking his head. “It was a big deal for a long time. If Eden is swearing on him… he’s being truthful.”

Wooyoung didn’t quite understand how swearing on a specific person could possibly be enough to hold someone to being truthful.

“We should get going,” Hongjoong said, standing. “Yeosang, thank you for your chair,” he said, a bit teasing as he got up and Yeosang replaced him.

As they brushed passed each other in the small space, he heard Yeosang pause. “I’m sorry,” he muttered once more quietly.

Wooyoung was a bit surprised at another apology… but he supposed some rather accusing words had been exchanged.

Yeosang didn’t meet Hongjoong’s eyes, seeming unable to, even when Hongjoong smiled gently, patting his shoulder. “I am, too,” He murmured, walking past him and taking the blank space left on the floor.

Wooyoung glanced over as Yeosang wordlessly began checking them for hyper, cheeks pink but eyes intent, despite their mistiness.

Okay… maybe he did get the whole swearing thing.

“Going hyper,” Wooyoung warned. “Please fasten your seatbelts.”

“As the only person with a seatbelt,” San muttered, “I feel like that’s an insensitive joke to make.”

“Hm, isn’t it?” he questioned, gripping the console. “Hyper engaging.”

The shove of momentum was familiar, and Wooyoung let it press him back as they sped off.

~~~~~~~~~

They ate while they were flying, passing water to San, Mingi, Hongjoong, and Yeosang as a priority.

And despite everything in his body being… well, feeling a bit like shit, the hours flew by as Hongjoong settled back against Seonghwa, curled against him and resting his head on his shoulders, like he had before.

Seonghwa wasn’t surprised by the action, and took more comfort from it than he had the first time, wrapping an arm around Hongjoong and holding him firmly against his side, rubbing his arm that was just a tiny bit chilled from the cruiser.

“You don’t have to be the one to talk to him,” Seonghwa murmured when Wooyoung called twenty minutes until meeting up with the  _ Horizon _ . “If you want us to, we’ll keep you away, you won’t have to worry about anything-“

“Eden… isn’t a painful memory,” Hongjoong whispered back, his fingers curling in Seonghwa’s shirt, grounding himself.

“But talking about everything may be,” Seonghwa reminded him gently, taking his other hand and brushing Hongjoong’s hair back. “We can take care of it, Hongjoong-“

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head gently. “No, it’s… I can take care of it, I promise, Seonghwa. I know Eden, I looked up to him… I’ll be okay.”

Seonghwa wanted to push it. He didn’t want Hongjoong to feel like he ever needed to be involved in this again.

“If you start feeling like it’s too much… just say the word, and I’ll get you out of there, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa promised gently, hand resting in Hongjoong’s lap. He rested their heads together. “I’m not kidding. I will side check that man, if you want me to.”

Hongjoong laughed, muted and quiet in his chest, but it was genuine as he pressed their heads together more firmly. “I know you would,” he assured him quietly. “And… it means more than you can possibly imagine, Seonghwa,” he whispered, voice calm but thickened with emotions.

Well, good.

At least he understood.

_ “Attention Cruiser One, you are cleared for landing in the Beta Docking Bay,”  _ A voice called nasally from the speaker.  _ “Please proceed within at regulation speeds.” _

“Aw,” he heard Yunho murmur under his breath. “No going hyper in the docking bay again?” he asked, making Jongho snort quietly.

“You went hyper in a docking bay?” Hongjoong asked, perking up with wide eyes that questioned Seonghwa’s sanity.

“Well… yes,” he said, coughing quietly. “When we were running with you guys. They were closing the doors on us.”

“Holy shit,” Hongjoong muttered, looking winded. “How did you not fucking crash into anything?”

Seonghwa opened his mouth before closing it for a moment. “Well… it wasn’t as smooth without you. But I had a good point of reference of three years to follow.”

Hongjoong looked away, blinking and rubbing at his face in what might have been embarrassment.

Seonghwa managed a smile.

He listened to Wooyoung and Yeosang speaking to each other quietly, directing each other to make whatever adjustments to make a smooth landing. Maybe Yeosang didn’t have the direct hook up to the machine that he’d had before, but he seemed just as skilled on calling out whatever information Wooyoung needed.

Seonghwa watched them working together… and felt a sense of peace in it.

Those were still their partners.

“Now… not to be insensitive,” Jongho said quietly, leaning to glance at Hongjoong. “But this man isn’t… you know, someone who will kick you out for expression emotions towards a fellow male? Or should we be careful around him too?”

Hongjoong’s lips quirked, though it was muted. “The only thing you need to be worried about with Eden is insulting his ship. That might get you thrown out an airlock, but no… nothing like that.”

Well, that was at least a step up from their last location.

_ “Cruiser One, you are cleared for deboarding. Crew await you.” _

Wooyoung sighed as they set down smoothly, glancing around. “Hopefully, it’s a warm welcome,” he said, trying for an encouraging smile as he and Yeosang stood.

Hongjoong stood, leaving Seonghwa’s side much colder than it had been a moment ago. They all followed him, hearts racing in anticipation and muscles tensed in preparation as they climbed down from the cruiser.

The first thing Seonghwa noticed was the differences between the captain in person and on the screen.

With the decision to help, the captain’s expression had changed to something much gentler. Almost fond. He wore the expression of a friend, rather than an authority, now.

Especially when he caught sight of Hongjoong stepped off of the ladder, Seonghwa directly behind him- a bit closer than necessary, but it’s not like it mattered anyway.

Eden caught sight of Hongjoong, the stoic professionalism fading into a soft, though weighted smile. And Seonghwa glanced at Hongjoong, finding recognition and relief in his eyes as he hurried forward.

“Eden,” he greeted, barely having reached the man before he was pulled into a hug.

Seonghwa stood back, tense but not suspicious as Eden smiled, petting Hongjoong’s hair like one might a child.

“Is it too cliché to say that you’ve grown?” he questioned as Hongjoong pulled away.

Hongjoong’s smile was much wider- reaching his eyes that shone. “You have no idea how fucking glad I am to see you,” he said a bit breathlessly.

“I wish it could have been under better circumstances,” Eden said regrettably, though his face remained gentle as he glanced back at the others. “You have some explaining to do, kid…”

His eyes lingered over Seonghwa for a moment, making him wonder if he was being a bit obvious in the over-protection department, but Eden merely offered them all a courtesy nod. “You all look like they’ve been through a bit of hell.”

“Running from psychopaths will do that to you,” Wooyoung said bluntly, though not unkindly.

San frowned, leaning to whisper- “Is he talking about Dr. Kim or his parents?”

Eden, however, blinked. “Dr. Kim?” he repeated, looking to Hongjoong. “You’re running from your father?” There was dark bewilderment… the kind where you couldn’t believe it… but didn’t deny it.

Hongjoong’s smile faded, lips thinning. “We… We need to talk,” he said quietly. “Some… things have happened since we last saw each other.”

Eden frowned in obvious concern, but nodded. “You and I can talk,” Eden assured him, laying a comforting hand on Hongjoong’s shoulder, squeezing it. “And we’ll get your friends into some quarters of their own so they can rest a bit.”

“Those three need water and food,” Hongjoong said, gesturing to Yeosang, San, and Mingi. “They’re dehydrated and malnourished-“

“So are you,” Seonghwa said firmly, making Hongjoong glance at him, taken aback by the interjection, but Seonghwa stared at him firmly.

Eden glanced between them but nodded. “We’ll get everyone taken care of. My Lieutenant to get you to your quarters. Let her know anything you need and she’ll take care of it. We’ll decide on some future steps after I’m caught up to speed.”

A woman standing beside Eden nodded to them, gesturing for them to follow, but Seonghwa hesitated, glancing at Hongjoong. “Should I stay?” he offered carefully, staring at Hongjoong. “To talk about what went on on our side?”

Hongjoong considered it for a moment before shaking his head. “For now, I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s more important to talk about what went on on our end.”

Seonghwa’s jaw tightened as he opened his mouth again, chest an uncomfortable tightness-

But Hongjoong smiled quietly, taking a half-step towards Seonghwa and laying a gentle hand on his arm. He smiled quietly. “You don’t have to be worried for me,” Hongjoong promised quietly. “We’re safe here. Nothing will happen. And I’ll go see you as soon as we’re done talking, alright?”

He smiled a bit wider, eyes warm, and Seonghwa couldn’t find a way to fight that.

It wasn’t like he thought this Eden guy had malicious intent, but he knew that shit was fucking insane right now and he really didn’t want something happening.

Especially while he was just sitting in a room by himself.

But… he nodded slowly, squeezing Hongjoong’s hand. “Just…”

What? Be safe? Make it quick? Come back?

Hongjoong, however… smiled, eyes scrunching. “I will,” he promised. To all of them.

The lieutenant cleared her throat, gesturing for Seonghwa to hurry, and he simply sighed, leaving Hongjoong with a brush of their fingers and a quick glance at Eden.

Eden looked amused. But Seonghwa didn’t have time or care enough to question or challenge it.

He simply walked down chrome metal and bright lit hallways with the others.

Their uniforms were different- a striking silver, instead of the black that the Ateez suits had been, but their design was similar.

It made Seonghwa squirm as she led them to an elevator, standing in militaristic silence with her hands behind her back.

“I’ll have hydration injections and nutrient supplements sent to all of your rooms,” she said, voice level and  _ almost _ cold. “Within the quarters, you should find changes of clothing-“

“Can you bring the boxes from our cruiser?” Wooyoung asked, the woman glancing at him (clearly a bit annoyed at being interrupted). “I don’t want to wear those.” He gestured calmly to her suit.

Her eyebrow ticked up. “They are top line space gear. Temperature regulating and form fitting to-“

“Yeah, I know what they do,” he said bluntly. “But we have regular clothes in our cruiser. I’d appreciate it if you could bring those to at least me. And any of the others who want them.”

They all nodded along, even Seonghwa, his stomach twisting at the thought of wearing those suits again, even if they hadn’t been inherently bad.

She sighed, facing away stiffly. “Very well. I’ll have those delivered. Should you change your mind, the suits will be waiting.”

Wooyoung’s expression was tense. “Thank you,” he managed genuinely.

Seonghwa watched Wooyoung from the corner of his eye, standing shoulder to shoulder with Yeosang whose head was lowered, though his hair was still pulled back with string, his tense, nervous expression on display.

When he glanced down, their fingers were linked. As were San’s and Yunho’s (thought it was more like San holding Yunho’s wrist like a child afraid of getting lost).

Hongjoong had barely been gone two minutes, and Seonghwa was already itching, having him out of sight.

“This entire line is open for your taking,” she directed, drawing her hand down the entire left side of the hallway. “The first may begin in room R57-“

“We’ll share,” Yeosang suddenly spoke up (and by “spoke up,” he meant “looked up,” though he looked like speaking had taken all his effort). He glanced at Wooyoung, his hand suddenly flinching away, like he wanted to draw it back. “Unless you-“

“We’ll share,” Wooyoung said firmly, reaffirming his grip on Yeosang’s hand and looking at the lady, as if daring her to fight them. 

“There is only one bed per room,” she warned, brow lifting. “You-“

“We’ll share, too,” San blurted, glancing at Yunho who nodded.

“Us, too,” Jongho said firmly.

The lieutenant looked moments from rolling her eyes, but she took a breath. “You may arrange your rooming however you prefer,” she sighed, gesturing nonchalantly. “If you would like to move into separate rooms later, you may do so.”

“Thank you,” Seonghwa said genuinely, his stomach twisting, wondering how Hongjoong would know which room was theirs.

Assuming he wanted to share.

He’d want to, right? It had to be as weird for him to be separated as it was for Seonghwa, right?

Unless Hongjoong would find it freeing? But Yeosang and the others looked eager to stay together-

But Hongjoong was comfortable and familiar with this place. Maybe he would-

“You’re not jealous, are you?”

Seonghwa jumped, blinking and finding that the woman was gone, leaving the others all staring at him- in a variety of emotions from amusement to concern.

“Jealous of what?” he asked, a bit winded as he glanced from Wooyoung to San who had spoken.

“Of… all this,” Wooyoung said, gesturing around. “Because Hongjoong knows the captain and everything?”

“What?” Seonghwa demanded, eyes widening. “I’m not  _ jealous, _ ” he huffed, disbelieving. “I’m worried. Even if Hongjoong trusts him… it only takes one mess up for us to be back in danger. I don’t like him going off on his own- even if he does know Eden. Even if I’d only be giving emotional support-“

“So, you’re not jealous, you’re lonely,” San said, nodding understandingly. “It’s okay. It’s weird being apart from each other.”

Seonghwa didn’t want to admit how lopsided he felt in Hongjoong’s absence, prepared to dispute San’s claim-

“We spent years residing within and interacting with the most intimate parts of each other,” Yeosang said quietly, not looking at Seonghwa and kicking his foot back and forth absently as he stared at the ground with a shrug. “You spent every moment of every day for four years with Hongjoong next to you.” He glanced up, shrugging again nervously. “It’s not surprising or… weird to feel his absence.”

Seonghwa chewed the inside of his cheek, not even sure what to respond to that.

It was… hard. Because everyone here shared the same experiences.

But each of those experiences were very different.

Hongjoong was something to Seonghwa that Yeosang wasn’t necessarily to Wooyoung, or Mingi wasn’t necessarily to Jongho. Hongjoong had done things to and for Seonghwa that the others didn’t understand.

And the others all did things… that Seonghwa could never understand.

Like what the hell Yeosang and Wooyoung were doing.

“We should rest for a bit,” Jongho eventually broke up. “Get settled… we don’t know how long we’ll have.”

They nodded assent- choosing their rooms and everyone disappearing inside together.

Seonghwa chose the last room directly next to San and Yunho’s, but he entered it alone.

It looked a lot like his room back on the  _ Aurora _ , but the colors were a smoky grey and red scheme.

It still made him pause, looking around.

_ Horizon _ was an S Class, just like  _ Aurora _ , so many of the things were the same. That didn’t mean they were at all related, but it… still put a sour taste in his mouth.

Seonghwa only had enough time to test the bed and go through all the nooks and crannies of the room before there was a knock at the door- a man handing him a stack of clothes that they had packed in the cruiser, as well as a little box with hydration injections and a variety of protein bars.

Seonghwa stuck a protein bar between his mouth as he chewed on it, stripping out of his dirty, bloodied, worn out sleeping clothes from the  _ Aurora _ , breathing a sigh of relief as he pulled on the foreign clothes.

There was a pair of black, thin sweatpants. Or maybe they were considered yoga pants? They flared out at the bottom, which made them fit better. Over that, he pulled on a plain black t-shirt and a rather large white sweatshirt.

It felt weird, in such regular clothing, but he sat on the bed, eating another nutrient bar as he shot himself with the hydration injection, only wincing a little at the sting, but feeling his skin cool down a touch almost immediately.

Unsure of what to do with himself, he laid down on top of the covers, staring at the ceiling as he opened a bag of nutrient gummies, munching on those, too.

Should he check on the others? For all he knew, some of them would have gone straight to sleep. Should he try and sleep? 

He didn’t want to close his eyes until he at least knew Hongjoong was done talking with Eden.

He sighed, staring at the ceiling with his mind pleasantly blank, not really thinking about anything but how comfortable the sweatshirt was.

He also thought back to Wooyoung’s planet a bit, but most of those intrusive thoughts were Hongjoong sleeping next to him and hugging him tightly.

Those were okay thoughts. Seonghwa didn’t try and chase them away, using them a comforting reminder.

The door hissed open without a knock, making Seonghwa half-sit up quickly on his elbows-

Hongjoong winced at the loud opening, glancing in apologetically as Seonghwa relaxed at the intrusion. “Sorry, I was trying to be quiet in case you were sleeping,” he whispered, stepping inside.

He was already dressed in different clothes than the Ateez suit- a pair of washed out, ripped jeans that exposed his legs quite a bit, and a white button up shirt.

“I wasn’t sleeping,” Seonghwa assured him, sitting up all the way. “I was waiting for you.” He glanced him up and down. “That’s a rather formal shirt.”

Hongjoong chuckled, tugging at the collar which had the top three buttons undone, exposing a bit of his chest. “Wooyoung grabbed anything he thought would fit. Most of the other stuff was way too big, though.” He held up a jacket that Seonghwa hadn’t noticed. “I do have this red jacket, if it gets too annoying, though.”

Seonghwa nodded, humming in understanding.

Hongjoong still stood by the door, smiling and nodding as he lowered the jacket again.

There was a silence.

“You told Eden everything?” he asked to fill the silence.

Hongjoong nodded quickly. “Yeah… Yeah, everything basically after I left  _ Horizon _ with my father.” His lips twisted. “Eden was… pissed, to say the least.”

“At your father?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, rubbing at his neck. “I guess I was too young to realize at the time, but… Eden apparently had a few conversations with my dad over the years he was here. Apparently, he used to suggest a lot of stuff for experiments that… Eden didn’t care for. Lines he wanted to toe that Eden didn’t approve of…”

Hongjoong pressed his lips together, fists curling at his sides as he frowned, looking lost.

“I guess… I really didn’t know my dad as well as I thought I did,” he murmured, swallowing. “All this time, I thought he was someone I should be proud to look up to… even if I knew he wanted to go a little too far sometimes. I excused it by calling him brilliant…” His lips shook a bit, but he pressed them together tighter. “I guess… I just ignored the obvious signs.”

Seonghwa sat up fully, hands braced on the bed as he opened his mouth, prepared to tell Hongjoong that he couldn’t blame himself for something like that.

But he stared at Hongjoong for a moment, tracing over his small frame and his lost expression…

“Come here,” Seonghwa invited quietly, shifting into the middle of the bed and patting the space next to him as his other hand reached out towards Hongjoong.

Once more, he half expected Hongjoong to hesitate to approach, but he simply stared at Seonghwa with eyes that were clear and bright, but heavy and misty, like he wanted to let go but wouldn’t let himself.

Without more than a moment’s pause, Hongjoong crossed over to the bed, kicking his shoes off and climbing in beside Seonghwa.

Like clockwork, Seonghwa opened his arms, and Hongjoong slid into them like he’d done it a thousand times, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa’s waist and burying his face into whatever part of him was most convenient.

His shoulder, this time. Seonghwa didn’t say a word as he hugged Hongjoong tightly.

One of the hardest things to realize as a child… was that your parents were not who you thought they were. It didn’t matter how good and genuine a parent was… there would always come a point where you realized they weren’t what you thought.

It wasn’t always bad.

But Seonghwa knew too many people who hadn’t had it good.

“It’s wasn’t… wrong of you to love your father,” Seonghwa murmured quietly, petting Hongjoong’s hair idly as the others burrowed into the soft fabric of his sweatshirt. “It wasn’t your job, as a child, to realize what he was doing. It wasn’t your job to assess his moral standing.”

“But I knew-“

“No, you didn’t,” Seonghwa pressed, laying a hand on the back of Hongjoong’s head, holding him gently as Hongjoong’s fists gripped his shirt. “Maybe you had evidence to suspect, but you didn’t _know,_ Hongjoong. You didn’t know until you woke up in that cave- and that’s _not_ _your_ fault.” 

It was not your fault, who your parents turned out to be.

It was not your job to shoulder their guilt.

Hongjoong neither agreed nor denied the claim, simply sniffing quietly- his posture changing less from burrowing and more to resting against Seonghwa, like he was tired.

“I just… feel so tired and… and unsteady,” Hongjoong confessed, curling slightly, until his head rested against Seonghwa’s chest. “I want to feel angry and I want to hate, but I… I just feel numb sometimes.” 

Seonghwa simply laid a hand against his hair, stroking it comfortingly.

“It’s not those emotional outbursts,” Hongjoong assured him quietly, “but it’s… just everything and how quickly it’s happening-“

“Processing is one of the greatest steps to recovery,” Seonghwa recited gently, lips quirking the tiniest amount. “Isn’t that what you told me?” When Hongjoong nodded, he smiled, resting his chin atop his head. “You haven’t been given proper time to process, Hongjoong. It’s natural that you feel unsteady.”

Hongjoong took a large, long breath that made Seonghwa slightly concerned, but he simply lifted one hand, curling his fingers into the fabric of the sweatshirt, holding it just below Seonghwa’s chest.

He sniffed quietly, swallowing. “Your… shirt is too thick,” he murmured, rubbing the fabric between his fingers absently. “I can’t… hear your heartbeat.”

Hongjoong sounded… so very lonely as he said it. As if that fact was heartbreaking.

Seonghwa shifted back, lifting his arms. “Give me a second,” he said, pulling the sweatshirt off over his head, leaving just the plain black t-shirt.

“You- You don’t have to,” Hongjoong said quickly, watching helplessly as Seonghwa set it aside. “I didn’t mean- I was just noting-“

“It’s fine, it’s warm enough in here anyway,” Seonghwa said gently. “Especially now that you’re here,” he assured him, smiling quietly, feeling…

Well, he felt useful.

Seonghwa had heard a bunch of stuff about kids and listening to their parents heartbeats and being able to recognize them or calm down to them.

If listening to Seonghwa’s heartbeat was a comfort to Hongjoong… It made his chest swell with the delight at the fact that he could give him that.

There was so much he couldn’t give him.

“Would you rather lay down?” Hongjoong asked, wincing and twisting his fingers together, but not telling Seonghwa to put the shirt back on. “It can’t be comfortable sitting up like that-“

“We can lay down, if you want,” he agreed with a quiet smile. “But you’re the only who looks like they’ll pass out any minute.”

Hongjoong chuckled, but shook his head, staring at his white knuckles. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep. After telling Eden everything… thinking about it…” He shuddered subtly, and Seonghwa frowned.

“Do you… want to talk about it?” he offered gently, touching Hongjoong’s clenched fist. “Or… do you need something?”

But Hongjoong shook his head, smiling gratefully, eyes moist. “It’s not bad,” he assured him. “I just… felt weird about it.” He smiled wider, in such a way that he seemed desperate to not let the smile fall. “Can… Can we…”

He made an odd, aborted gesture at Seonghwa, but he understood. 

Seonghwa smiled, laying down on the bed and pulling the covers up and back, opening a space for Hongjoong to crawl under.

Even as Hongjoong slipped in beside Seonghwa, he winced. “Are… Are you sure you’re okay with it? It doesn’t get hard to breathe?”

Seonghwa chuckled, encouraging Hongjoong to lay down with a little tug to his sleeve. “Hongjoong, you could probably put your entire body weight on my chest and not have an issue. You’re tiny.”

He waited for Hongjoong to get indignant, but he simply nodded seriously, laying down against Seonghwa, slipping beneath one arm to lay his head against his chest.

He fit comfortably in the space under Seonghwa’s arm, his body lining up against the side of Seonghwa’s. It was warm and comfortable and the weight on his chest was becoming familiar, as was the small hand resting on his chest, as if feeling to ensure he was still breathing and comfortable.

Seonghwa curled an arm around Hongjoong, ensuring he didn’t roll away. “Better?” he asked as Hongjoong’s ear pressed to his chest that rose and fell quietly.

Hongjoong hummed, fingertips pressing into the dip of his chest, his body untensing slightly, allowing him to meld to Seonghwa’s side more thoroughly.

Seonghwa wasn’t complaining.

He welcomed the contact that felt as foreign as it was comforting. He’d certainly never done anything like this with the others, even if they had slept together for warmth during one mission.

The arm around Hongjoong began to slowly rub up and down his spine warmly.

Seonghwa couldn’t help but smile as he felt Hongjoong relax further with every stroke, until he was basically jelly against Seonghwa’s side, just laying there without worrying about the weight of his head, finally.

Seonghwa stared at the roof, listening to Hongjoong breathe, feeling him shift ever so slightly, and absorbing the weight of the past few hours into his blood- all of it accumulating into a drowsy heaviness in his eyes that blinked slowly. 

“Hongjoong?” He murmured, half asleep himself, lifting his head to see and ensure that Hongjoong wanted to spend his time in this room, rather than his own. 

But Hongjoong didn’t answer. 

And when Seonghwa managed to lift his head enough without disturbing the other, he saw Hongjoong with his eyes closed gently, lips parted softly with quiet breaths puffing against his shirt as long lashes brushed the swells of his cheeks. 

Dead asleep, it seemed. 

Seonghwa barely suppressed a laugh as he settled back against the pillow. 

_ Probably won’t sleep, my ass.  _

But Seonghwa didn’t even care as he closed his eyes, letting Hongjoong’s weight and gentle breathing finally lull him asleep; but his tongue was numb. 

_ You’ve gone through so much… just rest. Just let yourself rest… for one moment.  _

He held Hongjoong tighter at the echoing words, rolling onto his side slightly as Hongjoong slipped closer with the dip in the mattress. 

_ Just let me give you rest for once.  _

~~~~~~~~~~~

Wooyoung woke up to a solid warmth beneath him. 

Way too warm to be bedding. 

He opened his eyes groggily, rubbing them against the warmth that was also pretty hard. 

Shirt, he realized. 

He frowned. 

Neck. 

He glanced up. 

Eyes stared down at him quietly, also tired but awake. 

Yeosang.

Wooyoung jerked up, hands planted in the mattress as he looked around rapidly, trying to figure out how the hell he ended up here.

The bed was small- enough space for them to lay side by side in (as they started out), but not large enough to accommodate Wooyoung’s violent sleeping patterns, apparently.

He groaned, bringing one hand to rub furiously at his eyes as he rolled off of Yeosang’s chest, laying on the edge of the bed and staring up at the ceiling tiredly. “Sorry…” he mumbled, “I guess I rolled.”

“It’s fine,” Yeosang replied quietly, sounding more awake than Wooyoung.

He frowned, rolling onto his side, the small space sending them directly next to each other. “How long have you been awake?” he asked, clearing the sleep from his throat.

Yeosang shrugged, staring up at the ceiling, his hands folding together over his stomach. “I don’t know… A while?” He shrugged again without looking at Wooyoung.

Yeosang didn’t look… upset. Really, he looked rather peaceful, but Wooyoung still blinked worriedly at him. “Did you not sleep enough?” he asked gently.

“No, I slept fine,” he assured him quietly.

“Then why are you acting weird?” Wooyoung asked, rising up onto one elbow so he could really look at Yeosang’s face.

Yeosang didn’t so much as glance at him, still staring at the ceiling like it was sending him some sort of message. His fingers began playing with the pink sweatshirt he’d grabbed out of the pile.

(“Are you sure you don’t want another color?” Wooyoung asked, lifting an eyebrow as Yeosang tugged it on.

“Why would I want another color?” he questioned, genuinely confused.

Wooyoung merely shrugged, letting him take his pick.)

The softer color made him look paler. It made the healthy color on his cheeks stand out more, and it made his hair look softer, somehow.

If seeing Yeosang as a human had been weird, it was even more odd to see him dressed like a regular person.

“I…”

Yeosang took a slow breath, as if it was taking effort to speak, though he continued staring calmly at the ceiling, as if he’d come to terms with something.

“I don’t…”

He swallowed, making Wooyoung frown as he sat up further when Yeosang’s jaw worked slightly.

Sleep was suddenly the last thing on his mind. 

“What’s wrong?” Wooyoung questioned gently, unsure if he was conflicted or in pain or what. His chest tugged as he glanced him over uselessly. “If… If something’s bothering you… you can tell me,” Wooyoung assured him, taking a small risk and laying a hand on Yeosang’s wrist.

Yeosang swallowed, fingers rolling the fabric of his shirt between themselves. His eyes pinched, but almost more in confusion than anything else.

“I don’t… want to leave here,” he finally said quietly, like it was a secret he didn’t want anyone else to find out.

Wooyoung frowned gently, brushing his thumb over the top of his wrist comfortingly. “Like… you don’t want to leave  _ Horizon _ ?” he asked quietly, heart clenching.

He wasn’t sure how reasonable that was to expect.

But Yeosang shook his head slowly, finally glancing away from the ceiling and staring at a wall on the other side of the room. “No… like… I don’t want to leave here.” The hand Wooyoung wasn’t touching fell and patted the bed. “I don’t… want to go back out there. I don’t want to have to… deal with everything going on.”

He suddenly rolled onto his side so that the two of them faced each other, but his eyes were averted to somewhere around Wooyoung’s chest, lips thin.

Wooyoung was quick to replace his touch to Yeosang’s arm. “That’s okay,” he assured him quickly, squeezing gently. “You don’t have to, Yeosang. You can just stay in here.” He nodded quickly. “It’s the same with Hongjoong, you can’t be expected-“

“Would you stay in here?” Yeosang asked, glancing up at Wooyoung for the first time.

It was only a for a moment, though, before he looked away once more and ducked his head, hiding his expression, as if suddenly didn’t want to know the answer. 

And Wooyoung felt a painfully sharp prick of conflict in his chest.

“I… I’d stay for a while,” he promised, rubbing Yeosang’s arm gently. “But I… I want to go help us figure out what to do. I can come back here whenever I have time, though. You wouldn’t be alone for long-“

Yeosang shook his head, arms curling to his chest protectively. “I’m not staying in here,” he murmured tiredly. “I… I want to help. Even if I don’t like it.”

“Yeosang, you don’t have to,” Wooyoung said firmly, sitting up as a bundle of anxiety gathered in his chest, expression pinched. “You can stay away, and I’ll make sure you’re not alone-“

“No, I… I don’t want to stay separate from it all,” Yeosang said, sitting up as well, though his head still hung low. “It’s… like that chore you don’t want to get done. You know you have to, even if you don’t want to.”

“But you  _ don’t _ have to,” Wooyoung pressed, terrified of Yeosang pushing himself to involve. “You’re not obligated-“

“You weren’t obligated to go back to your home planet, either,” Yeosang said, just bordering on sharp as he looked at Wooyoung.

And once more, it felt like his gaze itself was a slap to Wooyoung’s face, making him freeze underneath it.

“You didn’t have to do any of that, either,” he said, accusing but calm. “We don’t have to make decisions for our best interest. We can make them for others.”

“There’s a difference between going back to a place I knew we weren’t in danger in and facing people I don’t give a shit about,” Wooyoung protested firmly, “and facing someone who practically tortured you-“

“Is it different?” Yeosang demanded, eyes narrowing, silently commanding Wooyoung to think very carefully about his answer. “Is it, Wooyoung?” His gaze sharpened. “Or is it just different because now it’s you who can’t convince me to change my mind?”

Wooyoung opened his mouth, prepared to snap back that it wasn’t like that.

But… maybe it was.

He closed his mouth, feeling a mixture of shame and guilt burn through his veins. He dropped his eyes. “I… I didn’t go back to… that house for myself,” he said firmly. “It wasn’t to prove something-“

“I know that,” Yeosang replied quietly, voice level. “You did it for everyone else. That’s why I can’t let myself hide away in a bed. Because I want to be there when that monster gets what he deserves for what he did to us.”

Wooyoung winced, but nodded slowly. “I-“

“I know you didn’t mean anything by it,” Yeosang assured him, and Wooyoung was surprised when a gentle touch landed on his thigh. “But I want you to understand why I want to do this.”

Wooyoung nodded. “I… I do get it,” he assured him, wetting his lips. “But it…”

“It’s different when you’re the one watching them get hurt.”

Wooyoung wanted to look up, but it only made him lower his head further, feeling like a child getting a scolding.

“Sometimes… I almost wish that I didn’t have emotions again.”

At that, Wooyoung did look up, and rather than finding him staring at the ground, Yeosang was looking directly at him, eyes conflicted and tense, but gentle.

“In some ways, it was easier… not having to care,” he said quietly. “Not having to show things, not having to worry about feeling… It was less painful.”

“You said it hurt when they did that,” Wooyoung said numbly, staring.

Yeosang hummed quietly. “It did. But I forgot how much caring hurts, too.”

A shot of pain ran through Wooyoung’s chest. “Yeosang-“

“Sometimes I hate you for it,” Yeosang said again, his hands curling into gentle fists on his thighs. “For making me care…”

Wooyoung felt like he’d just been slapped. “Hate-“

“Even before the program, I never had friends, I never had someone that gave a shit,” Yeosang muttered, as bitter as he was soft. “I grew up in an orphanage and all I could think about was wanting to get out and never look back at the people who made my life hell-“

He looked back at Wooyoung who surely looked dumbstruck.

“And then… even while under so many suppressants, you managed to make me care and feel things that I hadn’t even felt  _ before _ the program.”

Wooyoung’s lips parted, his voice caught as Yeosang stared at him.

He wasn’t sure… what was happening anymore.

“You… hate me for caring about you?” he asked, confusion and concern lacing his voice.

“I hate you for making me care about you,” Yeosang said, looking away, his tone shifting  _ just _ enough that Wooyoung could believe he was joking.

At least about the whole “hate” part.

“Um… Sorry?” Wooyoung said helplessly, both horrified at the prospect of Yeosang having no one and wanting to laugh at the absolute Yeosang-ness of the whole conversation.

He felt some of the fear leave his chest as Yeosang cracked what could be considered a warm smile as he looked at Wooyoung exasperatedly. 

“You should be,” Yeosang scoffed, losing the last of his bitterness as he climbed off the bed without looking at Wooyoung. “Do you understand what you put me through, making me care about you?” he demanded, straightening his shirt, still not looking. “It’s inconvenient and annoying.”

After holding his breath for a moment, Wooyoung smiled quietly.

“Then stop caring about me,” he said, voice just on the right side of petulant.

Yeosang glanced up at him, eyes warm, even if his lips were pressed in an unimpressed line. “I don’t think I know how,” he said, voice just on the side of too genuine for Wooyoung to make fun of.

Instead… Wooyoung felt his lips tick up warmly, gently as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “Then I guess I’m your problem until you figure out how.”

Yeosang didn’t look away. 

He simply stared, as if trying to discern for a moment whether Wooyoung was being serious. But his expression softened, a warm light coming into his eyes as he glanced away. “I’ll just have to wait until you finally get too annoying.”

At that, Wooyoung couldn’t help but scoff sarcastically, even if his chest was too tight. “If you haven’t gotten scared off by now, I don’t think it’s going to happen.”

It felt… really fucking good, to be cared about.

It was a sensation that Wooyoung hadn’t felt with Yeosang immediately. But he’d found it in the others of the program, and when he had eventually built it with Yeosang…

It was something Wooyoung wouldn’t trade anything for.

Not that there’d ever been any question about it, but… Wooyoung realized that there wasn’t much he wouldn’t give, if it meant keeping Yeosang safe with him.

He smiled.

Yeosang glanced at him. “What are you smiling so wide for?” he asked, shoving his hands in the hoodie pockets, making him look even smaller.

Wooyoung smiled wider as he stood. “You’re just too  _ cute,” _ he teased, making Yeosang flush and glare at him. “In your little pink hoodie, you’ve got sweater paws, you look so tiny-“

Wooyoung yelped when Yeosang kicked him in the back of his knee, making it buckle.

He barely caught himself, turning in shock as Yeosang yanked the hood of his jacket up, pulling it up tight to cover half his face as he kept his hands in place, as if Wooyoung might try and pull it off.

Wooyoung simply stood up, brushing himself off with a huff. “Well, I’m going to take that as the equivalent of pulling my pig tails on the playground,” he said stubbornly.

Yeosang kept hiding in the hoodie, brushing passed Wooyoung. “Let’s go,” he huffed, but Wooyoung saw the pink taking over his face. “It’s stuffy in here.”

Wooyoung actually had no idea what time it was or where they were supposed to go, but it didn’t really matter.

He followed Yeosang anyway.

~~~~~~~~~

“I heard everything of your situation from Hongjoong.”

Seonghwa was silent as they all stood in the main command room of the  _ Horizon _ , Eden standing before them with his expression grim and apologetic.

“As someone who had seen these parts of Dr. Kim without ever filing a formal report… I’m sorry,” he said, bowing his head slightly. “I could have at least raised some awareness of him.”

“Who he was ten years ago isn’t necessarily who he is now,” Hongjoong said, arms crossed like a self-comfort as he sat in an empty chair at a nav station. “Being willing to go a bit too far isn’t the same as what he’s been doing.”

“It’s not your fault,” San agreed, wrapped in a jacket that would have been too big on Yunho, practically being swallowed, but it looked like it was giving him a bit of comfort. “When people go off the rails like that… it’s rarely anyone’s fault but their own.”

“You’re making up for it,” Mingi said, nibbling on the last of his nutrient bar. “We’d be screwed without your help.”

“Speaking of help,” Eden sighed, rubbing at his face in confliction as the handful of crew members continued to work on, not even glancing over at them curiously. “I’m not sure what sort of help I may be able to give,” he admitted regretfully. “Taking care of your health and keeping you hidden- I can do that. We can avoid any sensors and outrun any ships for the time being.”

Seonghwa felt a sigh of relief clog his chest, though he didn’t allow it to flood his veins, knowing that there was more.

“But your sensors that are being tracked… Hongjoong had mentioned a bit of a disagreement about the best course of option for those…” He glanced around, as if expecting another fight to break out.

Seonghwa saw Yeosang lowered his head slightly, his hoodie pulled up defensively. Wooyoung had one hand resting protectively on his shoulder, also glancing around as if daring them to start a fight again.

“Your options are essentially to EMP them or have them surgically removed, right?”

“Our preference is to keep them,” Seonghwa said firmly, though keeping his tone calm. “Removing them is a last resort.”

“What’s important about keeping them?” Eden asked, frowning. “Hongjoong mentioned removing them… We may not have a mind like Dr. Kim’s, but we have some brilliant doctors and scientist aboard  _ Horizon _ -“

“We don’t want to lose them,” San said quickly, expression set. “They still function between us, to an extent. We’d rather not lose that.”

“Even while being tracked?” Eden posed, ensuring that they understood the consequences.

Yeosang curled slightly over his stomach like he was feeling sick.

Seonghwa felt a stab of pity. Because it was clear that Yeosang was willing to do whatever it took to keep them safe. Even losing that connection. But he also knew that Yeosang was just as attached to their connection as any of them.

And losing it was terrifying.

But he was willing to give it up, if it meant they stayed alive.

“Well, we don’t necessarily have means of doing in depth scans of everything involved,” Eden warned, voice hesitant but accommodating. “We could have my people take a look at it. See if we can’t find an effective way to shield it, or maybe find a way to neutralize the tracer all together.”

“You can check mine,” Wooyoung said, almost before Eden had finished speaking. “I don’t mind needles.”

Seonghwa agreed with what Wooyoung was doing.

The others didn’t need anymore tests being run on them. They didn’t need scientists, needles, and readings anymore than they’d already had.

Eden frowned, glancing between Wooyoung and Yeosang (who was watching Wooyoung cautiously from around the edge of his hood, as if trying to decide if Wooyoung was being serious).

“You say the implants are connected with each other?” Eden asked with a contemplative expression.

“Yes,” Hongjoong murmured quietly, crossing arms tighter, expression tense. “Just the two designated implants can communicate, but they apparently have a loud enough signal for whoever is after us to read them…”

Hongjoong’s expression was stormy. Lost. And Seonghwa silently wished that they could have just stayed in bed without having to have these conversations.

“Then it may be best for us to examine both implants,” Eden said quietly, as if he was aware how much that idea wasn’t about to go down well. “To know exactly how the signal is being-“

“Would it be impossible to look into it without both implants?” Wooyoung demanded tensely, removing his hand from Yeosang and standing straight.

Eden blinked. “Well… not impossible-“

“Then just do it with one,” he insisted. “It’s not necessary to put them-“

“We can start with just one test,” Eden assured him, a hand lifting placatingly. “I’m simply informing you that having both may make it-“

“If you can do it with one, then just do one,” Wooyoung pressed, a warning, but not hostile.

Just protective.

Yeosang lowered his hood just a bit to see Wooyoung, something… almost fond in his eyes. Mixed with something like awe. Maybe admiration.

Well, Seonghwa also had to admire how ready Wooyoung was to fight on behalf of the others.

“What about… whatever happens to my father?” Hongjoong asked lowly, voice heavy but carefully level. Everyone turned to him.

He still crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes the sort of angry that made it seem like he was desperately trying to keep up appearances.

“What can you… do about that? Or what do you suggest?’ he asked, lips thin.

Seonghwa bit back the offer for Hongjoong to leave. Hongjoong knew he could leave whenever he wanted to. But he was choosing to stay for now. 

Seonghwa would never dare question the bravery of that choice.

Eden took a deep breath, rubbing the back of the neck. “Well, with the tech you’re outfitted with, I’m sure that we’d have a pretty good case on our hands if we went to the authorities,” he said slowly. “The thing that worries me is how things might complicate.”

“Complicate?” Seonghwa asked, straightening as his blood froze. “What do you mean by that?”

Eden pressed his lips together, glancing at Hongjoong. “When it comes to crimes in the scientific community-“

“Captain, receiving an incoming communications,” a woman called, turning in her chair. “From this galaxy’s Patrol.”

Eden tensed, everyone rising out of their seats, Seonghwa’s heart crawling to his throat.

“You didn’t contact them?” Yunho asked needlessly as Eden shook his head, expression turning grave.

“All of you, go stand by Rens,” Eden ordered, gesturing to the active scanner station near the corner. “Stay silent for the time being. Let me handle it.”

No one fought him, standing and shuffling over to the station where a man merely nodded to them, gesturing for them to fit into the corner. “The viewscreen doesn’t reach over here,” he told them quietly. “Just stay silent.”

Hongjoong stood in front of Seonghwa, stiff as stone as his hand groped backwards for his. Seonghwa grabbed on, holding it tightly, tugging Hongjoong until his back pressed to Seonghwa’s chest.

Eden gave them a glance before facing the screen, hands behind his back. “Show on the screen,” he ordered levelly.

Seonghwa held his breath as the screen changed from black to showing a man in a helmet, the visor pulled back to reveal a stiff, angry face, his white uniform and armor reflecting the bright lights of wherever they were.

“Greetings, Captain Eden of the  _ Horizon _ ,” he said, crisp and respectful, but rough. “I am Lead Patrol Coordinator, Finne Hyro, and I have a few questions for you.”

Seonghwa glanced at Eden, tightening his grip on Hongjoong, so afraid for a moment that Eden would say something wrong.

Eden merely nodded cordially. “Hello, Coordinator. I’d be happy to answer any questions. Can I ask about the nature of these inquiries?”

“It’s routine,” Hyro assured him, looking like he didn’t particularly want to be here. “But we received a file from a doctor on another S Class about some stolen property from his lab.”

Seonghwa felt Hongjoong seize in his grip, and he held him tighter, wrapping one arm over Hongjoong’s chest as Hongjoong’s hand came up, digging his fingertips into his skin nervously.

“A subcruiser from their S Class has been tracking them. They gave us their last known location on a stolen A Class, and your ship was the only one around the vicinity. Actually, they must have passed pretty close by to you,” he went on.

Seonghwa couldn’t read into the tone the man was using, whether he was suspicious, whether he was playing with them…

But his stomach was in knots at the thought that Hongjoong’s father had gone to the authorities himself. 

Why? What did he hope would happen? Did he tell the Patrol that the “property” was humans?

“We just want to know if you happened upon them,” Hyro questioned crisply. “If you picked them up on your sensors, maybe was contacted by them with a request for aid? The filer was adamant over the fact that they would be prepared to tell any lie to escape. So… if you did happen upon them, I’d ask you to dismiss any story they told you.”

Hongjoong’s nails dug into Seonghwa’s arms.

Seonghwa held his breath, seeing Yeosang grabbing Wooyoung’s hand from the corner of his eye. San glanced at Yunho, looking scared.

Seonghwa didn’t want to be distrustful.

But Eden watched the man, humming, hesitating as he thought about it, and Seonghwa begged whatever entity would listen that Eden didn’t betray them. He held Hongjoong tight enough to feel his heart pounding through his back.

“Rens, do we have readings of an A Class in the area?” he asked, turning to their corner, making everyone shuffle back, hearts pounding adrenaline and blood. 

Eden’s eyes never strayed to them, though, as Rens hummed. “Yes, sir,” he replied dutifully without looking at his station. “They passed a good distance from us. No reports filed. They simply passed by.”

Eden hummed, turning back to Hyro. “Well, Coordinator, I’m sorry. I’m afraid we simply let them pass us by. We hadn’t been given any warning to be on the look out.”

Hyro’s expression didn’t change, staring Eden down for a moment, hard and unimpressed.

“Our only suspicion… is in that the A Class’ signal suddenly disappeared,” he said slowly.

Seonghwa swallowed.

That was an accusation.

“Right around the area your ship had been in.”

Seonghwa chewed the inside of his lip furiously as Eden smiled quietly, spreading his hands. “Perhaps they simply lost the signal due to a warp or hyper,” Eden said cordially. “If you doubt my integrity, Coordinator, I invite you to board and search my ship. Though, I hope you won’t take long, as we have a schedule to keep.”

He smiled, gesturing around the control room in welcome.

Eden lied in politeness, huh?

Hyro glanced around, lips pressed together distastefully, and despite being told he couldn’t see, Seonghwa held his breath as his eyes traveled around the screen slowly.

“I don’t believe that will be necessary at the moment, Captain,” he finally said at length, making Seonghwa’s head spin with relief. “However, I’ll ask that you keep an eye out, and be open to receiving more questions from us.”

“Of course, Coordinator, I’m willing to do whatever you have need of,” Eden offered graciously, smiling. “And I wish you all the best in the investigation.”

“Hm.”

Hyro’s uncaring hum was the last thing heard before the screen went black with the ended transmission.

Eden turned to them, his smile fading to a mixture of anger and sobriety. “I didn’t think he would go to the authorities,” he said stiffly. “Especially not so soon. I don’t even know what he would tell them…”

“They were probably given orders just to detain us,” Hongjoong said, voice thin and weak sounding. He was tense in Seonghwa’s arms, and feeling much smaller. “Or maybe just said that all of us were involved in the theft.”

“’Property,’” Wooyoung muttered darkly, face warping with anger, grip tightening on Yeosang who looked at him as if he wanted to comfort, but couldn’t decide how. “What fucking-“

“Well, it changes things now that you’re wanted,” Eden said, glancing around them all regretfully. “If you’re going to remain hidden, we need to figure out about that implant.” His lips thinned. “And we may not have time to risk starting with one person before moving onto two. If they keep tracking the signal-“

Wooyoung stepped forward roughly. “You said-“

“I’ll do it,” Hongjoong said, the words rumbling in his chest and traveling up through Seonghwa’s arms. “I don’t mind, if Seonghwa agrees to it.”

He turned in Seonghwa’s arms. And he expected to see fear or hesitation or nerves…

But all he saw was anger.

The same kind of anger that sent him running from the cave.

“No,” San said suddenly, stepping up confidently. “Yunho and I can do it. I’m not really worried about it.”

Hongjoong’s dark eyes flashed over to him. “You don’t have to be the one-“

“Neither do you,” San said stubbornly, expression hardening. “But I’ve got a lot less trauma associated, don’t I?”

“That doesn’t-“

Seonghwa squeezed Hongjoong’s arm gently, more of an attempt to calm him down than anything, but he looked at Seonghwa sharply, silently demanded what the hell he was doing.

Seonghwa watched him carefully. “It’s fine,” he assured him. “There’s no reason San can’t do it, if he feels up to it.”

In truth, Seonghwa didn’t want any of them to undergo anymore tests. But they needed to know what the hell was going on.

And Hongjoong… Maybe it was anger, maybe it was fear, but something was fueling his desire to be the one. Maybe it was just a desire to save the others from it. But Hongjoong had undergone four years of procedures…

Seonghwa would let San take the lead on this, if he wanted to.

“I’m fine with it,” Yunho agreed, looking at Eden. “What are we doing?”

Eden turned. “Nural, take them down to the medical bay and have Dr. Jun get them set up,” he ordered, turning back to them. “I’m no expert, but you shouldn’t need more than a few scans for now. We can look deeper into it once we know what’s making them tick.”

Nural stood from his post, stepping up with a cordial smile and gesturing the two of them to the door.

“Shouldn’t someone go with them?” Mingi asked, eyes wide as he stepped after them, half reaching out worriedly. He glanced at Eden. “Not that we don’t trust-“

“I understand completely,” Eden assured him with a quiet smile. “Whoever would like to accompany them is welcome. The rest of you can wander the ship until the procedure is done, or find something to eat, if you’d like.”

Mingi glanced at Jongho who nodded, stepping up to go with them.

“Yeosang?” Wooyoung questioned, so quiet Seonghwa knew it wasn’t meant for the rest of them to hear.

When he glanced over, Yeosang was staring at their joined hands hanging at their hips, his expression hidden by the hood he had pulled up.

“I… I don’t want to watch,” he whispered, shoulder tensing and hunching, making him look smaller.

Wooyoung nodded without hesitation. “We’ll find something to eat, if that’s fine.”

San nodded sternly. “Sure. But if you find something good, you’d better save me some.”

Wooyoung smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes as he shifted ever closer to Yeosang.

“Hongjoong, I’d actually like a chance to talk with you for a minute, before you go wherever you choose,” Eden said, lifting a hand. “Just for a moment.”

Seonghwa glanced at the others, the four prepared to leave, and smiled. “You guys go on. We might catch up later.”

They all glanced at Hongjoong who was looking at Eden with an unreadable expression. It wasn’t happy, though.

Wooyoung tugged Yeosang’s arm gently, though he looked at Seonghwa in a silent wish of “good luck.” Complete with eyebrow raise. “We’ll go check out the cafeteria,” Wooyoung said quietly as Yeosang looked up, eyes a bit distance and dull.

Yeosang certainly wore his time more openly than Hongjoong did. And Seonghwa nodded, sending back his own wish of luck that Wooyoung returned with a tight lipped smile.

Seonghwa looked to Eden, and found the man already watching him.

Eden smiled gently. “There’s no need to look so defiant,” he said with amusement. “There’s no reason why you can’t stick around, if it’s alright with Hongjoong.”

Seonghwa didn’t even look at him before Hongjoong’s hand reached back, curling around his wrist. “He can stay,” he said firmly, voice thick. “What did you want?”

Eden glanced between the two of them, amusement dying to severity. “Hongjoong… I understand that you’re not still the teenager I knew all those years ago,” he said quietly. “I know that you’ve gone through more than I can ever imagine… even things you haven’t revealed to me explicitly.”

Hongjoong’s grip tightened on Seonghwa minutely, and Seonghwa was prepared to open his mouth and tell Eden to stop prying. But Hongjoong merely nodded stiffly.

“What about it?” he asked.

Eden took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “I’m proud of you,” he said heavily, making Hongjoong blink. “Of where you ended up, despite… everything.” He glanced at Seonghwa with a small smirk. “You’ve got a good team at your back.”

Something about the statement almost made Seonghwa feel defensive, but he simply stared back at Eden, who seemed amused.

“Yes,” Hongjoong said, voice strengthening, though it remained quiet. “I do. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep them safe.”

Eden inclined his head, as if he expected nothing less. “And I promise… I’ll do what I can to help you do that, Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong’s hand clenched Seonghwa’s tightly, expression firm. “I know. And I’ll forever be grateful, Eden.”

The older man grinned, patting Hongjoong’s head teasingly. “Go get something to eat,” he said casually, linking his arms behind his back. “Or go see San and Yunho. Or nap. Until we know about the implants, we can’t do much but keep moving.”

Hongjoong nodded, turning to Seonghwa with an expression that was warm, but unreadable in whether it was worried, upset, contemplative…

“Let’s visit San and Yunho real quick,” he said quietly, stepping towards the door, Seonghwa following without hesitation. “And then we can make sure Yeosang and Wooyoung aren’t terrorizing anyone in the cafeteria-“

“Captain, incoming unidentified transmission,” the woman called before the two of them had reached the door.

Seonghwa turned back quickly, Hongjoong whipping around just as fast.

“It’s coming form a lone A Class science cruiser,” she reported as Eden turned to her stiffly.

Science cruisers were substantially larger than battle cruisers… but they were only used by scientists.

Rather than seizing, Hongjoong’s grip went limp in Seonghwa’s.

“Patch it through, audio only,” Eden ordered, glancing back at Hongjoong with apologetic eyes. “You can leave, if you wish.”

Hongjoong shook his head numbly, staring at the screen with a mixture of horror and apprehension, as if he wanted to see with his own eyes what was going on.

Seonghwa’s heart slowly climbed to his throat as Hongjoong took an almost unwilling step forward, staring at the view screen, never breaking eye contact, even when Seonghwa tugged him back towards their invisible corner, just in case Eden did need to turn on visual.

Hongjoong half-strained against Seonghwa’s hold, as if he wanted to be closer, but Seonghwa tugged him back, not pinning him down but ensuring he wouldn’t do something he regretted.

Eden spared them one more glance before turning stoically to the screen. “Patch audio.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Hello?” a slightly staticky… but undeniably familiar voice questioned. “Come in,  _ Horizon _ …”

“This is Captain Eden of the S Class  _ Horizon _ ,” he replied coolly. “Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

Seonghwa laced Hongjoong’s fingers through his as his chest clenched in frustration and anger as Hongjoong tried to move closer, as if in a trance.

“This is Dr. Kim- a leading scientist aboard the S Class  _ Aurora _ .”

~~~~~~~~~~

Wooyoung pushed his lips out in a pout as he shoved the mush on his plate around.

“I know our food was never that good… but it wasn’t this bad, either,” he muttered, squinting at what looked like it was supposed to be broccoli but had a suspicious grey tinge.

"It’s nutrient food,” Yeosang said quietly, staring at his own plate and taking a bite without so much as a wince. “It’s not supposed to taste good…”

Wooyoung huffed, but took a bite, chewing just to spite the fact that it practically dissolved in his mouth. He watched Yeosang.

Yeosang, who had barely looked at him the entire time they’d been sitting here, staring at his plate like a kid sitting alone in a cafeteria, his expression bordering on crestfallen, but never quite making it, making Wooyoung wonder what was going through his head.

Yeosang, who was eating his food obediently, without complaint, while Wooyoung made conversation to the air, only responding every few pauses with a hum or word of acknowledgement.

“Do you want to go back to the room?” Wooyoung asked, swallowing the warm mush.

Yeosang glanced up at him, then looked right back at his food, pushing it around. “Why?” he questioned softly. “Shouldn’t we wait until San and Yunho are done?”

“Well, I’d agree, but you look like you need a break.”

“I don’t need a break,” Yeosang replied without hesitation. “I just… didn’t… want to go into… one of those labs and see… all that,” he murmured, brows drawing down.

Wooyoung’s lips pressed together loosely. “I know,” he said quietly. “That’s why I’m asking if you want to take a break. You’ve been… well, I mean, you’ve been a bit moody since Jinun.”

Yeosang looked up, desperately trying to appear offended, but all he managed was slightly alarmed. “Moody?” he demanded.

Wooyoung smiled to let him know it wasn’t meant maliciously. “I mean… you were practically threatening to fight my parents-“

“They deserved it.”

“And while you weren’t exactly given time to express yourself before shit started going down…” Wooyoung shrugged. “I don’t know… it just seems like you need a break. You’ve seemed annoyed a lot.”

“I’m not annoyed,” Yeosang said, finally looking at Wooyoung, straightening. “I’m not.”

Wooyoung chuckled, leaning on the table. “You were basically talking about how much it sucked that you felt emotions again.” He suppressed the urge to smile wider. “And said that it sucked to care about me. Which… wow. Hurtful.”

Wooyoung… wasn’t prepared for Yeosang’s expression to tighten, his jaw clenching as something in his eyes looked like someone had just killed a puppy before his eyes.

He straightened, alarmed for a moment as he shoved the tray aside. “I- I didn’t mean it like-“

“I know you didn’t mean anything by it,” Yeosang said, lips softening enough to give a ghost of a smile. “I know you know what I meant.” 

But Wooyoung swallowed. “That’s not what your expression said.”

Yeosang looked at his plate, pushing the food around with a hidden expression. “Well… that’s not how I feel, even if it looked like it,” he muttered stubbornly.

Wooyoung frowned, feeling his stomach flip in nerves the longer Yeosang refused to look up.

Maybe he wouldn’t be worried, knowing that Yeosang turned in on himself when overwhelmed, and the thought of the labs scaring him… but he’d never really hidden that from Wooyoung before. 

Wooyoung had never been the one he avoided. 

“Are you… upset with me?” Wooyoung asked gently, brows pulled down ever so slightly when Yeosang stiffened, his hand freezing where it was pushing around. “I mean… do you really hate  _ feeling… _ that much?”

Wooyoung had been a little prepared, in the beginning, for Yeosang to be overwhelmed when it came to him. He was even prepared for him to hate Wooyoung for his involvement in his torture.

He wasn’t prepared for Yeosang to stare at him with trust and friendship and something deeper than Wooyoung had ever experienced with anyone.

He wasn’t prepared for Yeosang to accept and actively seek out Wooyoung’s touch and presence, allowing it with a graciousness that made Wooyoung’s chest lock up.

He wasn’t prepared for Yeosang to nearly cry with gratitude and emotions-  _ good _ emotions- directed at Wooyoung.

That Wooyoung had helped in creating.

And pride was not anything close to enough to describe how that felt to Wooyoung.

But Yeosang stared at his nutrient meal for far too long. And Wooyoung couldn’t help but feel a pinprick of fear. Of uncertainty.

He didn’t want Yeosang to push him away. 

“I hate… how much it hurts,” Yeosang said, finally looking up from his food. His eyes were strained, like he was trying to keep something deep inside.

Wooyoung frowned gently, stricken at the thought of Yeosang living with that pain. “It… It’s not supposed to, Yeosang,” he said quietly, reaching across and grabbing his wrist loosely.

Yeosang stared at the touch sharply enough that Wooyoung almost let go.

But he didn’t.

He stared at Yeosang and he begged him to open up.

“It’s not supposed to hurt, Yeosang-“

“Well, it does,” Yeosang said quietly, lowering his eyes and slowly tugging his hand from Wooyoung’s, holding it as if it had slowly burned him. “Even if I wouldn’t… change it for anything in the world,” he murmured, staring at the spot Wooyoung had touched.

“It’ll fade,” Wooyoung tried to comfort, a bit put off by Yeosang’s odd behavior. “It’ll fade- you’re probably just trying to sort through those emotions, like Hongjoong said. With time, it shouldn’t-“

“It’s always going to hurt,” Yeosang assured him, sounding so sure of himself.

And it broke Wooyoung’s heart. And confused him painfully. 

“It’s not supposed to, Yeosang,” he stressed, reaching out for him again but not being brave enough to touch him, his hand hovering between them like a limp peace offering. “It’s not supposed to hurt- What hurts?” he questioned gently. “Talk to me, and we can figure it out.”

“I know why it hurts,” Yeosang said quietly, absently rubbing the wrist that Wooyoung had touched. “And I know that it’s always going to hurt. I’m trying to get used to it-“

“Why does it hurt?” Wooyoung pressed, expression pinching. “Why won’t you tell me? Is something happening to you?” he demanded, heart clenching.

Yeosang didn’t answer. Didn’t look up. His face was peaceful. As if he’d already accepted something.

“Yeosang,” he demanded weakly, fear in his voice, “if there’s something wrong with you, you need to tell me-“

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Yeosang said, eyes focusing enough to glance at Wooyoung calmly. “But I know why it hurts. And the best I can hope for is to get used to it-“

“You can’t expect me to just leave you in that sort of pain,” Wooyoung huffed, mouth agape in near betrayal. “Yeosang, if just feeling things is hurting you, that’s not  _ normal- _ “

“It’ll work out,” Yeosang said, locking eyes with Wooyoung with such severity…

Such assurance…

For a moment, Wooyoung almost instinctively believed him. Almost let trust sweep him away, make him give in and accept what Yeosang said.

“I trust you with everything I am, Yeosang,” he swore quietly, eyes pleading. “But I can’t just let you go on in that kind of pain- just for  _ feeling _ things. What kind of person would that make me?” he demanded weakly.

Yeosang’s jaw clenched, his eyes… so intent and sure, as if he knew everything he could ever need to know… As if he already knew everything about Wooyoung.

Then he should know that Wooyoung would never just sit by. Even if something in Yeosang’s gaze seemed to beg him to let it go.

“How long has it been hurting you?” Wooyoung asked, voice weak as he scanned Yeosang’s face for signs of pain. “The whole time?” 

Yeosang didn’t betray any emotion, much less pain. But there was no ice or coldness to his gaze. He simply stared at Wooyoung as he were prodding around too close to a sensitive bruise.

But he remained silent, lowering his eyes, avoiding Wooyoung’s gaze. 

His heart sank, as if he could feel a physical distance being pushed between himself and Yeosang as he withdrew.

“Talk to me, Yeosang,” he begged before he could get too far, reaching out but not touching. “You never mentioned this before-“

“Because it’s not important,” Yeosang muttered, drawing his arms into his chest, away from Wooyoung’s wandering touch. “It’ll work out, I just need to… figure it out.”

“You don’t have to figure it out alone,” Wooyoung stressed, shifting forward in the cafeteria bench. “Yeosang, you can trust me-“

“I do,” he whispered, almost reflexively, despite staring at the tabletop like it was a swinging pocket watch. 

“Then trust me to help you,” Wooyoung pleaded, fear and concern making his heart grow icy the more Yeosang seemed to draw away. “I swear, I would never hurt you, Yeosang-“

“I know,” he said firmly, still not looking up.

Yeosang stood from the table, making Wooyoung’s heart jump as his mouth opened to protest-

“But I need you to understand,” he said quietly, not meeting Wooyoung’s eyes, “that you can’t always help.”

It felt… bad.

It stung. Like a bad slap to his ego-

No. Like a harsh jab to his chest- a knife driving into his chest and staying there as he stared up at Yeosang. It felt like being cast aside.

It felt like a dismissal. And that hurt worse than he thought.

Yeosang didn’t look at him. But by the expression on his face, Wooyoung didn’t doubt that he knew exactly how much the words stung.

Yeosang dropped his eyes, his shoulders tensing as he curled in on himself, wrapping his arms like a hug as his head fell deeper, a few strands falling in his eyes as his expression pinched-

Wooyoung watched a pearly tear slip from his cheek, landing on the table as Yeosang rubbed at his eyes harshly.

“I- I’m sorry,” he hissed around the damp sweatshirt sleeve, a sharp hiss as he took a breath. “I- I need to-“

He turned. Like he wanted to run.

Wooyoung shot up, practically throwing himself over the table to catch Yeosang’s sleeve with a far too desperate cry of “Wait!”

Yeosang froze, his sweatshirt stretched within Wooyoung’s grasp, but he was too afraid to let go as Yeosang ducked his head further, like he was trying to hide his face. Wooyoung stared at him, mouth open but no words on his tongue.

There was just a desperate urge to stop him from leaving.

Even if it was just running from the room, if felt too much like being left behind.

But…

But Yeosang ducked his head, and tears were still falling off his cheeks as he sucked in sharp breaths through his teeth that were barely calm enough to be composed.

And Wooyoung…

Wooyoung understood what it felt like… when things just felt too helpless to ever mend. To think that “this is just the way it has to be”… and to cling to that bitterness and hopelessness because it was easier than reaching out and getting burned.

He understood… that just because Yeosang was in his head… just because the two of them were close…

Yeosang deserved to be his own person. To work through his own feelings…. Even if it was without Wooyoung.

He released the sweatshirt slowly, letting it fall through his fingers as he lowered his head, bracing his hands on the table. He was a bit surprised Yeosang didn’t immediately run. But he wet his lips quietly.

“I… Sorry,” he said quietly, straightening on his side of the table, a feeling of shame in his chest. “You… You can go, clear… your head or whatever you need. I’ll… I’ll be here if you need me,” he promised quietly, swallowing. “But I want you to know… that I’m here for you, Yeosang. No matter what it is… I’ll be there for you.”

Yeosang was crying.

Wooyoung didn’t know why- if it was pain or helplessness bringing them forth.

But if Yeosang needed privacy to cry, to scream himself back into stability… then Wooyoung would wait until he was okay enough to have company again.

He would wait for that.

“I know,” Yeosang said, voice weak and croaky with tears that stuttered his voice. “I- I know th-that,” he cried, head dropping until his chin hit his chest, fists shaking at his side. “I know, but I- I can’t,” he hissed quietly, rubbing roughly at his eyes. “I’m so- so fucking scared-“

Wooyoung tensed, staring at him, warring between leaving him be and stepping forward.

Yeosang had stopped running, though, so Wooyoung began to slowly step around the table, eyes trained on Yeosang’s curled up form that looked like he wanted to disappear into the floor.

“Why?” he whispered, standing a few feet from him, giving him space to leave. “Why are you scared? What are you scared of?” He wanted to reach out, but he forced his hands to be still. “I… I can help you, Yeosang- Whatever it is… You don’t have to face it alone.”

Yeosang didn’t say a word in response, sucking in shaking breaths that rattled his chest-

“Is it… because it hurts?” Wooyoung whispered, feeling his eyes sting viciously. “Is that why you’re scared?” he murmured. “Because you care… and it hurts? Are you scared of… of getting close to people… because it hurts?”

It had been days.

Had Yeosang been suffering this entire time?

Yeosang choked off a sob, fist clenching like he was physically holding something back. And Wooyoung tried not to take it personally, tried not to take the hesitation as a lack of trust.

It didn’t matter how much you trusted someone- some things were just that hard to say.

So Wooyoung waited. He stood there in suffocating silence, just wanting to hug Yeosang and take him back to the room instead of standing in the middle of an empty cafeteria. But he didn’t move. He just waited.

While he waited, Yeosang cried. Head bowed and fists clenched, his shoulders shook with helplessness against his own emotions.

“Do… you remember-”

Yeosang broke off, breathing brokenly as he lifted his head to reveal his pale, tear-stained face with eyes that bore into Wooyoung and begged for something. Maybe it was help. Maybe it was something else entirely.

Wooyoung would give it in an instant, whatever it was.

Yeosang seemed to change his mind about what he wanted to say, taking a deep breath that seemed to compose him a bit as he dragged the tear stained sweatshirt across his cheeks, leaving them pink and raw but dry.

“I… I was in your head… for nearly three years,” Yeosang rasped, clearing his throat, holding himself together by a thread. “And I didn’t… I didn’t just see the ugly past you came from or- or the mistake you made or all your regrets-“

He shook his head as if clearing it, and Wooyoung waited, trying to find any clue to discern where this was going.

Yeosang swallowed, looking ill from how nervous he was, his hands shaking where they twisted around each other. “I didn’t just see all your issues… I saw  _ everything _ ,” he said quietly, voice straining, like it was crucial that Wooyoung understand this.

Wooyoung did understand.

But he didn’t understand why it mattered.

“I know,” Wooyoung replied calmly, frowning but gentle. “I… I was thankful that you could see it all. You know I was.”

It made it easier. It made opening up, trusting, and living happily easier. After Wooyoung got his head out of his ass, having Yeosang seeing everything going on inside his head was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

He still was.

Yeosang nodded, confirming, but his eyes dancing around, like he couldn’t bring himself to look at Wooyoung for too long. “I… I saw how… how kind you were, in your own way,” he rasped weakly, staring at his twisted fingers. “And I saw how deeply you loved people, once you decided to. And I saw how much you  _ cared- _ “

Yeosang’s voice died out, his lips pressing together as fresh tears suddenly raced down his cheeks, hitting the ground as he refused to look up, as if moving might break the parts of him that were still holding together.

“Even about the people who scorned you- You  _ cared _ so much it hurt to watch,” Yeosang whispered hoarsely, voice thick. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t actively feel things, but… I told you before, you made me  _ feel _ things for the first time since I was lied to, Wooyoung-“

The breath he took shook hard enough to have Wooyoung taking a reflexive step forward, hand reaching out before he drew it back quickly, not wanting to push Yeosang into running off-

Yeosang looked at him sharply at the motion, but he didn’t shift away. He stared at Wooyoung’s hand that had reached for him, lips trembling as his expression began to crack.

“I… I hated you for a while,” Yeosang whispered, staring through the tears at Wooyoung, lips twisting.

Wooyoung tried not to let his expression change.

Yeosang sucked a sharp breath. “I hated you-“ He shook his head. “I  _ wanted _ to hate you so much for how much you made me feel,” he hissed quietly. “It hurt so fucking bad, sitting there with all these emotions and having nowhere for them to  _ go- _ “

He made a helpless gesture with his hands that Wooyoung didn’t understand the meaning of. He just stood and stared at Wooyoung like he still wasn’t getting it.

“But it… was the best feeling,” he said quietly, swallowing. “It hurt so bad… but I couldn’t wait for those moments.”

Wooyoung didn’t know what to do.

He wanted to cry. To just tell Yeosang to get to the point, to just leave when he had himself sorted, to stop talking about all the ways Wooyoung had been hurting him without realizing it.

How was Wooyoung supposed to take that? That he evoked emotions from Yeosang that hurt him, but that Yeosang looked forward to. How did you even respond to things like that?

“I… saw all the best parts of you, Wooyoung,” Yeosang croaked thickly, expression fearful. “Right alongside the worst… and I saw how every action you took in life… shaped you into a…  _ unbelievable _ person.”

Wooyoung blinked, stunned.

Yeosang’s lips twitched like he was trying to smile, but it didn’t reach creation, dying into a wince.

“You were kind and annoying and funny in the most obnoxious ways possible, and you….” Yeosang scanned his face, as if looking for something he had missed. “You… would fight and bicker and… and argue with me just because you thought it was fun…” He swallowed, eyes pained. “But… you would always ask me how I was doing… you would talk to me gently when I would glitch… and you made me feel so many things because you were  _ kind _ to me, despite only wanting to get a rise out of me.”

Was that a complaint? An insult? A regret?

_ Wooyoung didn’t know- _

Yeosang took a ragged breath, lips thinning to suppress another round of tears.

“You made me care,” he whispered roughly, swallowing. “You made me care about you so much, Wooyoung- And you didn’t even  _ mean _ to, it just  _ happened- _ “

He sounded like it was a mistake.

And it stung once more.

But Wooyoung barely felt it, too busy watching Yeosang control his breathing like he was on the verge of panicking.

“You were… someone who was so vibrant and obnoxious and full of all the emotions that I couldn’t have-“ He took a calming breath that sounded strained. “You lived your entire life living by your emotions, and you felt them so bright and freely, I was convinced that Dr. Kim had assigned me to you as some sort of sick joke.”

Wooyoung couldn’t help but flinch at that, feeling like a slap to his cheek.

Everyone knew he was too emotional. He’d needed special training just to get that under control during combat situations.

He hadn’t ever considered the fact that Dr. Kim may have paired the two of them just as another piece of cruelty.

Yeosang’s lips thinned as they trembled, eyes swimming with tears that wouldn’t quite fall, like he was still believing he could stop them.

“But even so…”

He stared at Wooyoung.

And Wooyoung… was sure that there was something different in his expression.

Something warmer than he’d ever seen before. It made him hold his breath, like waiting for the shoe to fall.

Yeosang looked like he was standing on the edge of a cliff. Or that he was staring down the barrel of a blaster.

“Even so… I still… I…”

His mouth flapped helplessly for a moment, staring at Wooyoung as the warmth turned to pleading.

And Wooyoung… began to cautiously… place some pieces together. Pieces he’d been afraid to try and piece together because they weren’t his pieces to arrange. He didn’t want to put them where they didn’t belong because they were Yeosang’s to connect as he pleased.

But Yeosang stared at Wooyoung like he was too afraid to create the picture he wanted.

And maybe if Wooyoung could see a similar picture… he could help him lay it out.

Wooyoung swallowed, staring at the half formed picture Yeosang had created from the moment he woke up. Pieces that had been arranged and lined up- some in odd places, but creating a relatively clear picture.

If you were brave enough to close one eye and squint.

And Wooyoung honestly wasn’t sure he was brave enough. Because it was a startling picture. An odd one, considering their history. For years, Wooyoung had thought Yeosang was a program.

But that same person was standing here, flesh and blood… and Wooyoung knew that it hadn’t changed a thing.

“Are you…”

Part of him was terrified that he had the picture upside down, that there weren’t as many pieces as he thought, that he was creating the picture all wrong.

That Yeosang was trying to create a different picture than Wooyoung saw, and maybe he would think his picture wasn’t good enough.

But… Wooyoung had been through enough life and death situations- in the past few days alone- to want to think that this was the least of his problems.

And maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal.

Except it was Yeosang. And that made Wooyoung terrified to create more pain.

But Yeosang was begging him to say something that Yeosang wasn’t brave enough to say first. And Yeosang had been brave on his own for almost three years now. 

So Wooyoung placed his own selfish desire for emotional safety aside, stepping closer to Yeosang, only a single step separating the two of them.

Yeosang held his breath.

“Are you saying… that you…liked me?” Wooyoung asked gently, voice calm and even- not accusing, not shocked, not afraid.

Anything like that may have scared Yeosang off. Might have made him think he’d made a mistake.

Wooyoung had gone on dates before. He’d like boys before. He’d had people come up to him in the empty halls of school with hesitant questions of whether or not he’d be willing to go on a date this weekend.

Even those boys that he’d cared about, that he’d liked… None of them had ever been Yeosang. Which wasn’t their fault. It was impossible to be Yeosang because Yeosang… Yeosang knew everything.

Inside and out… Yeosang knew everything.

But it was a bit… startling… to think that he’d seen everything… and still decided that there was something worth it there. When most boys before him had only seen the toppermost layer and decided to bow out. 

Yeosang’s jaw tensed, looking like he may throw up or run. But he simply swallowed a lump in his throat, fists clenched defensively.

He didn’t answer the question, though.

“When… When I first woke up,” he said weakly, eyes still begging Wooyoung to catch on.

“When you… kissed me?” Wooyoung asked, trying to make it easier on him without putting words into his mouth.

Yeosang’s jaw danced with tension. “I… I felt… a lot of things… for so long,” he whispered. “And when I woke up… you were suddenly there.”

Tears shimmered heartbreakingly but didn’t fall. 

“You were  _ there _ ,” he breathed, fists clenching and unclenching agitatedly. “Real and in front of me for the first time in my life- You got me out of that hell, you were  _ real- _ “ His lips trembled. “Sometimes… I was convinced you were a lie, too,” he whispered fearfully. “That Dr. Kim had created some sort of animated hell for me… And I was so fucking  _ scared _ of how much I cared-“

Yeosang’s expression did something.

Something like a twitch, a switch, a crack, a piece of shattering glass…

And suddenly, Wooyoung didn’t feel like he was feeling out in the dark as his tongue went numb, lips parting as he stared at Yeosang in something close to awe.

“You… You loved me.”

Yeosang… looked guilty.

But also lighter than Wooyoung had ever seen- his shoulders rising up, as if a weight had been taken off of them, allowing him to take a breath for the first time. 

It looked like giving him freedom. 

“It  _ hurt _ ,” Yeosang whispered, voice shaking. “Because… I was in your head. And I knew that you cared  _ so much _ about me… but I knew it wasn’t the same. That it couldn’t ever be the same… because I was just a program. And there was no reason to believe I was anything different.”

“Yeosang-“

“It’s not an accusation,” Yeosang murmured thickly, shaking his head, making tears streak down, though his voice steadied a bit. “It hurt because I knew I’d spend the rest of my life… being unable to… say any of that.” He swallowed painfully. “But then… we were both real. And alive. And I thought I might have had a chance, but…”

He shook his head helplessly.

“Without that machine… I couldn’t see inside your head completely,” he whispered, fingers flexing. “I suddenly had a chance… but then I was too afraid to take a risk without knowing if anything had changed. Or if it even could.”

“Why wouldn’t it be able to change?” Wooyoung asked, his brain clinging to that note as he frowned, shocked. “Even if… if it took a while-“

Yeosang cut with off with a wet, broken, weak laugh that could barely be considered such, a look of disbelief crossing his damp, pale face.

“I was an orphan who joined a science experiment program because I had nowhere else to go,” he said quietly, looking a bit expectant. “Does it sound like I’m someone who has the best self-esteem?” 

And despite how the words punched Wooyoung’s heart… he felt a knot in his chest loosen at the familiar barely-there sarcasm. A bit of bite, even if it was gentle.

It felt like placing his feet back on solid ground as he stared at Yeosang.

“You and I spent all our time bickering, even if I knew you cared more than that. I was scared.” His eyes shook as he stared at Wooyoung. 

He no longer pleaded. 

He just looked like Yeosang. 

Yeosang… who was somehow more incredible now than he’d ever been as a supercomputer.

Yeosang who was someone who knew Wooyoung in every way possible. And still… found something to love.

Holy shit, he had  _ loved _ Wooyoung.

“Do… Do you still?” Wooyoung breathed, feeling like a filter was covering his lungs. Yeosang’s expression twitched in confusion. “Do you still… love me?”

It felt like a shitty question to ask.

And when Yeosang’s lips trembled and more tears fell, Wooyoung opened his mouth to take it back-

“I… already told you,” Yeosang breathed hoarsely, staring at Wooyoung with a million emotions he hadn’t been allowed to feel. “I don’t think I know how not to.”

Oh.

“Yeosang-“

“I… wasn’t going to say anything,” Yeosang cut in, glancing away. “But… we’ve been talking, and you… we’ve both been saying things, and it made me- I- I don’t know-“

“ _ Yeosang. _ ”

He startled, jumping slightly as he stared at Wooyoung, open and vulnerable and mixing clarity and fear.

“It made me hope,” Yeosang whispered, tone pleasing that it wasn’t false. 

Wooyoung stared at him, mouth dry and tongue numb and thoughts racing… but calm.

“You know that I would die for you,” he said quietly, making Yeosang close his mouth with a click. “I’ve trusted you for years to watch my back and help me… in every way. And you always came through.”

Yeosang looked like he wanted to say something, but he held his tongue.

Wooyoung swallowed the uncertainty in his throat. Yeosang didn’t deserve uncertainty.

“I can’t… explain in words,” he assured him weakly, “how much I am willing to give for you. It goes beyond just dying for you… It kills me that I can’t magically fix everything that happened to you, that you were in that kind of pain, that I was a part of it, however inadvertently.”

“It wasn’t-“

“ _ But _ ,” Wooyoung stressed, cutting him off gently.

He closed that last step between them.

Yeosang shifted one foot back rapidly, as if the sudden proximity was a threat. He untensed, though, shifting his foot back into place to stand his ground.

Yeosang was braver than Wooyoung could have ever thought.

“I thought, at first, that you were a completely different person than I knew all those years,” Wooyoung confessed quietly, close enough that with a gentle shift forward, they could brush chests. “I thought the body I found in that lab would be a stranger’s.”

Yeosang winced.

“But you weren’t,” Wooyoung assured him gently, lips twitching helplessly. “You were exactly the person I knew before… but a million times more.”

Yeosang blinked, expression clearing in confusion. “More… what?” he asked weakly.

Wooyoung shrugged helplessly, staring at Yeosang.

A million things he hadn’t known- from that little birthmark to just how deeply he felt. All standing before him.

And Wooyoung had no qualms about learning it all.

“Just… more,” he whispered. “Like… going from 2D to 3D. It’s the same image, but… you see so much more that you couldn’t see before.”

Yeosang glanced away, as if ensuring they were still alone, before looking back at Wooyoung. He didn’t hold his gaze long, though, before staring at his cheek to avoid eye contact.

His hands began fiddling with themselves absently.

“What… does all that mean?” Yeosang asked quietly, unsure and still uncertain.

Yeosang didn’t deserve uncertainty.

Wooyoung reached out slowly, giving Yeosang time to reject the touch, but Yeosang’s eyes followed his hand like a hawk, his lips not saying a single protest as Wooyoung gripped his hands that were warmed from his worrying.

Yeosang fell still, as if afraid movement might shake him off.

He stared at their hands, immobile.

“It means,” Wooyoung said, letting his lips lift a bit.

It felt freeing to him, too.

“It means… that if you wanted to kiss me… without the added emotional burst of being alive and seeing the man of your dreams in the flesh-“

Yeosang looked up, shocked expression quickly morphing into unamusement-

Wooyoung couldn’t help but laugh, the expression so utterly  _ Yeosang _ that it finally unlocked the last part of his chest that was tightened in apprehension.

His body naturally swayed with the laughter, until their chests were brushing and they were close enough he could hug him easily. Or do something else as he lifted his gaze, locking eyes with Yeosang’s that were wide and open.

For once… Wooyoung felt like he was the one who could see everything inside of Yeosang.

He smiled, feeling something almost giddy in his chest at the thought of knowing Yeosang like that.

“It means that if you wanted to kiss me again… for whatever reason,” he murmured, unable to stop his smile from growing, “then I wouldn’t dream of stopping you.” His lips twitched when Yeosang frowned. “Or, if you’d rather… I can kiss you this time. Even it out.”

Yeosang swallowed, his pale face suddenly coloring a deep crimson as he recoiled only an inch to see Wooyoung’s face better.

“Have I ever told you… how annoying you are?” Yeosang asked quietly, like he was holding his breath.

Wooyoung snorted, his forehead brushing Yeosang shoulder as he laughed, popping back up to smile fully at him.

It felt… right.

It most certainly didn’t feel wrong, like he might have been afraid of.

Yeosang knew him too well. And Wooyoung was too willing to learn every part of Yeosang that had been denied him for three years.

It was Yeosang.

What could possibly go wrong, when you that sort of past with someone? That trust? Friendship had never been a controversial topic, so why should the next step be?

“You may have mentioned it a few times a day since we met,” Wooyoung assured him, leaning a bit closer.

Their noses brushed, Yeosang cheeks coloring deeper as he stiffened, but… his eyes were soft and, finally, unafraid. It didn’t seem like he didn’t want it, it just seemed like he never expected to actually end up here, and he wasn’t sure what to do.

“Do you want me to?” Wooyoung asked quietly, close enough that he could see each individual tear clinging to Yeosang’s lashes.

More than that, he could see every flicker of his eyes across Wooyoung’s face, as if memorizing something.

It was a nice sight.

Yeosang blinked, realizing he had been asked a question. “Do I… want what?” he asked, a bit breathless.

Wooyoung chuckled, squeezing his hand gently, soft skin brushing together. “A kiss.”

“Do you… want to give me one?” Yeosang asked, like a teasing echo that was entirely serious.

Wooyoung was sure he was smiling too wide, his lips warped with his attempt to quiet it down.

But every part of this was soaked and coated with Yeosang, and it was like a shot of warmth through his bloodstream.

“Honestly,” he said genuinely, leaning in until their chests pressed together and their noses brushed, “I think it would be the highlight of my life.”

Yeosang was stiff, but one of his hands reached forward, shaking as it landed on Wooyoung’s waist.

Wooyoung copied it, his free hand landing on the curve of Yeosang’s waist lightly, thumb rubbing over the sweatshirt.

He felt Yeosang relax minutely, his shoulders falling a bit and his spine removing some of the tension there as he let his body fall a bit more naturally against Wooyoung’s.

“That’s a long… a long time to highlight,” Yeosang whispered, serious though his eyes flickered around Wooyoung’s face, landing on his lips for a moment before snapping back up.

And Wooyoung smiled blindingly.

“Yeah,” he whispered lowly, leaning until their lips brushed and Yeosang’s eyes fell shut. “It is.”

Yeosang was the one who closed the final distance, pressing forward until their lips sealed together, warm and soft as his entire body gravitated closer to Wooyoung without the desperate fear that their first kiss had tasted of-

In a split second, it stopped.

Wooyoung’s head was spinning a bit from the kiss, but he felt Yeosang suddenly jerk away as if he’d been burned, Wooyoung’s eyes flying open-

Yeosang was already crying out- a pained, sharp scream that was cut off as his knees hit the ground hard enough to bruise, both of his hands clutching at his head-

For a moment, it was like being back in his bedroom, staring a lavender form curl around itself, begging for help.

This time, though… there was no begging.

There was just Yeosang falling to his knees, writhing with his fingertips digging into the back of his neck.

And he just… stopped. Collapsing like a puppet with its strings cut.

There was only a single scream. And then… nothing.

Yeosang was laying on the ground. 

Wooyoung lowered his eyes, feeling like his entire body had just received an electric shock… paralyzed.

He expected to see him unconscious.

But Yeosang had fallen on his side… and Wooyoung saw his eyes open.

Open… and blank… and glassy.

As if he were suddenly staring at a corpse.

Wooyoung… couldn’t think. He didn’t register what had just happened. He just stared at Yeosang, as if standing still might prove that he had imagined it all. 

Yeosang… whose blank eyes stared at the wall as if… as if…

Wooyoung’s knees hit the ground, painful and jarring through his bones, but he didn’t feel it. He stared at Yeosang.

He touched him. His hand brushed his shoulder, shaking it silently. Everything was filled with a deafening buzz after the rush of their conversation.

Yeosang didn’t move, his body shifting limply with the shake, the force pushing him onto his back, twisting his legs the opposite direction until he lay uncomfortably, staring up at the ceiling.

Wooyoung…

Wooyoung grabbed him, fistfuls of his sweatshirt.

He shook him harsher.

And he screamed when no response was given.

~~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa wished the viewscreen was on.

He wanted to be able to see the face of that odious, bastard of a man one more time before he crushed him into moondust.

“If you’ll recall, the two of us are already acquainted, Eden… What was it? Eight years ago?” Dr. Kim’s voice came through cordially, sounding shocked at the passing of time.

Seonghwa was still resisting the urge to grab Hongjoong and run from the room.

Hongjoong’s limp hand formed a fist, and when Seonghwa risked a glance at him, he was staring at the screen, face pale and eyes wide, as if he didn’t know what he was hearing.

“Ah,” Eden replied calmly, nodding. “Yes, I remember you, Dr. Kim.”

“Heh,” the man chuckled, the sound sending a surge of hatred up Seonghwa’s spine. “No need to sound so stiff, Eden. I understand we didn’t part on the best of terms-“

“You were charged with mutiny after beginning a research project that had been explicitly denied by the captaining staff as well as your fellow scientists,” Eden said bluntly, making Seonghwa’s eyes widen.

There were too many emotions rushing through his veins. Everything from fear at being discovered to hope that they were discovered, so that he could smash that man’s face into the metal plated hallways.

Hongjoong’s hand began shaking in Seonghwa’s. He squeezed it in as much comfort as he could give. He tugged Hongjoong just a bit closer, enough that the warmth of their bodies were tangible.

Dr. Kim chuckled again. “No scientific breakthrough was ever completed by the faint of heart,” he said, as if it weren’t a big deal.

Faint of heart.

Like those who wouldn’t use their own child for a farce of a breakthrough?

“I explained all those years ago that it wasn’t personal,” the man said firmly. “It wasn’t a jab at you or your leadership, but I simply couldn’t let the opportunity pass me by-“

“Why are you contacting me after so many years, Dr. Kim?” Eden broke through, not hostile, but clearly terse. “Does it have anything to do with the call from Patrol that I received?”

“Ah, yes, that’s actually exactly why I contacted you,” Dr. Kim said cordially. “Will you not accept a visual call after so long?” he asked. “Or should I continue speaking to a black square?”

“I don’t anticipate needing to see each other,” Eden replied. “Do you have something to show me or…?”

“No, I have nothing to show,” Dr. Kim said, voice shifting, as if slightly annoyed, but he cleared his throat, losing the edge. “However, yes, that was me who filed a report with Patrol in an attempt to recover some lab property that was stolen from me. They told me they’d spoken with a ship that was in the last known area of the property… and I couldn’t believe my ears when they told me it was the  _ Horizon _ . I wanted to call to speak with you about their investigation.”

Eden lifted a condescending eyebrow. “I already spoke with the Coordinator. We passed the described ship, but made no contact with it. It was innocuous enough that we deemed it not important.”

“Well… yes, they told me what you said,” Dr. Kim said, cordial and even. But hiding something, without a doubt. “But… Well,” he said quietly, as if there was some secret he was deciding whether or not to speak about. “I… Not that I’m doubting you, Eden,” he said firmly, “but… one of the people who was involved in the theft… You remember my son, Hongjoong, yes?”

Hearing Hongjoong’s name on his tongue… referring to him as his son… in such a worried, mocking tone…

Seonghwa stared at the screen as if the man on the other side could feel the hate burning in his chest.

The part of him that wanted to smash the screen and cry because Hongjoong was still staring at the screen like he wasn’t even seeing it. As if everything was passing by in a blur, but he was hearing every… single… word from that man.

That man…

Seonghwa squeezed his hand, moving close until his lips almost brushed Hongjoong’s ear. “Do you want to leave?” he breathed, careful to keep his voice inaudible to the conversation happening.

Hongjoong shook his head, sharp and numb as he stared, lips shaking as his expression pinched and twisted, like he didn’t know what to feel.

“I remember him,” Eden replied. “He was quite brilliant from what I remember. Young.”

“Yes,” Dr. Kim said graciously. “He had always been interested in aiding me in my experiments.”

“I remember.”

Seonghwa was going to throw up. And he couldn’t begin to imagine… what Hongjoong was feeling. His expression only betrayed a feeling of being lost. Horrified. Confused.

_ “And I been wondering, ever since I woke up… why he did it. Why would he do that to me-“ _

“The property that’s been stolen is a neutral implant,” he went on, voice as if he were worriedly wringing his hands. “It was implanted in eight test subjects for monitoring and research.”

_ Bullshit. _

“Something… something went wrong,” he said in a convincing fearful tone. “Something in implant short circuited… we’re suspecting they’re experiencing extreme hallucinations and delusions from the short time we observed them before they all ran. They were raving about nonsense-“

He heard Hongjoong gag quietly, pressing closer until his back was to Seonghwa’s chest, solid and warm as he stared.

“I’m sorry for the loss of property and complications to your experiment,” Eden broke in smoothly. “However, as I said, the ship carrying them passed us by without any sort of contact, so I’m confused as to why you’re telling me all this.”

Dr. Kim was silent, and Seonghwa wondered if he was getting annoyed with Eden’s tone.

“Hongjoong… was always fond of you,” he said carefully. “Even after we left… you left an impression on him, Eden. If… If he did pass by you, I don’t think he would have done it without contact-“

“I’ve already said we had no contact.”

“Eden,” Dr. Kim stressed, voice distressed as much as it was… warning. “If Hongjoong did contact you-“

“He has not.”

“If he did… I need you to tell me,” he begged. “That’s my  _ son _ , Eden-“

Seonghwa suddenly realized he was holding Hongjoong’s hand way too tight, but his tongue was currently fighting the absolute rage building in his chest-

“He’s not in his right mind, Eden, whatever he may have told you,” he pressed desperately. “Him and the other test subjects are bordering on dangerously delusional, so regardless of what he said, you cannot listen to him. You can’t protect him-“

“I’m sorry that things have gone so wrong,” Eden broke in once more, stern and crisp. “But, as I’ve said, Dr. Kim, I have had no contact with Hongjoong. I’m not even sure I could pick him out of a crowd if I did meet him. I’m sorry for you losing your son… but I have had no idea where he is or what he’s doing.”

There was a long pause.

When Seonghwa managed to tear his eyes away from the screen to look at Hongjoong… Hongjoong was staring with silent tears clinging to his lashes, face pale enough that Seonghwa was sure he would pass out.

But before he could whisper anything more, Dr. Kim spoke up again.

“I see…”

There was a tense silence, even Eden appearing to hold his breath as Dr. Kim’s quiet murmurs echoed.

“I… apologize, Eden, for my franticness. I’m just worried-“

“I understand,” Eden assured him quietly. “However, I wish you the best of luck in your search. And I will report anything I find out to the Patrol. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, Dr. Kim. Hongjoong was a good kid. I hope you find him safely.”

His voice sounded genuine enough for Seonghwa to glance at him. 

“Yes,” Dr. Kim said flatly. “Thank you, Eden… for your time.”

“Same to you, Dr. Kim,” he replied politely. “Good-“

“Eden.”

He paused, lips pressing together in clear frustration, but his voice betrayed none of it when he spoke. “Yes, Dr. Kim?”

“The… The signal of the implants that my team is currently tracking,” he said quietly. “It was weak enough to be hidden quite effectively within the shields of an S Class…”

Eden stiffened, hands clasping behind his back as his voice darkened. “I don’t appreciate being accused, Dr. Kim,” he said sharply. “I understand you’re a grieving father, but I am a man of honor, and I do not appreciate being accused after giving aid-“

“It’s not an accusation,” he said, voice bordering on frantic once more.

Not frantic.

Hongjoong stiffened in Seonghwa’s grip.

Almost manic.

“The… The signal would be blocked by an S Class’s general shielding,” he said, sounding as if he was… beginning to crack.

Seonghwa stiffened, both his hands grabbing Hongjoong’s biceps tightly. “We need to go,” he breathed a hiss against his ear, dragging him towards the door, Hongjoong’s feet stumbling slightly-

“However,” Dr. Kim said firmly, “we- my team and I… we, of course, had a kill switch for the implants, in the event things went wrong.”

Seonghwa froze.

By God, he didn’t mean to, but everything in his body suddenly turned to ice that threatened to kill.

“It requires a very close distance… or at least a specific enough coordinate to aim around-“

“How close is his ship?” Eden snapped, head turning sharply-

“54 byrds, sir,” a voice called crisply.

“It won’t harm those without the implants,” Dr. Kim said firmly, ignoring everything that was happening. “So, if you are telling the truth, and they’re not there-“

“Go!” Seonghwa hissed, shoving Hongjoong towards the door.

And it was funny… it was funny that he thought that would do anything.

“Fire blasters!” Eden ordered, voice raising in a dark, crippling anger. 

Seonghwa had both his hands on Hongjoong. 

But he still fell from Seonghwa’s grip when his legs suddenly gave out, crumpling to the floor in such silence, it was more terrifying than if he had screamed.

“ _ Hongjoong! _ ” 

He didn’t mean to scream. He knew that Dr. Kim was still behind that screen, but what did it matter?

His hands scrambled to keep him from hitting the ground too hard, managing to save his head, cradling it gently as he sank to the ground, heart choking him as fear suddenly ran through him in place of blood.

Sirens rang through the space, signaling the blasters charging, but Seonghwa just heard static, his limbs turning numb and heavy.

Hongjoong stared off, eyes glassy and dull.

“No,” he whispered, touching his face gently. “No-“

No. There was no way that had killed him. No-

No, there was no way Dr. Kim would have killed them-

“Target is evading!” one of the command crew yelled as sirens grew louder. Louder.

Or maybe that was Seonghwa’s head-

“Fire canon two!” Eden’s voice ordered loudly.

Seonghwa felt like he’d been slammed with a crowbar, dizzy and disoriented. He felt… echoey. Like he was standing on the edge of a canyon, hearing everything bouncing around, empty and hollow beneath the vertigo that threatened to send him falling.

Why…

Hongjoong’s head fell into his lap, lolling to the side limply, his cheek falling into Seonghwa’s palm.

Why… Why did he… Why did it feel like-

He gagged, barely suppressed the rise of bile that burned, covering his mouth as he curled over Hongjoong, staring at him, feeling disconnected and disjoined, like his mind had been ripped from his body-

His eyes widened.

Another gag threatened to make him sick as he realized what, exactly, that sickening, gaping hole in his head meant.

Hongjoong…

Hongjoong was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> I mentioned before about potentially uploading a piece based on the Ateez teasers, but I think I’ve decided that I want to wait until more teasers or the MV come out! I’m sorry if you were excited for it, but it may get pushed back a bit further, now that I’ve sort of looked at my own plan! 
> 
> Thank you all for all your support and love for this fic! It really means more than you could ever know!  
>  I hope you all have a marvelous day! And please let me know what you thought of the chapter!!   
> -SS


	7. What Makes Our Hearts Beat Like the Drums of Love and War?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s coming to a close soon ㅠㅠㅠ  
> Thank you so much to everyone who’s been giving so much love- I’ve really enjoyed this fic!!!!  
> I hope you enjoy this and the epilogue afterwards! Please let me know what you think, lovelies!  
> Stay safe and healthy!  
> -SS

“Come back.”

Hongjoong blinked, but all he saw was black. His head hurt.

Actually, everything hurt.

It hurt… a lot.

He groaned, unable to move.

His eyes flew open, despite only seeing darkness. He couldn’t move. He began to struggle, tugging at his arms and legs, but found them bound to something, the familiar sensation of stiff but soft restraints against his wrists and ankles.

“Come back.”

So he hadn’t just imagined it. Hongjoong whipped around, trying to see anything in the darkness-

Oh. He knew that voice.

He expected anger. Rage. Betrayal. Something red hot and blinding to fill his veins.

All he felt was a cold, barren ice land swallow his chest as fear pressed against his rib cage like an weak bird.

He blinked, and when he opened his eyes again, there was a dim light shining above him, but after the darkness it seemed blinding, making him flinch away. But there was a shadow sitting across the blinding light, staring down at him.

“W-Where am I?” Hongjoong demanded, his voice feeling stiff and hoarse, as if he hadn’t used it in days.

“Your head,” his father’s voice replied calmly. “Which was the one place I thought I could trust you to behave.”

Hongjoong forced his eyes open, teeth gritting as he muscled through the pain of the light against his eyes, staring at the silhouette that had the vaguest features of stubble, a pair of glasses, and a disappointed frown.

“You…”

Hongjoong stared at his father for the first time in years.

And he couldn’t manage more than a weak glare.

“You lied to me,” Hongjoong hissed, throat closing up as his eyes burned with anger and betrayal that tried to light like wet kindling.

His eyes slowly adjusted, his father’s face warping into something apologetic.

It only made him angrier.

“I had to.”

“You didn’t have to do shit,” Hongjoong snapped weakly, tugging at the restraints. “You chose to turn science into horror.”

“The line isn’t as clear as people think,” his father said calmly. “By the time I realized that I could simply turn you into an AI, I was too far along. Waking you would have set me back months-“

“ _ Months _ ?” he hissed, chest threatening to crack open. “You kept me there for four  _ years, _ ” he spat. “You lied to me and to  _ so many _ others-“ 

Tears welled, and he stopped, forcing them to retreat as he looked around, seeing darkness, aside from his father and the light.

“What are you doing in my head?” he whispered hoarsely, glaring up at him. “What did you do-“

“No one knows these implants like me,” his father said quietly, walking backwards towards Hongjoong’s feet, forcing him to sit up to follow his movement. “I know what they’re capable of. And I’ve always been capable of getting you back, Hongjoong. I simply chose to play your game.”

“You’re fucking insane,” Hongjoong hissed, the image of his father now one of horror and fear.

“Call it what you want, but it is brilliant,” his father said, as if it didn’t matter, shrugging. “The implants could have been shut down at whatever distance I chose. However, activating the kill switch at that distance would have completely destroyed them, and killed their host body.”

Host body.

Like a fucking parasite.

“I’m not dead,” Hongjoong whispered, lips stiff-

_ Seonghwa. _

Icy fear shot through him like a drug, but he forced it back, trying to remain calm. He didn’t know what his father had done or what it had done to Seonghwa…

He shook his head mentally. Focus.

“We were close enough to simply administer an electric sedative, if you will,” he said, resting his hip against the table Hongjoong was on. “Like putting a computer to sleep.” He scoffed. “Why do you think I tracked you across galaxies? Those implants are years of my life. I wouldn’t just throw them away like that, no matter how inconvenient.”

_ I’m your son,  _ Hongjoong wanted to cry. But he knew at this point… it didn’t matter. Maybe it never had.

“Then… where’s my body?” he asked, voice dropping weakly. He hated the fear audible there. “What did you do?” he demanded. “What do want?”

“Come back,” his father said plainly, his exact expression illegible from the light behind him. “Let me get the information I need from your implant. After I have it, I’ll let you go without a single hurt hair. I’ll even let your friends go.”

Hongjoong stiffened. “Who did you already hurt?” he hissed.

“No one is hurt,” he assured him quietly. “And only you and the three others are currently sedated. The others are conscious.”

_ Seonghwa was okay. _

At least, he was conscious.

“How the hell do I know you don’t just lock us back up?” he demanded weakly.

His father shrugged. “You don’t. But you and your partners implants are set to different frequencies. Your implant hold all the information, his is simply a receiver.”

Hongjoong frowned.

His father sighed. “Let me spell it out,” he said quietly, leaning forward, bracing a fist on the bed and hovering over Hongjoong. “ _ He is expendable. _ ”

Hongjoong pressed his mouth together, willing himself not to react.

Inside… anger and helplessness burned.

“I have access to your entire mind, Hongjoong,” he said lowly, voice threatening. “Yours and the other three’s. You are my research, all tied up in a neat little bow. And I need you back,” he hissed. “So you are going to become conscious, leave that ship, and come back.”

“As if Eden would let us,” he spat back, throat closing up. “And how do I know-“

“Eden is a soft fool more concerned with morality than progress,” he father snapped darkly, towering higher. “And if you don’t want four dead bodies to dispose of, you’ll find a way to convince him.”

Hongjoong stared at him, dark and angry… and completely helpless.

He was going to kill Seonghwa. Wooyoung. Yunho. Jongho.

All for what? A stupid piece of tech.

His fists clenched until nails bit into his palms.  _ He was going to kill Seonghwa. _

“Don’t fucking touch them,” he hissed, feeling blood pooling in his palm, the pain a distraction from the numbing anger that he was helpless to stop.

“I don’t want to destroy anything I’ve created,” his father assured him, voice softening as he backed away from Hongjoong slowly. “But I’m tired of playing tag, Hongjoong. I need to continue on with me life. Bring the implant back. I will remove it, and you’ll be free to go wherever your new freedom takes you.”

Hongjoong scoffed. “You’d kill me first.”

“So far, I’ve done nothing illegal in the eyes of the law,” he assured Hongjoong. “I have no interest in becoming wanted for murder. I’m simply a scientist and concerned father trying to corral eight insane test subjects. You would do well to understand that I hold the cards, Hongjoong.”

He would kill them.

Hongjoong didn’t know how he would get away with it, but he knew that there was no way they would walk out of there. At best, they were killed.

At worse… they were locked up again.

Blinding panic almost made Hongjoong lose his focus for a moment as he fought against the swell of fear- losing Seonghwa, hurting the others, facing that hell again-

He wanted to break.

He wanted to cry.

He wanted to stop being faced with a choice and just let fear sweep him away, like it had the day he stormed from the cave.

He never wanted to go back to that hell.

But… he’d rather go back to that hell than lose Seonghwa. Than put the others in that danger because of…

Because of his insane father.

Hongjoong sucked in a slow breath that stung.

It was all his fault. His family. His father who took them all and hid them away and threatened them… who stole their lives and now threatened lives that didn’t  _ belong to him. _

“Just… What about just me?” he whispered, voice weak and eyes raw and heart clenching in fear.

He couldn’t lose them.

He couldn’t be the reason they were hurt.

“Just you?” his father asked, an eyebrow cocking gently.

Hongjoong tugged at the restraints on his wrists and legs, finding it useless, making his chest tighten, but it made him feel like he wasn’t laying here, useless. It made him feel like he might make a difference.

But his father stared at him emotionlessly, as if nothing Hongjoong could do or say would ever have a sway on him. At least, outside of pure logic or… or giving him what he wanted.

Hongjoong clenched his fists desperately, chewing his lip. “The- The implants are all just copies of each other,” he said, trying to sound convincing, like he was offering something just as good. “You only need one. The original. That’s me.”

“The other copies took months to repeat- even years for some,” he replied coolly, eyes darkening. “I’m not wasting so much time-“

“The likelihood of convincing all of them to go back is slim,” Hongjoong argued, hoping he didn’t sound of desperate as he felt. “Convincing all four of us- Yeosang won’t even step foot in a lab again- He’d run before he’d ever go back to you.”

That was a lie. Hongjoong knew that.

If it meant saving Wooyoung, saving the others… Yeosang would go.

And that… more than anything… made Hongjoong determined that he would never have to.

Hongjoong had wanted to stay away from it all. He wanted to leave his father and his pain in the past… but it was amazing what a little fear and love could make you willing to do.

Hongjoong’s lips shook as he took a breath to steady his voice. “Make it easier on yourself,” Hongjoong pressed, begging him to take it. “I’ll… I’ll come back willingly to you,” he swore weakly. “You can take the implant back- If you bring the others into it, it’ll only get more complicated, and things will almost certainly go wrong.”

His father stared at him.

Hongjoong held his breath, despite the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

_ Please. Let me protect them. _

He couldn’t protect them before. He couldn’t stop the others from joining the program, and he couldn’t warn Seonghwa of what was happening.

He needed to protect them this time.

Huh… Yeosang had been right. There wasn’t a way to protect both his connection with Seonghwa… and Seonghwa himself. He had to make a choice… In the end, it didn’t matter how badly he wanted to protect both.

He’d have to give up one, either way.

And he hated his father for that.

He hated his father for chuckling, as if Hongjoong’s desperation was amusing. “You think I don’t know a self sacrifice when I see one?” he asked loftily, smirking. “You think it isn’t obvious that you’re giving yourself up to try and protect them?” He snorted. “There’s no logic in your statement. Just a desperate attempt to save others… Noble.”

Hongjoong almost panicked.

But his father didn’t give him time to properly build that fear before he sighed, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly.

“But… you may have a point… in trying to make my life easier,” he sighed, bracing a hand on the edge of the table. “Getting four of you to cooperate may be harder than just one… Especially the original.”

Hongjoong clenched his jaw, the voice speaking about him like he was a program before he was a person. Like an object.

“It’ll be difficult, but not impossible… we have the practice from three others,” his father mumbled, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “It would set us back weeks… but perhaps we could have more ready within the month…”

“You’re going to keep doing it?” Hongjoong demanded, cursing himself for opening his mouth, but unable to deny the inky black sinking into his chest as he tried to sit up. “You’re still going to drag people into this lie-“

“There are trillions of people in a single universe, Hongjoong,” his father said, shrugging. “Perhaps with time, we’ll learn how to achieve our original goal. But for now… we must move forward with what we have.”

“What you have is a farce!” he snapped, yanking at the restraints. “All you’ve done is put up smoke and mirrors and called it a miracle! You’re nothing more than a fraud! Science has nothing to do with it-“

“Nothing?” his father demanded, standing taller, making Hongjoong flinch. “Do you not understand what I created with you?” he hissed, eyes darkening. “I was able to translate unconscious brain waves into thoughts and personalities and projections- I was able to transform them into machine! I was able to create a human program-“

“All you did was steal a human and put it on a projection!” Hongjoong yelled, fists clenched and white knuckled. “And you dragged others into your stupid charade, when they believed they were making a better future!”

“They are,” his father assured him with a scoff. “Especially your partner, Seonghwa. He was always so excited to change the world-“

Hongjoong wanted to rip the name of off of his tongue.

“And he did,” he assured Hongjoong with a pat to his knee that jerked in anger. “Just not in the ways he thought. But, to be fair, he was a bit naïve in the way he viewed it all. Being a test subject in an experiment isn’t the most noble of services, is it?” His nose wrinkled. “He was eager to please, though, which made him easier to work with-“

“Shut up!”

Hongjoong jarred his wrist painfully when he yanked at the restraints again, wincing, but not stopping as he tried to sit up, to fight, to tear Seonghwa’s name and dreams off of his father’s snake tongue-

Seonghwa… had hope.

And that was something Hongjoong had had in so long. But he saw it in Seonghwa- in the hesitate exclamations that he would give, that he and Hongjoong were going to change the world. Make it better. 

No matter how slow the progress, Seonghwa always had hope that they were changing worlds. That one day, Seonghwa may have helped create a system where people didn’t have to be alone anymore.

That hope was blinding.

And Hongjoong hated his father who mocked it.

He glanced around agitatedly, but there was still only darkness surrounding the two of them. He grit his teeth, trying to think as his father observed his struggles idly, smirking as Hongjoong seemed lost in his own head-

His head.

“This- This is my head,” Hongjoong said numbly, glancing around before landing on his father with a murderous glare. “This is my head- I’m in control-“

“Ha!”

The laugh was so amused that it stilled Hongjoong’s tongue, making him draw back.

“You think being in your head gives you the control?” his father asked plainly, resting against the table, crossing his arms in amusement. “It’s your head, Hongjoong. And where did you head put you?”

He gestured across the table, at the restraints around his wrists and ankles, the darkness around him, and to himself.

“Even your own subconscious puts you in a cage,” he said, glancing around. “I had been prepared to alter whatever you created through the implant waves, but… you did it all for me. Putting yourself in bindings… Really, Hongjoong, it was only a few years- did it really scar you so much to form your subconscious around it?”

He chuckled, patting his knee again before walking around the table.

Hongjoong glared at him, teeth aching for how hard he clenched it, but he glanced around frantically, trying to focus, to change it-

“You can’t change it, it’s your subconscious,” his father sighed, as if Hongjoong should have realized this. “People don’t control the subconscious, it controls them.” He glanced around the dark space. “Very dreary.”

“You’re fucking sick,” Hongjoong hissed weakly, eyes burning as tears finally sprung that he couldn’t force back.

“No, I’m not sick, Hongjoong,” he said calmly, turning to him with heated eyes. “I’m merely the one person who’s willing to make a few sacrifices in order to move forward. Perhaps it’s barbaric to use humans for the AIs, but it’s in the name of moving forward to real, functioning AIs-“

“Yeah, that’s what we call fucking sick,” Hongjoong snapped, eyes watching his father like a hawk. “You-“ He held his tongue, stopping another curse as his heart pounding. “What’s your answer?” he demanded weakly, nails painful in his palm. “Will you accept just me coming back?”

His father hummed, not even looking at Hongjoong- examining something in the distance.

Hongjoong wriggled around, just to prove that he could, his arms feeling heavier the longer he sat here, alone-

He… He was alone. Despite his father’s presence, his head felt empty.

There wasn’t even a trace of Seonghwa.

A tear stung as it dripped down the side of Hongjoong’s face, hitting his ear and making him flinch. It was… not a good feeling. It made him feel sick.

“I suppose one is good enough,” his father said, still not looking at him. “It’s annoying, but not as annoying as having to listen to four of you lecture me about how cruel I was. I kept you healthy-“

“Stop,” Hongjoong hissed, teeth gritted as he stared passed the light, the gaping emptiness around him suddenly growing icy. “Just… stop,” he whispered, more tears burning from the corners of his eyes that he clenched shut.

He didn’t want to hear any more.

He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be alone.

He wanted Seonghwa back, he wanted that protection, that safety… He took a shaking breath, shaking his head to try and get rid of the tears that clung to his skin-

_ “You know… even if we lost the implant… I’d still be right here.” _

_ Buh-bump. _

_ Buh-bump. _

Hongjoong jumped at the sudden, echoing thrum that echoed around the space, his eyes flying wide as he looked around-

His father looked equally concerned, frowning as it came again.

_ Buh-bump. _

_ Buh-bump. _

Slow. Rhythmic. Strong.

Hongjoong could recognize that heartbeat anywhere. He looked around, but there was still only darkness, the sound a bit more distant, but still audible.

And suddenly, he felt less alone, something almost giddy wanting to break free from his chest at the thought of Seonghwa being there-

“What in the hells was that?” his father demanded, glancing around like he was waiting for a bat to fly out at him. “What that-“

_ “Fire!” _

Hongjoong winced at the loud yell-

The space around them suddenly jerked, Hongjoong crying out as his arm jarred as he was practically thrown from the table- or he would have, if he weren’t tied down. His father however, was thrown to the ground with a grunt of pain-

_ “Set blasters full!” _

“What-“ His father looked around before his expression dropped. “No-“

_ “Fire!”  _ came the cry again, echoing in the dark-

Another blasting noise, jerking Hongjoong around as his heart rose to his throat, looking around, trying to figure out-

_ Buh-bump. _

_ Buh-bump. _

He was still there. Seonghwa was there-

“No!” he father yelled, slamming his fist onto the table. “Eden, you idiotic, moronic thorn in my side!” he yelled into the darkness, spinning around like he was trying to see-

_ “Careful!” _

That wasn’t the same voice. It wasn’t Eden’s. It was closer than Eden’s distant yells.

That one was Seonghwa.

And his voice suddenly sounded closer, as if he were right next to Hongjoong’s ear-

_ “I’ve got you,”  _ he whispered frantically, as if everything depending on him reassuring Hongjoong he was there.  _ “I’ve got you- Wake up, please,”  _ he hissed as more crashing sounded in the distance.  _ “You’re safe, you’re still safe, I’ve got you-“ _

Hongjoong shot up, yanking at the restraints violently, trying to get closer to him, to figure out how to get out of here-

Hongjoong was suddenly standing, the abrupt change in position giving him vertigo for a moment. The light still hung above head, his father getting up from the ground that continued to rock, but the table was gone.

Hongjoong stared down at his father. “They’re firing on your ship,” he said, voice dull but realizing.

His father glared up at him, hair mussed from the chaos. “You think that matters?” he panted, glaring darkly. “I still have the kill switch. You and the others are still sedated- you think firing on my ship will fix that?”

“You never made a perfect AI program,” Hongjoong said, suddenly feeling ten feet tall.

This was his own head. He’d spent more time here in the past four years than some people did in a lifetime. And maybe he couldn’t control his subconscious…

But he knew who he was. He knew what he wanted. And he knew who was beside him.

“You couldn’t make a program strong enough to completely control a human’s emotions. Yeosang was proof of that.” His tongue felt tingly, his skin beginning to heat slightly. “Yeosang… felt too much. And you couldn’t stop that. Which means your machines and implants aren’t as effective or strong as you think they are.”

His father got to his feet. “You think that matters-“

“It does,” Hongjoong said, his brain making connections and realizations as he spoke. “Because you keep thinking you can control us with them. But your machines are barely able to control them at all.”

He glanced around, hearing a distant sound of tearing metal-

_ “I’ve got you,”  _ the frantic mantra continued softly, like a lullaby meant to comfort.  _ “I’ve got you, I promise-“ _

“But we’re the ones who control them.”

His father frowned, befuddled for a moment. “What in the hells are you-“

The darkness exploded.

At least, that’s what it felt like. More accurately… it was like his father and the light was suddenly sucked away into a space vacuum. The man was standing there one moment, there was a blast of sound and chaos, and then his father was being whipped away into the darkness with cry of rage… or maybe fear.

But Hongjoong stood there, left alone in darkness, staring.

A cacophony of chaotic sounds suddenly filled his ears, making him wince and cover them with his palms, doubling over the sounds of yells and fighting and metal banging were muted beneath his protection-

_ Buh-bump. _

_ Buh-bump. _

Even through his ears, Hongjoong heard it. Or rather, he felt it. Like Seonghwa had his head cradled to his chest once more.

He tried to focus on it, but there was too much other noise, too much fear, too much uncertainty-

Was his father gone? Had they gotten his ship?

What about the kill switch? Would they be able to… to wake up without it?

He crouched on the ground, still pressing his hands to his ears painfully, eyes clenched shut.

The implant sedated them. Or rather, the electronics running through their brains were sedated.

The implants did not control them.

Hongjoong glanced around, feeling like his head was trying to explode for a moment, but he looked, and all he found was darkness.

“Wake up,” he whispered, shoving himself to his feet, spinning around, like he might see some shining exit sign. “Wake up- Come on, wake up-“

He wanted to laugh at how desperate he was, telling himself to wake up like it might help.

He dropped his hands, letting the chaos bang against his eardrums. He didn’t cower from it, wincing as he looked around.

“Seonghwa… Seonghwa is there,” he breathed frantically, taking a step- no floor, no light, just dark. “Seonghwa’s there… you just need to wake up.”

The implants don’t control them. The implants were nothing but blinders put on horses. Meant to corral and urge… but they couldn’t control. Not really.

In the same way Hongjoong broke through when he knew Yeosang would be put on brain dead… in the same way Yeosang had been breaking through for years…

All you needed was a big enough push.

Hongjoong suddenly started running, sprinting through the dark, feeling like he was moving through sludge.

But he moved, his heart racing-

_ Buh-bump. _

He ran faster, arms pumping at his sides as the shouting continued to echo.

Seonghwa was there, he just needed to get to him, he just needed to reach him-

Hongjoong didn’t realize he was crying until tears flew off his skin, falling behind him as he ran.

He wanted to see Seonghwa again. He wanted to be next to him. He wanted to know they were alright, that they were okay-

He didn’t want to be alone anymore. He didn’t feel alone, but he wanted Seonghwa there-

_ “I’ve got you _ .”

It was a whisper this time, distant and soft, but warm like sunshine.

_ “I’m right here,”  _ it promised. “ _ I’ve got you.” _

Hongjoong ran faster, breaths coming harder. He wasn’t even sure he was actually moving, and he certainly didn’t know what he was running to. But he ran, like Seonghwa’s voice was something he could chase after, that he could find-

Hongjoong felt a phantom touch to his cheek, warm and soft, making him stumble precariously, but he caught himself, continuing to run.

_ “You’re safe” _

Hongjoong shut his eyes, running so fast, his feet threatened to fly out from under him.

_ “I’m right here.” _

When he opened his eyes, he might as well have been blind again.

_ “Just please…” _

Another warm ghost brushed against his cheek, making his eyes shut as his heart choked his throat.

_ “Just wake up.” _

Hongjoong slammed into a brick wall.

And despite being surrounded by nothing but darkness… he sank into a black unawareness that a blessing compared to the pain of whatever he had hit.

Seonghwa’s voice faded. The chaos fell silent.

But even as Hongjoong lost awareness… he still didn’t feel alone, his hand reaching out for something that wasn’t even there in the blackness.

~~~~~~~~~

Yeosang opened his eyes.

Wooyoung stared down at him.

Yeosang closed his eyes again. “You’re not really him.”

Wooyoung hummed, the sound soft and gentle. “Maybe… but I’m as good as you’re going to get.”

He opened his eye once more. The main difference that betrayed this Wooyoung as being not real… was the darkness surrounding them, only parted enough for them to see each other.

“I’d like to think I was him,” Wooyoung said, sitting back, cross legged and grabbing his ankles. “After all, it’s your subconscious. You know him better than anyone, so why wouldn’t your creation of him be basically perfect?”

Yeosang scoffed, sitting up and touching his forehead gingerly, the ache in it as if he had just gotten over a migraine. “You sound like Dr. Kim,” He muttered quietly, closing his eyes against the dull pain. “Humans are more complicated than that.”

“Yeah… like the ones that torture themselves over whether or not a boy will like them back.”

Yeosang sent him a withering glare, even as he sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Maybe you are more like him than I thought.”

Wooyoung grinned, as if that was an excellent thing to hear. “You got fucked up, Yeosang.”

He sighed, glancing around the darkness around them. “I know,” he murmured, frowning. “I don’t… know what happened.”

They had been talking.

His hands brushed over his lips. And then they had been kissing.

And then Yeosang was unconscious.

“Beats me,” Wooyoung said, shrugging with a gentle frown. “But it’s probably not good.”

“No,” Yeosang said, getting to his feet and glancing around. “No, it’s not good…” His lips pressed together. “I don’t like this.”

“I should hope not, you were forced unconscious.”

Yeosang huffed, turning to glare.

Wooyoung smiled at him. More genuine. Less bright, but deeper as he stood as well until he stood toe to toe with Yeosang. “If I were you, I’d hurry up and try to get back to him. Sounds like you were just getting to the good part.”

Yeosang shoved him in the chest, thankful that he was tangible as he stumbled back with a laugh.

He glared around the darkness, the familiar press of cold and loneliness feeling more distant than usual.

“It would take me weeks to force my way back to consciousness,” Yeosang muttered, hands on his hips with a glare. “How the hell… How the hell am I supposed to do it that quickly-“

“Fear tends to cloud.”

He turned quickly, finding Wooyoung glancing around curiously. “Excuse me?”

Wooyoung shrugged. “Fear tends to cloud. It makes us frantic and uncoordinated. Maybe if you’re not so afraid… you can do it easier.”

Yeosang groaned, running hands through his hair. “I don’t know-“

He huffed, scrubbing his face.

“It was easiest when I was scared because that was the only emotion they let me feel. It was the only thing I felt strongly enough to work with-“

“You can feel more now, though,” Wooyoung reminded him, and Yeosang felt his presence suddenly step closer to him, until he would have felt his body warmth, had they actually had bodies. “You’ll just need feel something besides fear. And feel it strongly enough to break out.”

Yeosang was having a hard time feeling much else than fear.

Namely because he had no idea what was happening. If it was an issue with the implant, it wasn’t likely the others had all escaped unscathed.

He wans’t sure what had happened to Wooyoung. If he was unconscious as well or… something worse.

He didn’t know. And that was making thinking of another emotion really fucking hard.

Relief. Relief was a good emotion. But at the moment, he was anxious enough to fell a horse.

Wooyoung.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in a lame attempt to focus.

That kiss.

The promises they had made.

Every single thing that Wooyoung had ever said to him, in that soft voice that betrayed that his annoyance was nothing more than an outfit that he wore, shedding it as easily as a raincoat after the need for it had passed.

Yeosang had laid beside him.

His body had been warm. He had held Yeosang, his touch gentle, as if afraid Yeosang would bruise.

He…

He valued Yeosang. Maybe even loved him. Maybe… one day.

And maybe he had already lost that.

A cold fear creeped into his heart, and Yeosang hissed, smacking his forehead, trying to force it away, but all he could imagine was finally being brave enough to speak and then losing it all-

“Oh my god!” Wooyoung sighed, a firm hand suddenly spinning Yeosang around until they were face to face. “Your friends are going to be dead by the time you figure out how to properly feel an emotion, you useless, self-conscious love fiend.”

Yeosang opened his mouth, glaring to defend himself, but he never got farther than glaring before Wooyoung grabbed him by the shirt and slammed their lips together.

First of all, it was the last thing Yeosang expected, the warm, firm press of lips making his lungs lock pup as he froze.

Second of all, it wasn’t Wooyoung. Yeosang could feel it, in all the little ways he wasn’t sure how he could. But it felt like kissing a mirror.

And third of all… it wasn’t lust or love or fear that slammed into his chest with the force of freight train.

It was an urge to fight.

That innate, carnal surge of emotions that just told you to start kicking and screaming until whatever the rhreatthreat was had left, until you had scared it away.

This Wooyoung kissed him… and al ifall it did was remind Yeosang that he had someone waiting for him. Someone that wasn’t going to come easily to him. Someone he was going to have to dightfight to reach.

He shoved the Wooyoung against his lips off foof him, his blood feeling hot as he glared him.

Wooyoung simply smirked, giginvg a mocking salute, before Yeosang doubled over as if felt likeaa baseball bat had eenbeen slammed into the back of his head, sending him crashing to the ground, blacking.

In agony, he blacked out. 

~~~~~~~~~

“Target is hit, sir!”

Seonghwa risked a glance up from where he curled over Hongjoong, seeing Eden gripping the edge of a console he leaned on, murder in his eyes.

“Perform lifeform scans,” he ordered stiffly. “Either confirm they’re dead… or begin tractor field to bring them in.”

Seonghwa cradled Hongjoong’s head to his chest, watching the screen fly with readings and commands, everyone in the control room silent, calling out numbers and orders.

Almost manically, he pet Hongjoong’s hair, as if the man was conscious enough to feel it, but Seonghwa wasn’t even sure he was still alive.

(He had a pulse, one that Seonghwa’s fingers had remained over like a blind person clinging to braille, feeling it far too slow and sluggish. Whether or not his body was still functioning wasn’t the issue.)

He’d called it a kill switch.

Seonghwa’s mind was torn in two, split between crippling fear as he held Hongjoong and a burning anger as he sat by the wayside as Eden sent the  _ Horizon _ after the cruiser that was fleeing.

And as much as Seonghwa wanted justice, wanted the whole universe to know the crimes of this man…

At this moment… cradling Hongjoong’s limp body… he just wanted him dead.

“Set a record in the logs,” Eden ordered, straightening as the scans continued to blip across the screen. “An unidentified cruiser carrying a robbed scientist released an unknown pulse through the  _ Horizon’s _ shields. Threats to certain technology were made. In defense of the hundreds of crew members aboard, the cruiser was treated as a hostile force and fired upon when it attempted to flee after releasing the pulse.”

He glanced at the communications crew member, eyes hard.

“Make sure that the recording of his call is placed within the log.”

“Yes, sir.”

Eden glared at the screen once more. “Hurry with the scans,” he ordered, turning to the navigations officer. “Go to the lab, track down the other two as well. Ensure that no one else was hurt. If they were, begin transporting them to med bay. I want to know  _ exactly _ what that pulse did.”

Anger shown in Eden’s eyes as the man nodded, standing and rushing from the room.

“Fee, help Seonghwa get Hongjoong to the medical bay,” he said sharply, turning to a woman-

“No,” Seonghwa said, grip tightening on Hongjoong as he glared at the viewscreen. Eden looked at him with a raised brow. “I want to know he’s gone, first,” he murmured darkly, heart twisted and blackened with hatred.

“Hongjoong-“

“He has a pulse,” Seonghwa assured him, holding him tighter. “Just… a few more seconds… please.”

“Fee can take him on her own-“

“No,” Seonghwa said defensively, eyes as pleading as they were hard as he looked to Eden, Hongjoong cradled to his chest. “The scans are almost complete-“

“Scans are complete,” a man called from the main console, staring with hard eyes at the readings flying across. “Damage is considered Type 3 with the cruiser nonfunctional. All life support systems and emergency pods were damaged beyond use.” He paused. “No life forms are reading. Six bodies appearing on scanners. All recently deceased.”

Seonghwa… didn’t know what to feel.

Relief? He still had a body in his hands.

Justice? Killing the man wouldn’t erase what he did.

Fear? It was still icy and sharp in his chest that expanded like a balloon. It was a horrible feeling that made him feel ill.

“Drag the carcass of the cruiser and the bodies to the hangar bay,” Eden said, voice heavy and calm… but his eyes still holding that rage. “Make sure Dr. Kim’s body is among them. Send engineers to go through their tech and see if there’s anything useful to us.”

He turned to Seonghwa.

Seonghwa didn’t realize he was crying until Eden’s eyes softened.

“Fee will help you take Hongjoong to the medical bay,” he said, voice finally losing that edge. “We’ll prioritize them above all else. And we’ll find out what happened and how we fix it. I promise you, Seonghwa.”

And maybe… maybe this was the first time Seonghwa had felt young in a long time.

He was alone back on his home planet, he did everything for himself and by himself… He joined the Ateez program alone, and even if he had Hongjoong nagging him, it was still him doing the things Hongjoong ordered him.

The others who joined were all new and younger than him- it was natural that he show them around, advise them on how to operate with their AI, and take care of the things they struggled with.

He wasn’t a leader by any means. But responsibilities had a way of aging you.

But for the first time in years… Seonghwa stared up at someone who was actually a leader, who was officially in charge of people… He stared up at someone who was offering him help that he had been helpless to give.

Eden was likely close to twice Seonghwa’s age. Not ancient by any means, but he captained a ship. He knew what he was doing.

And after what felt like weeks of running like their heads were cut off, fleeing from place to place with no plan, no way of getting help, no idea what he was supposed to do with all these people looking to him for answers…

Eden was standing there as someone who understood, to an extent, and someone who could help. Someone with those resources and that knowledge.

And Seonghwa felt his age- only just passed twenty- more violently than ever.

He nodded as Eden offered him a hand, helping Seonghwa stand firmly. It was firm, steady grip that Seonghwa wasn’t sure he could ever replicate, were he ever in this situation himself.

“Fee,” Eden called, nodding to Hongjoong. Eden squeezed his hand with a comforting half-smile. “We will get it figured out, Seonghwa,” he promised.

Seonghwa nodded, rubbing at his eyes and feeling ashamed of his tears as he turned away, the woman helping get Hongjoong into Seonghwa’s arms. He was light enough to still carry on his own- Fee simply pushing the buttons to get the doors open as they exited the room.

“Eden,” Seonghwa said, turning back quickly, careful of Hongjoong. “Just… let me know when you find his body… please,” he requested weakly.

Eden nodded, eyes a clear understanding. “You’ll be the first to know.”

The walk to medical bay was fast and silent. Which Seonghwa was grateful for.

When they entered into the sterile white ward of medical bay, San and Mingi were already set up in bed with wires hooked up to them.

Seonghwa’s steps faltered for a moment at the sight, tightening his hold on Hongjoong protectively before he forced himself to remember that Eden was not Dr. Kim. Those wires were not the ones that had pinned them down before.

Across from the row of occupied beds, Yunho and Jongho sat, tense, fearful expression clinging to their eyes.

Despite it, Seonghwa took even steps as a slightly frantic looking doctor flittered back and forth between the two screens hooked up to the two unconscious, reading them intently.

“Ah, another one,” he said, nodding jerkily. “Yes, just place him next to San here,” he asked, gesturing to the empty bed. “Niles, will you please get him hooked up?” he requested, barely looking up from his screens. “And tell Huang to sterilize for OR.”

“OR?” Seonghwa asked numbly as he placed Hongjoong carefully against the white bed, another man dressed in white coming up and wiping his skin before placing more electrodes against it, the screen above Hongjoong lighting up with readings.

“Yes,” the man mumbled distractedly, tapping on a pad in his hands.

“You’re operating?” Seonghwa demanded, heart clenching, looking to Jongho and Yunho, almost accusing.

“Please, step aside,” the doctor asked, whisking past Seonghwa to examine Hongjoong’s screen. “We may not have much time-“

“He’s removing the implant?” Seonghwa demanded, stumbling towards Yunho and Jongho numbly.

Jongho’s lips pressed together tightly. “He thinks… that the safest option all around is to remove the implant. They managed to get a scan from San and Yunho before San collapsed. He says he should have every tool needed to safely remove the implant. Because of the tracking and- from what he can tell- the malfunctioning of the implant-“

“It didn’t malfunction,” Seonghwa said, whipping around to stare wide-eyed at the doctor.

He paused, finally looking up from the screen. “I beg your pardon?”

Seonghwa shook his head frantically. “Dr. Kim found us-“

“He found us?” Yunho practically yelled, standing-

“He had a kill switch,” Seonghwa explained quickly. “He turned it on, and it did something to the implant. Hongjoong collapsed, but he still had a pulse. It was slow, though.”

“Same with San and Mingi,” Yunho said, frowning. “Where’s-“

The door of medical bay hissed open, a man entering with Yeosang in his arms, Wooyoung crowding behind him, like he wanted to walk through the man to get to Yeosang-

Yeosang’s eyes were open.

Not in the same way that Hongjoong’s had been- blank and lifeless. They were half-lidded, groggy, lazily dragging around the room as he had just woken up as his head hung limply.

He was awake, but he clearly wasn’t strong.

“What happened?” Seonghwa demanded, looking from the semi-conscious Yeosang to Wooyoung who looked a tinge green.

Wooyoung braced a hand on the bed the man laid Yeosang on, breathing deeply through his nose. “I- I threw up,” he said, voice weak enough that Seonghwa wasn’t sure he wasn’t about to throw up again.

Seonghwa strode over, grabbing Wooyoung’s arm and helping him sit on the bed beside Yeosang’s, Wooyoung bracing his hands on his knees as he lowered his head, breathing through his mouth.

Seonghwa rubbed his back, both as a comfort and as a hope to keep vomiting again. “Was Yeosang not affected?” he asked gently, though voice heavy with concern. “The others all passed out.”

Wooyoung gulped another breath of air, lifting his head to stare up through sweat-heavy bangs. “He- He did pass out,” Wooyoung managed quietly. “I- I thought he- that the implant had- had done something.” He swallowed, looking like he was suppressing another gag. “I thought he was dead for a second,” he whispered hoarsely, face turning another shade paler.

Seonghwa squeezed his shoulder, humming comfortingly.

“But… By the time he showed up looking for us-“ He nodded to the man who stood back- “Yeosang woke up again.”

“He woke up?” Jongho questioned, half-standing. “On his own?”

Wooyoung nodded, straightening a bit more. “He-“ The pallor to his cheeks suddenly tinges a bit pink. “He, uh… woke up… and he was pretty out of it. He just said… that he was going to… to learn how to feel things, even if it killed him. And then he sort of… half-passed out again. He’s still conscious, but he’s out of it.”

“Learn how to feel things?” Yunho repeated. “What does that mean?”

Wooyoung shrugged. “I dunno,” he said quietly, lowering his head. “I feel pretty out of it, too. He…” He lifted a hand that braced against his forehead. “He’s… still gone from my head. And it’s… not great.”

The mention of it suddenly highlighted the gaping hole in the back of Seonghwa’s mind that he had carefully covered with a tarp. He winced, but shoved it down.

“Wait just a moment,” the doctor suddenly said, looking up from where he had been shining a light in Yeosang’s eyes. “Start from the beginning,” he demanded. “I need to know everything. None of them seem to be in real danger at the moment, so just… tell me everything that happened.”

He crossed his arms, glancing around at all of them.

Seonghwa went first, relaying everything after the others had left and Dr. Kim had called.

Wooyoung described him and Yeosang talking, and then Yeosang collapsing, the implant shutting down, and then Yeosang waking back up.

Seonghwa narrowed his eyes at Wooyoung’s fidgeting, his face heated, and his refusal to look anyone in the eyes as he glanced at Yeosang whose eyes were closed gently.

San and Yunho had been having a scan run when San suddenly passed out.

Jongho and Mingi were standing by when Mingi suddenly fell to the ground.

All of them with similar sensations of emptiness and vertigo in their heads.

The doctor frowned. “Once I get your friends out of the woods, I want to do a thorough check on the rest of you,” he said. “Perhaps I’ll have some nurses ensure that your mentalities weren’t affected.”

“Without knowing what the kill switch did,” one nurse said, frowning, “it’ll be hard to know exactly what happened. However, it should be relatively simple to do a scan and see what areas of the brain were affected.”

“If Dr. Kim was killed, and the device destroyed, there shouldn’t be anymore danger,” the doctor murmured thoughtfully. “However… if you’d like, we could still look into removing the implants to save you from further complications.”

“No-“

Seonghwa stopped himself, biting his tongue. Everyone glanced at him.

Losing the implant… was terrifying. Seonghwa could feel the panic of the emptiness creeping in the back of his mind, and the thought of having that as a constant…

He didn’t want it.

He glanced at the beds, though, trailing his eyes until he landed on Hongjoong, small and limp on the white bed.

But… those few seconds… where he thought Hongjoong had simply died in an instant…

The gaping darkness of his mind was child’s play compared to that fear.

But Hongjoong… Hongjoong had been so against it. He had fought Yeosang tooth and nail to keep both the implant and Seonghwa. Could Seonghwa even make that decision without him?

If Dr. Kim was gone, there shouldn’t be a danger.

But what if there were others? There were 15 people at least who knew what was happening on the  _ Aurora _ . He doubted all six people on Dr. Kim’s ship were those scientists. What if others tried to recover his “research?”

What if they still kept running?

He stared at Hongjoong.

Hongjoong stared back.

Seonghwa swallowed a yelp as he stumbled back a step, heart shooting to his throat as Hongjoong’s eyes opened, half-lidded and groggy like Yeosang’s.

But they stared at Seonghwa, conscious.

He suddenly stumbled forward, not even thinking about whether the doctor needed to get close, standing at Hongjoong side and leaning over him, mouth open as his eyes burned-

Hongjoong stared up at him, lips parted as if he were trying to speak, but he blinked slowly in silence for a moment.

“Th… The implants… don’t… control us.”

Seonghwa frowned, the slurred mumbles coming across almost like babbling.

“What?” he murmured, leaning closer, until his ear nearly brushed Hongjoong’s lips, his heart racing.

Hongjoong swallowed, sounding sticky and thick as his arm lifted from his side slowly. Seonghwa ducked his head to see what he was reaching for, but Hongjoong merely pressed his palm to Seonghwa’s chest.

Seonghwa’s rabbiting heart beat frantically against Hongjoong’s hand.

“This…” He mumbled quietly, sounding on the verge of sleep. “I want… to keep… th… this.” His fingertips dug weakly into Seonghwa’s chest, making the beating of his heart seem harder.

Seonghwa’s throat closed up as he placed a hand over Hongjoong’s, holding it tightly to his chest. “Hongjoong… how did you wake up?” he whispered hoarsely. “Was the kill switch only temporary? Yeosang is awake too. What happened?”

Hongjoong swallowed again, taking a rather rough breath. “You… were there. I… had to… see you.”

Seonghwa frowned in confusion even as his heart twisted painfully. He was there? He was where?

“Hongjoong… do you want to keep the implant?” Seonghwa asked gently. “They said that they have tools to remove it… I know you said you would protect both-“

Hongjoong shook his head, the movement exaggerated and sluggish as he stared up at Seonghwa, taking a moment to focus his eyes. “I… Just you,” he mumbled thickly. “The… implant… ‘s not you.”

Hongjoong’s eyes suddenly filled with tears that simply dripped down the sides of his face.

Seonghwa pressed his lips together, swallowing the stone in his throat as he gently brushed beneath Hongjoong’s eyes to clear them away, stroking his cheek comfortingly.

“They can… take it,” Hongjoong murmured, staring at Seonghwa with tears and stars in his eyes. “I just… want to… protect you.”

Seonghwa bit his lip to keep the burning behind his eyes. “Okay,” he whispered, caressing his cheek gently, nodding. “Okay, we’ll… we’ll make sure they can’t hurt any of us again… okay?”

Hongjoong’s weak lips tried to smile, twitching as he nodded against Seonghwa’s hand. It was a heartbreaking happiness. One that Seonghwa regretted that was needed.

But… if it came down to ensuring none of those people could find them again… Seonghwa was willing to give up the extra bonus in exchange for giving Hongjoong a way to leave this part of his life behind forever.

“What about you, dumbass?”

Seonghwa turned quickly, finding Wooyoung hovering over Yeosang’s bed. The other stared at him with equally unfocused eyes, but Wooyoung was stroking his hair gently, his gentle gaze not matching the rough statement.

Yeosang’s groggy eyes dragged over Wooyoung’s face slowly. “I… already told you,” he murmured, “that I would give it up… to keep you safe.”

Wooyoung snorted, wrapping a piece of longer hair around his finger. “Yeah, well, I’m not the one who was on the receiving end of a kill switch, idiot.”

He said it lightly enough. But Seonghwa saw him pressed a little closer, like being too far might put him in danger.

Yeosang closed his eyes, falling back completely against the pillow. “Get rid of it,” he whispered hoarsely. “I… don’t need it.”

Wooyoung smirked, though it was tense. “Already tired of seeing inside my head?”

Yeosang cracked his eyes open, staring blankly. “No… I already know… everything I need.”

Wooyoung chuckled, running a knuckle gently over Yeosang’s temple. “You think I’m that easy of a book to read?”

“No…” He stared at Wooyoung’s lips quietly for a moment. “I’m… just patient enough to learn… the whole thing.”

Seonghwa frowned slightly, glancing between the two of them.

Not that the two of them hadn’t been comfortable together since the beginning but… there was a tension in the air between them that hadn’t been there a moment ago.

“Okay,” Wooyoung agreed quietly. “So we’ll get the implant removed… and then you’ll just have to ask about how I’m feeling like a normal, boring couple.”

Couple?

Yeosang stared at him, lips thinning. Then his hand was grabbing Wooyoung weakly by the front of his shirt, tugging him down gently enough that Wooyoung must have been ready to move for how fast their lips met.

Seonghwa wasn’t exactly… surprised by that development.

He heard Jongho choke and Yunho made a sound between a snort and a cough.

It was a brief kiss, firm and warm enough to have Seonghwa glancing away until Yeosang pulled away, breathing a bit heavily as he stared at Wooyoung.

“You’re going to have to start articulating your emotions, like a normal person,” Yeosang breathed. “Can you handle that?”

Wooyoung smiled warm enough that Seonghwa was convinced he was seconds away from Yeosang kissing him again. But he simply placed his hand over Yeosang’s eyes. “Sleep,” he said quietly, brushing his eyelids down. “When you wake up, you’ll have one less annoying motherfucker in your head.”

Seonghwa waited for Yeosang to pop back up. But his eyes remained closed. Maybe he was just that tired.

“Um.”

Wooyoung glanced at Jongho who was staring at him, glancing between Yeosang and Wooyoung who stepped back slightly, coughing. “Uh, yeah,” he said, clearing his throat, “that’s happened three times now.”

“Three?” Yunho demanded, looking torn between laughing and being horrified. “Since when?”

Wooyoung rolled his lips. “Since… he collapsed.”

“Since- How the hell did you have time for that?” Jongho demanded.

“Well, I kissed him once right before he collapsed, and then he kissed me basically as soon as he woke up, and then… that was the third.”

“Excuse me,” the doctor said, looking vaguely uncomfortable. “But… we would rather have everything squared away sooner, rather than later.”

“What’s up?” Wooyoung asked, shoving his hands in his pockets, as if… things were okay.

Seonghwa wasn’t sure… he could believe it was okay. But Wooyoung seemed determined in his nonchalance.

“Hongjoong and Yeosang both consented to having the implant removed. Do you two agree?” He asked, gesturing between Seonghwa and Wooyoung.

They nodded without hesitation.

Something that had seemed terrifying a few days ago at Wooyoung’s house… suddenly seemed like… like trying to hold onto a precious necklace while you were trying not to fall. It was valuable, it was beautiful, and it was an heirloom that held so much meaning and history behind it.

But… it was just a necklace.

If it was between dropping the necklace or holding on and letting another fall?

How was there even a choice?

“Now… these two have yet to regain consciousness,” the doctor hummed, turning to Mingi and San. “However, if we can get some of our engineers down here to work with our other doctors, we should be able to have them regain enough consciousness to see if removing the implant is agreeable. Do the two of you consent?”

Jongho and Yunho grimaced, but nodded without much thought.

Once again… it was precious, treasured thing. But… it was just a line of communications to the people who really mattered.

“We’ll get started, then,” the doctor decided, tucking the pad beneath his arm. “Removing the implant should be painless, without any sort of recovery period once consciousness is regained. If all goes well, you’ll be up and sorted within three days.” He gestured to a woman in white. “Wooyoung, Seonghwa, we’ll start with you. If you’ll follow the nurse, she’ll have you all prepped.”

Holy shit, it was happening now.

Part of Seonghwa still wanted to reject it. To cling to the connection that had served him for so long. But the larger part of him knew… if it meant erasing the threat completely… he’d give more than just an implant to ensure Hongjoong could leave that life behind.

Seonghwa was afraid. But when he glanced back at Hongjoong as he followed the woman… he found Hongjoong already looking at him.

He was smiling. Lazy and a little loopy with exhaustion, but it was there, clinging to his lips and shining in his eyes.

It… It was saying something. There was a message in the smile. But Seonghwa wasn’t quite sure what it was. Maybe gratitude. Maybe something warmer.

But Seonghwa returned it, not wanting Hongjoong to be afraid, like he was.

The door closed behind them, and Seonghwa felt another surge of fear at losing sight of them, despite knowing Hongjoong was conscious and surrounded by others who would protect him.

“It’s gonna take some getting used to,” Wooyoung murmured as they were lead through what looked like a lab, vials and bloodwork running through machines that beeped with a few people in lab coats manning their stations.

Seonghwa started, looking at him. “What is?”

“Not having it…” He tapped his head, lips twisting in a wry smile. “I threw up when I realized I couldn’t feel him,” he admitted quietly, staring at his feet. “But, that might have been a combination of having the shit scared out of me when he collapsed and the whole… confession thing we’d had a few moments prior.”

Seonghwa hummed in understanding, stomach rolling.

To distract himself, he glanced at Wooyoung. “So… you like Yeosang?”

Wooyoung didn’t move, silent for a moment before humming. “I think I maybe always did,” he confessed quietly. “Even as an AI… he meant more to me than any person had.”

“Hey,” Seonghwa said in mock offense, making Wooyoung glare in annoyance at him.

“And once he was a real person… it didn’t feel like anything had changed,” Wooyoung murmured, kicking at the ground as they walked. “But hey, maybe that just means that I would have fucked a computer program to begin with.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help the snort that escape, pretending to be sick around the laughter in his chest as he stared at Wooyoung in disgust and amusement.

Wooyoung grinned back, though his eyes were tense.

They were both scared. They all were. But they were… at peace with it, even if they weren’t eager.

Wooyoung must have noticed the shift in Seonghwa’s expression because his smile faded slightly as he glanced away. “I don’t regret it,” Wooyoung assured him quietly. “I told Yeosang before… if it meant keeping him safe… I’d give a lot more than just an implant.”

“Same.”

Wooyoung glanced at him, grinning weakly. “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.”

Seonghwa sighed, rubbing his face. “Agreed.”

“You have nothing to be afraid of,” the nurse said kindly, glancing back at them. “All of you will be kept unconscious until the healing process is completed. We’re predicting about three days. You’ll fall asleep, and wake up without anything that could attract maniacs.”

She smiled at her little joke.

Seonghwa managed a smile, but the mention of maniacs made him swallow.

“You didn’t hear the way he talked about it all, Wooyoung,” Seonghwa murmured, almost sure the nurse couldn’t hear. “Those stupid lies he told… not just to us but to everyone… he didn’t regret any of them.” He clenched his fists. “He talked about Hongjoong as if he gave a shit… I’ve never wanted someone dead so badly before.”

Wooyoung hummed. “Wish I’d been there. I would have broken the fucking screen.”

“I wanted to,” Seonghwa assured him, glaring. “And Hongjoong’s expression through the whole thing… I don’t know if he stayed out of some sort of fascination… or if it was just like that sensation of not being able to look away… But his  _ face _ …”

That disbelief and fear and horror… Seonghwa’s expression pinched at the thought.

“They’re not going to be able to touch them again,” Wooyoung reminded Seonghwa as much as he reassured himself, fists clenched. “That was our promise. As far as I’m concerned, this is a small thing to give up. I was surprised Hongjoong was so willing, though…”

Wooyoung frowned, a bit troubled, but Seonghwa simply hummed. “I think he also realized… that the implant wasn’t us. It was just a connection. Getting rid of it doesn’t really hurt us… not in the same way that keeping it could.”

“Yeah… it’s pretty unnerving, thinking that my brain will feel like this from now on.” He placed a hand on his temple, swallowing and straightening to avoid letting fear take over.

They entered a silver area with a few hover gurneys, the nurse gesturing for them to sit.

Seonghwa stared at them and then glanced at Wooyoung. “Like you said… we’d give a lot more than the comfort of an implant if it means keeping them safe.”

Wooyoung stared at him for a moment.

And then he smiled. This time… it reached his eyes that sparked with determination, the same look he got before stepping into a simulation.

“ _ Damn right _ we would.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

It was bright.

Not too bright. Not enough to hurt. But it was there. And it was bright.

It felt… like… waking up late on the weekends. The sort of sleep where you pass out and wake up to full daylight shining through your curtains, and you still didn’t bother getting out of bed, just laying curled up in the sunlight.

It was… a good tired.

Lethargic and peaceful, rather than drowsy and exhausted. Wooyoung opened his eyes in the bright light, curled beneath a blanket.

There was a spot in the light that wasn’t blinding.

Yeosang stared down at Wooyoung, expression torn between relief and apprehension, like one might look an at awakening coma patient.

It took a moment for Wooyoung to realize what was happening and who was above him and what that meant… but he smiled, feeling a bit loopy, like he was on anesthetics.

“Hey,” he mumbled, lips feeling a bit thick, but his mind surprisingly clear as he stared at Yeosang.

He laughed weakly, lips stretching upwards before falling back down like he didn’t know what to feel as a hand touched Wooyoung’s chest. “Are you okay?” he whispered.

Wooyoung smiled wider, his heart warm enough that he was sure it showed on his face like a blush. “Hm… How was your surgery?” he asked, lifting a heavy arm and laying it across Yeosang’s hand that he squeezed. “Heh… your hands are cold,” he laughed quietly, rubbing their fingers together in amusement. 

Yeosang looked equal parts unamused and warm-eyed as he glanced from their joined hands up to Wooyoung. “Well… I woke up before you, so I’d say it was okay.”

Wooyoung chuckled quietly before frowning slightly. His brain seemed to actually place everything into perspective as he stared up at Yeosang leaning over him. “The others?” he asked quietly, a bit more sober.

Yeosang, however, didn’t fall somber, simply nodding comfortingly. “There weren’t any real complications. Everyone finished safely- Yunho, Mingi, and Jongho are already awake. San should wake up pretty soon, too.”

“Seonghwa and Hongjoong?” he asked, frowning slightly. “Seonghwa went in with me.”

Yeosang nodded, his hand curling up to lace with Wooyoung’s. “There weren’t any complications, he just hasn’t quite woken up. And Hongjoong should be awake in the next couple of days.”

“How long has it been?” Wooyoung asked, finally glancing around the room.

It was a private room, with only a door and a chair parked beside the white bed he laid on.

“Almost four days,” Yeosang explained quietly. “I woke up on the third, and the others were already conscious by that time.”

Conscious.

Wooyoung let himself feel a bit relieved as he smiled quietly. “You have some explaining to do,” he said seriously.

Yeosang blinked, frowning. “About what?”

“You swearing that you would learn how to feel an emotion properly?” Wooyoung pointed out, eyebrow cocking. “And then kissing me rather desperately.”

Yeosang’s hand snatched away from Wooyoung’s to brush his hair in his face as his cheeks colored. “I… I overrode the sedative from the implant,” he mumbled, like it was embarrassing. “By… feeling a lot of emotions. Like I used to.”

“Seriously?” Wooyoung demanded, sitting up instinctively, groaning when Yeosang shoved him back down. “Consciously?”

“Well… subconsciously,” he muttered, hiding behind his bangs. “I… You were there in my subconscious,” he said quickly, like he didn’t want Wooyoung interrupting. “At least, a figment of you, and it was telling me all this stuff, and it kissed me, and I knew that it wasn’t you and it just made me want to get to the real you so bad, so I got a really hard kick of fight or flight, and I… woke up…”

Wooyoung stared, feeling like a slap to the face would have made more sense.

But there was also an undeniable kindling in his chest that forced his lips into a half-smile that shone through his eyes in awe.

“You woke up… because an imaginative me kissed you… and you got pissed and wanted the real thing?” he asked slowly, smile creeping wider.

Yeosang hit his chest with a huff, half-turned away as Wooyoung groaned, clutching his chest with a laugh. “Shut up,” Yeosang muttered, rubbing the back of his neck like a nervous tick.

Wooyoung watched the movement, his smile remaining in place but turning gentler as reached back and felt the base of his skull. There was a small square of bandage there, but it was clear that the skin beneath it… was just skin. No hard tech.

It felt weird, after so many years of it being present.

Yeosang caught the movement with his eyes, face falling. “I thought that it was quiet, not hearing every thought… but it… it’s something else entirely when you’re gone completely,” he murmured, staring at his hand that fell from his neck.

Wooyoung agreed. He couldn’t feel much, but there was a distant… emptiness that he ignored for the moment.

He reached out, snagging Yeosang’s hand in a tight hold, smile widening comfortingly as Yeosang looked at him, a bit stunned. “I’m right here,” he said firmly, squeezing the hand tightly.

Yeosang stared as if Wooyoung was suddenly unreal.

He shook his head. “You said it before… this is what we wanted to protect.” He gestured between the two of them gently. “It’s weird, having that gone… but I’d rather lose everything than risk you getting hurt again.”

Yeosang stared, stunned and looking like he had a million things to say, and looking terrified to say any of them.

He opened his mouth, closed it, tugged away, shuffled closer- like he couldn’t decide what he should do, but his eyes were misty as he stared at Wooyoung with enough warmth to make his cheeks heat.

“I…”

Yeosang glanced from Wooyoung’s face to his lips to his hand holding Yeosang’s to his face again, looking nervous. “I don’t…” He swallowed, looking afraid. “I don’t… know how to love you,” he whispered hoarsely.

Wooyoung frowned, perplexed for a split second because Yeosang had made it very clear that loving Wooyoung was-

“Like- I do,” Yeosang assured him quickly, looking stricken and panicked. “I- I do… love you,” he said, stumbling like the words were foreign and hard, but determined to get them out. “But I…” His eyes flickered around like looking for a way out. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know… how to show that kind of stuff. I’m- I’m bad at affection and saying things and-“

Wooyoung laughed.

He didn’t mean to, especially when Yeosang looked slightly offended at the noise that he stifled quickly, smiling broadly up at Yeosang who looked so terrified over being bad at physical affection and saying what he felt.

That had always been Yeosang to Wooyoung.

Yeosang swallowed, looking serious. “I- I never know to show that kind of stuff. It’s hard and it’s always misinterpreted and I can’t-“ He sucked a breath in frantically. “I- I feel all this stuff, but I don’t know how to show you any of it-“ 

“Smile.”

Yeosang broke off, lips remaining parted as if Wooyoung had just slapped him, stunned.

Wooyoung’s lips quirked up, his heart full to bursting as he squeezed his hand tightly. “Can you do that?” he asked gently. “Even after we ran… I haven’t seen you smile much.”

He hoped Yeosang could see how absolutely gone Wooyoung was, because his heart was halfway down the river rapids and it was dragging his brain with it.

“Is smiling easy enough to do?” Wooyoung asked genuinely as Yeosang continued to stare.

His eyes slowly filled with tears as he gazed at Wooyoung like he was once again unreal. His lips closed as his expression pinched with tears that started flowing down his cheeks, his hand gripping Wooyoung’s tightly.

Yeosang nodded.

Fast and quick and jerky, he closed his eyes and pressed his lips together as if he were desperate for Wooyoung to understand how okay he was with this-

Wooyoung chuckled, tugging his hand forward until Yeosang half-knelt beside his bed, arms resting over Wooyoung as they were suddenly closer, warm bodies and soft clothing laid over each other.

“Hey,” he said quietly, his brain quiet from the lack of Yeosang but shooting off fireworks as he looked at Yeosang crying quietly into his chest. He lifted his chin with a finger as teary, wet eyes stared at him with bright lights behind them.

Wooyoung smiled, brushing the tears from his cheeks and feeling Yeosang lean into it.

“That’s not smiling,” he laughed quietly, brushing his hair back. “That’s the opposite of smiling.”

Yeosang looked at him, more tears racing over Wooyoung’s fingers against his cheeks.

And then he smiled.

It was wide and wet and bright and wobbly, but it was so wide, it made his eyes scrunch into little U’s that only forced more tears out-

But it was brightest, most beautiful smile that Wooyoung had ever seen, and it stole his breath for a moment as he just stared at Yeosang like he was some sort of alien.

Ethereal, more accurately.

But then Yeosang was laughing- both wet and genuine and breathless, like he couldn’t believe Wooyoung was so stupid and wonderful as his hands twisted in the shirt Wooyoung wore, grounding him. 

And Wooyoung…

Wooyoung beamed, laughing warmly as he laced his fingers through Yeosang’s hair to pull him forward until their foreheads rested togethers, smiling so hard it was beginning to hurt as Yeosang closed his eyes, still smiling as he pressed their heads together more.

Wooyoung shifted forward, feeling how Yeosang’s cheeks puffed with the smile, how his lips softened when Wooyoung’s brushed them, only a hair’s breadth apart with a smirk.

Wooyoung basked in that brightness for a moment as Yeosang melted into him.

“Perfect,” he breathed into the infinitesimal space between them.

The kiss was uncoordinated with their smiles, but Wooyoung wouldn’t trade the deepest kiss in the world for the sensation of Yeosang smiling.

Smiling because he loved him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa woke up all at once.

But not in a bad way.

He woke up without feeling groggy and achy and irritated at being awake.

He simply opened his eyes, like you might after a perfect length nap.

The ceiling was white. The lights were bright. The bed was warm. And Seonghwa was… okay. He felt empty. Almost like hunger, but not quite. And unlike other times, there was no momentary confusion for what had happened.

Seonghwa opened his eyes and sat up, looking around for Hongjoong.

The room was private, with nothing but a chair next to the door. Jongho glanced at up where he sat in it, reading off of a pad.

They stared at each other for a moment before Jongho smiled wryly. “Morning,” he said, setting the pad down. “How do you feel?”

Seonghwa blinked away the sleep and surprise, sitting up fully, rolling his shoulders. “Um… surprisingly good,” he replied, blinking hard.

A hand wandered to the back of his neck to rub out the tension there.

He felt a bandage over the base of his neck, making him seize for a moment, prodding it gently. There was no pain or sensitivity there, but there was very clearly no tech beneath it.

“I guess… everything went well,” Seonghwa said, dropping his hand because it felt weird.

Jongho nodded. “Everyone’s awake except Hongjoong,” he assured him. “They’re expecting him to stay out a couple extra days because his was a bit more intense-“

“Intense?” Seonghwa repeated, feeling not quite fear but more than apprehension fill his lungs as he tensed.

Jongho hummed, looking unconcerned and calmed, which helped Seonghwa reign in the rising heartrate. “Apparently, his implant was a big more… tangled than the rest because it was the first. It had a few useless wirings and some that were a lot closer to sensitive things than they needed to be.”

Seonghwa held his breath, gesturing for him to continue.

“It took them longer, and because they had to go deeper, it’ll take a bit longer for him to heal and wake up,” Jongho explained. “But, they say his life and everything aren’t in any danger and that it went even better than they expected. Everything was taken care of safely.”

Seonghwa breathed out, a weight leaving his shoulders despite continuing to reside in his chest.

Everyone… was okay. And even if Seonghwa could feel a suddenly lightness in the back of his mind that usually contained a weighed presence… it was okay.

Because they would be safe now.

Hongjoong would be safe.

“Can I see him?” Seonghwa asked, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed-

Jongho stood swiftly, placing a hand on his shoulder stubbornly with a stern look. “Uh, not yet,” he said firmly. “The nurse will be by in a few minutes to check you over and make sure everything is still good. You can see him after that.”

Seonghwa damn near whined at him, but he swallowed it and his disappointment, nodding with a sigh and sitting back on the bed.

Jongho resumed his seat as Seonghwa occupied himself with picking at his nails.

“So… everyone else is awake?” he questioned casually, the other nodding. “What have you guys been doing?”

“Talking, mostly,” he murmured, shrugging. “San and Yunho have had several competitions for push ups and it’s pissing off the nurses-“

Seonghwa snorted into his hand.

“And Mingi and I were talking about our home planets,” Jongho went on, staring at his fingers that fiddled with each other. “He told me about his family… how much he missed them…” His eyes were heavy, but his shoulders, light. “He actually asked if I wanted to go meet them once… all of this settles down.”

Seonghwa’s eyebrows popped up, blinking. “Seriously?” he questioned as Jongho nodded.

He smiled quietly, subtle but showing an air of excitement. “Apparently he thinks they would love me. His mom always said he needed a friend who was more mature to help him survive.”

Seonghwa smiled, a warm feeling in his chest. “Is he planning on explaining everything?”

Jongho hesitated, shrugging. “We’re still thinking it over. Based on what Eden’s done… it may be best to just keep it a secret. At least for now-“

“What is Eden doing?” Seonghwa broke in unintentionally, sorry for interrupting, but a brief flight of panic through his veins. “Why can’t we talk about it?”

Jongho lifted a calming hand, still seeming unalarmed. “He’s been talking with Patrol about Dr. Kim and his ship. His body was recovered and everything was handed over to the authorities. However… it’s hard to prove what exactly was going on. Patrol already thought Dr. Kim was cracking- and along with Eden’s recording of his transmission, we’re all being let off the hook.”

“But?” he prompted gently, leaning forward with tense eyes.

Jongho sighed. “But… because the whole ordeal is a mess and it’s hard to prove anything, Patrol requested that we just have all charges dropped since Dr. Kim and most of his immediate associates were killed. They promised to survey the Aurora and shut down Project Ateez because of the controversy… but it’ll still be hard to prove exactly what they did to us or our unwillingness in it.”

“But that’s not justice for anyone!” Seonghwa snapped, straightening with his fists clenching in outrage. “They’re just sweeping it under the rug after  _ we _ had to take everything into our own hands!”

“I know,” Jongho said calmly, eyes regretful but stern. “But the alternative is possibly entering into a battle that could take months or longer and still come up with nothing concrete,” he warned. “Yunho and I agreed with Eden on this… In the same way we want to keep the others from becoming experiments… we want them to be able to forget. Who knows what an investigation might require of them in the form of tests and scans.”

Seonghwa hated that he was… maybe right.

The thought of Hongjoong having to be poked and prodded and interrogated about what happened… of any of them needing to undergo any evaluations or experiments…

Maybe… Maybe it was best to cut their losses.

Just take them away to somewhere safe.

“Would you stay with Mingi there?” Seonghwa questioned slowly, glancing at Jongho. “Now that Ateez and the Aurora are out of the question?”

Jongho’s lips thinned in indecisive worry as he ducked his head. “Dunno,” he replied quietly. “I could go home… Part of me wants to stay in space… but I want to figure that out after things are cleared up and I get to see Mingi’s planet. Maybe we’ll take a trip to mine so I can have him meet my parents and everything. It might be a fun vacation.”

The hopeful smile he gave Seonghwa was enough to make some of the anger drain from his chest.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, leaning back on the pillows. He let his shoulders relax a bit, even if his mind was far from peaceful. “Maybe… a vacation is what we need.”

~~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa passed by Wooyoung’s room, prepared to ask if he wanted to join them on a trip to the cafeteria.

He froze in the doorway, one hand curled around the door and his mouth open to ask before he shut it quickly.

Wooyoung lay beneath the blankets of his private room that they continued staying in to remain under observation for a few more days.

Beside him, on top of the blankets and with his shoes still on, was Yeosang curled up against his back.

The bed was hardly big enough for both of them, their legs overlapping and their bodies pressed together with the blankets between them in such a way that made it seem like Yeosang hadn’t meant to fall asleep there.

Perhaps they had been laying together and talking, with Yeosang intending to eventually return to his own room.

But they slept with arms around each other… and Seonghwa smiled quietly, his heart heavy with genuine happiness for the both of them.

With a quiet sigh, he entered, tugging off Yeosang’s shoes and grabbed the blanket, tugging it out from under him and lifting it over him.

Yeosang jerked awake quietly, looking around blearily-

“Shh,” Seonghwa soothed, laying the blanket over him and tucking it. “Keep spooning your boyfriend and go to sleep,” he whispered.

Whether he was just that out of it or just that tired, Yeosang nodded with his eyes already dropping shut and his head falling onto the pillow. Without the blanket in the way, he shifted forward in his sleep, curling around Wooyoung like a puzzle piece designed to fit.

One of Wooyoung’s hands curled around Yeosang’s that fell over him, landing near his chest.

Seonghwa could have thrown up at how cute a sight it was (and that was saying a lot considering one of the participants was Wooyoung). But he watched them snuggle a bit closer now that their barrier was gone.

As he turned to leave, Wooyoung rolled over- maybe awake, but his eyes remained closed- as he turned in Yeosang’s arms until he was nestled against his chest with his own arms sliding around him.

Pancaked together… Seonghwa rolled his eyes with a smile as he left the two of them to nap, heading down to the cafeteria on his own. 

~~~~~~~~~

“You know, it’s a little creepy when you don’t blink.”

Seonghwa glanced up from where he sat beside Hongjoong’s bed, fingers laced beneath his chin.

Wooyoung stood in the doorway, hip cocked out and a gentle smirk on his lips.

Seonghwa glanced from his rumpled t-shirt to his slightly-too-pink lips.

“Bold words form a man who looks like he just got finished sucking face,” Seonghwa replied, ignoring Wooyoung’s gasp of offense. “I hope you’re using protection.”

“You’re gross.”

“For wanting you to be safe?” Seonghwa questioned, eyebrow cocked as he glanced expectantly over his shoulder.

Wooyoung made a disgusted face. “No, for suggesting that when Yeosang can barely stand to kiss for longer than three seconds before he gets too embarrassed to go on.”

“Does Yeosang know you kiss and tell?”

Wooyoung stuck his tongue out petulantly, uncrossing his arms. “You’re mean. I’m just here to show support and remind my hyung to eat instead of creepily staring at an unconscious man.”

“Yeosang did the same thing to you,” he reminded him pointedly.

“Yeah, and we had already established a relationship at that point,” Wooyoung huffed defensively. “And it isn’t creepy when Yeosang does it. It’s sweet.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help but smirk with a muted laugh. “Okay, yeah, sure,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Just go back to your three second face sucking.”

“I will,” Wooyoung assured him smugly, grinning as he stepped closer. “As soon as I know that you’ve eaten in the past twelve hours.” He cocked a hip, eyebrows raised expectantly and accusingly. 

Seonghwa shoved his face away with a quiet smile that he tried to hide. “I ate a couple of hours ago,” he said as Wooyoung caught himself flamboyantly. “Stop worrying and go back to cuddling your boyfriend.”

“Ugh, fine,” Wooyoung sighed, rolling his eyes.

Seonghwa waited for the sound of him leaving. But when he glanced back… Wooyoung was staring off, eyes distant and expression a bit more contemplative.

“Earth to Wooyoung?” Seonghwa asked, turning in his chair with a bit of concern when Wooyoung blinked back into focus. “You good?” he asked gently. “Is it the surgery?”

Wooyoung shook his head- both as an answer and to clear it with a slight cough.

“No,” he said firmly, shrugging. “I just… I keep thinking about… the fact that Yeosang is like… my boyfriend,” he said, arms crossed tightly over his chest with an almost confused expression. “And that’s… wild. Because I don’t… have to worry about home anymore, you know?”

He glanced up with a genuine, open expression.

“Like, I dated guys back home, but it was never very serious, and I was terrified the whole time of what my parents were gonna do it they found out… or what the guy would do when he found out how shit my parents were…” He pressed his lips together loosely.

Seonghwa winced in empathy.

He’d never even been brave enough to date any boys. Or… rather, he’d thought if he didn’t date anyone, then maybe he’d forget what he was. Maybe that would fix something.

It didn’t.

“And I’m realizing… that I’m actually free now,” Wooyoung said quietly. “Like… Yeosang isn’t just here to spite my parents, he’d not some act of defiance…” He laughed a little breathlessly. “For the first time in my life… I genuine don’t give a shit about them. I feel like… I’m actually leaving them behind. And I’m just… doing this for me. Because I want to.”

When he looked up at him, Wooyoung’s eyes were shimmering with the sort of happiness that Seonghwa had never seen before.

“Does that make sense?” he questioned hesitantly.

Seonghwa… Seonghwa smiled. Warm and genuine and thankful.

“It makes perfect sense,” he said gently. “I’m happy for you, Wooyoung. Both of you.”

Wooyoung’s smile grew impossibly wide as he tensed up, like he was about to start bouncing on the balls of his feet like a child. “Thanks, hyung.”

“Because Lord knows only the two of you can control each other.”

Wooyoung grinned, clicking his tongue as he threw up finger guns, beginning to walk backwards. “It… It feels good, hyung,” he said honestly as he reached the door.

Seonghwa merely rolled his eyes good naturedly. “Go be disgusting somewhere else,” he ordered, waving him off. “And leave me to stare creepily.”

Wooyoung made a mocking, high pitched imitation of Seonghwa’s voice speaking in nonsense before stepping out. “He’ll wake up just fine, hyung,” Wooyoung assured him with a wave. “Don’t give yourself anymore grey hairs.”

“Any  _ more _ ?” Seonghwa demanded, whipping around, but Wooyoung was already gone with a cackle.

He glared, muttering in annoyance under his breath as he ran a hand through his hair gingerly-

“I think… white would look good on you.”

Seonghwa did not mean to scream.

Or jump.

Or fall out of the chair.

But he did.

(Half of him fell out of the chair. The other half, including his left arm and leg, remained firmly touching the chair at all times.)

He popped back up fast enough to make his head spin as he stared down at Hongjoong with wild eyes-

Hongjoong smiled back at him sleepily, eyes tired but content. There was a coherency there, as if he could wake up more if he wanted to, but couldn’t be bothered.

Seonghwa shoved the chair closer to the bed, eyes wide before he calmed them, swallowing the shock as he took Hongjoong’s hand resting on the blankets, instinctively.

“Do you feel okay?” he asked, scanning him up and down despite nothing having changed in the last thirty seconds.

Hongjoong chuckled, nodding slowly. “Yeah… I feel good,” he murmured, squeezing Seonghwa’s hand with enough strength to be a relief.

Seonghwa swallowed the dryness in his mouth. “How… How long were you awake?” he demanded quietly, frowning.

Hongjoong laughed again, looking unregretful. “Since Wooyoung started spilling his heart,” he said quietly. “I thought it would be… rude to interrupt.”

“I was getting worried,” he confessed weakly, smiling unsteadily. “You were asleep three days longer than me… Apparently, your brain wasn’t as neat and pretty as the rest of ours.”

The joke was a shot in the dark, but relief swept through him as Hongjoong chuckled quietly, squeezing his hand.

“Sorry about that,” he murmured, scanning Seonghwa’s face slowly.

His smile didn’t fade. But he locked eyes with Seonghwa.

“I can’t feel you,” he whispered, as if it was a fascinating thing. “At all… not even a tingle.” He smiled a bit wider. “It feels really empty without you.”

Seonghwa smiled back, determined not to cling to the past and what-ifs. “It feels like someone took away a counterweight,” he murmured. “I feel all off balance.”

Hongjoong nodded, staring at Seonghwa with what looked like stars in his eyes.

(Seonghwa doubled checked that it wasn’t tears, and it wasn’t. Just stars.) 

“I don’t regret it, though,” Hongjoong assured him, warm and firm. He looked tiny in the white bed, but his presence was strong. “I’ll never regret it.”

Seonghwa… His smile came a little easier at the reassurance.

“I won’t regret anything that keeps you safe,” Seonghwa confessed quietly, rubbing a thumb across the back of Hongjoong’s hand.

Hongjoong glanced down at the touch, but looked back up at Seonghwa swiftly, content and… still with those stars.

“I… saw my father,” he whispered. “In my head.”

Seonghwa was not expecting those to be the next words out of his mouth. But he swallowed the part of him that wanted to vomit at the thought, and inclined his head in understanding.

“You… You dreamed about him?”

He frowned when Hongjoong shook his head calmly. “He was there. Like a projection, inside my subconscious. He had the equipment to do that… He projected his consciousness into mine.”

Seonghwa was quiet for a moment, watching every shift and twitch from Hongjoong, absorbing them intently. “That… sounds extremely violating,” he murmured, stroking Hongjoong’s hand comfortingly. “He… He’s dead now, Hongjoong,” he whispered carefully, eyes like a hawk on Hongjoong’s. “Eden took care of him-“

“I know.”

Seonghwa blinked. “You know?”

Hongjoong nodded slowly. “At least… I suspected. I could… hear, after a while, some of the things that were going on.”

He frowned, expression pinching, and Seonghwa almost told him they could talk about when he hadn’t just woke up, but Hongjoong plowed on. He told Seonghwa everything.

How he wanted the others to go back, to bring the implants so he wouldn’t lose the research. Using the rest of them as leverage for if they didn’t… How Hongjoong cried and wished he could just leave all this behind, how he bargained for just himself, to leave the others out of it-

“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa breathed, eyes widening as they stung as Hongjoong’s own eyes turned misty. “Hongjoong, you wouldn’t have-“

“I would have,” He whispered hoarsely, staring at their joined hands intently. “If he’d accepted it, I would have gone- I could stand the thought of anyone getting hurt-“

“And you think you going back is any better?” Seonghwa said sharply, heart pinching painfully-

“But… I never got the chance. Things start rumbling and exploding and I heard Eden’s voice yelling…” Hongjoong looked up from their hands, eyes shimmering. “And I heard you.”

“Me?” Seonghwa questioned, anger diluting for a moment as Hongjoong smiled painfully.

“I heard you… you were comforting me.”

Seonghwa’s face heated, but he didn’t dare look away as Hongjoong squeezing his hand.

“I heard your heartbeat,” he whispered. “And it… it felt like you were right there, and I… I remembered… how much you meant to me… And I realized… that the implants were weak compared to human emotions, if you felt them strong enough.”

A tear slipped down his cheek.

“And what I felt for you was plenty strong enough, Seonghwa.” 

Seonghwa’s mouth was open, a hundred words stuck on the edge but never falling as he stared at Hongjoong. “That’s why you woke up?” he asked numbly.

Hongjoong nodded. “You asked me to,” he whispered. “You were right there… and I didn’t want to be alone again. I didn’t want to… to make you worry-“

“Seriously?” Seonghwa couldn’t help but laugh breathlessly. “You were being tortured inside your own subconscious, and you were worried about me-“

“Yes,” Hongjoong breathed, tone as somber and serious as his eyes that bored into Seonghwa. “I… wanted to go back to you. So I had to wake up.”

Seonghwa swallowed around the stone in his throat was slowly turning sharp as a knife. “I don’t know if that’s insane or impressive.”

“Call it both,” Hongjoong whispered, smiling weakly. “It wasn’t… pleasant.” His smile wavered for a moment, threatening to fall as his eyes glimmered with moisture. “Can… Can I have a hug?” he whispered shakily, lifting his arms slightly in question-

Seonghwa stood before he’d even moved, stepping over Hongjoong and laying down as Hongjoong half sat up to meet him, arms wrapping around Seonghwa tightly, burying his face in his neck as Seonghwa held him tightly, despite the hovering position.

Hongjoong was warm, like a freshly napped body, and he breathed Seonghwa in like a comforting blanket.

“Thank you,” Hongjoong whispered, fingertips digging into Seonghwa’s back shakily.

“For what?” Seonghwa questioned, rubbing his back gently, staring over his shoulder. “Waking you up?”

“Yeah,” Hongjoong breathed, swallowing. “For… For giving something to care about. For giving someone that I could rely on… even when my own family turned away. For never… never letting me doubt how much you cared… Not for a single  _ second, _ Seonghwa,” he hissed weakly. 

Seonghwa’s heart clenched as he held him that much tighter, his eyes shutting tight.

There was a blank space in his head where Hongjoong’s presence used to be. But Seonghwa was full to the brim with something warm and sticky and sweet, knowing that Hongjoong understood, even if Seonghwa hadn’t been able to articulate it.

Hongjoong always knew. And that was a comfort more than anything else.

Hongjoong laughed wetly in Seonghwa’s shoulder as Seonghwa finally sat on the edge of the bed, both of them staying wrapped up in each other. “I… I can’t see anything about you in my head,” he whispered. “I could see a little before… but now I haven’t a single clue what you’re feeling or thinking…”

Seonghwa wet his lips. “It’ll become normal-“

“Part of me is relieved about that,” Hongjoong confessed in a whisper.

He frowned gently, continuing to rub circles above his shoulder blades. “Why?” he murmured curiously. “Quieter?”

“No,” Hongjoong murmured, chin resting on Seonghwa’s shoulder. “It… means that I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling. So I feel less afraid about asking.”

He frowned deeper, a pinprick of concern in his chest. “Asking what? Why were you afraid before?”

He chuckled into Seonghwa’s neck, tugging him closer, arms shaking a bit, but Seonghwa could feel him smiling shakily. “I knew exactly how you felt about me before… and I knew that it was all… pure and caring and… and everything you could see a friend as.”

Seonghwa braced himself, though the oncoming storm wasn’t intimidating as Hongjoong swallowed.

“When will you stop being afraid?” Hongjoong whispered hoarsely.

Somehow… even without Hongjoong in his head, the question didn’t take Seonghwa off guard, though it did make him stiffen ever so slightly, his grip tightening on Hongjoong like holding him might ward off the question.

After Yeosang and Wooyoung… part of him was maybe waiting for it, even if he refused to let it cross his mind.

“Afraid of what?” he whispered back, throat thick and eyes open. 

Hongjoong didn’t laugh. He merely rubbed his eyes against Seonghwa’s shirt, tilting his head so that his breath tickled Seonghwa’s neck gently as he spoke quietly, comfortingly…

Knowingly.

“You’re scared to be alone,” Hongjoong murmured, rubbing his own comfort up and down Seonghwa’s spine. “Ever since you were a child… you were terrified of putting yourself out and then being rejected. You’d had it done too many times. Your family made you afraid of what people would think of you.”

It… ached a bit, to hear it spoken out loud, even if Seonghwa didn’t dispute it. It was true.

A family that ignored him at best and rejected him at worse, stiff and disapproving… looking at him like he was nothing but a disappointment.

Friends who slowly distanced themselves… right alongside the friends who wrinkled their noses and backed away, like it was something contagious.

Ignorant by-standers who didn’t know who or what he was, asking why he always sat alone, asking if he wanted company, inviting him to sit with them… Maybe it was Seonghwa’s fault for being so afraid, but he always rejected them.

The inevitable sting was never worth the few months of acceptance in the form of ignorance.

“You’re scared of being yourself,” Hongjoong whispered knowingly, having already seen it all. “You thought that if you lied to yourself, you could fix it all. And it didn’t work.”

No… No, it didn’t. All it did was make him even more terrified of being discovered, even as he lied to himself.

“And even… even now, when you’ve accepted yourself,” Hongjoong said, voice pinched in regret and pity. “Even knowing you’re safe, accepted, and loved… You’re still waiting for it all the fall apart if you dare to ask for more.”

Seonghwa stiffened, the sensation similar to if Hongjoong had shoved a fist into his chest.

That… That part had never been brought up before.

Seonghwa accepted who he was, he knew it was loved here… He had so many people that he never thought he would ever have…

To ask for more… To challenge that acceptance by shoving it in their faces… by giving them physical proof, rather than a statement of identification…

Maybe… Maybe Seonghwa hadn’t trusted them as much as he claimed.

No. No, he trusted that even if he did ask for more, even if he brought his sexuality before their very eyes… he knew he would always be accepted.

But fear was rarely so rational. Especially when it was a fear that loved to hide things away and call them “not problems.”

Call them “nonexistent.” They existed. Out of sight, out of mind was not a great motto when someone was inside your head. 

Hongjoong smiled against his neck gently, body relaxed as if he were content. “I was inside your head, Seonghwa,” he whispered as a reminder. “And maybe I’m not anymore… but I still remember the first moment you realized you loved me.”

Seonghwa almost jerked away, but all he managed was a twitch as Hongjoong continued rubbing his back like a anesthetic, soothing away the pain as soon as it crept up.

Seonghwa couldn’t bring himself to breathe, however, staring in horror over Hongjoong’s shoulder.

He’d never loved Hong-

That was a lie. Hongjoong was maybe the first person he loved. What type of love it had been may have always been ambiguous. Seonghwa hadn’t much practice in either department…

He knew that he cared for Hongjoong more than he had ever cared for another human being, ever.

He knew that Hongjoong was a safe haven and someone he wanted to create a safe haven for, all at once. Hongjoong was everything to him and everything he needed.

Hongjoong was his companion, his friend, his aid… ever since the beginning. The first person to know him inside and out…

Was it possible to not be a little in love with someone like that?

But hearing it… hearing Hongjoong say that he always knew, when Seonghwa himself had hidden among the vines of friendship…

It was like being caught with your hand in a cookie jar with no recollection of how you got there.

“It scared you so bad,” Hongjoong whispered, thick and heavy and regretful. “You buried it deep, deep down without ever letting yourself realize… and I kept waiting, even as an AI, for you to be brave enough to realize it… ” He pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry… that I was too afraid to say anything, earlier. I’m sorry you always felt like you had a live a lie, even when you knew you were safe.”

He sniffed, a bit of wet hitting Seonghwa’s skin.

“I’m sorry that love was so terrifying for you,” Hongjoong cried quietly, voice breathy and weak as he squeezed Seonghwa gently. 

Seonghwa could only stare, stunned and mind running a million miles an hour, trying to realize and process and cope… Wresting with the fact that maybe… maybe it had always been there.

Hongjoong had always been someone too special.

Maybe… maybe it was inevitable.

He thought about all the things he and Hongjoong had confessed… their desires and wishes and promises… all revolving about keeping each other safe, seeing them happy, letting them be free…

What about that wasn’t love?

What was terrifying about love? Being left behind, right? Hadn’t Hongjoong proved that there was… quite literally nothing that they would let keep them apart.

Hongjoong had fought for Seonghwa so hard… for so long… knowing everything, but keeping quite for Seonghwa’s sake… 

“Do you?” Seonghwa whispered hoarsely, voice a little fragile as he spoke to the air over his shoulder. “Love me…that is?”

As soon as the words left, that fear seized his heart.

Maybe, unconsciously… Seonghwa had always loved Hongjoong. But Hongjoong had never said anything, keeping it like a secret-

But Hongjoong thought about it for a moment before nodded. “Yeah,” he murmured, voice turning warm and… and happy. “I think I loved you from the moment you dreamed that you were changing the world.”

Seonghwa blinked, heart beginning expand in his chest, building pressure behind his eyes as he held Hongjoong that much tighter.

“Or maybe it was when I woke up and realized you were real,” Hongjoong mused, as if it wasn’t particularly important to know the exact moment. “Maybe it was the moment I realized you were just as caring and…  _ sturdy _ and open in real life as you had been as my human.”

He was smiling. Seonghwa could feel him smiling.

“Maybe… it was when I realized… just how much you still cared. How you cared even more. And how… mesmerizing every single part of you was.”

Seonghwa felt a hot tear run down his cheek, wiping them on Hongjoong’s shoulder roughly as Hongjoong laughed shakily.

“I think I loved you as soon as I realized how many parts of you there were to love,” he whispered, voice shaking with laughter. He swallowed, taking an unsteady breath. “I’d really like to be able to kiss you, Seonghwa,” he breathed.

Seonghwa hugged him tighter as more tears fell from both of them.

The heaviness in his heart… suddenly turned to helium, making him feel like he might float off as he practically crushed Hongjoong against his chest, nose buried in his neck as Hongjoong clung to him with fingers curled in his shirt tightly, as if he was just as reluctant to let go-

Seonghwa hugged him, trying to push all of the emotions rushing through him into the pressure that he crushed Hongjoong in, eyes shut painfully tight.

Hongjoong smelled of recycled clothing and antiseptic.

“Can I?” Hongjoong breathed against Seonghwa’s ear gently, fingers curled. “Can I finally fucking kiss you, Seonghwa?” he whispered.

Seonghwa… was never brave enough to love someone. Not like this. Not in the way that you gave them everything and took their everything in an exchange, and you cared for their everything as you trusted them to care for yours.

At least… he’d thought he’d been too afraid of it. But it was a love he’d been giving Hongjoong for years.

Seonghwa pulled away, hands falling to Hongjoong’s biceps gently as they pulled apart enough for their teary eyes to meet.

Hongjoong was smiling like this was the best day of his life.

Seonghwa wasn’t sure what he looked like, but it was surely a wreck.

There was no implant to tell their thoughts. But they moved as one anyway at warm lips crashed together as they both clung to each other like there was something waiting to tear them apart.

Seonghwa had never kissed anyone before.

But he didn’t particularly care about technique as Hongjoong moaned against his lips, hands threading through Seonghwa’s hair and tugging him closer, as if their tight proximity was still too far.

Hongjoong’s head tilted back as Seonghwa’s tipped forward, deepening the kiss as he held Hongjoong’s thin bicep with one hand as the other cupped a thin jawline, guiding them closer with each brief, gasping pause for breath.

Seonghwa had never kissed anyone before.

And he didn’t think he’d ever kiss anyone else, ever again.

Hongjoong’s hands were a bit desperate, as if he thought Seonghwa was going to walk away, and Seonghwa held him firmly, trying to silently convey that that was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

Hongjoong’s fingertips brushed over the bandage at the back of his neck, his body stilling and their lips parting briefly as their heads rested together, breathing heavily as Hongjoong stared at him with a million emotions.

“The implant… is worthless, compared to you,” he breathed against Seonghwa’s lips desperately. “I’m sorry that it took me so long to see that.”

Seonghwa shook his head, sliding his hand up Hongjoong’s jaw until he cupped his cheek gingerly, watching Hongjoong lean into it, eyes closing gently, like he could fall asleep like that.

“It was a part of what we built together,” Seonghwa reminded him. “But we let it go, eventually. All of us were hesitant. But we all knew that we were worth more than any tech could ever.”

Hongjoong opened his eyes that were flooded with tears that spilled over, but his eyes shone with sunlight. “I would go through those years of torture, over and over, as long as it meant I got to meet you,” he whispered, pressing closer, his forehead dropped to Seonghwa’s shoulder.

Seonghwa swallowed, holding him close until their chests pressed together, their hearts beating as one.

“And I’d still throw everything away… if it meant keeping you safe,” he murmured into Hongjoong’s hair, pressing a kiss there. “I’d still run and protect you… from everything.”

Hongjoong had been the person who saved Seonghwa from a life he was convinced was inevitable.

Seonghwa had been the person who saved Hongjoong from a prison he wasn’t strong enough to break out of on his own.

And they would spend the rest of their lives moving forward from those pasts.

Hongjoong’s head lifted, kissing Seonghwa deeply, tongue teasing as Seonghwa’s lips parted, his hand lifting to support the back of Hongjoong’s head, warmth shooting through him as Hongjoong sighed against his lips, as if he were content.

Seonghwa kissed him, feeling like a shot of pure… trust and beauty and safety had been injected into his veins.

And suddenly… love seemed like second nature.

Or maybe it was just loving Hongjoong that came so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes up for last chapter (>~<)  
> But hopefully you enjoyed it!! The epilogue will be coming, but I’m not sure how long it will be!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and enjoying!! Please let me know what you think, lovelies!!!  
> Stay safe!!  
> -SS


	8. What Makes A Future Worth Running To?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!!! 
> 
> This was truly so much fun to write- thank you so endlessly to everyone who gave this love!!!  
> I’m so sorry to end it, and I’m not super satisfied, but I hope you all enjoy it regardless! 
> 
> This was an amazing journey, and I can’t thank you all enough for all the support you’ve given! It means so much!! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, lovelies! I hope you’re safe and healthy!  
> -SS

Life moves on, but sometimes it’s slow enough for us to catch up. 

By the third day after everyone had woken up, they were all recovered, bandages removed, and sitting in a conference room with the head of the table empty as they waited for Eden.

Seonghwa kept laying a hand over the sensitively regrown skin over the back of his neck, feeling the ache there like a comforting reminder of soft skin where metal used to protrude. 

He realized he was pressing a bit too hard, removing his hand and straightening slightly.

At his side, Hongjoong sat and leaned his elbows on the table, talking across the way with Yunho who was regaling them about the incident yesterday where a nurse hit him and San for trying to lift Jongho like a barbell.

(Stars help these poor nurses that had to deal with their antsy asses that couldn’t sit still for three minutes straight.) 

Next to them, Yeosang was half asleep on his arms that were folded beneath his head and Wooyoung was smiling at him, probably intending to be annoying, but his eyes were too fond for him to seem anything but whipped as he massaged the back of Yeosang’s neck, teasing and calling him old for being sleepy so early in the morning.

Mingi and San were arm wrestling, and Jongho was waiting to play who would win.

Seonghwa was mostly watching Hongjoong, how he leaned on his palm, nodding along and grinning as Yunho showed him the bruise from where Jongho hit him after he dropped him. 

Hongjoong seemed… peaceful. Content, as he laughed along with Yunho.

And really, that was all Seonghwa wanted, especially given their circumstances.

All of them were at a terrifying, alarming part of their lives where they were leaving a past behind but still carrying the weight of it with them. And then there was a question of….

Well, what now?

Hence, the meeting with Eden.

Wooyoung was now also leaning on Yeosang’s arm, talking quietly. San was now asking people if they wanted to eat breakfast after all this. 

They were all just sitting… and talking. 

Seonghwa sat in silence, marveling for a moment at how… normal the scene was. As if three days ago, they weren’t in surgeries to remove an implant from a psychopath in an attempt to keep themselves from being targeted by other psychopaths.

And here they were… sitting at a table and chatting about what they had been up to. Sharing stories, sleeping, playing, talking… Part of Seonghwa felt offended. Part of him wanted the closure of still carrying that fear and weight of the past more prominently. Part of him wanted solemnity and dreariness, despite wanting none of these people to ever have to experience that ever again.

This sort of peace… he couldn’t suddenly wrap his mind around it. Their escape had only lasted a few days, at most, but Seonghwa suddenly couldn’t think of being able to move on from it so quickly. 

The door hissed open. 

All of them fell silent as Eden stepped in, nodding to all of them comfortingly, making some of them relax as he stood at the head of the table.

“I won’t try and scare you with formality and suspense,” Eden said, taking a seat and glancing around at them all, eyes carefully roaming over them, taking note of any signs of something wrong.

Kids, Eden had called them. 

And even if Seonghwa instinctively rejected the term, Eden had a way of making you feel that way- not in an condescending way, but in the way that he just seemed to have a handle on everything that you didn’t.

And Seonghwa was okay with that. They owed everything to Eden. 

“So, we’ll start immediately,” he said, folding his hands in front of himself, leaning forward, looking slightly tired after being in the command room all day before meeting with them.

Wooyoung nudged Yeosang until he sat up, rubbing at his eyes and shoving back his hair that fell in his face.

Hongjoong glanced at Seonghwa, worried, but with a confident smile as he linked their hands beneath the table, turning to Eden as he clung to Seonghwa. He squeezed Hongjoong’s hand gently, nodding to himself in comfort.

Things were okay, he reminded himself, Hongjoong’s hand warm against his. 

“All of you have consented to dropping the charges, and have agreed against creating an extensive investigation after Dr. Kim, correct?” Eden glanced around, eyebrow raised to see if anyone would withdraw that. 

But they all nodded without hesitation. 

After hearing from Eden and what he’d spoken about with Patrol, trying to publicly expose Dr. Kim would only keep them all caught in this mess for a long time. And all it would end with is a dead man getting a useless legal slap on the wrist.

His associates were being looked into and the Ateez Program was being dispelled. Their implants were removed, and as far as the law was concerned, their names never show up in the history books.

Seonghwa had sat on Hongjoong’s bed in the middle of the night, both of them crossing their legs and staring off solemnly as Hongjoong warred with the bitter part of himself that wanted everything his father worked for to be torn down, disgraced, and burned.

And then the part of himself that never wanted to think about what had happened to them ever again. In the end, this part of him won. 

The desire to leave it behind outweighed the flickering flame of anger that came and went with the day and night. 

He’d looked up at Seonghwa, smiling genuinely, if a bit tightly, as he gripped Seonghwa’s hand, lacing their fingers so their palms lined up warmly. “I just want to forget… and stay with you,” he had whispered, nodding sternly. “He’s gone… So I just want to be able to be happy with you and the others, now. He’s taken enough of my life away.”

He smiled when he said it. 

Sometimes… moving forward was the greatest revenge. 

Seonghwa followed whatever Hongjoong wanted. And the others agreed without any sort of fight, as well.

“Because of this, you’re now all free from this mess,” Eden assured them, spreading his hands. “The doctors have declared you healed and fit for any kind of duty, and all of you are officially considered properly nourished, hydrated, and healthy.” He smiled warmly, looking glad.

One thing that had taken Seonghwa off guard… was how much Eden cared about all of them. Not just Hongjoong. Seonghwa didn’t know if Hongjoong had told Eden about them, or if he was just the kind of person to adopt whoever was needed… but the smiles and pats he gave all of them… were welcome and a comfort.

“So,” Eden said gently, shrugging openly, “there’s… not much left for you all to do.” He placed his palms against the table. “This meeting is to discuss and figure out what step you all want to take next.”

Even though Seonghwa knew… he still felt a blip of panic in his chest.

What came after this? He ran from his home to a better place, but that place was gone, too, now.

He supposed… he could go home. Stay there until he gathered enough money to move somewhere else. Maybe he could just join the space marines… just become a regular pilot, rather than an elite special ops.

He glanced over, seeing Hongjoong nodding along to Eden.

But… what about Hongjoong? 

The two of them had talked about wanting to stick together, but there was even less of a home available for Hongjoong than there was for Seonghwa. 

They’d decided on that same night, curled up in bed, that they didn’t want to say goodbye. Neither of them had a place to return to, so they were all they had. 

For a moment, Seonghwa thought about offering his home to Hongjoong.

But Lord knows the hell they would go through there. Part of Seonghwa wanted to say fuck it and force his family to suffer… but he didn’t want to put Hongjoong through that.

Maybe if they sold the old cruiser, they could all split the money among those who needed it?

“You are all free to go wherever you want,” he assured them graciously. “ _ Horizon _ will take you wherever that is, no matter how far. If you want to go home, another planet, a base somewhere- just let me know, and I’ll get you there and set up with some credits to keep you going.”

Seonghwa looked up, eyes widening as his heart skipped.

Eden had mentioned dropping them off wherever they wanted to go, but… he’d never mentioned giving them money. Seonghwa didn’t doubt that it wouldn’t be a lot, but enough to make a start with.

He chewed his lip as everyone watched Eden, waiting for him to finish, Wooyoung and Yeosang’s hands intertwined with Wooyoung’s thumb rubbing circles on the back of Yeosang’s hand. 

“However… I understand that most of you were here to escape certain kinds of lives,” Eden went on slowly, choosing his words carefully and his expression intentionally open and understanding. “And I don’t think I can give enough to you to completely restart your lives over.”

Seonghwa’s heart had time to dip, squeezing Hongjoong’s hand before Eden shrugged.

“I’m sorry I’m not able to do more for you, but the only other option I can offer is to let you stay aboard the  _ Horizon _ .” His expression pinched apologetically, but Seonghwa was suddenly light headed with relief.

Stay… here?

“You all were trained insanely well, especially for your ages,” Eden explained, spreading his hands openly. “I know that having you on board wouldn’t be a burden, but if any of you are sick and tired of space, I wouldn’t be surprised. I can help you guys contact and get to whoever or wherever you need,” he assured them. “But the only other place I have to offer is here.”

That was…

Holy shit, that was more than Seonghwa had ever fucking imagined. He’d been prepared for another four years of going back into hell until he could move out on his own.

His excitement, however… dwindled a bit as he glanced at Hongjoong who continued to watch Eden, not showing disappointment or joy or anything else. As if he were thinking over something very hard.

But Seonghwa… Seonghwa knew that he wanted to follow Hongjoong. 

If Hongjoong didn’t want to stay in space, if he wanted to leave Eden behind as a piece of his past, if he wanted to move to a small place in the middle of nowhere that they would only be able to afford by going into some deep debt…

Fuck it, Seonghwa had gone through worse than inflation and interest rates. So had Hongjoong. 

“You all have time to think about your options,” Eden assured them. “As long as you need. I’ll take any questions you have about where you’re going, or about staying here.” He stood, smiling gently. “I’ll let you all talk and sleep on it. Come find me anytime when you decide your answers.”

“Thank you,” Hongjoong murmured, voice heavy as the others all echoed the gratefulness. Truly, Seonghwa could have cried at the opportunities open to him.

But he immediately glanced at Hongjoong who faced forward as Eden left with a pleasant wave, staring at the table, like he was conflicted.

“Mingi and I,” Jongho said quietly, glancing around at everyone before eyeing Mingi to confirm his statement, “were planning on going to his home planet. He wanted to show me around… and then I sort of wanted to be able to show him mine.”

Mingi nodded when Jongho glanced at him. “It’s not… wanting to run away from space or anything,” he assured them quickly. “I’d like to come back up here one day. But… I miss my family. And… well, I’d like them to meet Jongho because he was the first friend I ever made, even if it… was unconventional.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to us,” Hongjoong said gently, and when Seonghwa glanced over, his eyes were soft and happy. “We got out of there, and we’re free now. You can go wherever you want. You don’t have to stay with us or in space.”

Seonghwa nodded quickly, glancing between the two. “I think it’s really amazing for you guys to see each other’s families,” he encouraged, smiling when Jongho looked relieved.

“Um.”

They all glanced at San, who sat straight but fiddled with his fingers nervously.

“Actually, Yunho was telling me about how he wanted to see his family and talk about all the crazy shit, since he hadn’t seen them since…” San glanced at Yunho who nodded with a bright smile, making San brighten a bit. “And he, uh… he invited me to stay with him for a while, since… I didn’t really want to have to go back home.”

“You can stay as long as you want,” Yunho reinforced, grinning brightly. “You’ll love it there, there’s so much stuff to do in the city.” He gestured over his shoulder to the door. “But… I mean, Eden said you could stay here, if you wanted. Would you rather-“

“No, I’ll… I’ll come with you,” San assured him, sitting up straighter, looking hesitant and then determined. “I… Honestly, you made me excited to see if after everything you told me about it.”

San’s smile was grateful. As if the stories Yunho told had been a good distraction.

Seonghwa smiled quietly as Yunho nodded, looking excited to be able to show off where he grew up.

“This is the sweetest stuff I’ve ever heard,” Hongjoong chuckled, leaning on his hand, his other hand oddly limp in Seonghwa’s grip. “No, this is adorable.”

“Said the one who started sucking face,” San chuckled, looking at him pointedly.

Hongjoong merely lifted his eyebrows before glancing at Wooyoung and Yeosang. “Did either of you have a chance to think about your plans?”

Yeosang was staring at his and Wooyoung’s linked hands, a bit blank, but Wooyoung glanced at him, quiet but not hesitant. “We… haven’t, really,” he confessed.

“Too busy sucking face,” Yunho snickered behind his hand.

“The next person who uses the term ‘sucking face’ is getting  _ sucker _ punched,” Jongho threatened, rolling his eyes and gagging.

Seonghwa smiled as San mimicked him mockingly, and Wooyoung cleared his throat exaggeratedly to gain their attention back. “We haven’t talked about it, really,” Wooyoung continued, his eyes flickering back to Yeosang rapidly. “But I know I’m never going back to my old home, and Yeosang only joined because he had nowhere else to go.”

Wooyoung paused, eyes still on Yeosang who didn’t move, lips rolling thoughtfully.

“You have time for a decision,” Seonghwa comforted gently, glancing between the two of them. “Eden said you could take your time. Think it over and see if-“

“I want to stay.”

Seonghwa stopped speaking as Yeosang glanced over at Wooyoung through his bangs.

“If… If you want to,” he added quietly, his hand tightening its grip on Wooyoung. “I’d… rather stay.” He wet his lips. “We don’t really have anywhere else… and Eden is nice, and…” He glanced back at his hands, face heating. “I liked… flying with you…”

His free hand tugged his hair into his face, but Seonghwa was watching Wooyoung’s face practically explode in unbridled joy, grinning so widely, Seonghwa braced himself before Wooyoung ever threw himself at Yeosang.

Yeosang made a whining noise of protest, but his arms were pinned at his sides as Wooyoung twined his arms around Yeosang’s neck, practically smothering the other against his chest as he rubbed his cheek rapidly over Yeosang hair, squeezing too tight.

Seonghwa didn’t even scold them. Simply rolled his eyes and waited as Yeosang tapped Wooyoung’s arm pointedly- a request, more than a demand, to be freed.

Wooyoung buried his face in Yeosang’s hair, his entire head disappearing in Wooyoung’s arms.

But Seonghwa still caught him whispering- “We’ll stay as long as you want.”

Yeosang stopped tapping, his hand hovering over Wooyoung for a moment before laying on his bicep, squeezing it hesitantly, almost… like a thank you. He saw the tip of Yeosang’s head bob in a nod, and Wooyoung pressed a firm kiss to Yeosang’s temple, squeezing him one last time before letting go.

He was still smiling like this was the best thing, petting Yeosang’s hair to fix it as if nothing had happened.

Yeosang glanced around at all of them, eyes soft but his face flushed a dark red as he looked away when he made eye contact, swatting away Wooyoung’s hand that fussed over the mess he’d made.

Wooyoung retreated without fighting, still glancing at Yeosang with his eyes shining. “I guess Yeosang and I will plan to stick around,” he decided, a hand laying over Yeosang’s on the table.

Seonghwa gave the embarrassed boy one last glance, but despite the color on his cheeks and his stiff posture like he wanted to sink into the ground… Seonghwa would swear he was smiling.

“What about you guys?”

Seonghwa, logically, knew that the question would eventually come around to them, but that didn’t stop his entire brain from blanking as San asked a simple question.

Seonghwa opened his mouth, knowing full well that he had nothing on his tongue to speak, glancing at Hongjoong beside him…

Hongjoong was staring at San, smiling quietly but his eyes were heavy. “We haven’t discussed it,” Hongjoong answered for them quietly.

Seonghwa knew it wasn’t, but his entire brain was yelling at him that Hongjoong was telling him to discuss it. Had Hongjoong wanted to discuss it before this point? Had Seonghwa missed on that cue?

He looked to Hongjoong who glanced at him, as if he was trying not to stare, despite their hands holding onto each other.

“Would you want to stay here?” Seonghwa prompted gently, making Hongjoong look at him fully. “Or… would you rather leave it behind? I know you said Eden wasn’t bad memories, but the whole-“

“What about you?” Hongjoong broke in, a bit stern, and Seonghwa blinked, closing his mouth.

“What about me?”

“What about what you want?” Hongjoong accused, as if Seonghwa had been trying to pull a fast one on him.

Seonghwa frowned, a bit confused by the response, but he softened his gaze as Hongjoong’s eyes scanned his face. “I don’t want to return home,” he confessed honestly. “But I would, if it meant staying where I wanted.”

“What does that mean?” Hongjoong questioned, frowning deeply, his hand twitching in Seonghwa’s. “Do you know where you want to go or not? Where do you want to stay?” he demanded.

Seonghwa… had thought they had already covered this. But he shrugged. “Wherever you want to go,” he murmured, surprised when he heard no fake vomiting. “If you want off of this ship, but don’t have anywhere to go, we can suffer through my home for a while until we can go somewhere else,” he offered gently, watching Hongjoong only frown deeper.

Looking almost alarmed in the back of his eyes.

Seonghwa wet his lips, feeling… nervous as he shrugged. “If you want to stay on here and keep piloting and stuff… I don’t mind staying off planet for the rest of my life. Here sounds better than home, but if you didn’t want it, I’d never dream of cutting off your options for escape.”

Seonghwa knew that Hongjoong didn’t have a home planet. His father had worked in space for so long, all their land and house were sold when they flew off when Hongjoong was 8.

But if distance was what he needed, Seonghwa would suffer through his own home, doing his best to keep Hongjoong out of it.

“So which-“

Seonghwa cut off as Hongjoong stood up rapidly, his mouth open like he was about to yell something as his eyes turned almost frantic, glancing around-

He seemed to realize how violent that came across, his tense shoulders falling as he stared around at all of them, mouth flapping and eyes misty for a moment.

“I- I’m sorry-“

Hongjoong tried to turn and run, but seemed to have forgotten that Seonghwa was holding his hand, jerking to a halt before Seonghwa could let go and allow him to leave. He looked back at Seonghwa quickly, eyes almost afraid and mouth trying to speak as Seonghwa released his grip, holding his hands up to show he hadn’t meant to hold him back.

A question was on the back of his tongue as he stared worriedly at Seonghwa, shaking his head subtly-

“Do you want to leave?” Seonghwa asked, standing and positioning his hands like he was ready to coral Hongjoong from the room and into the hall.

“N- No,” Hongjoong said, glancing at them all who stared at him, ready to move or leave at his word. He swallowed, blinking hard and seeming to gather himself a bit. He was breathing a bit shallowly, but his tone was gentle. “No, I… Sorry, I…” He trailed off, taking a step back towards his empty chair.

Seonghwa eyed him carefully, hands still held out. “We can finish later,” he assured him gently, sitting with Hongjoong. “We can go back to the room-“

“I…” Hongjoong swallowed, folding his hands together and twisting his fingers gently. “I think I… I want to stay,” he decided quietly, glancing at Seonghwa. “Sorry, I was… I got scared for a second.”

Seonghwa frowned gently, glancing at the others, but taking Hongjoong’s admission as permission to speak on it. “Scared of what?” he asked, laying his hand on the table as an offering, if Hongjoong wanted it.

Part of him felt better when Hongjoong took it after only a moment’s hesitation.

“I know… that the implants are gone,” he murmured, staring at his lap, his hand shaking a bit in Seonghwa’s.

He laid his other hand over it, holding it until he calmed a bit.

“And I know that staying here with Eden would be safe and he’s a good person, and we’d be okay,” he croaked. “But I just… For a second, I was sure that staying in space was going to get us killed, and I just wanted to run-“

Hongjoong’s jaw tightened angrily.

“I’m so tired of  _ running _ ,” He hissed. “I wanted to run, but the only place we could run would be your stupid, abusive family, and I’d rather spend every day paranoid than put us through that-“

“If… If you really want to get away,” Yunho said quietly, looking regretful for interrupting, wincing. “If you really wanted it, you could come to my home planet,” he offered gently with an encouraging smile. “My mom’s always cool with my friends.”

“Mine, too,” Mingi assured Hongjoong.

“And mine,” Jongho agreed, nodding firmly.

Seonghwa stared at them, a bit… shocked. Not that they would offer, but that… staying with one of them had never crossed his mind. His blood felt warm as he smiled back at Yunho.

Hongjoong already had tears spilling over his cheeks, racing down and dripping into his lap as he stared at all of them, looking like he wanted to say so many things.

“You guys… are amazing,” he managed weakly, bringing his free hand up and wiping at his eyes. His voice trembled. “I- I don’t know how to tell you how much you mean to me-“

“You just did,” San chuckled quietly, though his eyes were warm.

Seonghwa rubbed circles in Hongjoong’s wrist gently as he sucked a sharp breath, gathering himself as he straightened, looking… sturdier.

“I… I’ll stay with Eden,” he said with determination, though it was wet. “I… I want to stay and get myself together… and then maybe when things are further along, I’ll go back planetside. I think…” He glanced at Seonghwa, as if checking his reaction. “I think… I’m not done with space yet.” 

And Seonghwa would have kicked himself rather than disagree with Hongjoong, smiling as he nodded.

In truth… Seonghwa loved piloting, even if his experience was tainted with the things they had done. But he was absolutely fine with overwriting those memories with new ones.

“Then we’ll stay,” Seonghwa assured him, his blood warm and thick as Hongjoong tried to smile weakly. “And we’ll be safe.”

“You guys can sleep next door!” Wooyoung burst, wrapping an arm around Yeosang and pressing their faces together, making Yeosang whine again, even as he held Wooyoung’s hand over his shoulder.

Hongjoong laughed wetly, wiping the stray tears away, sniffling. “I’ll tell Eden to put us on the other side of the ship.”

Wooyoung gasped, looking wounded as Yeosang started struggling half heartedly to free himself. Wooyoung turned, kissing Yeosang’s cheek without breaking offended eye contact with Hongjoong defiantly.

Like a sedative, Yeosang stopped struggling, face flooding with heat as he stared at the table, wishing to disappear, but it allowed Wooyoung to hold him like a sedated puppy.

“I hope Eden doesn’t put the two of you on a shift together and that you only have to work with me,” Wooyoung said petulantly as Yeosang finally sighed and relaxed in his hold a bit.

“Well, I should hope so,” Hongjoong replied, lighthearted though thick. “Someone has to make sure you don’t crash.”

“I hypered inside a hangar!”

“Maybe I’m more done with space than I thought,” Hongjoong chuckled, glancing over at Seonghwa with warm eyes still damp.

Seonghwa laughed quietly, squeezing his hand. “Alright, change of plans- Yunho, we’re coming with you,” he teased, grinning at the other who pretended to celebrate.

“Good riddance!” Wooyoung said, sticking his tongue out. “Now Yeosang and I can be young and wild without the parents breathing down our necks.”

“We will be no such thing,” Yeosang said, muffled by Wooyoung’s chest.

“Young and wild,” Wooyoung assured him, grinning-

Seonghwa turned to Hongjoong to laugh, but he hadn’t even fully turned before Hongjoong pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, effectively cutting off his train of thought as he pulled back, smiling quietly, though his eyes were full to bursting.

“Thank you,” he murmured, as if he hadn’t just done that in front of everyone.

Seonghwa wanted to check the others’ reactions, but he didn’t look away from Hongjoong, swallowing. “We already agreed that we’d stick together,” he reminded him, face warming.

“Yeah, but I can’t see in your head anymore,” he said, wetting his lips. “I couldn’t be sure you weren’t lying.”

“Wow.” Seonghwa blinked. “That stings.”

Hongjoong laughed, hitting his chest with a gentle fist. “Don’t be an ass.”

“You’re the one who apparently thinks I’m a liar!” he laughed.

“You do look like a liar,” Jongho piped up. “It’s your nose.”

“My  _ nose? _ ” he demanded, whipping around.

Wooyoung was burying his laughter in Yeosang’s neck, who looked torn between discomfort, bliss, and amusement. Yunho nodded sagely. “It’s a liar’s nose.”

“How so?”

“Well, the person who has it is a liar,” San said, shrugging.

“I’m not a liar!”

“Prove it!” San challenged back, slamming his hands on the table, just to be annoying.

“I just did, apparently!” Seonghwa yelled back, head cocking to Hongjoong who was laughing into his hand.

San’s flame flickered out as his shoulders fell. “Oh. Yeah… I guess so,” he sighed, sitting back down. “This game is boring.”

“What game?” Seonghwa demanded, throwing his hands up.

“Getting you couples riled up,” San huffed, laying his head down. “Wooyoung is too shameless, I feel bad doing it to Yeosang, Hongjoong is too sweet, and you’re too whipped.”

Seonghwa wanted to protest that he was not whipped.

But if it was for Hongjoong, then it wasn’t much of an insult, was it?

And maybe he’d been in love with Hongjoong for four years, so maybe he was allowed to be whipped. 

“So… half of us are staying and half are going?” Mingi questioned, glancing around. “Everyone’s okay with that?”

They all nodded, Yeosang slipping from Wooyoung’s headlock to confirm on his own, making Wooyoung pout.

Hongjoong glanced at Seonghwa without answering, eyes dragging over his face slowly, a smile on his lips.

“Yeah,” Hongjoong said without looking away, face practically glowing. “I’m happy with this.”

Seonghwa had to look away, making Hongjoong laugh, because  _ holy shit. _

His heart was practically fluttering in his chest, and he was suddenly extremely glad Hongjoong could no longer feel the stupid, blaring panic alarms in his head every time Hongjoong so much as glanced at him.

Hongjoong still squeezed his hand as he laughed.

And Seonghwa revelled in the warmth that connected the two of them. Maybe it wasn’t a psychological link…

But fuck if it wasn’t more than enough.

Hongjoong would always be enough, he had realized. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“34 degrees port.”

“Already enacted.”

“Asteroid field approaching on the starboard.”

“Tracking.”

“Picking up scans of a sexy creature to my right-“

“ _ Wooyoung. _ ” 

He winced, spinning in his chair slowly to smile at Eden innocently. “Sir?”

Eden narrowed his eyes, though Wooyoung could absolutely see how hard it was for him not to laugh. “We talked about this.”

“I stopped calling him a cutie!” Wooyoung defended, feeling Yeosang’s glare burning into his temple.

“Wooyoung.”

“I’m not missing any important readings,” Wooyoung excused, crossing his arms.

“You’re harassing your co-pilot,” he replied dryly.

“I’m complimenting my boyfriend,” he corrected pointedly, holding up a finger. “It’s not my fault that you expect me to be on a twelve-hour shift and  _ not _ start getting antsy.”

“I’m not worried about you getting antsy,” Eden sighed, rubbing his forehead, “I’m worried about you jumping your co-pilot over the console.”

“I’m  _ professional _ !” Wooyoung cried, placing a hand to his chest, mouth agape. “I would never do that-“

“Yes, you would.”

“-while other crew members were present!” Wooyoung finished, making Eden finally glare at him.

“Wooyoung, there are 13 other people in this room who have to listen to you,” Eden said calmly. “Please, keep your personal comments to yourself.”

Wooyoung huffed, spinning back around. “Aye, sir,” he muttered, shoulders hunched.

He had barely paused a moment before pressing the interpersonal communicator hooked on his ear, hearing it click on.

“I like how your uniform fits-“

“That’s the open channel, Wooyoung,” Eden sighed as Yeosang froze, face coloring.

“Well, stop listening to private conversations!” Wooyoung snapped over his shoulder, sighing and switching channels to his and Yeosang’s personal one. “Anyway, I thought you looked cute this morning-“

“ _ Wooyoung. _ ”

“I’m almost done!” Wooyoung groaned, whipping around fully prepared to begin whining-

“Holy shit, can you stop flirting for two seconds?” Hongjoong’s voice suddenly sounded, making Wooyoung shift his chair to view the entrance.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong stood just outside the elevator, both glaring at Wooyoung accusingly.

“You two play footsies under the table!” Wooyoung accused, shamelessly ignoring the fact that the entire room was looking at them, either disgruntled, snorting laughter, or trying to keep composed.

“Oh my stars,” Yeosang hissed, standing and grabbing Wooyoung by the arm, dragging him up violently enough for Wooyoung to yelp. “Our shift is over- get the fuck out,” he hissed, shoving Wooyoung towards the door, making him stumble-

“I’m sorry,” Yeosang murmured, half looking at Eden, who was smiling quietly, eyes understanding as much as they were jokingly chastising.

“Just… make sure his communicator is off before anything happens,” Eden requested.

Wooyoung glanced back in time to see Yeosang glaring at him murderously, shoving him once more in the back until they were passing Hongjoong and Seonghwa who turned in unison, arms crossed over their chests in identical disappointed parents' stances.

Wooyoung waved. “Have fun, hyungs,” he called as Yeosang kicked him in the back of the legs while shoving him through the door into the elevator, practically throwing Wooyoung into a wall while he ushered the door to close.

Wooyoung caught sight of all three on the deck laughing while Yeosang curled over the ‘close door’ button as they were shut off and began their ascent.

He waited, but Yeosang was just breathing, fanning his face and curling over to hide his face with his hair (which was still shoulder length, but had been trimmed and styled into something that Wooyoung had very quickly found irresistible).

There was a tension in his shoulders, and Wooyoung was entirely sure that it wasn’t hurt feelings. He and Yeosang had been playing this game for a little while now, and Wooyoung knew where the lines were drawn.

“I can’t tell,” he said after a solid few seconds of Yeosang not moving, “whether you’re about to jump me… or punch me.”

“Don’t give me ideas,” Yeosang replied quietly, straightening and breathing out, his face a bit more naturally pale and his stance more confident as he turned to Wooyoung with another murderous glare. “When will you stop being a headass?” he asked breathlessly, looking like he’d been fighting, rather than being complimented.

Wooyoung shrugged, smiling. “When Eden finally understands that I can’t just go 12 hours without talking to you.”

“You weren’t talking to me, you were  _ flirting _ ,” Yeosang hissed, looking scandalized. “And then you fought him-“

“He knows I respect him enough to fight him.”

“And you just kept making it so  _ obvious- _ “

“Why would I do it if I was gonna be quiet about it?” he questioned, eyebrow cocking.

“You said you would take me over the  _ console _ ,” He hissed.

“With no one there,” Wooyoung reminded him. “What? Would you not be into that?”

“No!”

“Alright, then, the command room is off the table,” he complied easily, hands up in surrender. “What about the cafeteria?”

“Wooyoung-“

“Uniform storage closet?”

“ _ Wooyoung! _ ”

“Observation deck?”

Yeosang choked, drawing back into himself as his face flooded red-

“Holy shit,” Wooyoung said, eyes widening and mouth dropping. “Holy shit- Do you want to fuck on the observation deck?”

The elevator door opened and Yeosang bolted through it, sending Wooyoung into a fit of laughter after him, holding his stomach as Yeosang made a beeline for their room, ignoring Wooyoung’s laughter-shaking voice calling his name.

The door didn’t have a chance to close between them as Wooyoung slipped in. The only problem with his escape is that now Yeosang was in their shared space and had nowhere else to run.

So he immediately moved towards the dresser to grab his sleep clothes-

“Yeosang,” Wooyoung said, finally suppressing laughter as he caught his wrist, spinning him around with enough ease to know that Yeosang wasn’t fighting him, even if he kept his head down and eyes averted.

Wooyoung chuckled, releasing his hand and bringing both palms to cup his cheeks that he could feel the heat of, lifting his head with little resistance until Yeosang looked up at him, lips a bit smooshed from the hold.

Wooyoung grinned, bringing their faces close enough that their noses brushed. “I’m kidding,” he chuckled, brushing thumbs over his cheeks, his eyes still pointedly annoyed. “If you’re not into fucking on the observation deck, I was kidding.”

He paused.

“Unless you are actually into it, in which case, we can talk about-“

Yeosang huffed darkly enough for Wooyoung to stop, smiling as he pressed their foreheads together.

For whatever reason, Yeosang’s hesitancies and embarrassment seemed to be inversely proportional to how close Wooyoung was. Somehow, proximity seemed to be something that calmed him, even when it was Wooyoung that was causing him all his grief.

So when their foreheads touched, Yeosang closed his eyes, a quiet breath leaving and some of the tension melting from his shoulders. 

“I’m sorry I teased you,” Wooyoung said, smiling as he rocked them gently. “But I meant every word of it.”

Yeosang sighed again, keeping his eyes closed stubbornly. “Wooyoung… You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah, but you still kiss me goodnight every night, so how do you expect me to learn from that sort of reinforcement?” he teased, touching their noses for a moment.

Yeosang’s lips twisted in a way that showed he was keeping back some sort of retort, but Wooyoung would have honestly loved to have heard it.

“Okay, I’m done teasing,” Wooyoung promised, still unable to stem his smile as he dropped Yeosang’s cheeks and looped his arms around his waist instead, like they were about to start slow dancing. “Now what?” he questioned innocently.

Yeosang opened his eyes and stared at him, still apathetically unamused.

But Wooyoung just traced his eyes over every inch of the face that he had committed time to learning- everything from the scar on his cheek that looked like it might have been stitches when he was younger, to the smudges by his eyes, to the little almost-pout his lips would form into when he was trying not to show just how excited he was.

But Wooyoung had learned to read what he felt in the spark of his eyes.

“Now, I’m either going to kick you in the dick or kiss you,” Yeosang huffed, leaning more heavily into Wooyoung, the weight of the 12 hour shift laying across them. “Haven’t decided yet.”

“May I provide a sample of one?” Wooyoung teased.

Yeosang pulled back to look him in the eyes. “You’ll let me kick you lightly in the dick?”

Wooyoung pushed his lips out- halfway between a pout and a plea.

Yeosang rolled his eyes, his lips pushing into that pout that always came when he was trying to be mad but wanted to smile.

Wooyoung’s favorite moment was when Yeosang smiled. And it had been that way for the past six months. 

“You can give  _ one _ free sample,” Yeosang sighed, as if put upon, but Wooyoung watched the moment he cracked, lips parting in a smile that was warm but sparked with just enough mischievousness-

Wooyoung prided himself on being part of the reason that was there.

-Just enough mischievousness to have Wooyoung seriously questioning whether or not he was down for fucking in the observation deck.

And really, Yeosang should have known that giving Wooyoung permission for a sample was basically just signing away his evening.

Excitement and longing warmed his blood as he trailed a hand up, threading through the long hair at the back of Yeosang’s skull, simply massaging through the strands for a moment, scratching his nails along his scalp.

And Wooyoung could probably get off on watching Yeosang’s eyes flutter shut, tilting his head back without thinking and humming quietly, shoulders falling as gentle shivers ran down his spine at the stimulation.

And no, it wasn’t some weird sexual thing, Wooyoung just really, really fucking liked being able to make Yeosang relax like this. He smiled as his nails scratched up the back of his neck, reaching the top before skating down the side of his temple, making his head tilt and lips part.

They may love this job, but the shifts were hell on your muscles.

Yeosang swallowed, still keeping his eyes closed, voice quiet and relaxed. “What about… the kiss?” he questioned, cracking one eye open.

Wooyoung grinned, his other hand pressing a warm palm to the small of Yeosang’s back, feeling the way he pushed back into it like a heating pad. “I dunno,” He said quietly, his hand slowing. “I sort of just want to give you a massage and watch you fall asleep, at this point,” he confessed, watching the way Yeosang’s lips twitched.

“I won’t ever say no to that,” he chuckled quietly, low voice rumbling in his chest enough for Wooyoung to feel it in his. “But this is sort of your last chance… before you put me to sleep.”

Wooyoung sighed, letting his hand drop to Yeosang’s neck, holding it gently as he frowned. “Fine,” He sighed quietly, the hand at his back wrapping around his neck to hold them chest to chest. “But only because it’s just a shame if you lose out on free samples.”

Yeosang chuckled, the sound smothered by Wooyoung finally kissing him, the angle sending it deep and warm as Yeosang’s lips parted welcomingly, warm tongues brushing that made Wooyoung’s skin shiver and his toes curl as Yeosang held onto his arm gently.

There was no better time to kiss Yeosang than when he was relaxed. Wooyoung’s prime hunting time was right before sleeping and right after waking up- when Yeosang was too comfortable and sleepy to get embarrassed or anxious about whatever things made him pull away and hide his face.

One of Yeosang’s hand cupped the back of Wooyoung’s head, keeping him in place as they bent slightly, Yeosang smiling quietly against his lips.

For the sake of their aching backs and feet, Wooyoung shuffled them backwards until they hitting the bed and he was slowly lowering Yeosang’s back onto it, crawling up until he straddled his legs and planting his elbows on either side of his head before reconnecting their lips after only a moment’s break.

“That’s- a big- sample,” Yeosang breathed between kisses, making Wooyoung laugh, a sun exploding in his chest as he stared down at Yeosang.

Yeosang had once said that he didn’t know how to articulate his feelings. He didn’t know how to show Wooyoung how much he meant. Wooyoung told him to smile to let him know it was okay, and he spent every day holding each of Yeosang’s smiles like little candles that lit their path.

But he’d been worried, that maybe Yeosang would be harder to read than Wooyoung thought, if he was good at acting, if he instinctively hid his emotions-

Wooyoung didn’t know how he’d ever been worried.

How could he ever be confused when he looked down at Yeosang and saw enough love in his eyes to make Wooyoung want to break down?

Even when Wooyoung knew he was loved by Yeosang, even he had never anticipated ever being loved this much by someone. The sort of love that shone and gave warmth for him to bask in, that spilled over Yeosang’s cheeks when it couldn’t be contained, that turned Yeosang’s usually sharp eyes into soft puddles of goo that were all for Wooyoung-

Wooyoung had never seen someone wear love as openly as Yeosang, and sometimes it caught him in the chest that it was for  _ him. _

“Okay, free trial’s over,” Wooyoung chuckled, brushing hair from Yeosang’s forehead, sure that his smile was stupid and loopy. “Make your choice.”

Yeosang chuckled, brushing a palm against Wooyoung’s cheek. “Would you actually let me kick you in the dick?” he questioned, voice shaking with laughter.

Yeosang was relaxed beneath Wooyoung, eyes soft and muscles loose and not a single hesitation in sight- which made Wooyoung pretty sure he’d let Yeosang stab him in the chest and not complain.

Wooyoung put on his best pleading face. “I mean…. If you really want to…” He fluttered his eyelashes. “If you really want to hurt me… I guess… I have no choice…”

Yeosang laughed, eyes scrunching as he ran a hand through Wooyoung’s hair slowly. “You’re so shameless,” he murmured warmly, eyes flickering across his face slowly.

He suddenly smiled slowly.

“What if we just do a gentle kick,” He murmured, making Wooyoung’s eyes widen as his leg shifted beneath Wooyoung. “Just like-“

Wooyoung honest to God braced himself for a strike to his most vulnerable zone. But the only thing he felt was Yeosang’s thigh lifting and slotting itself with almost practiced ease up against the little… uh… problem that Wooyoung hadn’t noticed becoming a thing.

And Wooyoung wasn’t someone who was excessively sensitive. But it was Yeosang and it was the last thing he was expecting, so when he dropped completely, his head hitting Yeosang’s chest as electricity shot up his spine and his arms gave out.

The cherry on top was the wanton moan that got muffled by Yeosang’s chest and the fact that Yeosang was currently laughing so hard, Wooyoung could feel his entire body shaking with it.

“Stop it,” he whined, lifting himself again, glaring at Yeosang’s leg before turning his eyes onto the man himself whose eyes were sparking with laughter. “And you call  _ me _ mean.”

“Don’t like it’s not the biggest turn on to you when I get confident,” he murmured, brushing at Wooyoung’s hair.

“Yeah, but don’t start something you don’t wanna finish,” Wooyoung huffed, glaring down at him and resisting the urge to kiss him again. 

Yeosang lifted himself up on his elbows suddenly, so close in a moment that their lips brushed, smiling gently. “Who said I wasn’t going to finish it?” he murmured lowly. 

“Oh my God, I think I love you more every fucking day,” Wooyoung breathed, sealing their lips together as his heart danced in his chest.

Yeosang parted, their breaths mingling as his eyes shone comfortably. “Exponentially speaking, that’s a lot of love growth.”

Wooyoung felt like his heart was going to snap in two.

“You’re damn fucking right it is,” he breathed, kissing Yeosang again before he could let the pressure behind his eyes fall.

Sometimes, it terrified Wooyoung how much he felt like loving Yeosang was simultaneously killing him and giving him a reason to get up every day.

And sometimes it terrified him just how much he saw that sentiment mirrored in Yeosang’s eyes that he would find looking at him during the down moments of the shift.

Far away eyes that stared at Wooyoung with a ghost of a smile that wouldn’t disappear until he realized that Wooyoung was looking, and then he curled up like a roly-poly hiding from danger.

Lingering touches that wouldn’t leave entirely unless both hands were occupied. The fact that Yeosang didn’t shove him off when Wooyoung flopped on top of him, intending to make a joke but finding himself too comfortable to move until they fell asleep like that.

The fact that Yeosang would shift closer in the night, into Wooyoung’s arms, and place them securely around himself.

The fact that he could keep up with Wooyoung- touch for touch- while they were racing through dying stars that appeared in their paths, their piloting echoing each other by milliseconds, as if they were still connected via brainwaves.

Eden asked them about it. The two of them, and their two hyungs… no one on the ship had ever seen two pairs who worked as flawlessly together.

Wooyoung just grinned, threw an arm around Yeosang, and told Eden that they’d spent a lot of time learning to trust each other implicitly. Eden had hummed and suggested good naturedly that he get implants for his own men, if it improved performance that much.

Yeosang’s love came in the eyes that always woke up before Wooyoung and that he’d find staring sleepily at him while Yeosang stroked his hair gently, too tired to be embarrassed when Wooyoung laughed and asked what he was doing.

Wooyoung found himself loving every part of Yeosang more and more and more. He’d think that there was no possible way his life could get any better, and that would be true until the next time Yeosang would smile… and Wooyoung would understand that he was loved.

They’d dated for five months without going beyond some rather intense kissing in the secrecy of their bedroom and a little bit more  _ involved _ activities that Yeosang had been a bit scandalized by, but enjoyed nonetheless.

And there was nothing more intoxicating than watching Yeosang grow comfortable with Wooyoung.

Maybe in the command room, in the cafeteria, on every other place on the ship- Yeosang wouldn’t let Wooyoung  _ breathe _ near him, much less touch him.

But in their quarters? On their breaks where they’d go back for a quick nap? During their nights spent together where there was nowhere to be for another ten hours?

Watching Yeosang slowly accept the touches,  _ ask _ for the touches, and then finally… initiate the touches. Watching him smirk and tease where he had flushed and hesitated. Watching him… have fun while he loved Wooyoung.

That was the most brilliant thing Wooyoung could think of.

“If you keep telling me all these bold declarations of love,” Yeosang breathed into the space between their lips, his hands placed gently against Wooyoung’s chest, fingertips digging in gently, “I may start to believe them.”

Wooyoung paused, staring into deep eyes that stared at him like he hung the stars.

And Wooyoung prayed every day that he didn’t let them down.

“Do you believe it?” Wooyoung whispered, cupping his cheek gently, brushing a thumb over his cheek.

Yeosang’s eyes shimmered, but it was with light, not tears. Both his hands reached up, cupping Wooyoung’s face firmly. “I do.”

“Then what’s the problem?” he questioned gently.

Yeosang stared for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts as he leaned up, pressing a kiss to Wooyoung’s mouth, warm enough to have him closing his eyes, savoring the sensation.

“Because now I feel like it’s a competition to show that I love you more,” Yeosang chuckled lowly, neither of them breaking the quiet that had fallen around them.

Wooyoung smiled. “So it’s a competition now?”

“Well, now I feel like I have to show you how like… my love grows and shit like that,” He muttered, glancing away for a brief moment as his cheeks turned the barest shade of pink.

Wooyoung felt like his heart would explode.

When he was young, he was sure the aches in his heart would only be from rejection and loneliness.

But Wooyoung’s heart ached for how full it was as he leaned his head against Yeosang’s, their noses brushing. “Smile for me?” he whispered, his own lips twitching uncontrollably.

Yeosang no longer looked surprised by the request. Instead, he merely gave an almost exasperated look, as if Wooyoung should already know.

But Wooyoung waited, brushing thumbs over Yeosang’s neck and cheeks and hair.

And when Yeosang smiled at him, it was genuine and warm and almost a little too bright for Wooyoung’s poor heart. It was a smile that reached into his soul and pulled out all the little pieces of love he hadn’t ever learned to articulate.

And Wooyoung marveled at them all.

“Absolutely perfect,” he breathed against Yeosang’s lips.

“Do you have any idea…” Yeosang stopped, like he had suddenly run out of gas.

Wooyoung waited, fingers playing idly with the tips of his hair. Yeosang had gotten better at being comfortable with explicit touches and physical shows of affection, but most of the more heartfelt words remained locked away.

Speaking was still something he struggled with, even if he was more verbally affectionate than ever. It took more effort and more courage for him to articulate it than to show it. And Wooyoung never forced him to say what he already knew in his heart.

But Yeosang looked determined as he stared up into Wooyoung’s eyes.

“Do you have any idea… everything you’ve done for me?” he asked roughly, voice low and quiet.

Wooyoung smiled, despite the way his heart flipped. “I have a few ideas,” he admitted, dragging a hand along his face to brush the hair away. “But I don’t think it’s actually possible for us to really know everything we’ve done for each other.”

Even having resided in Wooyoung’s head…. He didn’t think it was really possible for the experiences that they had gone through and the lives that they had led… it was impossible to truly understand what slowly fixing those experiences did to a person.

What they had done to each other. 

Wooyoung knew that Yeosang had lived a lonely life, signing himself away to science with nowhere else to go, underwent years of basically psychological torture, was torn from that situation and thrown into a fire fight, and was now laying in bed- safe and happy and healing.

Wooyoung had lived a life full of trying to get revenge, to get even, to get back at the people who kept pushing him away. He’d run away, nearly rejected the one person who was able to understand him, learned to care a little too much, ran away again, had the shit scared out of him over and over…

And now he was living a life filled with more love than he’d ever counted on feeling.

And not just from Yeosang. Hongjoong and Seonghwa were overbearing, but there was a reason they teased them with the title of parents. Yunho and San video called almost every week, and Jongho and Mingi sent them funny photos from whatever attraction they had recently seen in the big city or small country road.

Hell, even Eden put up with their bullshit with nothing more than a roll of his eyes, a smirk on his lips, and a declaration that one day he’d manage to train Wooyoung.

(To which Wooyoung would respond with a less than professional comment, which made Yeosang once stab him with a fork in the cafeteria.)

The bottom line… was that Wooyoung didn’t think it was possible to truly understand the depths to which he had helped Yeosang and changed his life.

But when he looked at Yeosang and found him already looking, and there was a moment of the two of them simply acknowledging each other as a part of their lives that they were infinitely grateful for… he had a pretty good guess.

If it was even a fraction of what Yeosang did for Wooyoung… then it was physically impossible to encompass everything he was to him.

But Wooyoung knew, even if he didn’t understand.

He pressed their foreheads together, kissing the corner of Yeosang’s mouth gently. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving you, Yeosang.”

It was a declaration as much as it was a promise. And Wooyoung watched Yeosang’s eyes do that thing where they stared like Wooyoung was something unreal, awed and warm and fond and misty with emotions he hadn’t been allowed to feel for so long.

Six months had felt like forever already. But Wooyoung wanted a million more forevers with Yeosang.

He sealed their lips together, Yeosang melting into his touch as Wooyoung let their hearts beat together.

“I love you so fucking much,” Yeosang managed in between kisses, in a rush, like he didn’t want to lose his confidence.

Wooyoung felt the smile curving against his lips like a promise.

“I know,” he promised back, listening to Yeosang laugh quietly.

The only thing more addicting than loving Yeosang… was knowing Yeosang loved him back.

~~~~~~~~

Flying with Hongjoong… was like constantly flying at a million hytas an hour.

Exhilarating, exciting, terrifying… and more than a little addicting when you finally got the feel for it. 

Seonghwa could recall watching Yeosang and Wooyoung fly- more audible then when they were AI and human, but just as smooth- working as quickly as a human mind and mouth were able to process and relay information.

Seonghwa understood Yeosang’s statement- “I liked flying with you”- infinitely more now. Because Seonghwa had loved flying the cruisers that were speedy, sleek, and responded with a mere touch.

Working with Hongjoong was like working on a cruiser on steroids- as if every shift and mumble from Seonghwa were enough to completely change their direction where he wanted it.

They responded to each other like they were still connected by every thought. 

And it also helped that the only things they really dealt with on the  _ Horizon _ were space anomalies, rather than going out and fighting enemy cruisers getting too close. Their only job was making sure they didn’t hit any planets, and the occasional frantic flight through a lightning storm when their machines were fried and Hongjoong was under the console holding two pieces of wiring together so that Seonghwa could get them out without exploding their crystals.

Like he said, exhilarating.

And more than a little intoxicating when they were safe and Hongjoong stood up, a little shaky but eyes blazing with adrenaline and the thrill of success. 

It was never harder not to kiss Hongjoong than in those moments. 

But most days, it was days like this one, where it was just a shift of them cruising along, making sure nothing was fucking with their sensors as they made their way through the endless beauty of space.

And gossiped.

“You heard Yunho got a concussion?” Hongjoong asked without looking up from his screen, glancing through a reading from the science station about the rock they just took in that had scratched their outer hull a bit.

“Seriously?” Seonghwa snorted quietly, easing them back on course after avoiding a weird magnetic spot in front of them. “What did he do this time?”

“San bet him he couldn’t ride a hoverbike over some railing on a bridge, and Yunho busted his head on the way down. He’ll live,” he assured him, a grin in his voice. “But his family apparently isn’t thrilled in this being their third emergency room visit this month for the two of them.”

“Those two are bad for each other,” Seonghwa chuckled, shaking his head. “They’re too impulsive and prideful. I bet San would eat barbed wire if Yunho bet him ten credits he couldn’t.”

Hongjoong covered his mouth to hold in the snort, glancing at Seonghwa with a warning glare about making him laugh. “They have fun,” he managed, voice shaking.

“Jongho officially confirmed that he and Mingi are going to be staying with his parents until the next winter holidays,” Seonghwa informed him, checking their bearing once more. “After that, they’re going to re-discuss their next move.”

“Are they still thinking about going into the general space corp?” he questioned, glancing over curiously.

“That’s still their plan, if they do come back. Mingi mentioned maybe taking one more trip back to his planet. They’re waiting it out.”

“Interesting,” Hongjoong hummed.

“As thrilling as the gossip is, can I have an update on our course?” Eden questioned, a smile in his voice and when Seonghwa glanced back, he was smirking over his fist that his chin rested on.

Rather than the blatant flirting and rather unprofessional comments that came from Wooyoung (bless Yeosang’s soul), Hongjoong and Seonghwa were more scolded for talking about anything that wasn’t work.

But, unlike Wooyoung’s comments, Seonghwa knew the rest of the command room was listening to their conversation with their ears on high alert, especially when other members of the crew were mentioned.

(Like that asshat down in engineering who always gave Seonghwa hell when he needed something updated on the console. Like it was Seonghwa’s fucking fault the guy refused to upgrade automatically rather than manually.)

“You know that it would be so boring without us,” Hongjoong assured him, grinning, but swiping across his screen to send the info to Eden’s pad. “We’re set to be passing the Yunal system in about four hours. Right on schedule.”

Eden hummed, leaning back in his chair. “Maybe I preferred it when it was boring,” he sighed. “As much as I love the updates, if I have to hear Wooyoung whispering about Yeosang’s ass through the communicator one more time-“

“It’s because you don’t actually punish him,” Seonghwa chuckled, turning in his chair for a moment. “You practically enable him.”

“I’ve tried publicly shaming him,” he assured them, lifting his hands helplessly. “But Wooyoung is too shameless and I feel too bad for Yeosang.” He winced. “Lord knows how the two of them work.” He sighed heavily. “But damn if they aren’t good pilots.”

Hongjoong chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re compromising everything for a few good pilots.”

“You didn’t see the guy I had before you four showed up,” Eden sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “He couldn’t dodge an asteroid the size of a planet.” He grinned, eyes warm. “Good help was always impossible after Maddox.” 

Maddox had been someone Seonghwa heard in passing conversation, but never in much depth. Just vague mentions like this. But he glanced at Hongjoong and found him grinning.

“How do I hold up, chief?” he questioned, crossing his eyes with a warning look.

Eden chuckled, waving a hand. “You hold up just fine, kid. Now finish the last five minutes of your shift so I can stop looking at you.”

“One direct route into a dying star, coming up.”

Someone over by navigations snorted, sobering when Eden looked their way.

Seonghwa… liked working on the Horizon. 

Outside of all the baggage and the past and the reasons they were here- it was a great place with competent people and a great captain. Seonghwa didn’t find himself longing for something different, and he was more than pleased to see that Hongjoong…

Well, Hongjoong was happy.

And maybe it was a bit of a low bar after everything, but all Seonghwa knew was that he woke up beside Hongjoong and would shake him awake when it was time, and Hongjoong would smile at him and pull him down for a kiss, no matter how much Seonghwa insisted they didn’t have time.

(There was one horrendously embarrassing incident where they ended up being late to the shift change, barely put together, and to top it all off, it was the shift they switched with Yeosang and Wooyoung so the two of them hadn’t lived that one down for weeks.)

But Hongjoong was happy and the number of times he had woken up in the night with nightmares had decreased rapidly over time, Seonghwa being shaken awake less and less to either tears and a numb sort of fear that had Hongjoong crawling into his arms and staying there until morning came, not even shifting.

And the other best part? Seonghwa was happy, too.

He felt at peace here. He felt like he had carved a place for himself. 

He had friends who called them often, he had support at his fingertips in the form of 3AM coffee runs with Wooyoung or Yeosang when the insomnia or nights hit a little too hard. He had work that he enjoyed and people he worked with who were pleasant and skilled.

He had a routine, a goal, and a future. And Hongjoong.

They left when the next shift came to relieve them, both of them saluting to Eden before leaving, the captain calling after them to not cause too much trouble before he saw them next.

Seonghwa stretched his arms over his head, waiting for the elevator to bring them to the cafeteria so they could actually eat a proper meal. Hongjoong bent over, touching his toes and groaning pleasantly when his back cracked, making Seonghwa laugh with jealousy.

“Any idea what Yeosang and Wooyoung are up to?” he questioned when they stepped out together, strolling down leisurely.

Seonghwa actually found the moments just after their shifts to be the most peaceful. When they were both a good amount of tired, but on that sort of high of finally being able to relax together, making their way to eat, knowing they could sleep for the next 24 hours together.

“Probably sleeping,” Hongjoong noted, shrugging. “Or fucking. They were pretty up front the last couple of days, I’m not surprised if Wooyoung was feeling steamy.”

“We give Wooyoung a lot of shit,” Seonghwa chuckled as they entered the cafeteria and grabbed some trays. “But have you seen Yeosang when he gets bold enough to undress him with his eyes?” He shuddered slightly.

Hongjoong laughed, swatting at him. “Okay, I’m done talking about their sex life.”

“Yes,” Seonghwa agreed, chuckling. “Let’s talk about ours instead.”

Hongjoong looked at him, bewildered as he grabbed some rice. “What about our sex life?” he demanded, looking on the verge of laughing again. “What- you want something spicier?”

“I was just trying to transition the conversation,” Seonghwa said, shaking his head quickly. “Our sex life is fine.”

“Well, I know it’s  _ fine _ , but that doesn’t mean you can’t spice it up, if you want.”

“I don’t want.”

Hongjoong huffed, rolling his eyes. “Wimp.”

“Says the one who can’t eat a medium spicy stew,” Seonghwa said, giving him a pointed look as they took a seat in the far corner, sitting across from each other away from the smaller groups scattered around.

As Hongjoong crossed in front of him, he saw the slightly raised skin at the back of his neck where their connection used to be. 

Being lonely inside his head has been… easier to acclimate to than he anticipated. Mostly because, looking back, he had so many people on the outside. 

Hongjoong was next to him. And that made losing his mind a little easier. 

“Spicy bedroom is better than spicy food,” Hongjoong huffed, pushing his lips around as he stirred his food around. “Spicy bedroom doesn’t burn for hours.”

“Wait until you  _ actually _ discover BDSM,” Seonghwa snickered, watching Hongjoong stare at him in a mix of curiosity and offense. “Okay, can we stop talking about sex in the middle of the meal?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes. “I hear enough from Wooyoung.”

Hongjoong laughed, leaning back a bit as he adjusted his seat before beginning to eat.

The meal was spent in a good amount of silence, only broken up by their occasional chatting about the others or what had happened during the shift. 

They were both a little too tired for a very animated conversation, but Seonghwa still found himself smiling the whole time, watching Hongjoong explain the weird reading he had gotten a few hours ago more in depth.

Seonghwa just watched him, not having spoken for the last ten minutes, but not minding in the slightest. He wasn’t throwing his hands around, but his eyes were bright with excitement and curiosity. 

Hongjoong was still his father’s son, and he was still brilliant. He was still the boy who loved to help with experiments and learn everything there was to learn. 

He was still full to the brim with knowledge and understanding of things Seonghwa could barely grasp the concepts of, and whereas Seonghwa read his scanners, looking for dangers or things of interest…

Hongjoong and his beautiful mind read the scanners and read  _ everything. _ He looked at, dissected, examined, and ranted about each substance found and what it might be useful for.

Wooyoung called him a nerd.

Seonghwa just marveled at him. He’d never been all that into science- math was fine, but science always lost him once it got past a certain point. But Hongjoong, he could listen to for hours, talking about something he stopped being able to follow five minutes ago.

And Hongjoong…. 

Seonghwa didn’t know of how his father's actions had tainted science and the life he’d loved before. His curiosity was now mingled with the feeling of violation, his eagerness with mania. 

And watching Hongjoong begin to love science and learning and intrigue…. was a beautiful sight to see in slow motion. 

“-and can you imagine what would happen if we actually managed to turn star dust into fuel?” he demanded, subdued from the shift, but bright in his eyes. “Do you understand how many stars there are? How many die every minute? That sort of fuel source could absolutely change  _ everything- _ “

Hongjoong paused suddenly, his hands lowering to the table as he frowned at Seonghwa.

“What?” he questioned, wiping at his mouth like there might have been some food stuck there. He dropped the hand quickly, though, suppressing a smile of exasperation as he leaned forward. “You’re doing it again.”

Seonghwa lifted an innocent eyebrow. “Doing what?” he asked casually, still staring at Hongjoong.

“Looking at me like you want to sweep me off my feet.” Hongjoong rolled his eyes, though they sparked as he took another pointed bite of food.

“Maybe I do,” Seonghwa said quietly, leaning on his hands, eyes dragging over Hongjoong’s amused face slowly. “Ever thought of that?”

_ Ever thought of how beautiful you are?  _

“You already did,” Hongjoong reminded him around a bite. “Remember? You ran through a ship with me. And a forest. And another ship.”

“You were unconscious all three of those times,” Seonghwa laughed, skin warming as his blood heated pleasantly. “Should I do it now?”

“You already throw me onto the bed any chance you get,” Hongjoong sighed, chuckling. “Isn’t that close enough?”

“It’s not my fault, you’re pocket sized,” Seonghwa said helplessly, dodging a piece of food expertly. “You’re small. Petite. Tiny.”

“ _ Stop, _ ” Hongjoong begged, dropping his head and laughing weakly. “Stop, I’m not tiny-“

“I could fit you in the palm of my hand,” Seonghwa continued, watching how Hongjoong’s ears colored. “A little baby. I just want to kiss your forehead and squish your cheeks-“

“You do that anyway!” Hongjoong fought, glaring. “Stop teasing me,” he huffed, filling his mouth with food as protest.

“Or what?” Seonghwa challenged, leaning his arms on the table to get closer, grinning.

Hongjoong glared at him, swallowing as he lifted himself up as well, getting a bit closer than Seonghwa imagined he would. “Or I might just have to kiss you,” he said quietly, eyes flickering down to Seonghwa’s lips briefly.

Seonghwa smiled wider, tilting his head. “What’s stopping you?”

“Public decency.”

“Boring,” he chuckled, glancing over Hongjoong’s face slowly. He was stunningly bright and  _ happy. _ Seonghwa’s expression softened. “I’m happy when you’re happy,” he said quietly.

Hongjoong blinked, taken aback for a moment at the phrase that Seonghwa had said many times before, but he dropped his head weakly, groaning. “I hate you,” he muttered quietly before popping back up and kissing Seonghwa firmly.

It was a tame kiss- not too obvious to those around each other, but it was definitely more than a quick peck as Seonghwa smiled against his lips, heart tap dancing in his chest as he was once more faced with the fact that… he really fucking loved Hongjoong.

He  _ really _ fucking loved him.

And sometimes it scared Seonghwa. It scared him as much as it scared Hongjoong.

For Hongjoong, it was because he woke up terrified it had all been a dream and he was still going to wake up on a table. And for Seonghwa… it was because he wanted everything and more for Hongjoong, but he knew he couldn’t give it.

_ Only you could throw your life away… and still think it wasn’t enough.  _

Seonghwa wanted to give him everything. To heal every part of him and erase everything he wanted to forget. 

Hongjoong was so, so much better than they had been when they first began on the  _ Horizon _ . Nightmares had dwindled, emotional outbursts had dropped to zero, and Hongjoong general overall mood and composure had returned where Hongjoong  _ wanted _ it.

He didn’t think of his father, he wasn’t haunted by his ghost, and he didn’t regret anything they’d done.

But Seonghwa still wanted to give him so much. For now, though… he had to be content with loving Hongjoong every day and knowing that Hongjoong understood that he would give anything for him.

They parted with Hongjoong looking annoyed. “That’s what you get for being sweet, asshole,” he muttered, pushing his finished tray away.

Seonghwa just smiled. “I love you,” he murmured gently, making Hongjoong look up at him.

And even as Hongjoong’s eyes glared, his lips twisted with trying not to smile. “You’re dumb.”

“I love you,” he repeated, still soft and genuine and his smile wide enough to hurt. “I love you so much… I feel like it’s not actually happening half the time.” He swallowed. “And sometimes I hate myself for being too afraid to realize it for four years.” 

Hongjoong’s annoyance faded like water running down a drain, leaving him staring at Seonghwa, a bit surprised by the sudden confession.

Seonghwa just leaned forward a bit. “I don’t think I would have ever known how to love someone aside from you,” he murmured honestly, chest aching with a pleasant warmth. “I don’t think I would have… ever been able to trust them enough like this.” He nodded slowly. “Thank you,” he whispered genuinely.

Because without Hongjoong, not only would Seonghwa still be alone… he’d be afraid. He’d be ashamed. He’d be hiding. He’d believe he was secretly wrong, he’d be afraid of his own choices, he’d still be afraid of love because he had been taught too well that the love was wrong. 

Hongjoong was the reason he was sitting here, now- loved, warm, and happy… and guilt free about it. 

“You really want to have this conversation in the cafeteria?” Hongjoong asked quietly, though his voice was thick with emotions, eyes a bit misty.

Seonghwa shrugged gently. “I’m not ashamed of it.”

And that… felt like the best thing in the world that Seonghwa had ever said.

He was not ashamed. 

“I know that, Seonghwa, but Christ,” he sighed, dropping his head for a moment, rubbing at his forehead.

Hongjoong took a deep breath before looking back up, expression soft in a way that usually led up to him crying, but he kept it back. “I love you more than you can possibly imagine,” he whispered thickly, hand flexing on the table slowly. “And I thank the stars every fucking day I was fortunate enough to ever meet you.”

It was all things they had said before.

But it felt… good to say them again. Like a reminder, a reassurance that nothing had changed and that it never would.

“You saved me from everything that I thought would haunt me the rest of my life,” Hongjoong murmured thickly. “I would have never escaped my father- in life or in death- without you. You made me brave enough to move on, you made me want to leave it behind, not just because I was afraid and wanted to run…” 

He took a breath, reaching for Seonghwa. 

“But because you gave me a future to look forward to.” 

Seonghwa reached across the table, and Hongjoong took his hand without question, standing with them since they were both finished. They crossed around to the same side of the table, taking their trays with them as Seonghwa pressed a soft kiss to Hongjoong’s temple.

The sort of touch-starvedness that Hongjoong had exhibited before hadn’t completely gone away, but while it was no longer a real need, Hongjoong was still someone who liked physical affection.

It was a comfort and a want, to be close like that, be touched so gently… so lovingly. 

Which was great because Seonghwa was great at giving it, if he did say so himself. And it was still a comfort to be able to hold Hongjoong, even if there wasn’t any danger.

Which is how they ended up in their bed, Seonghwa leaning against the wall with Hongjoong laying between his legs with his back to Seonghwa’s chest, arms linked around him, and Hongjoong practically asleep as Seonghwa simply pressed kisses to the back of his head and neck, running his nose against the sensitive skin of his shoulder visible through his sleeping shift.

This was a wonder, to Seonghwa. 

That loving someone could be so comfortable and easy and warm… Never could he have imagined love being so free of fear. 

He kissed Hongjoong’s neck gently, laughing every time he shivered or jumped when he touched a sensitive spot, a hand slapping Seonghwa playful on occasion when he bit a little too hard or teased a little too much.

Despite it, Hongjoong was practically asleep in his arms, breathing slow and even, though Seonghwa knew he wasn’t asleep yet with his hand stroking over Seonghwa’s absently.

It was a languid, lazy moment, where the two of them weren’t trying to start anything, but didn’t quite want to sleep yet. A haze of between sleeping and waking where the outside world faded away until there was nothing but the two of them. 

He felt Hongjoong suddenly shift slightly, curling to the side so that his ear pressed to Seonghwa’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Seonghwa chuckled, petting his hair gently, kissing his temple and cradling his head so he didn’t have to hold it up at all. “You’re too cute,” he murmured, making Hongjoong’s sleepy face pinch in annoyance.

“Stop talking,” he mumbled sleepily. “I can’t hear.”

Seonghwa laughed, making Hongjoong hit him again, but he fell quiet, letting Hongjoong get comfortable, body slowly loosening as he listened to the slow thrum of Seonghwa’s heartbeat. This was Hongjoong’s favorite position and it very quickly became Seonghwa’s, too, because now he could watch Hongjoong slowly relax, his tense expression melting away into a pile of goo in Seonghwa’s arms.

“I… have never felt safer… than when I’m with you,” Hongjoong whispered, eyes still closed and body lax.

Seonghwa paused, staring down at him for a moment before smiling quietly. “I’m glad,” he whispered, petting his hair gently.

“I want… an entire life with you,” he continued quietly into Seonghwa’s shirt, one of his hands curling in the fabric. “Here, on  _ Horizon… _ but even later… I want to leave here with you, and I want… I want a house in the middle of nowhere. With a stream or something. And I want… I want there to be enough room that we never have to see anyone else.”

Seonghwa’s heart just about cracked in two with want as he hummed. “Is that so?” he breathed quietly, voice thick. “What about the others?”

“They can visit,” Hongjoong agreed quietly, curling his legs up so he rested more heavily against Seonghwa’s chest. “And we can push Wooyoung into the stream.”

Seonghwa chuckled, chest tightening and eyes burning because he wanted it all with Hongjoong.

He’d never dreamed about wanting before. 

“Do you want a farm?” he asked quietly, stroking his hair gently. “Animals? Crops?”

Hongjoong nodded with an affirming, sleepy hum. “I don’t want to have to leave, ever.”

“What about vacations?” he questioned, imagining for a moment…

He imagined having a big house. Maybe a bit like the one Wooyoung had lived in. Miles of land and no one but… the two of them. Just them, their land… and the others to keep them company on the weekends.

“We’ll travel all the time,” Hongjoong dreamed, nodding slowly. “And just use the house as a base.”

“Travel the galaxy or the planet?” he indulged, feeling his own excitement grow as love and every other sickeningly warm emotion clogged his throat.

Hongjoong had spent so long being chained down, controlled, violated…

Seonghwa would ensure that he never got tied down again. That he’d always have the freedom of where he wanted to go. 

He’d never be trapped again. 

Hongjoong hummed. “You can choose,” he murmured, lifting himself until his head nuzzled beneath Seonghwa’s chin. “Maybe both.”

Seonghwa chuckled, indulging and imaginative even as tears blurred his vision as he pressed a kiss to Hongjoong’s head. “We can travel it all,” he promised, wrapping arms around him tighter, holding him flush against him so tight that Hongjoong laughed, rubbing his face into Seonghwa’s collar bones.

Hongjoong’s hand landed at Seonghwa’s hip, squeezing gently. “I’m happy… that you don’t feel alone anymore,” he whispered, voice also thick as he tilted his head, kissing Seonghwa’s jaw gently.

A tear hit Hongjoong’s temple as Seonghwa smiled, nodding. “Me, too,” he whispered. “We’re never be lonely again, right?” he laughed weakly.

Hongjoong nodded along, pulling away enough to show Seonghwa the shimmering light in his eyes. “I never thought I’d feel safe. Or happy. Or free…” He swallowed. “I want to keep being all those things with you.”

“You will be,” Seonghwa swore, brushing through Hongjoong’s hair and brushing his cheek, heart full to bursting as every emotion spilled over Hongjoong’s cheeks.

They had both been so alone… but Seonghwa was so fucking happy.

He was happy and in love and Hongjoong was free.

Maybe it wasn’t everything… but it was enough to give for now. 

“We’ll go wherever you want, and we’ll go together, and we’ll make enough memories to make up for everything we lost,” Seonghwa promised, watching Hongjoong nod quickly against his hand, more tears squeezing out.

“I love you,” Hongjoong breathed before lunging up to kiss Seonghwa, nearly missing, which made them break down into laughter as they finally slotted their lips together, warm and deep and enough to make Seonghwa want to tuck Hongjoong away and just lay forever with him.

Hongjoong was the first person Seonghwa loved.

And he was  _ special _ beyond any belief.

And Seonghwa felt something in his chest click into place every time Hongjoong reminded him that Seonghwa was the first person that Hongjoong had loved…. And had been loved back from.

They weren’t alone anymore.

Seonghwa laid them down, hovering over Hongjoong for a moment, kissing and responding when Hongjoong tugged him closer, warm tongue dancing for a moment before they parted so Seonghwa could lay down beside him.

Without a word, Hongjoong slid into his arms, tucked beneath his chin and kissing his neck languidly, both of them a bit too tired for much more.

“I’m happy, Seonghwa,” he whispered hoarsely, arms right around him, trembling. “I can’t even describe it- I love you so much, I’m so fucking happy-“ 

Seonghwa just held him tightly, closing his eyes and feeling their hearts beating together.

“I’ll always be here,” he promised, murmured into Hongjoong’s ear. “I’ll always love you.”

Hongjoong paused, swallowing, before placing one last kiss. “I know,” he whispered against Seonghwa’s skin. “And I can’t fucking wait to watch it all,” he breathed thickly.

Hongjoong relaxed in Seonghwa’s arms, his head slipping down to his chest.

They rested there, together. In bliss and peace. 

Seonghwa held him in the darkness, not believing for a moment that he was alone as Hongjoong sighed quietly.

His heart beat for Hongjoong to listen to. 

And Hongjoong slept to it, anticipating a forever that they planned to build.

Safe, warm, loving… and human.

They weren’t alone anymore.

They’d never be alone again. 

Seonghwa slept to the sound of Hongjoong breathing, and Hongjoong slept to the sound of their hearts beating as one.

Seonghwa’s planet had convinced him he’d never be loved. 

Hongjoong’s father convinced him he’d never be free. 

They crawled out of hells and battled demons. All so that they could reach their forever.

Seonghwa had it now.

And he’d never held anything tighter than the desire to see his entire life before him, and Hongjoong beside him through every part of it.

Seonghwa was loved. 

Hongjoong was free. 

Their hearts beat as one. Warm, slow, loving,  _ real… _

And human.

The stars and the future sang for them. 

And their love sang back, echoing and timeless and free- as strong and constant as the heartbeat that guided them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an amazing ride, and I can’t thank you all enough!!  
> I’m so sorry to end it, but I hope you all enjoyed!!  
> Please let me know what you thought about this final chapter~  
> I’ll likely post a poll on my twitter to see about the next work I’ll be posting, but I may be taking a small break between writing them~ 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the support!! I’ll see you in my next work!!  
> -SS

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it!! Please let me know what you think! 
> 
> I hope you all stay safe and healthy!
> 
> My twitter and CC are @_SinisterSound_ if you have any comments, questions, or just want to chat!   
> I also post when I update, on my twitter!


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